I'm burning, I'm burning, I'm burning for you

With all the hoopla surrounding the Christians burning Qurans (Korans) in Florida this coming Saturday let's not forget other things that Christians have burnt in the past.

They burnt a dissident group of Christians called the Cathars because they disagreed with how the Cathars interpreted the Bible and the teachings of Jesus. One anti Cathar Christian was quoted as saying, right before a church full of Cathars was set ablaze, "Kill them all, God will know his own."
Christians also burnt Joan of Arc, after they used her to rally other Christians in a war. I'm pretty sure they burnt her because she had a vagina.

Christians burnt Jews who would not convert during the Spanish Inquisition.
Christians in the KKK burn the cross to frighten and drive away black folks, Mexicans, gays, and anyone else they hate.

But let's not forget, Christians aren't the only ones who like to burn things.Jews like to burn bushes and then blame Yahweh for doing it.

They also like to bomb and set parts of Lebanon on fire. They do that about every other year or so.Muslims like to burn effigies of George W. Bush along with our flag.
And they like to burn Salman Rushdie in effigy as well.

And finally the Buddhists like to burn things too but mostly they burn themselves to protest senseless slaughter and warfare.
So let's stop acting all shocked and worried that Christians burning stuff again, after all, all the religions do it. (Which if you ask me, it's another reason why we need to leave religion behind. Those crazy religious bastards are going to burn us all down if we're not careful.)

This is the book that taught Bush Jr everything he knows about foreign policy:

It's the ultimate weapon all right and they've been hitting us with it for the past 7 years. There is only hope for us if we put aside all the stone age bull crap and treat one another as equals for a change.

The 1956 Baptist Student Association from East TN State would like to remind you that...

...unless you suck it up and become Baptists like they are, then you're going to hell. And that goes double for liberals and folks who think it's okay for two dudes to kiss and get married.

Wide Stance and Diaper Boy strike again.

I wonder if Mark Foley will lobby them when they try to get this bill passed.

It's a damn good thing there's not a war going on and that our national economy isn't tanking and that all the our government's regulatory agencies that are supposed to be protecting us citizens are fully staffed and fully funded, because if all that shit was going well then introducing a bill to amend the Constitution just to please some right wing religious hate filled puss bag bigots would be election year pandering that once again shows how hollow Republican "values" are.

When good ministers go "bad"

My friend Rev. Shuck has been unmasked.

Don't worry John, we still love you man.

Long live the Rev. Shuck!

And now here's a brief message from Grace Bledsoe Blankenship Jr.

Hey ya'll, how ya'll doin'? Listen I just want to tell ya'll that I just got done praying to Jesus and he told me ya'll are not saying "ya'll" enough. So if you want everything to be totally awesome between you and the son of God then ya'll better start saying ya'll more often! Woo hoo! Praise his holy name and make sure that dudes don't kiss! Amen. I gotta run, theys getting ready to mark down this morning's doughnuts at Wal-Mart and I gotta git some for my husband, Billy Ray Joe Bob.

Are you listening to us or what?

"Hello to all the godless hell bound pagans who read this crappy blog. James Dobson here...""And Pat Robertson too! Don't forget me!"
"Zip it Pat. Listen to me people, I have a question for you. Ready?"
"Was that your question James?"
"No you idiot, this is my question: Are any of you listening to us anymore? Because it sure as hell doesn't look like it. If you were listening to us then you'd be voting the way we told you to damn it."
"I told them to vote for Rudy!"
"Robertson, if you don't shut that pie hole of yours I'll smote it for you. If you voted for that cross dressing Roman Catholic then you deserve to be excommunicated. I have been telling you people for weeks to vote for Huckabee and yet you keep voting for McCain. Why is that? Is it because Huckabee is an inbred idiot? Well of course he is but who cares, so is our current President. And so what if he married his half sister? The man is a minister and you people need to vote for him now. Stop screwing around and do what I tell you, I mean it. I've got to go count all the money my church took in this past Sunday so I'm gonna let some folks from Square America tell you about what a swell guy Huckabee is and what an ass McCain is. You people better listen to them or you'll be making me and Reich wing Jesus mad!"

"I'm not from Square America but I'm voting for Huckabee anyways. And you know what else? I'm squirting out this baby sometime before November and he or she is gonna vote for Huckabee too!""John McCain wants to force me to give my cake recipes to the Viet Cong. He turned into their puppet when he was in the Hanoi Hilton and he cracked under the pressure of torture, I heard that on Rush Limbaugh. Everything he does is to bring the godless Viet Cong glory!""My 'roids are killing me. Leave me the hell alone."

"Can McCain do this? Can he look like a gopher? Hell no he can't and that's why I'm voting for Huckabee."
"I'm waiting for the Blair Witch so I have no opinion one way or another."
"We're ass over tits for Huckabee! His wife, Jethrine, is our hero!"
"You kids get the hell away from my trailer! I'll shoot everyone of you if you mess with me."
"Yo, ya'll could live to be a million and you'd never be as big a playa as me. Me and my foxxxy lady will be voting for Obama and then we'll be making sweet sweet love while we sip some Boone's Farm wine."

"That's all for now. I've got to finish my work out. I need to bulk up so I can whoop Dobson's ass one of these days. Praise Jesus!"

Praise the Lord and pass the lube!

Ted Haggard is out of gay recovery. He said upon leaving, "I'm not gay anymore but my boyfriend still is. Praise hot hunky six pack ab Jesus."

With friends like these who needs enemies

I watched this documentary the other night:
When it first came out I read an angry editorial in USA Today about it. The author bitched about how Ms. Pelosi, and yes her mom is the Nancy Pelosi, only put interviews with nut job evangelicals in it and that she did not bother to put in any interviews with "normal" believers. I felt as I read it that the author was a whiny Christian complainer who would not be happy with any film about his religion, and after seeing the film last night I was indeed correct.

The film is far from being a "hit job" on religious believers, Ms. Pelosi goes out of her way to be even handed and to allow the people she interviews to say exactly what they want to say. And her interview subjects take every opportunity to sound like the extremist right wingers they are. The late Jerry Fallwell hangs himself with every word that escapes his greasy lips and the footage of her interviews with Ted Haggard are truly creepy and sanctimonious in the light of the double life he was living. It's almost too easy to laugh at him as he spouts that he and his evangelical brethren have the moral high ground when you know he was getting hand jobs and gawd knows what else from a male escort. My favorite line of his from the movie was when he was going on about how many upstanding evangelicals were in the government of George W. Bush, when he said that I thought, "Hmmm, no wonder Chimpy's reign has been such a disaster."

The other thing that got to me as I watched was how many times the people interviewed kept saying they were looking forward to when Jesus came back and oh how hap-hap-happy everything will be for only the true believers then. Well folks, I got news for you, Jesus already came back. He's been back many many times and you people keep killing him over and over again. He came back in the form of Sojourner Truth as she led people to freedom. He came back as Mohandas Gandhi as he helped his people become free of their colonial oppressors. He came back as Steven Biko and he got killed in South Africa. He came back as Martin Luther King, Jr and he got shot in Memphis. He came back as the Cantonsville Nine and you put them into prison for a time. He came back as the nurse who helped your dying brother/sister/cousin in the AIDS hospice. He came back as crack addled woman who had sense enough to give her children to her mother to raise so they'd have a shot at a somewhat normal childhood. He came back as the undocumented Mexican woman who got hired to be a nanny to some rich person's kids and who ended up loving and caring more for those kids than their biological parents. He came back as the guy who picked you up hitchhiking that hot day when your car broke down. He came back as the guy who held my gashed to the bone and bloody left forearm together while we waited on the ambulance to take me to the hospital when I was 18. He came back as the Afghan woman who disobeyed the Taliban and taught her daughters to read. He came back as the South American priest who practiced "liberation theology" in his parish. He came back as the war of terror protestor that got locked up for having the audacity to cross the powers that be. He came back as the Rawandan baby who got hacked to death in the Hutu/Tutsi conflict. He came back as the gay teenager who started a support group for other gay teens so they'd all have at least one place where they'd be free from hate and intolerance. But the evangelicals in this movie were too fucking blind to see all those times when Jesus came back and they'll have hell to pay when they have to face their final judgement for not helping out Jesus when he was here all those times.

I highly recommend you see this short documentary. And if you are a Christian, I hope you see this and do the opposite of what these people do.

With apologies to John Prine

We now present Jesus: The Missing Years.

Young blonde Jesus was hunky. Too bad he died for our sins before he got his cherry busted.

Bumper crop

While out shopping the other day I saw a beat up old car that had a bumper sticker on the back of it that read, "Christian Bashing: It's the last acceptable form of hate in America." I laughed about it but then as I walked on into the store I thought, "Son of a bitch, that person is serious!"

It never ceases to amaze me that some Christians, and remember here folks that Christians are in the majority in this country, and for that matter the world over, love to play the victim and the martyr. If the whole world was Christian except for one person then some Christians would say, "Ack! That non Christian is persecuting me by not believing in what I believe in!" Personally, I'm tired of it and I don't buy it.

Are Christians being persecuted in some parts of the world? Yes. Are Muslims being persecuted as well? Yes. Are Hindus? Yes. Are other people of other faiths? Yes. But you know who is the most distrusted and despised group of people the world over? Atheists. That's right, atheists. It's almost as if we atheists unite people of all other faiths in their hatred of us. Which to me is strange because I don't try to force my non belief on you, yet some of you constantly try to get me to believe in what you believe in. But what most of you who try to "save" me and others like me don't know is that we've already been exposed to your religions and we simply decided that they are not for us. We've looked at the whole shebang coolly and rationally and what made more sense to us was we'd rather believe in things we can see, feel, touch, and taste rather than something that we can't and when you admit it, you can't either.

I'm not saying you're wrong or that you need to stop believing in what you believe in, nope not at all. If you like to believe in all that stuff you go right ahead, just stop trying to make me believe in it. And stop saying that I'm less of a person than you because you buy into that stuff and not me.

But you know, I could be wrong. Maybe Christ is actually the son o' God and he will be coming back some time or another. If he does, then a shit load of people are going to be screwed. And I don't mean us atheists, I mean you rich Republicans who placed more emphasis on growing your bank accounts rather than on growing food for the poor. It's going to be quite a sight watching people who did nothing to save the planet, or to ease people's suffering, or didn't lift a finger when others were being oppressed, try to justify why they shouldn't be sent to hell. It's pretty clear to me that Christ left a pretty good blueprint of how to live in your Bible but most Christians and their leaders don't follow it.

And if I am wrong and heaven is a place where Jerry Falwell and Pat Robertson and Ted Haggard and Benny Hinn and Oral Roberts and the rest of those snake oil frauds will be spending eternity, then heck yeah, send my monkey ass to hell.

Just so we're clear, I don't hate religion, it's just not for me. I don't hate people who believe in various religions, I do hate religious hypocrites. I don't want to be converted, I just want to be left alone. I don't want to persecute anyone over their beliefs, and I don't want to be persecuted for my lack of belief. I don't try to "save" you, so stop trying to "save" me.

And now with the holiday season in full swing, I hope all of you

I want to thank...

Football season is on us and that means that the Major League Baseball playoffs will soon be here and between all those football and playoff baseball games there's going to be a lot of players thanking god and the baby jeebus for letting them win and do all their great athletic stuff.


But you know what? I throw up in my mouth a little when I hear one of those over paid assholes spew that crap. Now don't get me wrong, if they want to believe in whatever religion they believe in that's fine by me. What is not fine by me is when they make a point of publicly thanking god for only the good things they do on the field or on the court. They never thank god for that pitch that knocked them off the plate or for the time they struck out with men in scoring position. They thank the tiny baby jeebus for letting them score that touchdown or making that field goal but they never thank him when they get the wind knocked out of them on that busted play or for that dropped pass in the end zone in sudden death over time. No Bible thumpin' jock ever thanks god for a loss or when they get caught beating their wife or when they get caught using illegal drugs. It's fucking hypocrisy plain and simple.


Before my heart attack the gf and I played tennis 3 or 4 times a week and when we weren't playing tennis we would watch tennis on TV, usually the Grand Slam tournaments (Austrailian Open, French Open, Wimbledon, US Open) and we'd watch obsessively while we rooted for the underdogs. When the Williams sisters started winning we cheered for them but our elation quickly soured when they first words our of their mouths in the post match interviews were usually "I just want to thank my Jehovah for this great win." And then they usually derided their opponents and if they lost they would never give their opponents any credit, they'd say they beat themselves and that their opponent really was not that talented.


The other night after Justine Henin whipped her, Serena got snippy in the post match interview and she said that she'd rather not talk about the match she just lost.

Also there was no thanking of her Jehovah, nor were there any words of praise for any other member of the christian trinity. It seems that her god only brings good things and therefore only gets praise when she wins or does something really good.


Or maybe she and all those other blowhard jocks who credit god with helping them win are full of bull shit. Yeah, that's probably it.

When Harry was young

Since the new Harry Potter movie is out and the last book is almost out I wanted to tell you all my favorite Harry Potter story. I've been hooked for quite awhile on Ms. Rowling's books and the movie versions of same, I'm not a snob like some adults are about the Potter books. They may not be "great literature," but honestly, who the hell reads that shit anyway? I like the story and the underlying themes of good versus evil and friendship versus duty.



Anyway, I was hyped up like crazy to see the first movie. Back in those days I still had a dial up connection and I was on Compuserve. They had some kind of discussion forum about the Harry Potter movie and the theme was "Is Harry Potter bad for kids?"

Some Reich wing Christian twit was saying how the film was a recruiting tool for Satan and what not so I decided to have some fun. I left a message on the forum that while the film was just entertainment, that it did indeed bring me and my "family" closer to the Dark One. This humorless idiot left a message crowing about how she was right and that she would pray for my "family" and me. Not wanting to let an asshole have the last word I sent her a message back telling her to pray for all the people who were deathly ill as a result of corporate greed and for those who were oppressed by the USA and it's allies and I also suggested she lighten the fuck up and stop being such a pain in everyone's ass. What was her comeback you ask? She called me a Communist witch lover.

I laughed so hard I nearly missed my Warlock Politburo meeting.

Reason # 6782 Not To Be A Christian

It's pretty shameful in a country where we are supposed to have freedom of religion, which means all religions, that some damn Christian thugs try to squelch a Hindu holy man from saying a prayer in the US Senate. What they want is freedom of religion all right, but only for their religion, the bastards.