Who "won" tonight's Democratic Party debate?

Hands down, no doubt about it, the winner was

Tavis Smiley.

He was forceful, Presidential, eloquent, good looking, smelled nice (I imagine anyway), and was ready to bitch slap any of the candidates who went over their time limit.

I swear I thought he was going to cold cock Grandpa Dodd when that old geezer cracked that stupid Jeopardy joke. I could see him bounding down the stage and grabbing Dodd by his lapels and putting him in to an airplane spin and then tossing him off the stage. But no, Tavis held back, he just put the old white guy in his place and went on with his business as cool as you please. Why? Because that's how Tavis rolls. He's mackin' like dat.

I swear if Dennis Kucinich wasn't such a principled candidate who is right on the money on all the issues I care about and if I hadn't promised to run if he is not nominated, then I'd be all up in Tavis begging him to run. Imagine the things he'd do as President. He'd kick ass, take names, and set every thing right in four short years, and then he'd be all like,

"I'm done. I'm not hanging around for another term. I fixed everything and now I can relax. Ya'll white folk take back over and don't fuck it up again or I may have to come back and get all up in your shit again." Then he'd ride off into the sunset and we'd all be just standin' there in awe of our new hero. And then some kid would say, "Tavis, come back Tavis."

Seriously, I got a little man crush on him now.