What do you ladies love these days?

"Equal pay."

"David Bowie."

"Jesus Alou."

"The guy who's eating me out under this ridiculous dress."

"Vinegar and water martinis."

"Muffs."

"Cake.  Let me eat cake."

Hey, what are you gals up to?

 "Slipping small doses of poison in my cheap ass employer's tea."

 "Wishing there were more penis shaped veggies at this market."

 "I'm raising the next generation of rich white kids who'll have a huge sense of entitlement and no empathy for others."

 "Waiting for Godot to call me back."

 "Blackmailing my kiddie fondling parish priest."

 "What have you heard about what I'm up to?"

 "Climbing every mountain, fording every stream."

"Fightin' the power."

How do you feel about the way President Obama has handled the situation in Syria?

 "I'm too busy to care what he's doing because I'm screwing my neighbor's wife."

 "I'm ready to go to war again.  I'm bored sitting at home and suffering with PTSD."

 "I'm pissed he didn't start the war I didn't want him to start.  This diplomacy shit, Bush never did it.  I just can't get used to it."

 "Obama is still president?  Holy shit, what year is this?"

 "Syria?  Why do I need to care about Syria?  Let those crazy Muslim bastards kill one another.  I've got more important things to worry about, like this computer for instance.  Hello?  1998 called, it wants this 600 pound computer back."

 "Can't we let Israel do our dirty work over there?  They've done such a bang up job oppressing the Palestinians, they ought to kick those Syrians asses."

 "I'm sitting on a fucking rock and acting like I'm meditating.  That should tell you all you need to know about how little I think about things."

 "I often wonder what would become of me if President Obama ran his dusky hands all over my body before he took my clothes off me and made me his Oval Office love slave."

"My husband told me that I'm all for the opposite of what ever he does."

"Let's not talk about Syria, let's talk about what Ben Affleck as Batman will do if the government shuts down.  Will he come to our aid?  Or will he be all like, 'I've got to save Jenny from the block and that chick from Alias.'?  That's what I want to know.  And also, I want to know when my meds will be here."

What do you think of the new Doctor Who?

"We're ready to drone strike him at a moments notice."

Han Duo, US Army

 "I'm a pedophile with a tiny penis, so I was hoping for someone much younger."

Jan Iwaniszek

 "Grr baby, grrr."

Letitia Booberson

 "What's 'Doctor Who'?"

Granny Smithfield

"Jesus now has twelve Doctor Whos to serve him and spread his holy message in the 21st century.  Hip, hip, hooray."

Tryphena Bays

Transsexuals speak out on the Supreme Court same sex marriage decisions

"I refuse to marry a woman after I finish my sex change."

 "Dude, I just farted."

"It's comforting to know that I hate Scalia as much as he hates gay and transgendered people."

 "I don't care who marries who as long as I get to jump out of the cake at a bachelor party."

"Sorry, I can't hear you over the sound of all those evangelical Christian men getting boners from looking at me."

Various people speak out about what they like about Mountain States Health Alliance

 "I like how they treat me like I don't matter, because let's face, I'm nearly dead anyway."

 "I like how the staff never takes the blame for any fuck ups."

 "I wish I had a cookie."

 "Eat my cookies.  Eat them all you filthy whores."

"The best thing I can say about Mountain States Health Alliance is that when I need to go to the hospital again, I'll make sure I go to a Wellmont facility."

It's time to check in with some rank and file Republicans

 "Moo."

 "Mitt didn't get re-elected?  God damn it.  I knew we should have run a Bush."

 "Free birth control pills?  No thank you!  If I have them then I might want to have even more sex with my brothers."

 "We're already hating which ever Romney that's planning on running in 2024."

 "Blacks are taking over everything.  I wish one would take over for my husband in the bedroom.  He hasn't gotten it up for years now."

 "I saw bunches of Negroes voting, even after I intimidated them."

"Moo."

What are white couples afraid of these days?

 "We're afraid our taxes will go to helping out some lazy brown skinned person.  And we're afraid of getting another perm for the wife.  Holy shit, look at her.  When I'm doing her from behind I imagine I'm getting in on with a poodle, and that shit ain't right."

 "We're afraid of Muslims, queers, liberals, soccer fans, and the fact that we might be related."

 "We're afraid of catching something at all the biker orgies we go to.  Also, sunscreen scares us."

 "Two words: Alyson Hannigan."

"We're afraid Jim here might be gay.  We know for sure his boyfriend is gay so we suspect he may be too.  Mitt Romney's hair is also frightening to us."