Well the Democrats held their 15,000th debate of 2007 last night at Dartmouth, or as it's known to the rest of the Ivy League as the school those who can't get into any other Ivy League institution go to, and I think you know who I'm going to declare the winner. It's Kucinich of course!! Once again he rolled the field up in a strawberry flavored double wide (kids ask your parents to tell you what I'm referring to here) and he smoked the field.So if Dennis was the winner, then who was the loser besides the rest of the field? Why it was that huge tool Timmy "Can I plug one of my shitty books now?" Russert.
I think most of you know which massive tool I really wanted to put on here but decorum forbade me to. He asked such demeaning questions that it made us all here, Sparky and I, at el Casa de Monkey sick. How great was Gravel when he said he loved sticking it to the credit card companies for his $85,000 credit card debt? How much did you love Kucinich's answer to Tim's attack on Kucinich's decision, which turned out to be the correct one, not sell Cleveland's electrical system into private hands? How much did you retch when Russert asked, "What is your favorite Bible verse?" I threw up in my mouth when I heard that question and Sparky said, "Did he really just ask them what their favorite Bible verse was?" Holy crap, he should have asked which version of the Bible they prefer, which apostle was the dreamiest, which Jews do they want to save from the lake of eternal fire, and what they'd wear on their dream date with grown up Jesus. Those questions would have had just as much bearing on how good a President they'd be as the Bible verse question. Hang on, shouldn't the NRA's favorite gun lover Bill Richardson given Russert a verse from The Sportsman's Bible? Hey Tim, my favorite Bible verse, in case you were wondering, is from the book of Monkey and it says, "Thou shall not ask asinine questions that pander to the small minded pricks who helped put your pal George Bush in power." Everyone knows that most of them wouldn't vote Democrat even if Jesus was the nominee anyway, so why bother?
In other debate news I'm going to join the chorus of male and lesbian bloggers who really really really want this gal from French TV to be the moderator for the next 12,000 debates. Is that so much to ask? If we have to sit through them then why not give us a little eye candy with a sexy accent. As an added bonus she could ask all the questions in French and the candidates would get no translator and have to answer as best they could.
Heck while I'm dreaming of ways to make the debates more French, oops, I mean, more interesting, then how about we get Sandra Lou to sing Banana Split every time one of the candidates refuses to answer a direct question. Why then those stodgy old debates would be two hours of a sexy French babe singing and shimmying around! Vive le France! Vive Sandra Lou! Vive Banana Split!In other debate news the Republicans, after refusing to debate in front of African Americans, gays and lesbians, and Hispanics, have finally settled on the audiences for their next three debates. October will see them debating in front of their base, the Neo Nazis.
In November they'll court the all important skinhead vote in a debate scheduled to take place at Tom Metzger's house.
And finally in December they'll get a white Christmas when they debate in front of the guys and gals of the KKK.
Unless they get eaten by Rex the Wonder Horse that is.
Actually that horse belongs to Sparky's sister. It's a fine looking animal don't you think? I'm betting it's smarter than the guy all the Democrats are running to replace. Hell, I'm not betting, I know that horse is smarter than our Idiot in Chief.
Update: For a peek at what may be a formidable Republican ticket go see Devilham.
