Yeah right

When asked about the shoe throwing incident our idiot President said, "It's one way to get attention." The he added, "My way of getting attention was to plunge my country into two needless wars while I ran it's economy into the ground through deregulation, neglect, and stupidity. Just goes to show you that I'm waaaay better than some freedom hatin' shoe tossin' Iraqi journalist."

Pity the poor idiot

Poor Georgie, we've almost gotten to the end of his Presidency and he's finally seeing that his place in history is inside the shit can. He's realized that people really hate him, what other conclusion can he come to since he's got the lowest approval numbers in history. It's finally dawned on his tiny closed mind that he's going to be looked at like he was the village idiot who got lucky.

It took his stupid ass eight years but he finally got one thing right, he's going to go down in history as the worst President ever.

But on the other hand it's kind of sad to watch him scramble to save his poisonous legacy now. He's blaming everyone else for his bad job. He now claims that everyone else had the same bad pre-war intelligence that he had. But as usual, he's wrong. Only he and Dick Cheney and their cast of Quislings and toadies came up with the wild fantasy that Saddam Hussein had WMDs. Hans Blix, Scott Ritter, and the world press knew Iraq was a toothless tiger with no WMDs. Yet Bush came up with a preposterous, and possibly illegal, "doctrine" of preventative war to justify his invasion and occupation of a sovereign nation.

He's also trying to wash his hands of the economic mess his free market lassiez faire policy of deregulation at all costs has wrought. He's saying that the current financial meltdown was caused by policies that were in place a decade before he got the US Supreme Court to appoint him Commander in Chief in the year 2000. Let's do the math now shall we? Who was President a decade before W Bush managed to hoodwink his way to the oval office? Wait for it, wait for it, it was his daddy! You remember the first President Bush don't you? He was the one who didn't do the job in Iraq properly so his son had to go and invade them and in doing so he made us all less safe. So since he finished his daddy's work in Iraq, we can safely assume that he also finished his daddy's work in ruining our economy.

But history will show that

• Bush the younger took us into two wars and fought both badly because he learned nothing from the Viet Nam war. He should have learned that you can't send in 20th century army to defeat a small guerrilla movement but he didn't learn that lesson because he was too busy getting drunk and shirking his duty in the Texas Air Guard or where ever it was he sat out the Viet Nam war.
• Bush the younger pissed away the budget surplus that it took a Democratic President to achieve after years of wasteful Republican President's and their deficit spending.
• Bush the younger did not keep this country safe, after all 9/11 took place under his watch and he was warned that it would happen.
• his record of malfeasance in government oversight, remember all the cases of e coli poisonings, the mine cave ins, the lead paint on toys, etc, will most likely never be matched by another President.
• he ruled not by consensus, but by fear and division.

It's going to take years to undo the damage that idiot caused and if there was any justice in this country we'd all get the chance to sue him and his cronies for all the damage they've caused us. And if they'd let us stone him after he steps down, maybe then I'd pity the poor idiot and I'd show him the mercy he never showed the hundreds of thousands of dead Iraqis and Afghans. Or maybe not.

Big news ignored by big media

They finally captured this piece of shit:

But the big TV media has been strangely silent about the arrest of Radovan Karadzic and it's not hard to figure out why.

• He's a white European. The corporate media loves to go after foreign leaders with brown skin but they hate to go after the white ones much.
• He's European. They think we've all forgotten about the atrocities that Karadzic perpetrated because he's a cuddly European. It's not like he's a fire breathing radical like Hugo Chavez or some axis of evil reject from Iran.
• They don't want us to imagine Bush and Cheney, and while I'm at it Karl Rove, Douglas Feith, Condi Rice, and the rest of that gang of lawless thugs, under arrest for their crimes like Karadzic is now.

What the people in power in our country have done to Iraq and Afghanistan is just as bad as what Karadzic did to Serbia. And the way the media is ignoring this story is just as bad as how they were cheerleaders for Bush the Idiot in the run up to the war on Iraq.

If there is any justice in this world then Bush and Cheney and all their pals in the neo con movement will end up in a jail cell in the Hague like those Serbian murderers.

Happy Father's Day

That's my dad on the left making the face and that's my Uncle Bob on the right trying to look all "Joe Cool" in this photo from the late 1950's.

Happy Father's Day to all you dad's out there, especially to the fathers who have sons or daughters serving in the war for corporate dominance and to children who have lost their fathers in the war. I hope one day that the fathers who took us into this useless war will face justice for the lives they took and the destruction they caused.

And now here's word from our Idiot in Chief:

Your tax dollars in action!

I watched this film last December and I reviewed it here. When I first saw this film the "Justice" Department was still pursuing charges against Mr. Kurtz for being a "bioterrorist." Well kids, the shoe finally dropped in this case and here's the short AP article on what happened:

Biomaterial charges against N.Y. art professor dismissed

By THE ASSOCIATED PRESS
Published: April 21, 2008
Filed at 8:45 p.m. ET
BUFFALO, N.Y. (AP) -- A judge threw out charges Monday against a college art professor accused of improperly obtaining biological materials for an exhibit protesting U.S. government food policies.

U.S. District Judge Richard Arcara ruled that the 2004 mail and wire fraud indictment against Steven Kurtz, a University at Buffalo professor, was ''insufficient on its face.''

Kurtz is a founding member of the Critical Art Ensemble, which has used human DNA and other biological materials in works intended to draw attention to political and social issues. His arrest drew protests from artists in several countries who called the charges an intrusion on artistic freedom.

''Obviously this is a weight off his back, but he still had to suffer through this for four years,'' said Kurtz's attorney, Paul Cambria. ''The last thing this guy is is a bioterrorist.''
The U.S. Attorney's Office in Buffalo said it was considering an appeal but otherwise declined to discuss the ruling.

Kurtz was indicted in 2004 following what began as an anti-terrorism investigation after police saw lab equipment in Kurtz's home while responding to the death of his wife, Hope.
Although investigators determined that lab equipment was part of his art work, he was indicted a month later. The charges carried a maximum of 20 years in prison.

Kurtz was accused of plotting with Robert Ferrell, former chairman of the University of Pittsburgh's human genetics department, to improperly obtain potentially harmful organisms. Ferrell was fined $500 in February after pleading guilty to a misdemeanor count of mailing an injurious article to Kurtz.

I wonder how many millions of dollars were wasted on this frivolous prosecution? How many hours of work went into trying to steamroll a man into prison because he had the gall to speak out against the stupid and insane food policies of our corporate government?

I'd like to extend my heartfelt thanks to Steve Kurtz for fighting this prosecution by the Bush "Justice" Department. If the pricks would go after corporate criminals and polluters instead of artists and people who make porn then we might have a better country and a cleaner safer more intelligent planet. But I guess that's too much to ask from the crooks and liars who run this administration.

Let's hear it for the April Fool!

The April Fool told us:

• that by going to war we'd make peace.
• that he was going to be the environmental president, yet he did nothing about climate change.
• that American business must have more government welfare to be competitive, while the rest of us see cuts in Medicaid, Food Stamps, and other government programs.
• he'd make us safer by fighting terrorists in Iraq, a country where there was little or no terrorist activity before we invaded.
• we had to surrender our civil liberties here at home so we could help the Iraqi's get theirs.
• that we have to fight for Iraqi freedom and to bring democracy to the Middle East while he ignores the democratic people's movements in Tibet and other places.
• says he supports democracy around the world but he will not deal with the democratically elected governments in Iran and Venezuela.
• we're winning in Iraq when there is little fighting and that we're also winning in Iraq when there is lots of fighting and more senseless death.
• that we can't afford to give everyone single payer not for profit health care, we can only afford to give it to him and his pals in power.

I'm not sure who the bigger fool is at this point, him, or the idiots who voted for him because they believed all his lies. I don't know about you but I'm more than ready to revolt if the April Fool decides that he's going to stay on as our Idiot in Chief past next January. Who's with me?

Intervention

Are you familiar with this show on A&E?I've watched it a few times, mainly after Sparky went to bed because it's not her kind of TV show, and I saw an episode last night on A&E On Demand about a young woman in CA who is a drunk, a meth addict, and a stripper. During her intervention she was laughing at her family and all the people who were trying to help her. Eventually she broke down and agreed to go into treatment but she lasted about 3 weeks before they tossed her out. Then when she got back to CA after betting tossed from treatment she said she wasn't going back to get any more help. So her family had her arrested on some outstanding warrants against her. The judge gave her a choice of 90 days in jail or enroll in a two year drug and alcohol treatment, the crazy woman chose jail because she wanted to get out, have a drink, and then go back to stripping. Some people never learn.

But when it comes down to it, she's no different from this guy:He's sick, he refuses all help, and he keeps plunging himself and us in deeper with his antics. He took us into an illegal immoral unethical war and after over one million people dead and millions of other lives shattered he keeps us there because he thinks history or his god will vindicate him in the end. He's addicted to war and to making sure his corporate pals make obscene profits off of his big adventure. If FDR or Harry Truman had fought WW2 and the Korean War with cost plus contracts for war material providers then they would have been impeached as soon as the first bomb dropped. Instead they did the right thing, they fought wars with open and transparent financing. Truman and FDR also went to war with clear defined objectives and with the full backing the US Congress and most of the citizens of this country, unlike Bush who went to war with only the backing of the Republicans in Congress, some turncoat Democrats, and the corporate media.
Driving his addiction to war is our addiction to oil. We're all addicted to it here in the USA and our Idiot in Chief is merely enabling our addiction that is ruining our planet. Just like the guy in the above picture we're drunk on oil and petroleum related products. We're as drunk on oil as Bush is drunk on power. I think it's too late for an invervention on Bush but we can all do something about our addiction to oil. I'm not going to put a laundry list of things you can do to ease your use of oil and petroleum based products, most of you know what you need to do, so please, get off your asses and start doing it. And come November you need to vote out anyone in Congress and in your city and state who won't help us get clean and sober from our oil addiction.

Here's a scary thought

Of all the people who despise this ass rocket and who want him out of office, there are some who want him gone because he has been too easy on the "terrorists" and because he's not been conservative enough.Oh, one more thing, have you ever noticed that you never see laughing smiling black people in his audiences?

Georgie, can you hear me now?

I'm guessing by now you all heard that our Idiot in Chief said in his last press conference that he hadn't heard that gas may hit $4 a gallon soon. He's admitted more than once that he lives in a bubble inside the White House and that he has to rely on his advisers to tell him what's going down, so we shouldn't have been surprised that he didn't have a clue as to what the hell is going down out here in the rest of the country. But it turns out that things are worse than we feared, there are many more things he has not heard about while living inside the White House. And here are just a few of them:

• He hasn't heard that in war you get horrific facial injuries and you get scarred for life.

• He hasn't heard that most homeless people would like to live in a home but they can't afford one.
• He hasn't heard that you can't cut taxes and prosecute an illegal war and expect to balance the budget.
• He hasn't heard that Jenna and Not Jenna have been riding the Twinkie train a tad too much.
• He hasn't heard that the vast majority of Americans incomes have dropped significantly since he's been in office.
• He has not heard that most people in this country want him out of office now.
• He has not heard the latest Billy Bragg CD.
• He hasn't heard that medical care for Iraqi and Afghan children is substandard.
• He hasn't heard that the vast majority of people in this country want the wars on Iraq and Afghanistan to be over this second.
• He has not heard that his war has made us less safe and that our country is now viewed in a negative light across the planet.
• He has not heard that limbs lost in war do not magically grow back.

Hang on, maybe he has heard all that stuff and he's just pretending that he hasn't. Maybe he's heard all that stuff all along and he just doesn't give a shit.

It's time to go deep in the bowels of the White House again

Condi, Gatesy, Uncka Dick, Ray Ray, Sidewinder, Traitor Joe, Rep. Boner, ya'll come on in and sit down. We got problems and ya'll know it. This Presidential campaign thingy is going to hell in a bucket for us.

McCain is hated by our conservative base and that Jesus lovin' Huckleberry Hound is winnin' all the primaries down south. Ya'll know what that means don't ya? It means our party is bein' split in two. The old timey Republicans who want low taxes on us rich folks and no taxes on our businesses and the Jesus lovers is splitting up. Imagine the hell that's going to be unleashed if we don't get them two sides back together.Why hell, take that a step further, imagine if Alabama wins my job. He's out there spoutin' that shit about hope and a fairer America and health care for everyone and not just Uncka Dick. He's saying wild Communist shit about not making my tax cuts permanent. He's talking like he might raise taxes on us rich white folks and bring back some of them old New Deal programs that helped the poor and the sheep who work for us. Hell ya'll, he may go and end the damn war and where would we be if he went and did that? Halliburton and Blackwater and all our other buddies wouldn't be making no money if that dude ends the war. Shit, he might even start to use diplomacy around the world instead of bein' a big ol' bully like I am. We can't have that shit goin' down. No sir.

********

I got a plan to put a stop to it. Ya'll wanna hear it? Shit, somene wake Cheney up god damn it. Ok, since the Jesus lovers don't like McCain and since the business wing don't like Huckster and since that Mormon hair do freak dropped out, we need a candidate that will unite the party and who will keep us in power for another 8 years. Who is that candidate ya'll ask? He's in the next room, you wanna meet him? Okay? Good. Ya'll close your eye until I tell you you can open them.Okay, open ya'll eyes. Here I am, the new Republican candidate. I'm George W. Bush's long lost brother Billy Joe Bob Bush. Heh heh heh, I look just like him except I got this fancy moustache. Heh heh heh, did I fool ya'll? I think we can get the people to fall for it all we got to do is to start bombing Iran and tell them that the terrorists are gonna attack us and they'll do just what we tell 'em to do again, like we did after 9/11. What do ya'll think?

********

Hey! Where ya'll going? We can do this! I'll have people photoshop Billy Joe Bob Bush in all our family photos, them voters will swallow it, I know they will! Hey, come back! I'm not playing ya'll, ya'll come back!

********

Shoot. I'll show them. I'll make this scheme work. But first I need a drink and I think I'll catch up on my Girls Gone Wild DVD watchin.' Oh shit, them girls of mine done got in one of them DVD's after all. I gotta admit they look purty. Oh yeah, work it girls. Work it for Daddy. That's right, show some skin.
Daddy loves the pit shots. Keep that arm up Not Jenna. You look hot baby.

Oh holy crap! They look better than Momma does in a bikini. Heh heh heh, I'm gonna spank them girls for doing this DVD. I told them not to do stuf like this till I was out of office. But damn, I can't stay mad at them when I'm so turned on. Wait a second, who this girl gone wild?

Dang my hide! She hotter than Jenna and Not Jenna combined! They's something about her that's driving me wild. Oh baby, go wild for your President. Show me those weapons of mass excitement baby. Oh yeah, oh sweet batter dipped baby Jesus yeah, just a little more, oh yeah...

George? Are you down there?

Shoot! It's Laura. Dang it! I was nearly there. I better put lil' Georgie back in and zip up before she catches me again.

George? Are you in there watching Girls Gone Wild DVD's again?

No honey, it weren't me, it were Billy Joe Bob. Heh heh heh.

Question of the day

Today's question comes to us from Austin M. Austin says: I enjoy very much the "Cooking w/ Dr. Monkey" segments. Let's say that George W. came by one day to apologize. What would you cook him for dinner?First of all Austin, thanks for your kind words about my cooking posts. I'm glad you like them.

Secondly, at this point any apology from the lips of that greedy murdering bastard would ring hollow in my ears. I would not and could not forgive him for the way he has abused his power, senselessly murdered hundreds of thousands of people, and has helped his pals in big business rape us and abuse our planet.

However, just because I will never forgive him for his transgressions while in the Oval Office, that does not mean I would not turn him away from my table, as he has done to the poor and underemployed in this country and the whole world over. In fact, I'd feed him a meal he would really enjoy. I'd make our ersatz cowboy, don't forget he was born in New England after all and not Texas, a red neck meal that would delight his stupid ass. I'd open can after can of Vienna Sausages and pork and beans, and I'd serve those two items with loaves of white bread. I'd let him wash all that food down with Red Eye after Red Eye (A Red Eye is a beer that has tomato juice mixed in with it.). I'd keep shoving the bad food and the Red Eye's at him until he became bloated and nauseous and then when it looked like he might vomit, I'd assist him to the most disgusting gas station restroom with broken overflowing toilets I could find and I'd hold his head down in the toilet bowl while he puked his guts up. I'd keep his face near the water as he finished retching and I'd then recite the name of every person killed in the wars of terror on Iraq and Afghanistan as he breathed in the stench of his own vile bile and other people's excrement. Then after that, if he was game, I'd invite Dick Cheney over for a meal so he could apologize as well. And maybe I'd invite Rumsfeld too and the rest of that gang of thugs who got our country to attack a sovereign nation that had not attacked us first.

Thanks for sending in that great question Austin!

Question of the day

Today's question comes to us from bird chick/political blogger extraordinaire DGuzman. She wants to know: Why do the reichs come to our blogs and waste space?

Sappy Boi and Croc69 out on a play date.

Excellent question my friend!

The biggest reason they come to our blogs is because none of us ever goes to theirs so they have to try to use our comments sections to spread their bull shit. It kills them that we don't read them and try to bait them like they do us so they try to engage us on our blogs. I'm taking the high road however and I'm doing what my Mother taught me to do when someone was being an ass when I was a kid, I'm ignoring them. They have every right to write what they like on their blogs but here I decide which comment stays and which corporate apologist Reich wing comments go.

Another reason they lurk on our blogs is they hate it that we use them to spread our views and opinions. It also infuriates them beyond belief that we are using our blogs to organize against their candidates and the corporations and to spread the news stories that the corporate media will never tell. So they're coming over here to spy on us and to keep tabs on what we are doing. They realize deep down in their cold little hearts that true change begins from the bottom up, and gawd knows Bush and the corporations have done their best to keep us all down for years, so they want to be able to see what changes are in store for them in the years to come.

If any of you want to respond to them that's fine, but I'm going to delete their inane comments as soon as I see them. I could leave them on and they might give someone a good laugh but hey, I write the jokes on this blog, not them. Also be warned that if you do respond to them they will follow you to your blog and they'll start leaving long unhinged messages there as well as here. It happened to Ed at Enriched Geranium. Ed was much nicer to Sappy Boi than Sappy Boi deserved, but that just goes to show you what a nice guy Ed is.

Thanks for the question DGuzman! You rock!

Do you have a question you'd like to see me answer? If so then send that question to monkeymuck(at)gmail(dot)com. I'll pick one a day to answer all this month.

The power of powerful people's prayers

Dear Jesus,

Please git me away from Dick. Ah think he's mad at me fer not bombing Iranistan when Ah the chance. Ah mean it Baby Jesus, take me away from this scary old man. He's scaring me worse than the time Ah seen Momma in a Baby Doll nightie.

What's that? Ah'm floating! Hells yeah! You finally heard me! You're taking my ass away jist like Ah asked.
Where am Ah? Oh shit, is that one of them beanie guys next ta me? And a black dude too? Jesus git me outta here!Holy fuck where am Ah now? Aww shit Jesus, you done turned me into one of them beanie guys. Ah don't wanna be a Jew Jesus. Jews cain't own houses in some of the neighborhoods Ah wanna live in after Ah git done Presidentin and stuff. And Ah don't wanna eat foods like gefilthy fish and matsui balls. Please take me from here pronto!
Crap Jesus, now you done dropped me inta some weird ghost world. Ah wish these old dudes whoever they is would stop touching me. Ah don't like ta be touched by any older mens other than mah daddy. Please git me outta here Jesus.
Dang your hide Jesus, you made me part of a fucked up Oreo. Git me outta here before that black dude wakes up and sees I'm between him 'n' his white ladywife.
Okay, now you're just fuckin' with me ain't ya Jesus? Ya made me a soldier now. Ah cain't go warring with these folks Jesus, Ah too busy being all President 'n' shit to go. But Ah'll tell ya what, if you give me just an hour or two with the thing Ah really want the most, then Ah'll be a good boy and go where ever you want me ta go.

And you know what Ah really what the most Jesus. That's right, Ah want to be in the strong manly Welsh arms of Tom Jones.
Ack! Not googly eyed Tom Jones! He's scary! Ah want to be in the arms of young hairy chest virile musk scented big ol' weenine packin' Tom Jones.
Oh yeah, you finally got it right. Oh one more thing Jesus, Ah'd like something to drink while Tom 'n' me cuddle.

Oh thank you Jesus! You truly is the favor grantin' son o' Gawd. It's no wonder Ah luv you so much! You rock dude!

********

George, George. Are you awake George? Wake up Georgie!

Aw shit, you mean it was all a dream? Damn you Jesus! Ah'll git you fer that!

A holiday greeting from George W. Bush

...yow-weeeeeeee! Somebody's less than fresh all right. You wasn't lyin' Unka Dick. What? Oh shoot. Uhhhh, hi there Amurica. I didn't get told ya'll was there. Heh, heh, heh, how they hangin'? I'm good thanks fer axing. I just wanted to take a moment out from destroying evidence, shit, I mean from out of my busy schedule to wish ya'll a happy Hanuka-mis-wanzza. This is a joyous time of year fer me and my family. We love to celebrate the birth of Santa Claus and share his inspirational message of giving with others. Not only do I like the holidays real good but my cabinet people and my family does as well. Let's hear a few words from some of them:



Condi Rice here America, happy holidays!



Happy Christmas from your friends at the CIA.


Wazzzup America? I'm Not Jenna and I want to wish you all a happy whatever the heck it is you celebrate. I hope everyone except for Democrats, progressives, and guys who want to marry one another have a super swell time this holiday season.


I've got no idea why I'm here. I'm an old Soviet era statue. Please, someone please smash me and get me away from these people, I'm begging you.

Happy Christmas from Dick Cheney's future organ donors and their parents!


There ya'll have it. That's my holiday greetings. Oh shit, wait. I forgot, If they's anyone listenin' who don't believe in the lil baby Jesus in the same ways I do, then I got a special present for ya:
Sit on that and spin you tiny batter dipped baby Jesus haters. And that goes fer all of ya'll Mooslems, Seeks, Heebs, Hindoos, Hindon'ts, Science-tographers, Phototographers, Thespians, Gerontologists, and Psychobabblers.


Ya'll be good Amurica, I'm goin' on vacation for a few weeks, they's some brush down in Crawford that's got my name on it. Ya'll be sweet now!

A Dr. Monkey Movie Review

I watched a highly disturbing film on Sundance channel last night called Strange Culture.It's about the case of Steve Kurtz who's wife died of cardiac arrest and when the EMT's came to take her body away they freaked out over the art exhibits that were in the Kutrz's home. The Kurtz's were, part of an artist collective called the Critical Art Ensemble that did art that called attention to the corporations who try to patent live things and the genetically modified foods they produce. They also highlight how the US government is a tacit partner in the hijacking of our food supply by the multinational corporations.

When these paramedics saw the petri dishes of bacteria that were to be used in the upcoming CAE show at MassMOCA (Massachusetts Museum of Contemporary Art), they called the FBI who then proceeded to imprison Mr. Kurtz illegally in his darkest moments of grief. The US Government sought and obtained an indictment of Mr. Kurtz, they at first wanted to charge him with being a bio terrorist but when it became apparent that they could not make those charges stick, due to the fact that the bacteria he was using in the art show was not harmful nor illegal for anyone to possess, they decided to prosecute Mr. Kurtz and another man for wire and mail fraud, even though no fraud was committed. The government has spent millions of dollars to prosecute an innocent man who had the gall to make art that mocked and questioned the corporations who are fucking with our food supply. They have gone out of their way to try to make an example of Mr. Kurtz and in so doing they are trying to silence dissent and the people who speak out against the corporations like Monsanto and in a larger sense the US government under the Bush junta.

It's truly chilling to think that if they can prosecute artists like Steve Kurtz for trying to question what's in genetically modified food and showing the link to corporations who make the Frankenfood and the government, then who else will they prosecute and try to silence? Bloggers like me? People who don't consume enough? Poor people? People who don't sign loyalty oaths? Atheists? Jews? People who don't love their Reich wing agenda? Anti war activists?

I urge you to watch this film and to find out more about this case here. I fear no terrorist but I do fear what they've (Republicans and Democrats alike) done to our country and our civil liberties in this crazy war for oil. We lost our freedoms when they passed the Patriot Act and all those other laws that are used to fight the war of terror.