Hey George...

...how's that war on terror going for ya now dumb ass? Huh? Well since you never tell the truth about it, we'll say it for you, it's in the toilet you idiot. Your surge is a failure and your approval numbers are dropping faster than a pair of Brittany Spears panties at a cock fight. We know, we know you don't look at polls, you could care less that 68 fucking percent of the people in this country think you are leading us down the wrong track. Oh wait, you know better don't you? God told your stupid ass to start a war that we can't win and that you won't let us out of and that is draining this country dry.

That surge was supposed to stop the sectarian violence, at least in Baghdad anyway. Let's see, how's that working for us now? Oh, I see, another bombing at another mosque. Good job George. You and your chicken hawks scored another direct hit on intelligence and reason. Your perfect record is intact, everything you say is the opposite of what is real and truthful. More troops will make Baghdad safer, more troops will stop the violence, more troop will make the Iraqi's sit up and do right. Yeah right. He shoots! He misses AGAIN!

I think the problem with you George is, your stupid ass never fought in a war so you have no idea how it's supposed to be done. You evaded going to Viet Nam because your granddaddy and your daddy were rich Republicans. You went off to get drunk and wash the planes the real pilots flew and then you went and got more drunk. So you never learned how to lead other men or inspire confidence. In short dumb ass, you became a chickenhawk, someone who starts shit and then runs away from it after it gets ugly. When you open your fat lying yap these days all I hear is that Elvis Costello song Tramp The Dirt Down come out. I know you never heard it but the lyric in it that reminds me of you is, "Who takes all of the credit and none of the blame?"

Another problem I have with you is you never listen to people who have actually fought in your war. You and your chickenhawk pals marginalize vets and retired generals who speak out against your insane warmongering. You are right, they are wrong. And yet you never fought a day, an hour, a minute, a second in your worthless life. They did. They know war is hell and should be avoided at all costs. But that's right God told you to go to war didn't he? But you know what? God also told this guy to protest your war and he actually fought in it. He fought and that's something you didn't do. You know what George? I'd take a bullet for this guy and for the other Iraq and Afghanistan war vets who speak out against your stupid wasteful war. But for you, I'd duck and cover baby.

We're still making progress though over there I bet.

Progress.

Riiiight.

Tell that to these folks:

the families of these soldiers,

to this guy who lost his buddies,

to this kid who probably will suffer for life because you wanted this war,
and tell it to this little girl who got shot because of this war you brought us all.
I doubt that cookie she's holding made her feel any better about being shot.

Look at her suffering George.

Oops, I know, I know, no one suffers more than you and Pickles over the war. You poor things, how do you and Pickles hold up? Where do you find the strength to go on?

Hey I got an idea, and just listen to me George, hear me out. How about you go back to Albania where they love your blood thirsty war mongerin' ass. You go back there and you take Dick Cheney with you. Then with you two gone we let the next in line take your job:

You know who would support that little idea of mine? I'm just guessing, but I think about 65 percent of Americans. Seriously dude, resign and take The Dark One with you. If you have any ounce of love for this nation, I am begging you to resign your office this second.

Everything old is new again

"What goes around comes around."
"Those who do not remember the past are condemed to repeat it."
Holy shit, look what they've done to our country, they've turned it into an American version of the USSR.

The citizens of the former USSR had to wait around for hours and hours in lines just to buy bread.
In the USA we wait in our cars for hours and hours for the privilege of getting anally raped at the gas pump by the oil companies who we're fighting a war for now.

They had a disastrous invasion of Afghanistan in 1979.

We had a disastrous invasion of Afghanistan too.

Their citizens were notorious drunks.

So are some of ours.

In the old USSR the people were spied on by

and
Uncle Joe

and lil' Nikita

and the guys and gals at the Kremlin.

Here in the USA we get spied on by

and

and

and the guys and gals who work for this douchebag.




They had leaders who spoke out against gays and lesbians despite their homoerotic tendencies.
We've got leaders who speak out against gay and lesbians despite their homoerotic tendencies.


Their leaders would often review troops of nations they had "liberated."We have leaders who also review troops of nations that we have "liberated."

They had leaders who could not lead properly or dance worth a damn.
We also have leaders who can not lead properly or dance worth a damn.

Finally, and perhaps worst of all,
they had hot dancing girls who could shake it like a Poloroid picture,
while we got stuck with Paula Abdul.


So, did we really win the Cold War after all?
Nah, I'd say it was pretty much a draw.

We interrupt this blog for a special announcement from the President of the United States

My fellow Americans, I come before you to tell you about a new facet in my war of terror. I have instructed our military forces to begin arming Sunni militants in Iraqistan. We need to do this to insure that both the Sunnis and the Shiites have weapons to fight with.

Of course the Sunnis were overjoyed when they heard the news.

As were the Shiites.

Both groups are happy because they now have good USA made weapons to use and not crappy old Russian AK 47's.

To make sure everyone sees that we are being fair we will also arm the following people as well:

Smokin' hot Kurdish women,

Samuel L. Jackson,

the late Truman Capote,

these adorable little kids,

this Georgia O'Keefe painting of a flaming vagina,

this group of Hindus,

these white trash skanks,

the cast of Cats,

this herd of cattle,

this can of Foodtown Imitation Grape Soda,

this Andy Warhol slikscreen of Marilyn Monroe,
and every package of Happy Strawberry Crunky we can find.

All them people and things have their part to play in the war of terror and I call upon them now to do it. Now, if that ain't doing something different on the war, then I don't know what is. So ya'll leave me alone for awhile and let me get over this hangover I got.

I mean it.

Go away.

Git.

How can he?

How can this asshole run one of the biggest countries on earth, run a war, and run his life properly if he can't even pour a beer properly? And never let it be said that Georgie doesn't like head, aww just watch the video and you'll find out.


Holy crap. I despise that idiot and all his criminal drinking buddies.

Now we know...

...why he's been such a bad President. Hey dumb ass, switch to pot, mellow out, and end the fucking war.

Misty water colored memories...

...of the way we were.

That's it...

... it's much better with no teeth!!!

Laura Bush is the new Maria Von Trapp

We saw this over at TN Guerilla Women's blog. We had to post it here as well because it is so damn funny. And you people thought she was just a brain dead Stepford wife all these years, shame on you.

Sorry Haters

From Think Progress:

U.S. troops in Iraq no longer ‘true believers.’
“‘In 2003, 2004, 100 percent of the soldiers wanted to be here, to fight this war,’ said Sergeant First Class David Moore, a self-described ‘conservative Texas Republican’ and platoon sergeant who strongly advocates an American withdrawal. ‘Now, 95 percent of my platoon agrees with me.’”

Jeebus be praised that 5 perecnt of that platoon are loyal Americans who support the President and that around 30 percent of American citizens support the war.

Hey Mr. President what do you want to do after hearing that you have that level of support for your war of terror on Iraq and Afghanistan?

A Tale of Two Speeches

Memorial Day weekend 2007

Ladies and gentlemen, the President of the United States: My fellow Amuricans, I come before you on this Memorial Day weekend to tell you that we are making progress in Eye-rack. The terrorists are on the run and our mens and wimmen are kicking some serious Islamic boo-tay.

Aww, shoot. I cain't do it anymore. I just can't lie like this anymore. Amurica, the truth is I messed up over there. I really put my foot in it and it's going to hell in a hand basket. They's no two ways about it, it's bad. People are dying like a black comic at a KKK Konvention. And the sad thing is Amurica, more folks are gonna die before we get all that oil out from under them Moos-lims. But make no mistake Amurica, my resolve is strong and my will shall be done and we will prevail, or my name is not George W Bush.

In order to rectify the bad situation I have decided to make the following changes.

First of all I have dumped Condi Rice as Sec. of State. She was ineffective and no one respected her. I have replaced her with this guy:

His name is Office Douchebag Dude. Get a look at that hat America, anyone who wears a hat like that commands respect and will be listened to. Welcome aboard Office Douchebag Dude, I know you're gonna be a great addition to Team Bush.

Next I have decided to fire that guy I named as War Czar. He was shifty eyed and he smelled funny. In his place I am naming Beer Pouring Baby and Drunk Red Neck Dad Guy to be War Czar.

If anybody knows how to run a war, it's these two. Plus, that baby is awesomely funny. Heh heh heh.

Military intelligence has been a problem for many years now. Them guys just cain't get it right, or as my bud Larry The Cable Guy says, they just can't "Git 'er done." So they're fired too. From now on I will get all my intelligence from Magic Eight Ball.

Magic Eight Ball should I attack Iran?

Ask again later.

Okay, I will. The next change I am making Amurica is I am sending in to Iraq a crack team of assassins to eliminate the leaders of the insurgency. I spared no expense, I hired the best to get this sensitive job done. That's right Amurica, I hired the Osmond family.

Just look at them Mormon killers. Scary, ain't they? Hell yes they are. Now just to show ya'll that I have not forgotten about Afghanistan, I have hired a team of assassins to kill the Taliban leaders. Now since I spent so much on the Osmonds I could only afford the Glickmans from Miami Beach, but trust me Amurica, they're stone cold killers too.

I put Dick Cheney in charge of these two teams of killers and he assures me they will be ready to go in a matter of days.

He also assures me that he is not dead, has not been reanimated by Satan, and he will not raise an army of zombies from Hell to take over the US of A if given the chance.

But just in case he does try something fishy, I have hired one of the Indigo Girls to keep an eye on him.

So as you can see Amurica, I have heard your cries for change and I have acted on them. With all these changes in place you should see a positive change pretty damn soon. Good night and God bless Amurica, and only Amurica god damn it. Amen.

Memorial Day weekend 2009

Hello my fellow Americans. I have ended all hostilities in Iraq and Afghanistan. The troops are coming home immediately and I have apologized to the people of Iraq and Afghanistan for the hell that ass Bush put them through. Everyone from Blackwater, Halliburton, and all the other companies over there that were sucking on the government teat have been imprisoned and will be tried in the World Court for war crimes, just like the men who let them rape Iraq and Afghanistan, Bush and Cheney. Furthermore, arrest warrants have been issued for all the political pundits who were cheerleaders for the war. The politicians who misled this nation in the run up to the war, the media who did not challenge them, and all shareholders of companies that participated in the rape of Iraq and Afghanistan will be arrested and tried as well.

I have instructed my Vice President

to close every loophole in the tax system that multi national corporations use to avoid paying taxes. He is also in charge of setting up our new free of charge health insurance for all program. He will be prosecuting all people who made money off the old corrupt system.

We will be cutting the Pentagon budget by 75 percent. The money we save will be used to educate economiclly disadvantaged young people.

Finally America, I have signed into law the 'It's The Weekend So Let's Party Act of 2009.' Everyone will get the adult beverage of their choice, a designated driver, and a few bucks for dinner out, so go out and have some fun on me America, after the hell we went through under BushCheney, you deserve it.