Thursday, September 27, 2007

Debate news

Well the Democrats held their 15,000th debate of 2007 last night at Dartmouth, or as it's known to the rest of the Ivy League as the school those who can't get into any other Ivy League institution go to, and I think you know who I'm going to declare the winner. It's Kucinich of course!! Once again he rolled the field up in a strawberry flavored double wide (kids ask your parents to tell you what I'm referring to here) and he smoked the field.

So if Dennis was the winner, then who was the loser besides the rest of the field? Why it was that huge tool Timmy "Can I plug one of my shitty books now?" Russert.
I think most of you know which massive tool I really wanted to put on here but decorum forbade me to. He asked such demeaning questions that it made us all here, Sparky and I, at el Casa de Monkey sick. How great was Gravel when he said he loved sticking it to the credit card companies for his $85,000 credit card debt? How much did you love Kucinich's answer to Tim's attack on Kucinich's decision, which turned out to be the correct one, not sell Cleveland's electrical system into private hands? How much did you retch when Russert asked, "What is your favorite Bible verse?" I threw up in my mouth when I heard that question and Sparky said, "Did he really just ask them what their favorite Bible verse was?" Holy crap, he should have asked which version of the Bible they prefer, which apostle was the dreamiest, which Jews do they want to save from the lake of eternal fire, and what they'd wear on their dream date with grown up Jesus. Those questions would have had just as much bearing on how good a President they'd be as the Bible verse question. Hang on, shouldn't the NRA's favorite gun lover Bill Richardson given Russert a verse from The Sportsman's Bible? Hey Tim, my favorite Bible verse, in case you were wondering, is from the book of Monkey and it says, "Thou shall not ask asinine questions that pander to the small minded pricks who helped put your pal George Bush in power." Everyone knows that most of them wouldn't vote Democrat even if Jesus was the nominee anyway, so why bother?
In other debate news I'm going to join the chorus of male and lesbian bloggers who really really really want this gal from French TV to be the moderator for the next 12,000 debates. Is that so much to ask? If we have to sit through them then why not give us a little eye candy with a sexy accent. As an added bonus she could ask all the questions in French and the candidates would get no translator and have to answer as best they could.
Heck while I'm dreaming of ways to make the debates more French, oops, I mean, more interesting, then how about we get Sandra Lou to sing Banana Split every time one of the candidates refuses to answer a direct question. Why then those stodgy old debates would be two hours of a sexy French babe singing and shimmying around! Vive le France! Vive Sandra Lou! Vive Banana Split!

In other debate news the Republicans, after refusing to debate in front of African Americans, gays and lesbians, and Hispanics, have finally settled on the audiences for their next three debates. October will see them debating in front of their base, the Neo Nazis.
In November they'll court the all important skinhead vote in a debate scheduled to take place at Tom Metzger's house.
And finally in December they'll get a white Christmas when they debate in front of the guys and gals of the KKK.
Unless they get eaten by Rex the Wonder Horse that is.


Actually that horse belongs to Sparky's sister. It's a fine looking animal don't you think? I'm betting it's smarter than the guy all the Democrats are running to replace. Hell, I'm not betting, I know that horse is smarter than our Idiot in Chief.

Update: For a peek at what may be a formidable Republican ticket go see Devilham.

10 comments:

Jess Wundrun said...

Did any of the candidates say

"Jesus wept"?

They would have gotten my atheist vote for that.

Saw russert the ass wiping clown on Today this morning. Those are some very powerful blunts he is smoking that made him completely forget that he talked to more than three people last night.

pissed off patricia said...

I fell asleep and missed most of it. WTF was the bible verse thing about? Hell, a favorite bible verse? Why not ask their favorite color too? Timmy is so full of himself that he looks like his head is about to explode.

That's a beautiful horse.

Fran said...

i am so fucked off i can't even talk about it.

and then not one of the repug losers who are so-called front runners will show up for the pbs debate tonight.

just heard tavis smiley on wnyc fm here saying that mccain has turned down every single black invitation to speak, campgain with or debate (being this is tavis smiley's pbs debate.)

vikkitikkitavi said...

Tim Russert is just awful. Does anyone remember during the Clinton administration, how obsessed he was with Clinton's penis? How do these ignoramuses rise to these levels of renown and power? I don't get it.

Dr. Monkey Von Monkerstein said...

Jess-That was the first verse out of my mouth.

Pissed-Sparky's sister is quite the animal lover and pet owner.

Fran-I love it when you cuss like a sailor.

Vikki-Not much has changed for ol' Timmy except now he's obssessed with Hillary's penis.

Mark said...

Monkey Man, You have the best ideas. Can we put you in charge of the next debate? (I mean the next 12,000 debates?). I especially like the idea of the questions being asked in French la Theuriah.

Suzy said...

Funny, "Jesus wept" was the first Bible verse I thought of too. Maybe because it's the only Bible verse I know. I learned it from watching the Waltons' Christmas special -- the good one, with Patricia Neal playing Ma Walton.

And of course that horse is smarter than you-know-who. It's a WHOLE horse, while the other guy is just a horse's ass.

Dr. Monkey Von Monkerstein said...

Mark-It's a pity they don't listen to me.

Suzy-Millions of us shouted "Jesus wept" at that fat head Russert.

dguzman said...

Holy crap, why do they let that ass Russert even do those debates? What a moron. I would've had to say, "Sorry, man, I grew up Catholic and turned atheist, so I never read the bible. But I do like reading, and taking long walks on the beach, and helping handicapped kids, and wishing for peace and happiness on earth."

Dr. Zaius said...

You realize of course that Sandra Lou is the official spokesperson for the Zaius/Gregarious campaign.