Little known provisions in the new health care reform law

Contrary to the rhetoric of conservative pundits, the IRS will not be enforcing the provision that says everyone must have some form of health insurance. These two lovable screw ups from Belle Plains, Oregon will be enforcing that provision:Hilarity is sure to ensue.

Starting next Thursday all people will be required to ask all questions of their health care providers in the medium of modern dance.

Dr. Hans Dickenschwimmer will be conducting free hernia screenings in the back of his sweet ass Chevy van which will be parked out on Route 9 near the dumpster fires.

The dolls of undocumented immigrants will be given priority over white Christian children when it comes to getting vaccines.

Former Canadian Prime Minister Joe Clark and his wife are now US citizens and they'll be moving in with you sometime next month.

Cute monkeys will get 40% off their vet visits, however this discount doesn't apply to helper or howler monkeys.

Dental visits are covered only if you are willing to play "Guess that smell!" with your dentist.

Those people who are not comfortable with any or all of these provisions are encouraged to take their complaint(s) to their local death panel where they will be dealt with in a suitable manner.

Coming soon to a theater near you

The Adventures of Tico McGhee MD, monkey gynecologist.

Did you know that I'm an intellectually dishonest nitwit?

I'm jumping for joy because the right wingers have found my blog and it pisses them off so much that they are now leaving comments telling me how wrong I am about issues that I know I am right about. Yes, boys and girls, my little post about the wonderful documentary Sicko pushed one of the Bushies over the edge and he left not one, not two, but three comments castigating me for daring to have an opinion that runs counter to the right wing FOX Noise opinion he holds. No need going to look for his third comment because I deleted it due to the fact that I got inside his right wing mind so badly that he had to resort to name calling. But you can still tell what kind of person he is by reading his other comments.


I'm sure he'll come back and say I am "censoring" him. On the contrary, this is still the USA and one has a measure of freedom of speech here and I welcome disagreement, unlike they do because people like him and Sean Hannity and mAnn Coulter and Mike Malkin all hate dissent from their viewpoints. And since he has not one but two blogs, he can write about how wrong I am on his blogs as much as he likes. But this is my blog and if you leave a comment insulting me or one of my blog buds then I am going to delete any such comment as soon as I find it. Disagree with me all you like but there is no need to stoop to name calling, it only makes you look stupid and intellectually dishonest. So remember before you fire off a nasty little comment, you better not resort to name calling and insulting behavior or you will be deleted. There is still such a thing as etiquette in this world and I expect all my readers and commenters, even you right wingers, to abide by it. Since I do not go to your blog and leave nasty insulting comments No_Slappz, I expect the same out of you.

You know what boys and girls? No_Slappz is on the wrong side of the single payer not for profit universal health care issue, just like all his (or her since I have no idea if he is male or female) Reich wing brethren are. As a matter of fact, they've been on the wrong side of every major social issue since women's suffrage. They said that if women got the right to vote the country would suffer, they said that if child labor laws were enacted then the economy would fall apart, they said that if gays and lesbians were treated fairly then Jesus would smite us, they said that Medicare was a bad idea and that Social Security was going to lead to a Communist takeover. You can look it up boys and girls, they've been on the wrong side of every important issue every time, but at least they are consistent.

And you know what? They're on the wrong side of this "immigration" issue, which as most of you know is a smoke screen wedge issue they invented to keep us divided, and they're on the wrong side of the health care issue.

I know you're not used to reading anything that disagrees with your world view but believe it or not there are millions of people in this country that disagree with you and your President, and he is your President and not mine because my President would never start a war for oil or support torture. You see No_Slappz, progressive people like me blog because our views are not presented or represented in the corporate media, yours are. And you know what else we do with our blogs? We network and we organize and we're going to do in 2008 just what we did in 2006, get the word out about right wing candidates and how bad they are for our country, and we're going to increase our majority in Congress and we're going to take the White House out of the hands of the greedy bloodthirsty Bushies. And that scares the holy hell out of you people.

You can't make this stuff up

It looks like I made quite the new "friend" over at my blog buddy Freida Bee's blog.
She did a post about the Hermit giving the smack down to Ron Paul. Since Ms. Bee is a staunch Kucinich supporter she has Kucinich widgets and links to all things Kucinich on her blog and one of the offended Ron Paul supporters noticed this and he wrote a "scathing" comment about single payer health insurance after I made a comment in support of same. Here with out edit is his comment:

Those who support socialized health care, never address the issue of those of us who would care to completely opt out. Would they force us into such a system at the point of a gun? Maybe march us off to Gulags or Re-education camps to support their Nationalistic Paternalistic schemes? Anyone who supports Socialized Health Care is no better than a Nazi-Fascist. Force and coercion are at the heart Socialized medicine.

I nearly spilt my sides from laughing at that comment. This guy is, according to the blogger profile he wrote, an intelligent politically aware person. But his comment tells us he is as dumb as a the rest of the Americans who buy the crap the corporate media is spewing. And he's got his politics wrong.

First of all socialized medicine is not a "Nazi-Fascist" scheme. The very word "socialized" should lead one to believe that it sprang not from the right, which is where fascism comes from, but from the other side of the political spectrum, the left.

Second of all, though it's not like he's gonna read my blog but what the hell I'm gonna do this anyway, I think maybe this guy is stupid and he doesn't understand what the words he's throwing around mean so I'm gonna define a few of them for him. And no worries about me getting the definitions wrong because I have a degree in political science and a degree in history.

Fascism, also called 'corporatism,' is an extreme right wing political movement. The basic tenets of fascism are the privatization of most all industries and the expansion of the military's power within the state. Control of the power is centered at the top and is passed down through those loyal to the current dictator. Examples of this right wing political system in action would be Germany under Hitler, Italy under Mussolini, Japan in the 30's and 40's, and America under George W. Bush.

Socialism is a left wing political movement. The basic tenets of socialism are that the state should control some major industries, including health care, and operate them in the interests of all the people. There is still a vibrant private sector of the economy where private businesses can and do flourish. Examples of this political system in action are modern day Sweden, Denmark, Finland, and to some extent Britain, France, Canada, and most of our European allies.

For many years the American media and our government have distorted the definitions of the words fascism and socialism. The system of government we have to day, an alleged democratic republic, is actually closer to a fascist system of government. And the form of government that most all corporations fear, which is why they spread lies and falsehoods about it is, socialism. They fear a true socialist government because they think that their profits will dwindle and that the people will have too many rights. That's why they want you to think of health insurance as a privilege and not a right.

Socialism is not Communism. Socialised medicine is not fascist, it's humane and it's enjoyed all over the world and the only reason why we don't have it here is our government is being held hostage by multi national corporations and rich white people who do not want the vast majority of us to have what they have. When libertarians decry national health insurance what they are saying is, "I don't want to pay for the blacks, the poor, and the Latinos to have health insurance. I want all that money for me and my family."

Instead of paying for a single payer national health insurance system for all, our government spends obscene amount of money on defense. Here's a graph I stole off Ice Station Tango:

We are the sole superpower left in the world and we still spend almost $450 billion dollars a year on defense? Who are we defending against? The terrorists? Hell if we stopped supporting the governments that abuse them and deny them their basic human rights then we'd stop making terrorists right there, if we got out of Iraq then we'd stop turning people into terrorists right there. Hell if we did those things then we could cut back on that spending by about $350 billion and use that money to keep out whole nation strong instead of just keeping the munitions companies bank accounts strong.

It seems to me our national defense ought to be defending our people against disease and sickness. But then again I would not want to force or coerce anyone into getting and staying healthy so that they could defend our country if need be.

A great compromise

What's up my fellow Americans? Is it hot enough for you? Seriously, it's so hot that my tail melted the other day. It's so hot here that I saw a Republican State legislator from Florida blowing a black guy the other day and he was using a fan this time! It's so hot in Washington DC that Bush Jr. decided to invade Antarctica for the ice!

Boo ya! Take that Georgie W! That's how you open a speech with a joke!

I won't keep you long America. I just wanted to have a few words with you and then you can run off to get cool or to do whatever it is you have to do today.

You know Mister and Mrs. John Q. Citizen, it's not all fun and games here at el Casa de Monkey HQ during this current campaign lull. Samurai Frog, my running mate Laurie David, and I are hard at work. It's not all glittering parties, skinny dipping with Lindsay Lohan, vomiting up our last meal with Nichole Ritchie, and giving David Beckham a 'Brazilian' every time he turns around, oh no. We're monitoring our opponents and we're keeping an eye on the idiot who is currently occupying my or Dennis Kucinich's next home.

What? We need to relax and have some fun too! I swear we're just running mates that's all!

I see where the Chickenhawk in Chief came out in support of lowering corporate taxes the other day, he said we need to do it to make American companies more competitive around the world. When I stopped laughing so hard I decided that to show you how different I am from him I offer up a compromise.

Remember the word 'compromise' is not in Bush and his Reich wing buddies vocabularies. To him compromise means that you agree with everything he says and wants and you do it quick. The Reich wingers want us all to fight amongst ourselves like this:

So that they can continue to rape our country and bleed us dry of our paychecks and our pride.

I am not willing to cut any tax on any corporation in America, in fact some of them will pay much higher taxes under my administration, it's time they pulled their weight and shouldered their share of the burden. But I am willing to do something to save all businesses, both large and small, billions of dollars. And that something is I will take the burden of health insurance off them forever. They will no longer have to provide any health insurance to their employees whatsoever because under my administration we will provide universal single payer not for profit health care coverage for every American. Without the burden of having to pay for the inequitable broken health care system that is plaguing us today, the corporations and all businesses will save billions in the long run. They will also save because our new health care system will focus on prevention, therefore more and more people will not be getting sick, and employees will be more productive because they will not have to worry about how to pay for their family's health insurance and they won't have to stress out when a family member gets sick.

The other night I heard on Democracy Now! a part of an interview with a Canadian journalist. He spoke about how the national health plan in Canada amounts to a huge subsidy for all businesses and since they don't have to funnel money into private insurers bank accounts to pay for crappy private health insurance, the businesses and corporations in Canada can remain competitive. Makes sense doesn't it? A country taking care of it's citizens first and because they did so the businesses can stay competitive and keep their economy humming.

How do we pay for this plan you are probably asking. We pay for it by rolling back the Bush tax cuts, by taxing the wealthy even more (it is only fair they pay to help insure the people that made them wealthy and that they exploited in the first place), by raising taxes on the corporations, by ending the prohibition on growing and cultivating hemp, by legalizing marijuana and taxing it like we do alcohol, and by having a national bake/yard/rummage sale. I volunteer to make some brownies and my back issues of Granta will be available for purchase!

Yes, I know, I've done it again. I've solved another huge problem that is facing this country. As always my Nobel Prize acceptance speech is ready to be given as soon as they award me my prize and their check clears my bank.

Now, if you all will excuse me, I'm going to play with my pussy for a while and I hope I don't pull my groin while I do it.

She walks, she talks, she gives Bubba heck

From the geniuses who brought you the last great pro Kucinich video, the 35 Percenters.

Going to see Dennis Kucinich

That's right boys and girls, we are going to see Rep. Dennis Kucinich, one of our favorite Presidential candidates, live and in the flesh tomorrow night in Asheville, NC. He will be speaking at UNC Asheville and we will be there to see him.

Why do we love this long shot? Let me count the ways:

• He introduced articles of impeachment against Darth Cheney.
• He is the sponsor of the Department of Peace.
• He wants to take out the profit motive in our health care system.
• He's been a firebrand since the days when he was the youngest ever Mayor of Cleveland, Ohio

We loved him then and we love him now. And you know what Dennis? We're sorry for not voting for you in the TN Democratic Primary back in 2004.

We are psyched about seeing any candidates in person in our area but even more so because this one holds so many positions so close to our little simian hearts.