Twisted up in knots

It's always amusing to witness the right wing pundits in the wake of a heinous crime that's been committed by someone who says they are a conservative. And the current kerfuffle after the shooting spree in Norway has put them into an overdrive of denial.

Bill O'Reilly's marching orders were to 'prove' that the shooter wasn't a true Christian. And to prove his point he said that no true Christian would commit a mass murder like that. I guess BillO forgot all about the Spanish who slew all those Inca in Mexico, the white folks in the US cavalry who murdered all those Indians in the 19th century, and about all the Muslims that the Europeans killed during the crusades. Gosh, some of those people were bound to be good Christians. Weren't they Bill?

Pam Geller, high priestess of Muslim hate, says that the Norway shooter was just a madman who acted alone and that she bears no responsibility even though he mentions her in his manifesto. Actually Pammy, you bear a hell of a lot of responsibility in this attack. It's hateful screeds like yours that gave this guy the idea to do what he did. The logical end of your hate filled rants against Muslims is a horrible mass crime like this.

Michael Savage, a man so odious that the British won't let him into their country, says that the Norway shootings are a left wing conspiracy. Savage is so over the top insane that I'm not even going to pick this one apart, except to say that everything from sun spots to a dog shitting on Savage's front lawn is a left wing conspiracy.

Pat Buchanan says that the real threat isn't from home grown right wing terrorists like the Norway shooter. No, the real threat according to Buchanan, is Muslims who refuse to assimilate, which is right wing code for them not becoming Christians. It's not the haters who commit the violent acts, the real threat is from the people who the haters hate.

And finally, no one on FOX Noise will admit the shooter in Norway was a conservative Christian. They hem and haw around that little fact and then in a month of two he'll become a leftist because his parents are left wing.

Once again, they'll have 'proven' the old adage that all political violence is perpetrated by the left. That's right, the people who hate guns and who want to end the wars of terror are once again responsible for all the politically motivated violence everywhere in the world. And FOX and all the right wing pundits they employ once more triumph over sanity and the facts.

Daimon Hellstrom has a word or two for birthers, deathers, cable news show personalities, and political pundits

I'd be inclined to agree with him if I believed in hell.

What are you doing these days to scare Juan Williams?

Former NPR news personality and current FOX Noise 'liberal' whipping boy, Juan Williams admitted recently that in addition to being frightened by people in Muslim garb, he's also scared of groups of young black men. Surely that can't be all that's scaring Juan so we took to the streets to find out what others are doing to frighten the easily spooked Mr. Williams. We asked any one who would listen to us, "What are you doing these days to scare Juan Williams?" This is what you told us:

"I got a hair cut. Shorn sheep can be pretty awesomely scary."

"I'm setting a snare for him. He's pretty crafty, but I'll get catch him one of these days. I know I will."

"I'm going 'commando' while I photograph him. I hear he's pretty uptight about vaginas."

"I'm fucking, no, I mean raising sheep, so I really don't have time for all this nonsense. Leave us alone. Stop winking at my sheep and go away."

"We're feeding LSD to baboons in the hopes that one will sneak up on him while it's tripping."

"I'm shooting at him from my bi-plane and when I hit him I'm going to shout, 'I got a hole in Juan!' "

"We're stocking up on canned goods to pelt him with and we're sacrificing white babies to Cthulhu in the hopes that the Ancient One will rise and take us all back to hell with him."

Tuckered out

According to political 'pundit,' corporate apologist, and bow tie wearing homophobe Tucker Carlson, Michael Vick should have been executed for his crimes in the dog fighting scandal. So, with that kind of harsh sentencing in mind I'm betting ol' Tucker will gladly go along with these other harsh sentences:

• Rush Limbaugh should be drawn and quartered for abusing his prescription pain killers.
• George Bush should be flogged, dipped in salt water, and left to die in the dessert for causing the deaths and displacement of hundreds of thousands of Iraqis and Afghans.
• Henry Kissinger should be beaten with a thin metal rod and then have molten lead poured in his asshole for backing Pinochet in the Chilean coup that over threw the legally elected government of Chile in 1973.
• Margaret Thatcher should be forced to stand in waist deep water until she dies so that she may atone in some small way for the way she treated striking coal miners in the UK in the 1980's.
• Billy Graham gets to be anally raped by drooling West Virginia meth addicts because he said it was fine to kill all the godless Commies in Vietnam.
  
• Dana Perino should be drug naked through acres of cacti because she lied so many times during her years as Bush's press secretary.

But somehow I doubt that asswipe Carlson will agree with these sentences I have meted out because he's a gutless whiny punk ass punk who's sense of white entitlement is bigger than the the planet Jupiter. People like him should be forced to clean toilets in the slums of Calcutta and Mumbai until they learn some humility.

Keep on the firing line

"Hey Sally, did you hear that Gov. Rick Perry of Texas said that the accident where that oil rig broke and is spilling thousands of gallons of oil into the Gulf of Mexico was an act of God?"

"No he didn't. No one could be that stupid."
"No shit. He really said it. And you know what else? George Will said that wind turbines would kill more birds than the oil spill down there will."

"Boy oh boy, if all that is true then either God hates the Gulf region or conservatives are some fucking stupid shortsighted people who have no idea what the phrase 'act of God' means and who will do anything to keep sustainable energy from ever reaching the market. Hey Betty, does your family still have those 'Drill baby drill' and' McCain/Palin' stickers on the Hummer your dad drives?"

"Fuck off Timmy."

Those dirty Russians

Bill 'The Incorrect Pundit' Kristol says the Russians have no one to blame but themselves for the suicide bombings that took place in Moscow.

Don't you love how conservative pundits and radical right wing religious extremist ministers always blame the victims of these types of incidents?

Oh how the worm has turned

So it turns out that after a four month investigation into ACORN, in the aftermath of the right wing corruption scam, by the authorities in Brooklyn has ended. And the folks in the Brooklyn DA's office say that the good folks at ACORN did nothing wrong and that the tape that the videotape that caused the furor in the first place was heavily edited to show what the right wingers wanted it to show.

Shocking huh.

Keep this in mind, when ever you hear a right winger complain about corruption, it was caused by them in the first place. When you hear them complain about voter fraud, what they are complaining about if there are too many brown, black, yellow, and red skinned people voting for their tastes.

I wonder if Bush McCain will now retract his infamous statement that ACORN was most serious threat to our nation, surpassed only by terrorism. I wonder if Beck, Bill O, Mike Malkin, and the rest will now admit they were wrong about ACORN and that their man faked his little story. Oh wait, I forgot that being a right wing politician and pundit means never admitting you're wrong, even after you've been caught in a lie.

And so it begins

The establishment in the Democratic party is already making my prediction a reality. Fuck you Lanny Davis, fuck you with a knobby horse cock.

Evan Bayh is also detached from reality, so I say, "STFU Evan Bayh."

The shape of things to come

In the aftermath of the loss of the Senate seat for the Democrats in Massachusetts, this is what is going to happen next (and I encourage you all to bookmark this post so in a few months when the Democrats get their asses handed to them in the mid term elections you can see how correct I am):

The Democrats will move rightward, which will be a huge mistake. They'll listen to the pundits like Bill Kristol, who has been wrong about everything, who will tell anyone who will listen to him that the Democrats need to become more like Republicans to win. All the talking heads at FOX Noise will bray and snort that the Dems need to be more conservative, when in fact they need to do the opposite.

People in this country are crying out for two (or more) distinct political parties that have different positions on the issues and challenges facing our country today. We want actual differences in the Republicans and the Democrats. But what the Democrats give us in times like this is a party that is Republican Lite. They think that they'll garner votes by tilting to the right. But that only accomplishes pissing off the liberal and progressive base who will decide to sit out the election rather than elect someone who is not really a liberal Democrat.

So the national Democratic party will listen to the pundits, move rightward, piss off the liberal base, and then what happens next? The Republicans win a majority in the Congress and they make Obama's life a living hell and probably try to impeach him like they did Clinton.

This kind of thing happened in the aftermath of Reagan's landslide victory in 1984 and again in the mid term elections of 1994. Harry Reid, who is the worst Democratic majority leader in my lifetime, and Nancy Pelosi do not remember the past so they are condemned to repeat it. And honestly, to them, having a majority is not important, what's important to them is getting re-elected so they can stay in their cushy jobs and suckle at the teat of government while helping out their pals in big business. They're just a little less obvious about it than the Republicans are.

Mark my words, if the Democrats don't move LEFT and become more progressive, they're going to lose in 2010 and most likely 2012 as well.

Taste and compare

In 2001 over 3000 Americans die in a terrorist attack on the USA while George W. Bush is President. In 2009 no Americans die in an attempt to blow up a single jet in Detroit while Barack Obama is President.

And yet somehow George Bush's not protecting us in 2001 wasn't a failure of intelligence even though he was warned by people in the Clinton administration that Bin Laden wanted to attack us but what happened under Obama is an abject failure.

Crazy huh.

It's almost as crazy as Glenn Beck attacking the birthers for being paranoid nuts and then blaming the White House when they flood his show with calls to tell him he's an idiot for attacking them.

Sanity in the corporate media, where art thou?

Lou Dobbs sure looks different in person

Dobbs, the racist hatemonger masquerading as a journalist is off the TV for awhile, how nice for us all. Too bad he'll pop up on FOX pretty soon.

Wrong, wrong, wrong

Former 'diplomat' and right wing war monger, John Bolton, seen here gettin' jiggy with his second amendment rights,

and noted jack ass and FOX Noise regular, Dick Morris
said Bill Clinton's trip to rescue those female journalists in North Korea was a bad idea. Here's some other things they think are bad as well:

• puppies
• sunshine
• babies
• growing a garden
• saying 'Thank you'
• singing around a campfire
• rescuing children who have fallen down a well
• petting dogs
• giving money to the poor
• helping old ladies cross busy streets
• telling the truth
• not using bombs and guns to solve problems
• allowing Tom Cruise and John Travolta to continue making movies.

I'll admit to agreeing with them on the last item but it's unconscionable for Morris to say that those women should have been left there in a North Korean prison to rot so that they could reflect on what their 'crimes.' One would hope that Mr. Morris falls on a thin glass rod and that rod then goes up the hole in his penis and it shatters inside his weenie during the weekly conservative pundit circle jerk over at FOX Noise. And Bolton should be forced to clean toilets in the slums of Rio de Janerio until he learns some humility.

Harold Ford Jr is a turd in the Democratic party's punch bowl

Harold Ford Jr, seen here relaxing after a long day of sucking up to corporate America, thinks torture is fine and dandy!


I will never ever vote for him ever again. In fact, I'll campaign against him if he ever runs for the Senate in Tennessee again.

He spouts Republican talking points all the time and he's more pro-corporate America than the average conservative here in east Tennesee is. I'm glad he lost his US Senate race in 2006. Go away Uncle Tom, go the hell away.

Hahahahahaha

Hahahahaha.

Excuse me I need to catch my breath because I'm laughing really hard. And loudly as well. Hahahahahahaha.

What's that? What's so funny? Well, it seems that all the ad revenue is drying up for the right wing group called Pajamas Media.

And they are blaming it on the left! Hahahahahahahaha. Seriously hahahahahahahahahahaha. And they also claim that the left wing blogs, like mine, stay afloat because of the largess of George Soros and Moveon.org. Hahahahahahahahaha, how funny and paranoid is that? I don't take ads because I don't blog to make money, I blog because I like to write and to make people think and laugh. I never met George Soros and I certainly never took a dime from him. Even though they do some good things, Moveon.org annoys the shit out of me and I don't take any orders from them. I'm an ad free totally independent blogger with ad free totally independent content.


The reason the ad revenue on the right wing blogs sponsored by Pajamas Media is dropping so much is because no one wants to read right wing blogs anymore. The right has failed to keep pace on the net, just as they failed in their efforts to impose their twisted brand of rule on the USA. There will never ever be a permanent Republican majority in Congress or on the net. People have seen through the lies of the right and Pajamas Media is failing because conservatism has failed. Rush and the boobs at FOX Noise can scream all they like but America has moved on.

It's Celebrity News Round Up time!

Annoying teen music sensations the Jonas Brothers not only won the Up and Coming Douchebags of the Year award at the American Music Awards recently, they also announced they recently lost their virginity to either Miley Ray Cyrus or her father Billy Ray Mullet Cyrus. They were pretty drunk at the time but they know they 'made boom boom' with someone in the Cyrus family. Way to go guys!

********

In political pundit news, Ann Coulter had her jaw wired shut. This comes years after having her anus sewn shut. Men across the planet are silently praying to their gods that she gets her other orifice wired or sewn shut before she has a chance to reproduce.

********

Are you wondering what two of the most repellent celebrities ever are doing for Thanksgiving?

Yeah, me neither.

********

A war criminal's mother is reported to be ill. Somehow I just can't muster the energy to say that I give a shit because when I remember that the man who is responsible for hundreds of thousands of deaths, millions of displaced people, and countless injuries sprang from her loins, I throw up in my mouth a little.

********

There's no joke here,
I just wanted to end this post with a picture of some cute Swedish women. It's my way of giving back and also helping you forget the previous photo.

Happy Thanksgiving!

She said, he said

Michelle Obama on the first night of the convention: "I love my family and I love my country."
Karl Rove's response: "No you don't. Only Republicans love their country. Your love of country is not adequate. Only Republicans love their country enough to break every law they can to keep themselves in power. Only Republicans love their country enough to keep a perpetual war going so that corporations can make more money off the taxpayers. Only Republicans love their country enough to keep millions of people disenfranchised so that we can steal every election. And don't forget this you angry black lesbian, Republicans are the only ones who God loves. Now you run along and tell that uppity husband of yours to go fetch me a piece of the Constitution so I can wipe my ass with it."

What a great week to be a Liberal!

We got us another corrupt Republican scalp to add to our belts:
"Our" media is doing it's usual great job.

And our plan to discredit conservatives by murdering ourselves has finally come to fruition.

Good times, good times (he says sarcastically).

It's all fair game

Sorry corporate media, you can't have it both ways. Since you made a major issue about John Kerry's time in the service in the 2004 election,

people are sure as hell going to make an issue out of Bush McCain's service.

This notion that Democrats, liberals, and progressives can't say anything about Bush McCain's military record is nonsense. Despite what the corporate media and right wing talk show hosts would have you believe our nation's military is not populated with Republicans only. Many Democrats, liberals, and progressives have served and continue to serve.

The media flacks love to scream that only Republicans, most of whom did not serve in the military, take a look at all the Neo-Cons for example, can criticize someone's military service. Letting people who never served in the military be the only ones who can criticize those who do makes about as much sense as taking marriage advice from a Roman Catholic Priest who has never been married.

The other thing about all this is the media said that Gen Clark "Swiftboated" Bush McCain. That's bullshit. Swiftboating, as it has become known, is the act of tkaing someone's military record of out context, distorting it, and telling out right lies about it so that you smear your political opponents. What Gen. Clark said was not out of context, a lie or a distortion. He simply spoke the truth and he did so from his unique position of being a former General in the Army and a Democratic Party big wig. And that boy and girls, freaked out the media. They're used to letting draft dodging chickenhawks like Rush Limbaugh, Dick Cheney, and Ted Nugent be the only ones who are allowed to comment on someone's service, they're obviously not used to people who actually served commenting.

Enough

When these two morally bankrupt unethical lying media whores, Mr. and Mrs. Carville Matalin, weep, wail, and gnash their teeth over Tim Russert's untimely death, you know we've all had enough of the canonization of old Timmy. He was just a TV talking head after all, it's not like he married into an inbred family of British royals or ran a charity in Calcutta that catered to the poorest of the poor. Hey you bloodsuckers in the corporate media, it's time to move on and let the man rest in peace. It's time for everybody and their brother who happened to hear the guy cut a fart once to stop mythologizing him.

And Mary and James, it's time to stop the crocodile tears. Neither one of you pampered media loving fame whores ever shed a tear over a dead US soldier or an Iraqi family who lost a child when a US bomb hit their house. And you damn sure never went on TV and cried for anyone who was murdered in Afghanistan by the Taliban or the US army. And I know neither of you grieved a second over anyone in Darfur, Gorazde, South Africa, China, Mexico, Peru, or any other place where US corporate policy shafts the locals but makes you and your corporate puppet masters money. Save your tears James and Mary, save them for all the kids in the US who are getting left behind in school, save them for our vanishing wetlands, save them for the people who's lives are ruined by mountain top removal coal mining, and save them for your grandkids who will grow up in a world devastated by the very same businesses and industries that both of you represent and work for.

Oh wait a second, it just hit me why you're both crying so hard now. You two fakers are crying because you lost one of your best shills in the media and now you'll have to wine, dine, and buy out someone new who will spout your talking points on TV as well as Russert did.

Hey Bob Novak...

...c'mere. I got something to say to your crazy old ass. Bobby boy, you need to quit picking on women and pick on someone your own size, you know like a door mouse. I'll go all angry monkey on your old right wing death squad ass if you rip into my girl Kathleen again, you understand?

I'm not some kind of pansy like James Carville who will allow you to spew your shit right in front of me, no sir. I'm the kind of monkey who will put an ass whippin' on an old man and not think twice about it. I'm watching you Novak. And I'm looking out for Ms. Sebelius too, I hired her two of the best body guards in the business.

They may look harmless but trust me, they are trained killers.