Wednesday, March 23, 2011

What are you doing these days to scare Juan Williams?

Former NPR news personality and current FOX Noise 'liberal' whipping boy, Juan Williams admitted recently that in addition to being frightened by people in Muslim garb, he's also scared of groups of young black men. Surely that can't be all that's scaring Juan so we took to the streets to find out what others are doing to frighten the easily spooked Mr. Williams. We asked any one who would listen to us, "What are you doing these days to scare Juan Williams?" This is what you told us:

"I got a hair cut. Shorn sheep can be pretty awesomely scary."

"I'm setting a snare for him. He's pretty crafty, but I'll get catch him one of these days. I know I will."

"I'm going 'commando' while I photograph him. I hear he's pretty uptight about vaginas."

"I'm fucking, no, I mean raising sheep, so I really don't have time for all this nonsense. Leave us alone. Stop winking at my sheep and go away."

"We're feeding LSD to baboons in the hopes that one will sneak up on him while it's tripping."

"I'm shooting at him from my bi-plane and when I hit him I'm going to shout, 'I got a hole in Juan!' "

"We're stocking up on canned goods to pelt him with and we're sacrificing white babies to Cthulhu in the hopes that the Ancient One will rise and take us all back to hell with him."


John Shuck said...

OK, my favorite was "hole in Juan".

Dr. Monkey said...

You have no idea how long I've been waiting to use that line.

Ricky Shambles said...

Baboons on acid sound terrifying, but that last one? Total blood libel. Maybe. If I even know what that means...