Dear Jesus,Please git me away from Dick. Ah think he's mad at me fer not bombing Iranistan when Ah the chance. Ah mean it Baby Jesus, take me away from this scary old man. He's scaring me worse than the time Ah seen Momma in a Baby Doll nightie.
What's that? Ah'm floating! Hells yeah! You finally heard me! You're taking my ass away jist like Ah asked.
Where am Ah? Oh shit, is that one of them beanie guys next ta me? And a black dude too? Jesus git me outta here!
Holy fuck where am Ah now? Aww shit Jesus, you done turned me into one of them beanie guys. Ah don't wanna be a Jew Jesus. Jews cain't own houses in some of the neighborhoods Ah wanna live in after Ah git done Presidentin and stuff. And Ah don't wanna eat foods like gefilthy fish and matsui balls. Please take me from here pronto!
Crap Jesus, now you done dropped me inta some weird ghost world. Ah wish these old dudes whoever they is would stop touching me. Ah don't like ta be touched by any older mens other than mah daddy. Please git me outta here Jesus.
Dang your hide Jesus, you made me part of a fucked up Oreo. Git me outta here before that black dude wakes up and sees I'm between him 'n' his white ladywife.
Okay, now you're just fuckin' with me ain't ya Jesus? Ya made me a soldier now. Ah cain't go warring with these folks Jesus, Ah too busy being all President 'n' shit to go. But Ah'll tell ya what, if you give me just an hour or two with the thing Ah really want the most, then Ah'll be a good boy and go where ever you want me ta go.And you know what Ah really what the most Jesus. That's right, Ah want to be in the strong manly Welsh arms of Tom Jones.
Ack! Not googly eyed Tom Jones! He's scary! Ah want to be in the arms of young hairy chest virile musk scented big ol' weenine packin' Tom Jones.
Oh yeah, you finally got it right. Oh one more thing Jesus, Ah'd like something to drink while Tom 'n' me cuddle.
Oh thank you Jesus! You truly is the favor grantin' son o' Gawd. It's no wonder Ah luv you so much! You rock dude!********
Aw shit, you mean it was all a dream? Damn you Jesus! Ah'll git you fer that!
8 comments:
EEK! This is too weird for breakfast. You have put me off my Malt-O-Meal!
the pretend president pretending to pray, yup that about sums it up. you all know that the antichrist ain't really gonna pray now don't you?
Bush looks like he is going to go all Spider-Man on the Wailing Wall.
Okay, Mr. Monkey. You've outdone yourself this time. You're the smartest darn monkey I ever did see. But you know what? Sometimes I start to feel a little bit sorry for poor Chimpy. It must hurt his little feelings to be made fun of all the time. And then I think of all the death and destruction he's caused and how he's run up our national debt to such obscene levels and how he's caused the USA to be hated all over the world, and then I say out loud, "Okay, Von Monkerstein. GIVE HIM HELL!
re: young hairy chest virile musk scented big ol' weenine packin' Tom Jones.... I had a belt *exactly* like that.
Some priceless bush pics there -- the cheney one and the one the with whiskey!!
Did you see Talladega Nights? The prayer scene (might be in the bonus features) fits right in with this post.
You would think that someone who spent his entire life faking it would have perfected the look by now.
Holy crap this is too funny.
Oh wait, you mean it was supposed to be serious???
I had a blog visitor from Sudan. (really) who searched on "is man evolved monkey?"
I don't know - is this where our association leads my blog??
wow, it's like I was reading Chimpy's very own blog there for a minute.
nice work, Monkey!
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