Special K saves the day against a corporate health care shill

Second night

Tonight's headliner Hillary Clinton knocked me on my ass tonight. Okay, okay I was already on my ass as I watched her speak tonight but that's neither here nor there. She did exactly what she had to do to silence the media, the doubters, and to bring in the shrill harpies out there who still are pissed off over her loss to Sen. Obama. She laid out her case for why she ran so hard and long and of course it made perfect sense. Then she laid out her case on why everyone who supported her needs to support Sen. Obama. But I'm sure there are some who will refuse to follow their one time leader because they just can't let it go and because they cling to the notion that party politics are supposed to be all warm and fuzzy all the time. I've been around long enough, I've been avidly following politics and political conventions since 1972, and yes I was only 10 at that time, to know that it's a rough and tumble business and that someone who is down today may be up tomorrow. Getting back to Hillary though, I was very impressed by her words, her grace, her graciousness, and her willingness to attack Bush McCain. If only those few hold outs who claim to support her could have one one hundredth of what Hillary showed tonight then party unity would be a foregone conclusion. Thanks for showing a ton of class Hillary, now if only those pesky half crazed old supporters of your would do the same.

In other business last night the attacks on Bush McCain came fast and furious and yet each attack was balanced with a positive. If a speaker attacked McCain's love of big oil then they would follow it up by a word about how the Obama energy plan calls for more sustainable energy. If they Bush McCain on the war, they they'd remind people that Obama want to bring our men and women home with dignity and honor and as soon as possible. Now, if you hear the idiots like Traitor James Carville, the man who sleeps with one of the architects of this Bush Cheney nightmare administration, say that the tone was too nice and that no one attacked McCain, then that's bullshit. The cable "news" channels refused to show anyone attacking Bush McCain because if they did then they would not have been able to show the douchebag pundits and gas bags like Carville and his horrendous radical right wing wife.

Other highlights from yesterday's festivities included:

My man Dennis "Special K" Kucinich's speech that brought the crowd to it's feet at a little after 6 PM eastern.


Yes, I still have a bit of a man crush on Dennis, he's still the only Presidential candidate who shook my hand and took a question from me. And while I'm coming clean, I have a man crush on Howard Dean as well.

My girls Gov. Jennifer Granholmand Gov. Kathleen Sebelius both spoke tonight and I've got to admit that while Gov. Sebelius is easy on my eyes, she's not the most dynamic speaker in the world.

And finally the other revelation to me tonight was this guy:He's Gov. Brian Schweitzer of Montana. This cat is the real deal, he's a dynamic speaker, he's smart, he's funny, and he's going places people. He had the crowd in the pam of his hand as he spoke about the differences between Obama and Bush McCain. One day this guy will be in the US Senate or on the Democratic party Presidential ticket.

That's all I got for now, I better rest up for tonight when Joltin' Joe Biden makes his acceptance speech. I'm praying to the dark gods who spawned me that he doesn't make any verbal gaffes and that he comes out swinging against his old pal Bush McCain.

T Shirt Meme

I got tagged pretty early with the new meme that Mathman and D Cup invented. Bubs got me with it.

The deal is you're supposed to take a picture of a couple of your favorite t shirts, tell why they are your favorites and then make up something about a t shirt you'd like to design and wear.

One of my favorite t shirts is this one: It's a long sleeve T shirt that ESPN radio put out a few years back. The shirt was promoting the now defunct Tony Kornheiser radio show. Tony's show was pure genius, it was a mix of esoteric sports talk, pop culture, left wing politics (which is a rarity on AM radio), rants about his wife and kids, and it was funny as hell. I used to listen to it everyday in my truck as I went about on my various sales jobs and there were several times I had to pull over because I was laughing so hard that tears were in my eyes and I could not see the road. Mr. Tony rarely took calls on show but one magic day he did take some calls, it was the last time he took them because he quit the show a few months later, and I got through and I got on the air. I never cared much for his Pardon the Interruption show which I think still runs on ESPN but I loved loved loved his radio show and I was sad to see it go from the free radio airwaves.

Here's another of my favorites: I'm not a heavy Pink Floyd fan, I love the Dark Side of the Moon and Wish You Were Here albums, and I've never seen them in concert, I just like this t shirt. It spoke to me with it's minimalist design and through it's use of muted colors. It's sufficiently retro but not cloyingly so. Also I seem to have to have at least one t shirt with a pig on it. My Piggly Wiggly t shirt is just about toast but I'll still have this one when it does bite the dust.

As for the t shirt I'd design it would have a picture of Dennis Kucinich on it and it would say in big bold letters:

Dennis Kucinich,

If only we listened to him all along

we wouldn't be in such deep shit now.

I'll tag Enriched Geranium, Sujaco, and Rev. Shuck.

Back on track?

I've received word via the interwebs from Manila Ryce, my main man out west, that this Ron Paul as as running mate for Special K rumor is now officially kaput. I can only hope that now the campaign gets back on track.

I found these great works of art on Flickr. Check out the rest of them here.

Many of you say Dennis's positions on the issues mirrors your own yet you plan on voting for others. If everyone who says that Kucinich's stand matches theirs actually voted for him in the primaries, then he'd right up at the top and we'd have a fighting chance to take our country back. Give us all a great holiday gift and vote Dennis Kucinich next year in your state primary!

She walks, she talks, she gives Bubba heck

From the geniuses who brought you the last great pro Kucinich video, the 35 Percenters.

Screw you two

I have never EVER been comfortable with Hillary Clinton. Not as a US Senator and not as my potential President. Now I hear she wants to cut the other "fringe" candidates out of the debates so she and her top rivals can have more air time? That's just what I'd expect from a corporate candidate. She never met a defense bill she didn't fucking want to vote for and sleep with, and she keeps saying she'll beef up defense spending. Who benefits there Hil? Your pals in corporate America.How about you go fucking sit back on the Wal-Mart board for a few more years while they rape their employess and small businesses everywhere and import more shit from China. Or how about you act like a decent person and admit you made a mistake when you and your pal John Edwards said you wanted to cut the others out of the debates and that your vote to go to war was a big blunder and you did it because you wanted corporate America's support. You damn fraud, take those fingers and shove them where the sun doesn't shine.



Hey Johnny E. I had more respect for you when you kept your pretty mouth shut about the other candidates and talked more about the two Americas. I told myself that out of the three corporate cocksuckers in the field that if Dennis loses the nomination then I'd support your fancy hair do having ass. But guess what dick juice? You're out now. Out on your ass and if you keep trying to make excuses for your stupid un-Democratic Party like attitude towards the other candidates, then I'll withdraw my support from your wife too. You fucking make me puke. We've got enough people in this country who are trying to shut the other candidates up, we don't need your dumb ass to call for them to be quiet too. And you know what else Johnny? You're a fucking loser already. You lost to that Idiot in '04 and I hope you lose now. You damn ass hat you.


Hmmm, who has never said he wanted anyone to shut up? Which candidate is for all the candidates speaking at every debate? Which candidate has never taken corporate money?
Which one supports universal health care? Has ALWAYS been against the war? Which one has never changed his position on any issue due to corporate influence? Who? Who? Who?

Oh yeah, now I remember. Dennis Kucinich. That's who.

Screw you Hil and John Boy, I hope you both have a train wreck of a campaign now. I'm more firmly with Dennis now than ever.

Thanks Nichole, but...

...the video was all them and none of me. Not that I didn't want to be in it, I did but when they made it I did not have a cam. Now I do. I'll be in the next one. And if they'll let me, all the other ones too.

I love to get linked on Crooks and Liars but in this case I did nothing link worthy. It was all Manila Ryce, Blue Gal, and the other guys in the video.

And by the way people, if they don't nominate John Garrity (if I spelled your name wrong John, then I'm sorry), the man who uttered this line, "I wish Dennis could clone himself and form a boy band so I could fall in love with him four more times," for a Golden Globe or something, then there is no feckin' justice in this world.

Thanks again for the link Nichole and I'll do my best to earn the next one.

Who "won" tonight's Democratic Party debate?

Hands down, no doubt about it, the winner was

Tavis Smiley.

He was forceful, Presidential, eloquent, good looking, smelled nice (I imagine anyway), and was ready to bitch slap any of the candidates who went over their time limit.

I swear I thought he was going to cold cock Grandpa Dodd when that old geezer cracked that stupid Jeopardy joke. I could see him bounding down the stage and grabbing Dodd by his lapels and putting him in to an airplane spin and then tossing him off the stage. But no, Tavis held back, he just put the old white guy in his place and went on with his business as cool as you please. Why? Because that's how Tavis rolls. He's mackin' like dat.

I swear if Dennis Kucinich wasn't such a principled candidate who is right on the money on all the issues I care about and if I hadn't promised to run if he is not nominated, then I'd be all up in Tavis begging him to run. Imagine the things he'd do as President. He'd kick ass, take names, and set every thing right in four short years, and then he'd be all like,

"I'm done. I'm not hanging around for another term. I fixed everything and now I can relax. Ya'll white folk take back over and don't fuck it up again or I may have to come back and get all up in your shit again." Then he'd ride off into the sunset and we'd all be just standin' there in awe of our new hero. And then some kid would say, "Tavis, come back Tavis."

Seriously, I got a little man crush on him now.

From the Department of I Can't Believe That Idiot Said That

From a Reuters story I saw via Huffington Post:

"One day the good Lord will take Fidel Castro away," Bush said in answer to a question after a speech at the Naval War College.

Hey George, most of the world is saying the same thing about you. How do you feel about that?

You know who wouldn't say such stupid asinine things?

I'm not as nice as Dennis is, but technically it's against the law to say out loud what I'd like to see happen to Georgie, so I'll just keep quiet.

Except to say, VOTE FOR KUCINICH IN 2008. And not just because he's hot, but because not including me, he's the best choice for President.

The Video You Didn't Know You HAD To See

Manila Ryce, the brains behind the Largest Minority, is the brains behind this piece of work. I had a chance to be in this but since I'm a stinkin' Luddite compared to these folks (I have no video camera or a microphone) I was left behind (calm down Kirk Cameron). Seriously, it's feckin' rockin' harder than Dokken, watch it and become one of Special K's love machines. And Blue Gal is in it too! And she speaks! Using her voice!

And then when you're done, read about the time I met Dennis a few months ago.

A lesson in reality for Mitt Romney

Hey Mitt I saw where you claimed that we liberals and progressives "fear" the reality of the terrorists and I just wanted to let you know that you're wrong. We don't fear the terrorists, our fear is that you and your President will continue to make more terrorists. I know how you are prone to flip flopping on most every issue so I am going to set you straight now on how to end terrorism the right way.

And maybe when I'm done you'll flip over to my side.

Hey! Not so fast, let me get out what I came to tell you.

Seriously, stop it, you're making me dizzy.

Okay, if we stop supporting regimes that brutalize their citizens, that deny them the basic rights we have (you know like the ones in our Bill of Rights), that sell out their country to the multi national corporations, and that blindly do the IMF and WTO's evil bidding, then we will not create terrorists. If we treat every human being with respect and dignity and make sure that all people (not just white Jeebus followers) have their human rights safeguarded then you just watch terrorism dry up. If we reigned the out of control lawless multi national corporations that screw us over and foul our earth, then see if that doesn't help end terrorism.

See Mitt, the one who is afraid of reality is you and your pals at ExxonMobilWal-MartMicrosoft and in the Republican party. If you all stopped all your shit and actually did something good for people, like just what I mentioned above, then terrorism would end. Oh wait, if you did that then that would mean that you and your pals would be without all the wealth and power that you all stole from us. Well, anyway, we're ready to really end terrorism once and for all and make this planet a better place for all, are you with us or are you afraid of reality?


So you're with us?!?!
Oh, ok, that's what I thought. It's okay Mitt, I understand. You know what though? We don't need you anyway, we got these two with us. And millions more like them.

An important message from your beloved Dr. Monkerstein

My fellow Americans I have called this poolside speech because I want to talk to you about a very important issue, immigration. It has been on my mind a lot lately and I have posted one piece about it already.

Incredibly enough after that post hit the internets some people still insist that the flow of Americans who were born in other American countries into the USA is a bad thing. It is mainly to these people that I address my remarks. All of you others may listen in if you like, if not feel free to fix yourself something drink. May I suggest a fruity Mai Tai?

Everyone ready? Ahh good. Here we go:

I heard an interview last night on NPR with some older people who were attending a Reich wing Republican affair of some sort in rural Georgia. They were assailing their Reich wing Republican senators for not being tough enough on immigration.

These old fogeys went on to say that their main concerns were the security of this nation and the flow of people from other American countries into this one, although to be a bit fair to them they used the term 'illegal immigrants.' As these paper skinned soon to be Soylent Green fossils spoke, I realized that they did not understand who was at fault here, they foolishly blamed our 'lax policy' on immigration for the flow of so called illegals into this nation. They said that the immigrants were taking our jobs and using up all our precious health care.

They are, of course, as wrong as wrong can be, misguided, and uninformed as to who the real culprits behind the health care crisis are.

First of all, I have already addressed how we can end terrorism forever in this previous post.

Second, the real culprits behind the health care crisis in this great nation of ours are not the many fine Americans who come from other American countries to live and work here,

the real culprits are the greedy (at this point I would usually call them "greedy pig fucking corporations", but I can no longer insult the many fine swine of this nation) insurance corporations, the scum sucking HMOs, and the devilish pharmaceutical corporations.

These bastards caused this crisis due to their pursuit of profits. They charge obscene amounts of money for medical insurance premiums, ever higher prices for drugs, and outrageous amounts for hospital stays or emergency room visits. They keep going up on their prices so they can make more and more fucking money while they screw us out of decent medical care. The little kid in the emergency room who's parents came from Mexico seeking a better life than the one we and NAFTA screwed them out of is not the cause of the health care crisis in this nation.

Take the profit motive out of health care, like Dennis Kucinich wants us to do, and create a single payer health care system for all Americans and see if that doesn't solve the health care crisis.

Then when that's done let's repeal NAFTA, reign in the out of control greedy pig fu...(damn old habits are hard to break) corporations, and start treating other people like we want to be treated and see if that doesn't stop the immigration problem.

If you can't see that the problem is that this bastard, he's the CEO of United Healthcare, is making far too much money, then there is something wrong with you and you should go to a hospital, if you can afford it that is.

That's all I have time for now, I need to get back to my pool so I can practice my half gainer with a lemon twist.

Let us pray

Dear God,

I think I'm cracking up. The masters of war ignore our pleas to end the war and the media makes fun of the only candidate for President who will end the war. If you're up there, or out there, or where ever it is you hang out, how about a little help, how about you give us some peace love and understanding? Or at the very least how about a nice treat, like say, oh I don't know, maybe a banana split? If you do that then I promise not to burn down the malls.

Sarcastically yours,
Amen.

Some Swedish women talk about Fred Thompson and stuff

"He is trying too hard to be Ronald Reagan. He's not pulling it off."

"He is very bad actor."

"Our flowers are pretty and they smell good as well."

"A life time of playing people in charge in Hollywood movies has gone to his head."

"We would like to kiss you all night long and hold you in our slender yet sensuous arms Dr. Monkey. Do you see our pucker?"

"Leave us alone you old letch. Can't you see we have snared the only Asian Swede in the land. Go away."

"His monkey odor is on me, I must go shower. Are you two joining me?"

"Please talk to us of ABBA or meatballs."

"I have seen this old man you speak of, he frightens me and my small animals."

"Jag och Jens har spelat så jääävla mycket Nintendo 8-bitars så det är läskigt. En kväll somnade han och jag satt uppe till 02.00 och spelade mig manisk. Men allt spelande har också resulterat i att vi klarade Super Mario 3, något jag aldrig gjort tidigare så då blev jag glad. Nu är det Super Mario 2 som är min (och Jens) största mani."

"Why yes, of course I keep up with American politics, everyone in Sweden is obsessed with your elections. Why we hardly have time for anything else. In fact I am reading a book by Al Gore right this very second. I think Fred Thompson is an old fart and a fake populist. I hope your media can make sure that you all understand that as well as we do here in Sweden. We all know that even Ron Paul would make a better President that that Moon Pie sucking, gravy sweating, cigar chomping old dork Fred Thompson. But what we also know is that if you want to be a great country once more, you will elect Dennis Kucinich. He is the man to lead America into the future."

And that proves once again, that since the hot ladies love Dennis, so should you! Vote Kucinich in 2008.

A Tale of Two Speeches

Memorial Day weekend 2007

Ladies and gentlemen, the President of the United States: My fellow Amuricans, I come before you on this Memorial Day weekend to tell you that we are making progress in Eye-rack. The terrorists are on the run and our mens and wimmen are kicking some serious Islamic boo-tay.

Aww, shoot. I cain't do it anymore. I just can't lie like this anymore. Amurica, the truth is I messed up over there. I really put my foot in it and it's going to hell in a hand basket. They's no two ways about it, it's bad. People are dying like a black comic at a KKK Konvention. And the sad thing is Amurica, more folks are gonna die before we get all that oil out from under them Moos-lims. But make no mistake Amurica, my resolve is strong and my will shall be done and we will prevail, or my name is not George W Bush.

In order to rectify the bad situation I have decided to make the following changes.

First of all I have dumped Condi Rice as Sec. of State. She was ineffective and no one respected her. I have replaced her with this guy:

His name is Office Douchebag Dude. Get a look at that hat America, anyone who wears a hat like that commands respect and will be listened to. Welcome aboard Office Douchebag Dude, I know you're gonna be a great addition to Team Bush.

Next I have decided to fire that guy I named as War Czar. He was shifty eyed and he smelled funny. In his place I am naming Beer Pouring Baby and Drunk Red Neck Dad Guy to be War Czar.

If anybody knows how to run a war, it's these two. Plus, that baby is awesomely funny. Heh heh heh.

Military intelligence has been a problem for many years now. Them guys just cain't get it right, or as my bud Larry The Cable Guy says, they just can't "Git 'er done." So they're fired too. From now on I will get all my intelligence from Magic Eight Ball.

Magic Eight Ball should I attack Iran?

Ask again later.

Okay, I will. The next change I am making Amurica is I am sending in to Iraq a crack team of assassins to eliminate the leaders of the insurgency. I spared no expense, I hired the best to get this sensitive job done. That's right Amurica, I hired the Osmond family.

Just look at them Mormon killers. Scary, ain't they? Hell yes they are. Now just to show ya'll that I have not forgotten about Afghanistan, I have hired a team of assassins to kill the Taliban leaders. Now since I spent so much on the Osmonds I could only afford the Glickmans from Miami Beach, but trust me Amurica, they're stone cold killers too.

I put Dick Cheney in charge of these two teams of killers and he assures me they will be ready to go in a matter of days.

He also assures me that he is not dead, has not been reanimated by Satan, and he will not raise an army of zombies from Hell to take over the US of A if given the chance.

But just in case he does try something fishy, I have hired one of the Indigo Girls to keep an eye on him.

So as you can see Amurica, I have heard your cries for change and I have acted on them. With all these changes in place you should see a positive change pretty damn soon. Good night and God bless Amurica, and only Amurica god damn it. Amen.

Memorial Day weekend 2009

Hello my fellow Americans. I have ended all hostilities in Iraq and Afghanistan. The troops are coming home immediately and I have apologized to the people of Iraq and Afghanistan for the hell that ass Bush put them through. Everyone from Blackwater, Halliburton, and all the other companies over there that were sucking on the government teat have been imprisoned and will be tried in the World Court for war crimes, just like the men who let them rape Iraq and Afghanistan, Bush and Cheney. Furthermore, arrest warrants have been issued for all the political pundits who were cheerleaders for the war. The politicians who misled this nation in the run up to the war, the media who did not challenge them, and all shareholders of companies that participated in the rape of Iraq and Afghanistan will be arrested and tried as well.

I have instructed my Vice President

to close every loophole in the tax system that multi national corporations use to avoid paying taxes. He is also in charge of setting up our new free of charge health insurance for all program. He will be prosecuting all people who made money off the old corrupt system.

We will be cutting the Pentagon budget by 75 percent. The money we save will be used to educate economiclly disadvantaged young people.

Finally America, I have signed into law the 'It's The Weekend So Let's Party Act of 2009.' Everyone will get the adult beverage of their choice, a designated driver, and a few bucks for dinner out, so go out and have some fun on me America, after the hell we went through under BushCheney, you deserve it.

Liars, Killers, and the Village Idiot

In olden times, and no, we do not mean the 1980s, they used to have in every town what was known as the village idiot. Now, of course, calling a retarded person an idiot was not a nice thing to do, but the other villagers learned quickly who the idiot was and they looked kindly on the village idiot and they helped him, or her, out when necessary. Today in our fast paced society we do not take the time out to look out for the "village idiot," with one exception. One village idiot in particular, who's last name is Bush and whose first name is George and who's middle initial is W, managed to secure for himself the most powerful job in the whole country, perhaps the whole world, with disastrous consequences for all of us.


This particular idiot wanted to make sure the people who helped him make his millions and who helped put him in office had a secure flow of oil. So in order to secure that oil he started a war with Iraq. He poured millions of this country's money down a rat hole and got many many people killed. He claimed that by going to war over in Iraq he was keeping our country safe.


And yesterday in a press conference he told a reporter who dared question his idiotic leadership that we are still in the war because those people who we attacked want to come over here and kill our children.


Now you can call us here at Monkey Muck HQ many things but you can't call us stupid. Unlike most of the corporate media, pundits, and political hacks, we get it, we understand what is going on. Those people whose country we invaded and continue to occupy don't want to come over here and kill us or our children, well maybe they do want to kill the children of a President named Bush and the children of a Vice President named Cheney. No, the vast majority of the people fighting against the people who occupy their home land simply want to be free of their invaders and the bloodsucking corporations who want to bleed them dry, corporations like Halliburton, Blackwater, ExxonMobilBPShellMicrosoftWal-Mart.

Let's take a deep breath and think about who is really going to kill who's children and who has already killed someone else's children. Ok, ready? Good, then here we goooooooooo:


This guy killed a bunch of people's kids. He's dead now. So is the bunny probably. But in reality, he did not have anything to do with 9/11, Al Qaeda, nor did he have any WMDs. The Village Idiot claims that he was shocked to find out that this guy did not have any WMDs, even though Hans Blix and Scott Ritter told him repeatedly that he did not have them.

These guys will kill someones child if that persons child has invaded their country and occupies their country for the foreseeable future. They would prefer not to kill someones children but they feel like they have no choice. The way to stop them from killing someone from America's child is to remove all the Americans and to turn Iraq and Afghanistan back over to the native peoples.

Same goes for these guys.



This guy lied through his teeth to the UN to get us into the war. He said later that he was sad about lying to the UN. He's responsible for the deaths of over 3000 Americans and for the hundreds of thousands of Iraqi and Afghan deaths. Maybe he is sad his lies got all those people's children killed. We're not sure but we bet he writes a book about it later and makes all kinds of money off it.
This guy lied through his teeth and manipulated all the "intelligence" to get us into the war. So he is responsible for killing other people's kids.

These two jackals got hundreds of thousands of people killed and one makes a shitload of money off the war as well.

This guy said it was a "slam dunk" that Saddam had WMDs and because of his lies we are in the war now. He is responsible for the murders of a lot of people's children. Oh yeah, he also just wrote a book about his role in the war and guess what? He says he is not to blame. And we here at Monkey Muck say to him, "Bull shit, you fucking liar point those fingers of blame not at other people you coward, but back at your murdering self."

This waste of a mullet became the lap dog, or poodle as some have said, to the Village Idiot in Chief. He is responsible for the deaths of many British soldiers and thousands and thousands of Iraqi's and Afghans.This ghoulish couple took us to war, keep us at war, and refuse to get us out of the war. They are responsible for all the dead children, all the dead people who were someone elses children, and all the children and people who are someone elses children yet to die in the useless war without end amen. It's times like this that we wish Hell was a real place because we know damn well that all the liars, murderers, and bastards we just wrote about would be going there when they finally die. It's also times like these that make us glad we are non Jeebus believers because if it is true that his Dad wanted Bush to be President, then what kind of sick fucking god would that be anyway?

But thank goodness there is one man who will make us proud again, one man who will end the war, one many who will stop the rape of Iraqi oil fields, one man who will end the use of depleted uranium in our weapons, one man who will use diplomacy instead of a billy club, one man who will be a great President, and that man is Rep. Dennis Kucinich.

It's time to put a real leader in the White House. Let's take back our country. Let's elect the only man who has our interests at heart, vote Kucinich in 2008.