He was a bigger genius than we thought

Carter betrayed the south in order to become President so he could broker an historic peace deal and later win the Nobel Peace prize for his efforts. Also he's taught millions of Christians that you don't have to be slaves to far right Jerry Falwell/PatRobertson wing of the Republican party to be a good Christian. God damn, he's a crafty devil to be sure. I'll bet all his humanitarian work that he's done since leaving office is all just a ploy to get Jodie Foster's attention.

Oh, by the way, the guy who wrote this right wing hit book on Jimmy Carter all those years ago, was a TV journalist who worked for the Today Show, among others. Damn liberal media.

The corporate media antidote to bloggers

It's called the "truth-o-scope" and it makes you forget all about the stories that they don't want to cover. It makes you focus only on what they want you to know and after hours and hours of being bombarded by this device you have a desire to stop thinking for yourself, an enormous hunger for Cheetos, and an unholy lust for Joe Scarborough. It's rumored to work especially well on gullible right wing voters who are easily scared and just as easily duped by idiot politicians.

Hank has a few questions for you

"Hey, remember when Bill Clinton was President and they took away everyone's guns and they made everyone except people on welfare and the undocumented Mexicans pay 75% of their income in taxes? Remember how everyone was having abortions just for the heck of it? Remember how our country was attacked by terrorists over and over again? Remember how only evangelical christians were working and the rest of you just sat on your asses and collected big fat juicy welfare checks?

What's that? You don't remember all that? Well, that's okay, I don't remember it either because I hadn't been born yet. But I'm sure all that is going to happen again soon if Obama gets elected, at least that's what they say on TV anyway.

Ok, I'm done now. What are you going to feed me?"

Note to the corporate media

The conflict in Georgia does not help Bush McCain. It in fact hurts him because it highlights the failure of conservative Republican foreign and military policy. If we were not stretched so thin by the illegal and immoral war for oil in Iraq then we'd have troops to send to Georgia if necessary.
Oh, and one more thing, he hurts his campaign immensely when he claims that the hostilities in Georgia are the first conflict of the 21st century. It shows, yet again, how out of touch he is. Perhaps you folks in the corporate media who love shim so much could show him how to use the internets to keep up on things.

Or you could quit parroting his talking points and just give us the news with out trying to get your man elected.

Or even better, you could all do serious stories about the problems America is facing and then do some stories on folks who are trying to tackle those problems.

But what you'll do is continue to focus on what a "maverick" Bush McCain is, how John Edwards infidelity hurts Obama, and of course you'll also continue to ignore the recent cases of domestic terrorism such as the church shootings in Knoxville and the cold blooded murder of the chair of the Arkansas Democratic party.

It's no wonder people turn to the web and to blogs to get the real story of what's going on in the world.

What a great week to be a Liberal!

We got us another corrupt Republican scalp to add to our belts:
"Our" media is doing it's usual great job.

And our plan to discredit conservatives by murdering ourselves has finally come to fruition.

Good times, good times (he says sarcastically).

Big news ignored by big media

They finally captured this piece of shit:

But the big TV media has been strangely silent about the arrest of Radovan Karadzic and it's not hard to figure out why.

• He's a white European. The corporate media loves to go after foreign leaders with brown skin but they hate to go after the white ones much.
• He's European. They think we've all forgotten about the atrocities that Karadzic perpetrated because he's a cuddly European. It's not like he's a fire breathing radical like Hugo Chavez or some axis of evil reject from Iran.
• They don't want us to imagine Bush and Cheney, and while I'm at it Karl Rove, Douglas Feith, Condi Rice, and the rest of that gang of lawless thugs, under arrest for their crimes like Karadzic is now.

What the people in power in our country have done to Iraq and Afghanistan is just as bad as what Karadzic did to Serbia. And the way the media is ignoring this story is just as bad as how they were cheerleaders for Bush the Idiot in the run up to the war on Iraq.

If there is any justice in this world then Bush and Cheney and all their pals in the neo con movement will end up in a jail cell in the Hague like those Serbian murderers.

It's all fair game

Sorry corporate media, you can't have it both ways. Since you made a major issue about John Kerry's time in the service in the 2004 election,

people are sure as hell going to make an issue out of Bush McCain's service.

This notion that Democrats, liberals, and progressives can't say anything about Bush McCain's military record is nonsense. Despite what the corporate media and right wing talk show hosts would have you believe our nation's military is not populated with Republicans only. Many Democrats, liberals, and progressives have served and continue to serve.

The media flacks love to scream that only Republicans, most of whom did not serve in the military, take a look at all the Neo-Cons for example, can criticize someone's military service. Letting people who never served in the military be the only ones who can criticize those who do makes about as much sense as taking marriage advice from a Roman Catholic Priest who has never been married.

The other thing about all this is the media said that Gen Clark "Swiftboated" Bush McCain. That's bullshit. Swiftboating, as it has become known, is the act of tkaing someone's military record of out context, distorting it, and telling out right lies about it so that you smear your political opponents. What Gen. Clark said was not out of context, a lie or a distortion. He simply spoke the truth and he did so from his unique position of being a former General in the Army and a Democratic Party big wig. And that boy and girls, freaked out the media. They're used to letting draft dodging chickenhawks like Rush Limbaugh, Dick Cheney, and Ted Nugent be the only ones who are allowed to comment on someone's service, they're obviously not used to people who actually served commenting.

Enough

When these two morally bankrupt unethical lying media whores, Mr. and Mrs. Carville Matalin, weep, wail, and gnash their teeth over Tim Russert's untimely death, you know we've all had enough of the canonization of old Timmy. He was just a TV talking head after all, it's not like he married into an inbred family of British royals or ran a charity in Calcutta that catered to the poorest of the poor. Hey you bloodsuckers in the corporate media, it's time to move on and let the man rest in peace. It's time for everybody and their brother who happened to hear the guy cut a fart once to stop mythologizing him.

And Mary and James, it's time to stop the crocodile tears. Neither one of you pampered media loving fame whores ever shed a tear over a dead US soldier or an Iraqi family who lost a child when a US bomb hit their house. And you damn sure never went on TV and cried for anyone who was murdered in Afghanistan by the Taliban or the US army. And I know neither of you grieved a second over anyone in Darfur, Gorazde, South Africa, China, Mexico, Peru, or any other place where US corporate policy shafts the locals but makes you and your corporate puppet masters money. Save your tears James and Mary, save them for all the kids in the US who are getting left behind in school, save them for our vanishing wetlands, save them for the people who's lives are ruined by mountain top removal coal mining, and save them for your grandkids who will grow up in a world devastated by the very same businesses and industries that both of you represent and work for.

Oh wait a second, it just hit me why you're both crying so hard now. You two fakers are crying because you lost one of your best shills in the media and now you'll have to wine, dine, and buy out someone new who will spout your talking points on TV as well as Russert did.

McCain's minister

Since the corporate media won't tell you this, I will:

Unlike Sen. Obama, who never sought out the endorsement of his old pastor, Bush McCain actively sought out the endorsement of the hateful bag of religious pus in the above photo, so it's fair to John Hagee is McCain's minister.  Now, let's remember some of the things that McCain's minister has said and that he believes:

• He wants a wider war in the Middle East that will trigger Armageddon and bring Jesus back.
• He said he knew that his god let hurricane Katrina hit New Orleans because he wanted to stop a gay pride march.
• We can't ever negotiate with followers of Islam because they want to kill us all.
• The Harry Potter books are nothing more than tools to teach kids about the occult.
• Critics of the war on Iraq should stop whining about how much the war costs because we need to keep fighting it so we can keep Israel safe, until they are allowed to attack Iran which will trigger Armageddon.

Now you tell me, which minister is more of a nut job, the one who wants to trigger a nuclear war so his saviour can come back and wipe all of us non believers out and send us to hell so they can have the earth and everything on it, or the one who has had the gall to speak up for his oppressed flock and talk openly about the terror and injustice that the USA has inflicted on so many people all over the world?  If you picked the raging right wing homophobe from Texas then you win.

Barack and the very "bad," "no good," "awful" week

Try as they might the media didn't convince us that the "controversy" surrounding Barack Obama's minister was anything more than a tempest in a tea cup. All the 24 hour "news" networks did their best to keep it going by repeatedly telling us that there was a controversy there, they kept telling us people were going to defect to Clinton, they kept dutifully running that same clip of Rev. Wright saying "God damn America!" over and over again, but it all fell on deaf ears. In fact, their relentless pounding of the controversy drums had quite the opposite effect they thought it would, instead of driving people away from his campaign, the controversy helped bring more people into the fold.

After all the talking heads pronounced him wounded and bleeding profusely, something unusual happened in the American electorate, most of us finally stood up to the media and we ignored their chitter chatter and we saw for ourselves that Rev. Wright spoke for himself and not for Obama. We saw a man who they all said was going to be down soon stand up and turn his supposed weakness into a strength. By not kowtowing to the media and pushing Rev. Wright under the bus Obama proved once again why people are drawn to him. He's not going to play the game the Clintons and the media want him to play, he's going to do, at least for now, what's right and proper. He stoodup for himself, he said he disagreed with Wright, and yet he said he would not disown the man.

And as a result of his being a stand up guy in this situation he's drawn more support to his campaign. He's up in the latest polls and he's even beating McCain in polls that match those two up head to head, are you listening and seeing this Mr. and Ms. Democratic Party Super Delegates? It's driving the talking heads crazy that despite all their dire warnings and their pronouncements to the contrary Obama is not only still in this thing, he's going to win it.

And it's not just driving the douchebag media pundits crazy, it's pissing off Clinton and her increasingly shrill backers. It's not so hard to understand why Hillary's negative ratings are up, it's because she tried to deflect criticism of her Bosnia bullshit by trying to keep the Rev. Wright controversy alive. She tries to shame Obama for having a minister who speaks his mind, and if truth be told if most Americans looked at the facts they'd agree with Rev. Wright about why 9/11 happened, in order to keep people from looking at they high handed way she and her backers are trying to subvert the will of most of the Democratic party voters. Her huge sense of entitlement got her into the mess her campaign is in and it's what's going to make her lose in the long run.

The jackals in the media have an entirely different reason for keeping the Rev. Wright story alive. They need to something, anything, to put on the air so they won't have to actually do a story about the real problems facing our country. Goodness knows they can't report about how multi national corporations are ruining our lives and our planet in their quest for profits. Heaven forbid the media do stories that highlight the need for single payer national health insurance for all, or ones about the growing gap between the rich and the poor, or about how the war or terror makes us poorer and less safe, or about how Bush, and Clinton before him, abdicated their responsibility to the people by privatizing government operations that should never have been made private. And there is no way in hell they're going to do any stories about how media consolidation is strangling the news and local media outlets in this country. Nope. They'd rather do the bidding of Bush McCain and that fat drug addict Rush Limbo and the rest of the right wing radio ass clowns.

Hopefully all their shenanigans will continue to drive people to the Obama camp and maybe come November they'll all get the shock of their cloistered lives when a progressive majority unlike any other is swept into power in Washington DC.

Do the right thing

Spitzer resigned because he banged a hooker. He admitted he fucked up and now he's leaving office because of it.

Now, when are Vitter and Larry Craig leaving office over their indiscretions?

When are Bush and Cheney leaving over the lies they told to get us into the endless war of terror? After all they went around for years linking Saddam Hussein to Al Qaeda and 9/11 and none of it has proven to be true, in fact the Pentagon just released a final report days ago saying that there was no link between Saddam and Al Qaeda and 9/11.

Hey corporate media, while you're all still in the lynch mob mentality, go after Vitter and Craig and Bush and Cheney. And then go after your uber lord, Rupert Murdoch.

Bastards.

An open letter to the Huffington Post

Dear Huffington Post,

Can you give us a break with putting the fight for the Democratic Party nomination on the top of your page please? Seriously, we've already got the Drudge Report and the other corporate media doing their best to keep that bit of news in front of the American people. Could you do us all a favor and use your allegedly progressive soapbox to hightlight the fact that Bush McCain is now the Republican nominee?
Would it kill you to do stories on his flip flops and how he has left the center of his party and moved to the far right? How about a few more stories on how he has backed off his stance on waterboarding and torture and is now in support of the Bush administration's illegal and immoral position? Or maybe you could do a months worth of stories on how he is the same as Bush.
Perhaps instead of insinuating that the Hillary Obama fight is causing huge rifts in the country, you could remind people that McCain is the Washington lobbyists best friend and that lobbyists run his campaign. Just for shits and giggles you could go after his "maverick" image that it turns out he has shed in order to become the Republican nominee.

And one more thing while I've got you, how about you do more stories on how the gap between the haves and the have nots is widening even as I write this little missive to you. And if you feel like it, run a few more stories on how most of the people in this country want universal single payer health care for all and that the people who oppose it are big pharma and the insurance companies.

I'm gonna stop reading you if you don't lay off the Democrats and start laying into the Republicans right this second.

Yours truly,
Dr. Monkey

Sweet Jeebus, Chris Matthews is insane

Click on crazy Chris to see his latest insane pronouncement.

********

Yo, Chris, your lover man Giuliani has been beaten. His ass was whipped in Iowa, it got skunked funked in New Hampshire, walloped in Wyoming, monkey whipped in Nevada, and last Saturday it got reamed in South Carolina.

********

Your dream President is not a viable candidate anywhere, well except inside that fat head of yours. In your world it's always sunny and the sky is a color from outside the visible spectrum. When it rains in your world Chicklets fall instead of water. And in your world you ride a unicorn as your long blond hair flows behind you. Than Rudy comes bounding up on his giant Kanga-rat and he takes you in his manly arms. You two kiss and share a laugh as he lays you down in a field of cotton candy and he impregnates you with his seed.

********

The Republican race is down to Hickabee, but he's failing fast, McCain, and Willard Mittens The Latter Day Saint. Your boy Rudy is not a factor, he's not a viable candidate. He's got Pat Robertson's endorsement and one percent of the vote. Let me break it down for you this way Chris:

Here is the set of people who have a chance to get the Republican nomination (McCain and Willard Mittens).

Here is the set of people who don't have a chance in hell of getting the nomination (Rudy and Hickabee).

Now Chris, did you see which set Rudy was in? Probably not. Hell, what do I know though, I'm not on TV shouting down everyone like you are. You got to be smarter than me because you're on TV and you shout a lot.

Me, I just study and learn from history and I pay attention to how the votes have been cast. Maybe you should try it sometime. Oh yeah, and try shutting that fat yap of yours too, you can't learn anything by constantly yammering on with your nonsense.

It's official

Tom Friedman, New York Times Bush booster, Iraq War apologist, and shill for the multi national corporations who are raping the planet and screwing us, has lost what little mind he had left. Anyone who advocates a Obama/Cheney ticket should be sedated and not allowed anywhere near a newspaper column ever again. I'm getting nauseous just thinking about it.

Are you ready for the war on Christmas?

Jesus is ready.

Young Diana Rigg is ready.

This Sikh dude on horseback is ready.

However, I need a few minutes. I'll catch up to you guys later, I promise. Really.

Is you is or is you ain't?

Rudy says he's a liberal here in this video. I wonder if Sean Hannity has seen this, you can bet Dobson and his gang of evangelical thugs sure have.

I wonder why the corporate media hasn't run with this yet? H/T to Distributor Cap, I stole it off his blog.

Debate news

Well the Democrats held their 15,000th debate of 2007 last night at Dartmouth, or as it's known to the rest of the Ivy League as the school those who can't get into any other Ivy League institution go to, and I think you know who I'm going to declare the winner. It's Kucinich of course!! Once again he rolled the field up in a strawberry flavored double wide (kids ask your parents to tell you what I'm referring to here) and he smoked the field.

So if Dennis was the winner, then who was the loser besides the rest of the field? Why it was that huge tool Timmy "Can I plug one of my shitty books now?" Russert.

I think most of you know which massive tool I really wanted to put on here but decorum forbade me to. He asked such demeaning questions that it made us all here, Sparky and I, at el Casa de Monkey sick. How great was Gravel when he said he loved sticking it to the credit card companies for his $85,000 credit card debt? How much did you love Kucinich's answer to Tim's attack on Kucinich's decision, which turned out to be the correct one, not sell Cleveland's electrical system into private hands? How much did you retch when Russert asked, "What is your favorite Bible verse?" I threw up in my mouth when I heard that question and Sparky said, "Did he really just ask them what their favorite Bible verse was?" Holy crap, he should have asked which version of the Bible they prefer, which apostle was the dreamiest, which Jews do they want to save from the lake of eternal fire, and what they'd wear on their dream date with grown up Jesus. Those questions would have had just as much bearing on how good a President they'd be as the Bible verse question. Hang on, shouldn't the NRA's favorite gun lover Bill Richardson given Russert a verse from The Sportsman's Bible? Hey Tim, my favorite Bible verse, in case you were wondering, is from the book of Monkey and it says, "Thou shall not ask asinine questions that pander to the small minded pricks who helped put your pal George Bush in power." Everyone knows that most of them wouldn't vote Democrat even if Jesus was the nominee anyway, so why bother?
In other debate news I'm going to join the chorus of male and lesbian bloggers who really really really want this gal from French TV to be the moderator for the next 12,000 debates. Is that so much to ask? If we have to sit through them then why not give us a little eye candy with a sexy accent. As an added bonus she could ask all the questions in French and the candidates would get no translator and have to answer as best they could.
Heck while I'm dreaming of ways to make the debates more French, oops, I mean, more interesting, then how about we get Sandra Lou to sing Banana Split every time one of the candidates refuses to answer a direct question. Why then those stodgy old debates would be two hours of a sexy French babe singing and shimmying around! Vive le France! Vive Sandra Lou! Vive Banana Split!

In other debate news the Republicans, after refusing to debate in front of African Americans, gays and lesbians, and Hispanics, have finally settled on the audiences for their next three debates. October will see them debating in front of their base, the Neo Nazis.
In November they'll court the all important skinhead vote in a debate scheduled to take place at Tom Metzger's house.
And finally in December they'll get a white Christmas when they debate in front of the guys and gals of the KKK.
Unless they get eaten by Rex the Wonder Horse that is.

Actually that horse belongs to Sparky's sister. It's a fine looking animal don't you think? I'm betting it's smarter than the guy all the Democrats are running to replace. Hell, I'm not betting, I know that horse is smarter than our Idiot in Chief.

Update: For a peek at what may be a formidable Republican ticket go see Devilham.

Oh that Karl!

On the hate fest known as the Rush Limbo Show! Karl Rove said that Bush's critics are: “sort of elite, effete snobs who can’t hold a candle to this guy. What they don’t like about him is that he is common sense, that he is Middle America.”

I hate to be the one to bust your bubble Karl but you, Bush, and Rush Limbo are the effete snobs not us. You guys are all part of the huge corporate media/govenrment machine not us. We're ordinary tax paying voting citizens, we're not rich white guys who hold the keys to power. Our hands are not dirty with the blood of millions of dead Afghans, Iraqis, and Americans. We understand that you three have led this country down a rat hole in your war of terror and that you three work to divide this country to keep yourselves rich and in power. We're not the ones smoking big fat cigars and jetting around to Maine, Florida, Texas, Washington DC.


Nope. Not us.


And we're not the ones who will go down in history as the drug addicted radio talk show host who has no morals, as the alleged mastermind of the permanent Republican majority that never came to be, and as the worst most incompetent President in the history of the United States.


Hey Karl, how about you grow a pair and go on The Daily Show before you slink off to Texas with your tail beyween your legs. Or better yet how about in the interest of fairness, oh shit you don't know what fairness is do you?, you sit down with fellow Texan Bill Moyers and have a chat with him. Us folks out in Middle America would love to see that.

It will never sink in

I was listening to This American Life in the car the other day and I heard yet another media type slam bloggers and blogging. He was interviewing some other equally clueless guy about something and this interviewer said, "Surely you know about the bloggers, they write and write, and write on their blogs. God knows why though since they don't get paid for it."

I thought to myself, "The corporate press does not and will not ever get it." With their corporate worldview and mentality the only things worth doing are those that you get paid for. And the only voices we should listen to are those of the stooges who are being paid to tell us things.

Well sorry old dude, I got news for you, you and your corporate media pals have had your run and we don't pay much attention to what you are being paid to tell us anymore. I get my news off the net these days and I have for quite some time. Since all news is delivered through someone's filter I'd rather get mine from websites that cater to my political leanings. I could care less about Wal-Mart or Bank of America and what they sponsor on your news shows. I'll stick to getting my news from Raw Story, Think Progress, Huffington Post, The Nation, Mother Jones, and when I want commentary on the news stories of the day then I'll turn to my blogging buddies because after all they are more like me than you multi-millionaire talking heads are.


Blue Gal puts things into perspective in one post better than you TV guys do in 24 hours, D Cup breaks things down in a paragraph or two better than you guys do in all those newspapers, Dr. Zaius tells me more with a photoshopped picture and a comment or two than you guys ever did. And since they live out here in the real world with me I'm gonna stick with them.


I had little respect for this douchebag to begin with but when he cried about bloggers being taken more seriously than him, I lost what little respect I had remaining for him. Sure Brian, you spent your life in journalism but you know what else? You been paid to do the news. I'd rather get my news and opinion from someone who is not beholden to GE or Microsoft or Coca Cola.


It will never sink in on their dinosaur brains that we write our blogs for ourselves and if others read them and get influenced by what we write or get active in their community because of what we write or we decide we are fed up and we are gonna make the changes we want and not the changes the multi national corporations want us to make, then that's a good thing. If I can make one person see the light and they do something to help someone else, to help stop climate change, to help get a progressive elected, to stop shopping at Wal-Mart, to help bring single payer universal health care to this country, then I've done something pretty fucking good. They'll never understand why we stopped listening to them and why we started to make up our own minds.

I may be a cranky middle aged white guy but I am sick and tired of rich white guys on TV telling me what I should do, how to think, what to buy, where to shop, and who to vote for. I'm sick and tired of them slamming us for having the gall to not listen to them and to think and organize for ourselves.

The coporate media and right wing pundits still don't get it

Howdy Doody Gregory still doesn't get it. It's not only the left who wants us out of this disastrous war, it's most people across this nation, it's people from "red" states, from "blue" states, it's men, it's women, it's the AMERICAN PEOPLE. Get your nose out of the corporate fat cat asses that pay you to delude the people and realize that most all Americans, Iraqis, Afghans, and sane people world wide want us out of the disastrous war of terror.

And you know what Howdy? People on the left, and I detect in your voice a note that says you think that being left is a bad thing, know how to win the war of terror. We win it by stopping our support of regimes that oppress their people, we win it by reigning in the greedy multi nationals, and we win it by stopping Bush/Cheney's plans to bring more corporate control to our lives, we win it by taking back our media from people like you and Tim Russert and Chris Matthews and Bill O'Reilly and Ann Coulter, we win it by taking back our country, we win it by treating the rest of the world like we would like to be treated, we win it by repealing laws that discriminate on the basis of sex, race, and sexuality, we win it by acting like sane people who respect one another and the planet we live on.

But honestly Howdy, I understand why you say such insane inane things on TV. You have to look tough so that your corporate masters will keep paying you to confuse people so they don't rock the boat or question the status quo. And I know that deep in your little heart that you know one day Murdoch will take over NBC and you want to make sure you have a place in his evil empire.

But just so you know Howdy, I have not fallen for your bullshit, I never will, and I love it that that makes you and your bosses out of your heads crazy.