Interview with a dope

Hey Ben how you feeling today?

I dunno.

 You feelin' stabby?

This interview is over.

If any one knows a thing or two about tiny dicks, it's Rush Limbaugh

Lying liars and the wars they cause

So the Iraqi defector Curveball finally admitted his lies, the lies that took us and other countries to war.  The war that's made our national debt soar.  The war that's taken the lives of hundreds of thousands of people and maimed and shattered the lives of countless others.  The war that in part took our civil liberties from us in the name of protecting us from terrorism.

The bastard finally admits he made all that shit up so we would go in and remove Saddam Hussein from his country for him.  And his lies were the central reason Bush and Cheney and their gaggle of blood thirsty pig fuckers gave for going to war.  And Bush and Cheney and their cabal of war boosters knew his lies were lies and they took us to war anyway.

All those people dead, millions of Iraqis homeless and displaced for most likely forever.  Hundreds of thousands of our military people have had their lives shattered, their physical being shattered, their minds ripped and riddled with PTSD because of the lies told by this Iraqi scumbag and because Bush and Cheney took his lies and built a case for war based on them.

Can we prosecute all of them now?  Is it not evident that the whole thing is a huge crime against humanity?  Will the Waffler in chief in the White House put his Attorney General on this?  The Iraq war has been a debacle from the start, a disaster that's still affecting us.  It's bankrupted us and made us less safe.  It's past time for those who led us into it to be tried for their crimes.  And now with the admission of the defector, we have most all the evidence we need to prove how guilty the men at the top are.  It's a fucking crying shame that I'll win the Mega Millions and the Powerball jackpots before those lying murdering thieving bastards go on trial for their crimes. 

Hot air

Joe Biden is rumored to have said that Obama was totally ready to use the 14th amendment argument to raise the debt ceiling on his own with out Congressional approval. His saying something like this after the fact reminds me of the guy gets his ass kicked in a bar fight and then afterwards tells everybody, "It's a good thing that the bouncer stopped the fight when he did because I was gettin' ready to really kick some ass!"

Gee, thanks

So we're supposed to be grateful that President Obummer didn't let them defund Planned Parenthood. Big fuckin' whoop.

While he may momentarily grown a spine and stiffened it in order to save Planned Parenthood from the chopping block, he's still agreed to cuts that he didn't need to agree to in an effort to get the radical right to like him. He's like the needy kid on the playground who will do anything he can to get others to play with him.

And he's already signaled that he's willing to accept cuts in Medicaid and Medicare. So, honestly, fuck him. And fuck you if you think he's on the side of working people, of poor people, of progressives and liberals. He didn't put up a fight on extending the Bush tax cuts which cost us about $150 million a year in revenue (I could be wrong on that figure, they're probably costing us much more than that), and he gave up more ground on social programs and Pell grants. So yeah, fuck him.

And fuck him on the ongoing torture of Bradley Manning, who by the way has not been tried and convicted of anything, not in a civil court, not in a military court. Yo, Obummer, where's the return of our civil liberties that you promised?

Just so I don't end this post on a sour note, here's a free chair for you:
All you have to do is pick it up. And possibly disinfect it.

It's time to face the music

I can't be a Republican because I don't hate Mexicans, gays, poor people, teachers and other public employees, want endless war, and no taxes on the rich.

I can't be a Democrat because the modern Democratic party is nothing more than GOP lite and it's filled with people who want to keep the endless wars going, want to cut taxes on the rich even further, want to neglect the poor and working classes, want to block universal single payer health care for all, want to compromise on core principles when it's not necessary, want to stop being the party of FDR, and who want to move the party even further to the right of where Clinton and Obama are dragging it.

I can't support any incumbents outside of Bernie Sanders and Dennis Kucinich.

I'm out of party politics, at least when it comes to the two parties that dominate our political landscape. I'm not voting for or supporting in any way that lying warmongering compromising backstabbing asshole Obummer any more, he's proven time and time again that he's not on my side and that he's working to undermine what generations of liberals, progressives, and working people built. I don't not support him because I've become a right wing teabagger, I don't support him because he's no longer a liberal, or a progressive, as if he ever was one in the first place. Clinton moved the Democratic party to the right in order to get elected, Obummer is moving further to the right in order to appease the Republican party who will never ever work with him and who will always hate him no matter how far to the right he moves the party of FDR.

I'm voting Green or socialist or writing in Kucinich/Feingold in 2012. Fuck the Democrats and their leader. And triple fuck the Republicans who have become the party of the John Birch Society and the US Chamber of Commerce.

I've faced the political music and I didn't like any of the tunes they were playing. But holy hell, I fucking love facing this music:

Same as it ever was

• The reason so many incumbents and those who've made their living sucking on the teat of Big Momma Government (and I'm talking about Hillary Clinton mostly here) are so upset over the Wikileaks diplomatic cable brouhaha is because it lays bare the contempt that most American politicians have for their counterparts the world over and it reinforces the view that we hate everyone who we can't bend to our will. No one died as a result of these leaks and our national security isn't threatened, so calm the fuck down. In my book the gang behind Wikileaks are stone cold heroes.
• Glenn Beck says the food safety bill that passed yesterday is going to enslave us all. Yeah, safe food, that's the last lynch pin in the progressive plan for world domination. (cue eye roll)
• Some idiot Congressman from Texas is saying he'll put Obama in his crosshairs if he gets to be chairman of the energy committee. Nice. Real nice. That's exactly what we need, a white elected official using that kind of language about our black President. It's not like some nut with a basement full of rifles and handguns won't take that idiot seriously and try to shoot the President. No, that kind of thing never ever happens, anti government right wingers just don't do that shit, do they.
• Sarah Palin tried to tie Willow's anti gay slur tirade to her mentally challenged kid. She said she was going all Momma Grizzly on that kid because he attacked her family and her brother...except as usual Quitter Palin is lying. That kid attacked the low rated Palin show on TLC, he never said a word about Trig. It's automatic now, if you disagree with the Half Term Governor then you're automatically attacking her down's syndrome grandkid. Yeah, I went there, the kid is Bristol's, and not Quitter's.
• President Quisling is getting ready to capitulate to the right once again. Oh wait, he already did with this government wage freeze business. Way to attack your base again idiot. Vote Green in 2012, you may lose but at least you won't be responsible for inflicting that class traitor on America again.
• The IMF gets to fuck Ireland. Spain, Portugal, heads up, you're next. Then it's on to Britain, Canada, and the USA! Then after all the world economies are in tatters and there's riots in the streets over food, water, and electricity, we'll get our social safety net and big government spending back. Too bad that big business will cut in front of us in that government money line, oh well, maybe we'll get a few extra crumbs before they hog it all up. Seriously, after the IMF screws over your country and makes you cut everything, the only way to revive it is by government spending. It's happened in every country the IMF ever bailed out and that's a fact Jack.

Common sense and corporate decency are dead. And our political leaders and our diplomats have no shame, none. We're fucked until this house of cards collapses. Fucked I tell you.

But don't let all that worry you right now. You go out and brighten your corner of the world and to what you can to make this place a little better no matter what the pigfuckers in charge do. And remember, Dr. Monkey loves you. He really does. If he didn't then he wouldn't talk to you like a grown up.

Fat people don't matter

Here's the lingerie ad ABC and FOX refuse to run:


Now I don't know about you but I'm of a mind that the gal in that ad is pretty hot. She curvy, pretty, and all around hubba hubba. To me she looks like the women I see every day in real life. She looks better to me than the skinny sacks of bones that Victoria's Secret uses to model their new line of lingerie 'The Nakeds.' And don't tell me you haven't seen Victoria's Secret ads for that line, if you watch TV then you've seen it. It's full of even more scantily clad women than the above ad is and it's got a 'sexy' provocative name. And every channel that takes lingerie ads is running Victoria's ads and I have yet to see one of these ads from Lane Bryant on any channel.

Why is that?

It's because this is America and we don't want to think that overweight people, which is pretty much everybody in this country, are out there having sex, let alone enjoying and reveling in it. We want to imagine that only hot pretty people are making the beast with two backs and that hopefully only they will have children. The corporate media has conditioned us to want only celebrities, models, wealthy jocks, and skinny sexy people to mate and procreate. They told us time and again that fat people are stupid, ugly, and unworthy of sex, children, and fun. And this episode in advertising proves it yet again.

A female apologist and talk show host for FOX has said it was okay for her network to not run this ad because of all the cleavage the gal in the ad is showing. What she meant to say was that it's okay for them not to run it because the cleavage belongs to a 'fat' woman and not a skinny model. Oh the woman at FOX who said that is a former Miss America, so there you fucking go.

So the bottom line is this, if you have a big bottom and some extra pounds, then you probably bought too much processed food that have been advertised on FOX and ABC, and now you have become a disgusting pig who has no business buying lingerie and enjoying a healthy sex life. Keep your rutting private you pigs because according to FOX and ABC new ad policy, no fatties are allowed.

One side of a telephone conversation

Ring, ring, ring.
Hello?

What?

No shit, really?

Wow, you mean on the Fox News crawl during the Bill O'Reilly Show they actually wrote that the right wing Holocaust museum murderer may have been planning to shoot up the offices of the conservative magazine The Weekly Standard?

I wonder who their source for that tidbit of non news was, Michelle MalKKKin? mAnn Coulter? That fat drug addict Rush Limbaugh?

Yeah, crazy. Way out crazy. Balls to the wall crazy. I agree.

Hey here's some other things that they can claim that right winger might also have been planning:

• A four year old's birthday party.
• An Amway meeting.
• The staging of a live theatre event.
• Auditioning for a Nickelback tribute band.
• Swimming the English channel.
• Channeling the English swim.
• Going back in time to kill the dinosaur that Jesus rode into Galilee on.
• Guest refereeing at the next Wrestlemainia event.
• Taking a dump in the Stanley Cup.

Yeah, he may have been planning all that shit. I know. It makes as much sense as also planning to shoot up The Weekly Standard.

Okay. Thanks for calling me Monkey. Take care now.

Yeah you too.

Nah, I'm sticking with the sparkly hood thingy and the pink scarf. I'm really rockin' both of them these days, even though it's almost the dead of summer.

Okay dude.

Later.

I'm California doctor too!

Some, notice I said some, Christians will stop at nothing to prevent all people from having marriage equality. I refuse to post the original ad these 'actors' are auditioning for but I sure as hell will post this because it debunks the original ad:

Liars, NOM is full of nothing but god damned bigoted liars. If you aren't for same sex marriage then don't marry someone who is the same sex as you. Remember people, the ones who oppose same sex marriage are the same kind of people who opposed interracial marriage, inter faith marriage, and giving full civil rights to blacks, gays, and women.

How much you want to bet...

...that this is a hoax too? I wonder if any of the guy's neighbors has video surveillance that could prove that he shot his own house and blamed it on Democrats.

And now a few words from Senator Larry Craig REPUBLICAN from Idaho

Good afternoon. I just wanted to tell you once again that I am not gay. As you can see my fine ladywife is here next to me and she is one hot piece of womanhood.

Why would I want to have sex with men, hard bodied well muscled men who emit a sexy musky aroma of hot passion, when I have this lady in my life? She is more than I want, or need. I love kissing her and touching her ladywife boobies and putting my hot swollen man meat between her legs. I do not like the touch of another man, nor do I care for a well rounded man ass that is slightly hairy and oh so tempting. I also do not care for the thought of taking a man like I do my lovely ladywife. I never ever want a man to take me sexually either. No, I do not want a man to kiss me roughly and to turn me around with all his might and to bend me over. I do not want him to then scream out, "I'm going to drive you all the way to Washington DC you big sexy stud." And I promise you I do not want to meet his every thrust with my willing and oh so tender backside. I do not want man seed deep in my anal cavity. No, that is not what I want at all. I want my ladywife to pleasure me in the approved Christian manner. That is what all real Christian Republican men want. We never want sex in public restrooms unless it is forced on us by undercover officers, big strapping sexy black men, and or kinky college students who like to call me "Daddy."

Now if you will excuse us, all this talk about hot man on man sex has gotten me a little randy and so I must go and ravish my ladywife. I must go put my member in her thingy and I will kiss her boobs as well.
Just keep walking and keep your mouth closed kind ladywife of mine, I think they bought it. I really think I got away with it.

Well, well well...(UPDATED)

Who was there to comfort Paris as soon as she was sprung from the hoosegow? Why it's our pal Dr. Zaius!! When he's not complaining about my bid for the Presidency, he's hanging out with and trying to corrupt young female celebrities. Or is there more to this than meets the eye? Just what is Zaius up to? Only time will tell.

My campaign manager and soon to be head of the Smithsonian, Samurai Frog, has unearthed some shocking photos of Dr. Zaius! Check them out here. This whole can of worms may be as rotten as the day is long. A word to the wise Doc, the whole world is watching you now.

We're not in Kansas anymore, or States with Governors from the Democratic Party get shafted by the White House

You think they would have learned from the bungled response to Katrina, from the ineffectual response to the hurricanes that came after that, from some god damned thing, but no. Those idiots in the White House never learn from their mistakes. As soon as some natural disaster strikes, especially if it strikes in a state that has a governor from the Democratic Party, they drag their feet in responding. And then they blame the Democratic governor for the slow response on the federal level. It's never their fault they don't do their jobs.

Remember when after Katrina hit? At first these idiots said, "It's not our fault. It's her fault."

But when the press, the people of Louisiana, and the people from around world said that they were not buying that crap, they changed their story and they said that the blame for the slow Federal response was not only Gov. Blanco's alone. They said that this guy shared some of that blame as well:

Not too long after that people wised up and demanded that the administration man up and take responsibility for the flawed response to Katrina. The administration responded by saying that no one should play the blame game, which was their way of saying:

So now in the aftermath of the horrific tornadoes in Kansas we get Tony Snow telling us that the slow response to the disasters is not because most of the Kansas National Guard is over in Iraq fighting a war without end amen, he says the slow response is due to this woman:

Snow says that Gov. Sebelius did not ask for help and therefore that is why she did not get help from the Federal gov't. when it was most desperately needed. This is what is becoming known as the Bush doctrine of "Don't Ask, Don't Get."

Ya know Tony, there was a time when administrations, both Democratic and Republican, knew on their own to send aid to an area ravaged by natural disasters. They did not wait around to for people in distress to ask for help. Tell your boss to stop playing politics with people lives in this country when disasters hit. Tell that ass that all people deserve help when disasters hit, not just the people in states run by people with the last name of Bush and states run by Republicans.

Oh yeah Tony, one more thing, tell your boss that this is what most of this country thinks he is:

Think Progress has more on this story here.

Flacks, Hacks, and a Chick in Slacks Or Oh To Be Rich, White, and Clueless

He's baaaaack and he's just as nutty as he was when he left. Today on the CBS Morning Show White House Press Flack, oops, sorry, we meant, Press Secretary, Tony Snow, had the gall to say that our Idiot in Chief had never tried to tie Iraq and Saddam with 9/11. Excuse me? Did we hear you right Tony? I mean we could have mis-heard you, after all we still have Rep. Kucinich's clarion call for impeaching your bosses in our ears, but did you honestly fucking say bush jr NEVER tried to tie Saddam and Iraq to 9/11?

Because if you did, then please sir, we encourage you to lay off the pain medication or whatever it is you are taking since your new bout with cancer and join the rest of us in the real world. Your boss did nothing but try to connect Saddam and Iraq with 9/11. Go back and look at all the lie filled speeches and the press conferences where he insisted that there was a connection between the two. Dude, maybe you came back too soon if you expect anyone to believe that bullshit.

Right wing nut job Bill Kristol, seen here getting hit with a pie in his smug face, yesterday tried to blame everything that is wrong in the world and in Iraq on Bill Clinton. Oh Bill, when will you stop blaming the Clinton's for everything? Was it Bill Clinton who stuck you with your tiny little dick at birth? We all know you talk big and act bold and brash to compensate for your little prick. We love how you call for war everywhere to protect America but you never offer to go fight. And we really really loved this:

http://thinkprogress.org/2007/04/26/kristol-military-wife/

We knew this day would come, we knew that when Tony Snow-Job came back, the lovely Ms. Perino, seen here trying to stop her nose from growing after telling yet another lie, would have to crawl back under her rock and disappear from public view. We'll miss you Dana, we admit we have a crush on you. Some of us monkeys love the icy blonds who live their lives without giving a fuck about the truth or reality or those damn dirty brown skinned Muslim people who are getting bombed for no good reason in Iraq. Hang on, we just got an idea, since you did such a great acting job while Snow-Job was out, maybe you could star in a Leni Riefenstahl bio pic. After all sugar, you and the late Leni both work for megalomaniacal dictators.

Rush to judgement

It's okay people, feel free to judge Rush harshly after watching this clip. The fat bastard deserves it.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KUE65Lea6kQ