A preview of the Really Great, So Super, Everyone Says It'a Going to be so Much Better Than Obamacare Act

Greetings fellow Americans.  I'm Percy Grant Catwhiskers and I not only went to college and studied to be a doctor, I helped write the replacement for Obamacare.  It's not important that I got asked to leave the liberal medical school I was attending, but it is important for you to know that I was never convicted of anything and I don't know how my semen got into those cadavers and that lying ass Mexican bitch's vagina.  

Anyway, after I left that high-falutin hoity toity liberal medical school, I was home schooled with Rand Paul, so I'm pretty smart about health care and limited government.  And now I want to tell you about some of the features of the law that's going to replace Obamacare.

Prevention figures heavily in our plan, so you'll need to be in shape in order to out run sick people who might have communicable illnesses.  Also, be sure to stay in shape enough to outrun people who are being chased by bears, the IRS, girls with cooties, the working poor, Jews, and black people.

You can stay healthy by drinking one to four glasses of baby juice a day in addition to however much Soylent Green you're eating.  And remember, drink real 100% baby jiuce, not that baby juice cocktail shit, it's full of sugar, additives, and pancreatic cancers.

Often we can fool our bodies in to warding off sickness.  So if you feel a cold, flu, pneumonia, empathy for others, same sex sexual attraction, or phlebitis coming on, then roll up your sleeves and exercise.  We suggest lifting heavy objects over and over again, but make sure you lift with your back and not your knees.

Make sure you stay clean because only dirty people who displease Jesus get sick, it's a known fact.

If you have an income of over $150,000, you can see the doctor of your choice.  If you make less, well, get off that lazy ass of yours and maybe one day you'll make over $150,000 and you'll be able to afford to go to the doctor of your choice.

Eat right, and by 'right' we mean eat what ever highly processed vitamin enriched foods that corporate America have thoughtfully and cost effectively prepared for you.  Seriously, just shut up about organic food and eat the crap the people who contribute to our political action committees make.

Proper oral health is key to staying healthy.  Always brush after every meal, before you go to bed, and after every blowjob you're forced to give to your youth minister at your church. 

Finally, why not treat your own injuries yourself?  After all you know your body better than some fancy doctor who went to a liberal med school does.  And you know it better than some Washington DC egghead bureaucrat does. So go ahead, and bind up your own wounds, operate on yourself, and if you have to, seek out help from others via the internet, not all of them are liars or people pretending to be doctors or hot teenage girls who are really into sexy times with older men.  Alternative medicine is just as valid as alternative facts, so don't hold back, stop being a little bitch and fix your own god damn self.

For the record

• I don't oppose Obama now because I've turned into a radical Republican, I oppose him because he's too timid to do the right thing by the people who got him elected. And for the record, those people are women, gays, lesbians, progressives, anti war protesters, and working men and women.
• I'm sure Hillary Clinton would have been the same or worse to her base.
  
• Rand Paul is pissed that his opponent used religion to attack him, uh, hey asshole, Republicans have been using religion to attack Democrats for years, get over it.
• I'm through voting for Democrats because I fear that the Republicans will be worse. I know the Republicans will be worse but we'll never get any real change in this country if we keep electing the same two political parties. Republicans will screw us, Democrats less so, but you know what? I'm tired of being screwed by politicians no matter what side of the political spectrum they fall on.
• If you're tired of me plugging my graphic novel, you ain't seen nothin' yet. I'll keep flogging it and promoting it as long as needs be. Most of you people haven't made the donation to become a member of the invite only blog where it's being posted so obviously, I haven't promoted and pushed it enough.
• Despite my hatred of commercial radio in general and classic rock stations in particular, I still love the Rolling Stones and the Beatles.

Do it

For 8 years the foxes guarded the hen houses in Washington DC. The Bush/Cheney administration put their buds in big business in charge at the top of the Departments of the Interior, Labor, Justice, the EPA, and the FDA and as a result the rights of workers were gutted in favor of making sure big business made more profits and paid less taxes, our environment was raped and plundered, the Justice department became a place where the laws were only enforced if they benefited rich white people, and inspection and regulation of our nation's food and drug supply was ignored. Because of all that people died, are still dying (peanut butter sandwich anyone?), and our country and planet are in deep peril.


But fixing that stuff is not a priority with some in the Senate because they've got bigger fish to fry. They've got to stop the stimulus package because it might actually help people who don't give them any money for their re-election. They made damn sure the banks and Wall Street investment houses got bailed out and they did it willingly because they get a shit load of money from those people, but people who work in education, construction, retail, who write computer code, who get up before dawn and punch a time clock when they get to work don't give them a cent so our "esteemed" Senators, including the two douchebags who "represent" us folks in Tennessee, don't want to see them get any help. It's strictly pay for play with the cabal of Republicans in the Senate. If you give them money to get re-elected, they'll vote to give you bail out money, if you don't, then you're fucked. Witness them cutting spending on programs that will create jobs just as they scream about more tax cuts for corporations and the wealthy. I'm still waiting on the last round of tax cuts on corporations to help me out.


But holding up the stimulus isn't the only thing the Republicans are doing, they're also holding up the nomination of Hilda Solis. She's been nominated to head the Department of Labor and since she's not a whore for big business, she is in fact a friend of organized labor, the Republicans are nervous and they want to derail her nomination. They can't seem to wrap their greedy bloated heads around the idea of a woman who is a friend of the working man heading up the Department of Labor. I'm sure they're frightened that she might actually do things that benefit the working people of this country while she's in charge. They're shaking their boots knowing that someone who wants to halt the slide that the American workers have been on since Reagan was President will be in charge for a change.


As I've said before, the Republicans in the House and Senate, and some Democrats as well, I'm looking at you Diane Feinstein and Jay Rockefeller and Chuck Schumer, drove us to this cliff that we find ourselves on. We sure as hell don't need to let them drive us off it so let's hope cooler heads prevail and that the stimulus package gets passed along and that they get off their asses and make Hilda Solis the head of the Department of Labor.

Today is our day

And by 'our' I mean the American people. It's our to decide which rich person gets to run our country. So get off your ass and got vote if you haven't done so already.

As you can tell I'm for the less rich black guy because I know he's more like me than that cranky old man and that moose and wolf killing dunderhead from Alaska is. Obama has been down and out like I've been. He's worked his ass off to get where he is today. He didn't slide by on his family connections like the current President did and like the current Republican nominee did. He worked hard as an organizer in Chicago. He worked hard while at Harvard and while he was an Illinois state senator. And for the last two years he's been working his heart out to be our next President. But the thing is, even though he been running for two years, he still took time to vote on the big essential issues in the US Senate while running. The cranky old white man didn't, in fact about the only thing he voted for in the past two years was to bail out Wall street.

I know this sounds crazy but I'll kind of miss all this election business when it's over. I love the whole long drawn out process, I always have, probably always will. But having said that, please, do us all a solid and go vote. Let's end this today. Let's put Democrats in charge of two out of three branches of the government and then let's pray that Obama gets to appoint two or three Supreme Court justices while he's in office over the next eight years.

One more day!

One more day until the big election. So please, if you have not done so already, get out and vote. If the lines are long, wait them out and vote. Vote because lives hang in the balance. Vote so we can throw the bums out and start over. Vote because this asshole has been giving us citizens, us progressives, us liberals, us folks who love freedom, equality, peace and justice the finger for the past eight years:
Vote for some of this:
If enough of you vote on election day then they can't possibly turn all of you away. They can't possibly supress all your votes. If we all act as one then we can put a family we can be proud of in the White House:
This is the most important election of our lives. Vote Obama/Biden tomorrow.

Passing the torch

Obama's infomercial was nothing short of brilliant.

If you saw it and were not moved by it then your heart is made of stone. Or you're that Asian Ann Coulter wanna be Michael Malkin.

How many of you undecideds got off the fence after seeing that bit of political ad brilliance?

A Monkey Muck exclusive

I have managed to scoop the entire world, I obtained the notes Bush McCain made at last night's debate. His hand writing is a little messy but most of you will be able to read what was going through the old fart's mind during the debate. I now present the notes without any editing whatsoever:

Now we know why the old coot is so angry, he hasn't had a good dump in long time.

Hang in there America, the end is finally in sight and election day is coming in a few weeks. If any of you can vote early, then I'd advise you to do so because I think lines on election day are going to be long. I'll be voting this Thursday or Friday because early voting opened here in Washington County today.

Who's ya Daddy?

When our Idiot in Chief speaks about the economy the market drops. When his pal Bush McCain offers his two cents on the whole mess the market tanks. When Obama offers up a sane sensible plan to help both main street and Wall Street the Dow Jones gains almost 1000 points. Boo ya. Who's ya Daddy now America?

The conservative legacy

The legacy of the past 30 years of conservatism and privatization in our nation's government isn't more home ownership or more democracy or a more peaceful world. The end result of right wing conservatism and willy nilly privatisation is the worldwide financial panic.



All the other bad shit, the endless war of terror on Iraq, the demonization of gays and lesbians, the constant state of fear, and the lack of national health care for every American is just the icing on the urinal cake.

We're just now paying the full price of mismanagement. And mark my words, it's going to get worse in some respects before it gets better. But maybe if we're smart, we'll take this great opportunity to rework our version of capitalism and our government. Maybe we can turn them into something that works for all of us instead of just a few of us. But I think in order to do that we need to clean house in Washington and we need to defeat all those who take corporate money to fund their campaigns, which would be just about everyone.

Fail out

Until they address the real causes of this "economic meltdown," which are the bad loans the banks insisted on making (funny what happens when you make loans to people who really can't afford them isn't it?), the endemic culture of greed on Wall Street and in corporations in general, and the lack of regulation and oversight in the financial sector, then no progressive or liberal lawmaker should embrace this bail out.

When the FDIC took over Indy Mac bank they aggressively looked through that banks mortgages and sought out those who could pay for their homes if the sky high interest rates were brought down, the same thing should be done now. Making thousands of people homeless isn't a smart solution. If some of these people who got these bad mortgages can keep their homes by having their interest rates brought down then ever effort should be made to save them. Home ownership is still the best option for many of these people, we all benefit when people don't default on their home loans.

Or maybe they should just do nothing until Bush gets out of office because if he and his people handle this bail out like they've handled the war of terror on Iraq, Katrina, and everything else then we'd probably be in a world of hurt. And the other upside to all of this is that the longer this drags out, the more it hurts McCain.

I urge you all to calm down

Sparky darling, I've got to get back to Monkey Central to do a post about this "bounce" Bush McCain is enjoying.

But I want to look at more houses!

We will, I promise! But you've got to let me get back so I can write a post telling all those jittery progressives and shaky Democrats to calm down. Okay but you better make it quick mister.

Don't I always?

Do you really want me to answer that?

Uhhhhh, no. Listen every body, calm down and don't lose heart, every candidate gets an upward bounce in the polls after their convention, hell even Jimmy Carter got one in 1980 and so did Bush Sr. in 1992. The thing you all need to remember is that McCain's upward bounce brings him into a statistical tie with Obama. So really, that's a pretty small sorry ass bounce. Obama is no John Kerry or Michael Dukakis, he's smart enough and savvy enough to stay on message and to keep pounding home the message on the issues that matter to you and me, health care, ending the war, and energy independence. Don't forget that 85 percent of the people in this country hate Bush and as long as they keep tying Bush McCain to Bush Cheney then they'll keep inching back up in the polls. And just you wait for the debates between Obama and Bush McCain, Obama will make him look foolish and I'll bet you a dollar to a doughnut that Bush McCain will get so mad and flustered that he'll make a huge gaffe and he'll call Obama the "N" word or something.

I've been following politics since 1972 and I've seen all this post convention hype come and go. We all need to stay focused, keep plugging Obama on and off our blogs, and keep on the attack against Bush McCain Palin. We can do this, we can take our country back.

The correct choice

Here's why Obama's choice of Joe Biden was the right one, even though he was not my personal choice:

• My choice was Gov. Kathleen Sebelius of Kansas. But if he had picked her then the Republican hate machine would have spewed out the "Holy shit, that damn dirty negro is defiling that white woman!" line of bullshit for the next few months.
• If he had picked someone to the left of himself then they would have kept harping on the "He's a socialist!" angle.
• If he had picked a black woman or black man it would have been political suicide. We are ready for one African American on the national ticket, not two.
• If he had picked Hillary then he would have had to deal with Hillary and Bill's baggage.
• The choice of Biden, a corporate Democrat who's an insider, sends a message to Wall Street and corporate America that things under an Obama presidency are going to be like they were under Bill Clinton's. And while I despise most everything about Wall Street, corporate America, and big business, a signal like this needed to be sent to calm fears about his "socialism."
• Biden also covers Obama's perceived "weakness" in foreign policy and defense.
• Biden's "advanced" age balances Obama's "youthfulness."
• Biden is the man who kept the most dangerous Republican Supreme Court nominee, Robert Bork, off the Supreme Court. That one fact alone should earn him the gratitude of all progressives everywhere.

As for all the bitching, pissing, and moaning from the various camps within the Democratic party about how bad a choice this is, I would like to remind you all that in the end this is a race that Obama wants to win, it's not some noble exercise in civics and race relations. Sen. Obama was not my first choice, but he turned out to be the best choice, just as Biden was not my first choice to be his veep but he has turned out to be his best choice.

So now it's time to head to the convention and to make history and then take back the White House. And it's time for all true Democrats to get in line and work to get our candidates elected. It's time to stop whining, to grow up and smell the coffee, and to get the Obama/Biden ticket elected in November. But if you're one of those bitter people who are clinging to the wreckage of the Hillary campaign and who plan on voting for McCain just so you can show us all a thing or two about a thing or two, then to you I say, take your Bush McCain vote and your PUMA merchandise and shove them up your you know where.

Speaking of the convention, here's a photo of my young friend Cameron, that's him on the left, holding a cool T shirt out in Denver. He and his brother Quinn are out in the Denver area with their parents for a few days, they're taking in an outsider art exhibition that focuses on art about Obama and his impact on America.

And yes ladies, Cameron is "available."

The One makes his Choice

Sure the craziest of the Clintonista's will be foaming at the mouth mad that he picked a man to run with him and the corporate media hacks who said Biden will be a good pick will now turn on him for making Biden his choice but what the hell, it's a solid pick and it shores up his perceived weakness on foreign policy, even though 99% of all national elections are decided on the domestic issues.

Let's move forward fellow liberals, fellow progressives, and fellow Americans and let's put these two in the White House so that we can stop Bush's third term.

Bush McCain's mansions

Tip o' the fez to Cause for Concern.

Another whiny Republican

My douchebag Republican Congressman David Davis lost his primary to a challenger, as I gleefully reported the day after the results were in, and now he's retained a high priced Washington DC law firm, the kind they rail against all the time, to help him stay in office. He claims that there were (gasp!) Democrats who voted in our district's open primary, that means anyone can vote in either party's primary if they damn well want to, with the express purpose of removing him from office.

That's my lil' buddy in the center being told that he must be 'this tall to serve in Congress.'

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Davis has decided not to concede because he says that there is a conspiracy afoot to get him out of office. He says that state law prohibits people who have an established voting record of voting for one party to cross over and vote in the other party's primary. He is on record saying that any one who knows of any Democrats who voted for his opponent should call his campaign office and turn them in so that his legal team can hunt them down. Being the responsible citizen I am I dutifully called his office and I left him a message. I told him that I saw little green men voting for his rival. I told them I also saw Osama Bin Laden and several other Arabic looking men who told me they voted for his rival. After I told them I also saw Nancy Pelosi and Harry Reid voting for his rival, I told him that his tactics would give us all yet another reason to be proud of him and that the little baby Jesus would surely smile on his efforts to thwart the will of the people of this district.

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Hey, you know what? You can join in the fun by calling his campaign office and leaving a message too! Please be nice and give him all the respect he deserves when you call him at 423-773-8861. You can also reach him at his soon to be ex office in Washington DC by calling 202-225-6356. And you can also reach him at his local district offices by calling 423-323-1235 or 423-317-7459.

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Read all about the current plight of my whiny cry baby Congressman, who by the way wants to keep cock fighting legal, here. After I read that article I looked up the phrase crazy as a loon cry baby in the dictionary and I found Davis's picture next to the definition. He's symptomatic of the kind of whiny bullshit the Republicans are going to pull the day after Obama and company drive them from office on election day. Gird your loins people, it's going to be a tough fight dislodging these Republicans in November.

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(Fez tip to my rabble rousin' buddy Rev. John over at Shuck and Jive for doing a post about this first. I get all my local news over there since I don't read my local paper.)

Do it. Do it. Do it.

Given that the national mood has turned against Reublicans and greedy oil companies, I'm hoping like crazy the House Republicans follow through on their pledge to shut the government down so close to the election. And holy heck, I hope Bush McCain keeps backing them. Yeah baby, show those swing voters just who's side you Republicans are on.

He had to lose to hit the big time

They did a story about my soon to be ex-Congressman on Think Progress. Poor lil' fella, he got what was coming to him.

Although upon further reflection, the Repbulican who they nominated and who will probably win the House seat is most likely just as big a douchebag as Davis is. In this area they wouldn't elect Jesus Christ if he was running as a Democrat.

Shout it from the mountain top!

The Bush boot licking douchebag Congressman, Rep. David Davis, who represents my area got defeated in his party's primary yesterday. Yay!

I'm usually not the kind of monkey who kicks people when they are down but in this case I made an exception. Here's a copy of an email I sent to my soon to be ex-Congressman just moments ago:

Dear Soon to Be Ex-Congressman Davis,

In your two years in office you have not listened to anyone in this district except people who voted for you. You have refused to do what was right for our district and for our country. You and your staff have been a disgrace to our region and that's why you lost your party primary yesterday.

I'm sure the Rethuglican who beat you will be little better than you when he gets to Washington but I take a large amount of satisfaction knowing that you got defeated. Hopefully more of your obstructionist Republican buddies will be defeated in Nov. and then Congress can carry on with the people's business and not just make laws and hold hearings that benefit corporate America.

Slink off gently into that good night Congressman and do no more damage to our nation and our beautiful mountain region.

I know, I know, my karma took a major hit with that letter but damn it felt good to needle that smug sanctimonious little war loving little prick. Schadenfreude never felt so right.