Atomic Weenie Award for Twisted Logic

Someone I usually respect said on Facebook that she really wanted third parties to break through in US elections.  She and I both live in TN, a state that Trump will win handily, so I told her since Trump is going to win anyway, she ought to publicly support and vote for a third party candidate.  She replied that she's not about to vote third party until they produce a candidate who can win.  So she's going to vote for Hillary, who will lose in TN by a sizeable margin.

Now, that's some damn fine twisted logic.  It twisted my brain so much that I had to laugh out loud to keep myself from crying.

I always knew she was a winner

Congratulations to my original adopted actor Archie Panjabi!
Archie won an Emmy for her work in the TV show The Good Wife. I don't watch that show but I know Archie's work and I'm sure she deserved that Emmy more than those cows who got nominated alongside her.

Well done Archie. I've always known you were a winner and were head and shoulders above the rest. Could you do me one favor Archie?Please stop telling everyone that that baby is ours. I'm flattered believe me, but seriously, if that baby were mine, he'd have a lot more hair. Kiss kiss!

Here's Archie's acceptance speech in which she forgot to thank me for adopting her. Oh well, I guess she had a lot on her mind right then.

I am the sunshine of your lives

Yeah, that's right I got awarded that sweet award for being my awesome self. And you know what? I totally deserved it because I'm good looking, a great writer, funny, politically astute, and so very very humble. And the only thing better than getting a sweet award for my blogging prowess is getting a sweet award for my blogging prowess from this hot chick:
I know! Right? That's McGriddle Pants and she's the one who gave me the award. She gave me another award but every time I go back to her blog to find out which one it was I end up stopping and staring respectfully at the above photo because, holy cats, how could you not love a picture of a cute gal in a bikini top drinking a beer at 10:30 in the morning?

Anyhoo, we could sit around and bask in her and my awesomeness all day long but where would that get us? I'm not sure either so let's get right onto passing this award along. I didn't bother to read the rules and regs that accompany this award because I'm a bad ass like that so I'm gonna give it to who I please and they can do the same or not, whatever. So I hereby bestow this award to:

• My blog and real life friend Southern Female Lawyer. She's smart, cute, a fine singer, a heck of a mother, and she's twitchy live wire gangster goon in my graphic novel project. I'm lucky to live just a few blocks from her and her husband local music legend Rob Russell of Rob Russell and the Sore Losers.
• Libby of Libby Logic. She's a funny working gal who lives in Utah and isn't a Mormon. She's married and has the cutest baby ever. And she likes wine. What's not to love?
• Pe Nolan of Menopausal Stoners. She and I share roughly the same age and almost the exact same politics. I love her take on life, the universe, and everything. She's also graciously agreed to be in my graphic novel project as a boozy MILF.
• The gal over at Pure Klass. I've only been reading her for a week now and I only started doing it because she left a comment here on a post I did. I'm glad she did and I'm glad I found her kick ass blog. Her slice of life blog posts are funny, wistful, and worth reading.
  
• Kirby at I make no promises. I've been blog buds with Kirby for a few years now and I have nothing but love for her short pithy blog posts and her comments here.
  

Congrats to all the women I re-gifted this award to and to the rest of you I say, step up your blogging and one day you might get an award from me as well. And know that I lurve you all, each and every one of you.

And the award goes to...

...me!

Hells yeah! I totally deserve this award that Samurai Frog gave me.:
There's no need to be humble when you wear the hat of genius as well as I do. And you know what else? Those who didn't get this award from Samurai Frog can suck it. That's right, I said, "Suck it!," you jealous bitches. You'll have to get up early and blog better than you're doing now if you want to be as great a blogger as I am.

(Seriously, I'm honored to have been chosen to receive this award. And I'm grateful for all the people who read this blog.)

I'd like to give this award to the following seven bloggers:

CDP because she sent me a kick ass drawing she did once and because she also makes me laugh with her stories about her husband and her kids.

K-Line because she's amazingly creative. She's a seamstress with the mostess and she's into all manner of design as well.

Lisa Golden because she's really getting creative on our asses, she's working on a novel in addition to her regular blogging and job hunting.

Blueberry because she's all about the music and movies and politics and family history and cats and Austin and...well you get the picture.

Godless Liberal Homo because he says the stuff most of us are too afraid to say.

if i didn't have a sense of humor because no one is funnier or cheekier about vintage stuff and retro ads than Barbara is.

Pictorial Arts because I'm in love with that blog.

You also must post seven random facts about yourself if you win this award. So here you go:

1. I wasn't always an atheist. I used to go to church, as I grew up I outgrew religion. I saw it for what it was, a method for a few people to control the actions and thoughts of many people.
2. I loved my old neighborhood in Roanoke, Virginia. It had two grocery stores, an art-house movie theater, three bars, and a bus stop from which I could access the rest of the city.
   
3. I was at one time a Future Farmer of America. If you took agriculture in my high school, which I did when I was in the 8th grade, you had to join the FFA. I never bought one of those stupid looking jackets though.
4. I was in Oakland, CA for only a few days but I really liked it.
   
5. Before I went to Oakland the furthest west I had ever been was Conway, Arkansas.
6. I really hated being in Conway, Arkansas. No shit, I really hated it. HATED IT. No wonder Bill Clinton worked so hard to get the hell out of that hellish state.
   
7. I've really liked every one I have ever met from Maine. Sure, the only ones I remember are the cute women but in my defense, they were all really nice.
   

No, thank you

Accolades have been coming at me faster than Congressional and White House Democrats and capitulate to Republicans and corporate interests. And after ignoring them for so long I figured I better be a gracious monkey and accept these awards and thank the senders of them.

Canadian babe Laura just gave me this award:

It's so sweet, isn't it? A bit ironic considering my irascible personality but still, it's very sweet of her to give it to me. Thanks Laura.

I in turn award this award to all the Canadian females on my blog roll. You ladies bring me sunshine 365 days a year.

Wings and Calvin both gave me this award at different times in the past few weeks:
And that proves yet again that great minds think alike. Thanks guys, your blogs are pretty darn spiffy too.

I pass this blog along to everyone on my blog roll with the exception of the ladies who got the first award. It would be unseemly to give you ladies two awards at once, your proprietary heads might swell a bit and we can't have that. But to everyone else, well done! You truly deserve this award!

You are too kind

Gilligan, the mastermind behind the too cool for school blog Retrospace, recently gave me the above award. Getting it from him was an unexpected honor that leaves me grateful and humbled because it's always nice to get such great peer based recognition. Thanks for giving me the swell award sir.

Now it's my turn to award this to some other worthy bloggers who write damn fine blogs.

• It's long been my contention, ever since I began reading her blog, that Vikkitikkitavi is perhaps the best writer of all the folks who blogs I read regularly. She goes for quality not quantity, which is my way of saying that she doesn't blog as much as someone like me. I think she's a feckin' genius and that her blog is the best ever. I therefore award her one of these 'Great Read' awards.
• CDP, the blogger formerly known as Aunt Dahilia, gets one of these awards as well. She writes about her life, her past, her family, politics, and much more and she does it with grace, style, and wit. Go read this post about her youngest son facing up to his swimming pool related fear and if you don't have a lump in your throat by the time you finish it, then you're not human.
  
• The man I think of as my younger brother, Samurai Frog, gets one of these awards too. Just like blood brothers we don't agree on everything and sometimes we get in a snit with each other but that's cool, because if we all agreed on everything all the time then the world would be pretty boring. He writes a hell of a blog and his Tumblr blogs are great too.
  
• My girl of the north country, Whiskeymarie is hereby awarded this thingy too. Why does she get one you ask? Because does posts where she dresses up in costumes, is funny as hell, cooks good stuff, and because she's only days away from not only being a crazy cat lady, she's almost a crazy dog lady too. I thank my lucky stars that my friend Sean in New Orleans emailed me the link to her blog one day a few years ago.
• Yournamehere, the twisted genius who writes Death Wore a Feathered Mullet, gets the final nod for this award. No one makes me laugh harder and no one makes me think, "Holy shit, why can't I come up with posts like that?" like he does. He's the eviler twin brother that I never knew I had.
  

I've been remiss in thanking the old college buddy Joe who sent me the above award for my blogging. Joe doesn't blog but he does read my blog and he often comments under an assumed name. I appreciate the award Joe and I'm looking forward to hanging out when you get down this way during race week.

Thank you, thank you very much

First of all thank you for all your nice comments on my post about being a teenage sex symbol. I always wonder if those personal posts will go over well or not. Thanks to all those who read it and to all those who commented.

Second of all thank you to Calvin of Calvin's Canadian Cave of Coolness for bestowing this award on me:
It's always nice to be recognized by people who write cool fun and funny blogs. Your blog is pretty uber amazing itself my friend. Thanks again for singling me out.

The rules are I have to give it to 6 other people so I hereby award this award to:
1) Keith at Sugar and Spice. No one does photo posts of retro hotties quite like you sir, keep it up.
2) Becca at No Smoking in the Skull Cave. Hers was one of the first blogs I read with any regularity and if you follow the link then you'll see why. It's chock full of pretty women, pop culture, and Miss Becca's great drawings.
3) Darius Whiteplume for his several blogs but most especially for his blog on Tumblr. Some of you may consider it NSFW so be aware you might see pictures of topless gals if you go there. But it's more than topless women, it's a pop culture treasure trove of photos and comments.
4) The Station Agent at Ice Station Tango. It's all progressive politics over there and it's all written very well by one of the nice guys of teh interwebs.
5) Wings at Caffeinated Joe. My buddy Wings is into horror movies and Red Sox baseball, and that's more than enough reason to give him an award.
6) My gal at I Can't Believe It's Not a Democracy! It's like she's my female doppleganger when it comes to politics and hatin' on corporate America.

Thirdly, Samurai Frog gave me this award a month or so ago:
And being the ungrateful bastard I am, I'm just now thanking him for it. It's the'Blogging Brings Us Closer Together' award. Thank you for this award sir.

I now award the following blogs this award:
1) Pulp Friction. Karen Zipdrive is one of the coolest bloggers evah.
2) Retro Life. I don't know if who ever puts that fine Tumblr blog together reads this blog but I'm in love with his crazy cool blog. Warning, Retro Life is seriously NSFW.
3) Happy to be from Iowa. Minnesota Mom is another of my female dopplegangers. I love her outrage over current events and her tales of her sometimes surly teenagers.
4) Outside the Interzone. Lockwood is into politics, geology, and coffee. I hate coffee, so two out of three ain't bad.
5) Attentive Aphorist. Themom has an opinion on everything (which reminds me of me) and she loves to over use punctuation. I'll forgive her for one but not the other. ;0) Kidding, just kidding, I won't forgive you for either one. Hahahahahahaha!
6) Sprawling Ramshackle Campground. Bubs is my hillbilly brother from another mother.
7) 70's Child. Joe's blog reminds me of the things I loved about living through the 1970's.
8) The Girl Can't Help It. Kim is retro obsessed, funny as hell, and she gives away prizes. What's not to love about a gal like that?

Thanks again for the keen awards guys and thanks to all the folks I awarded one to, you guys make blogging fun. Keep up all your fantastic work.

Thank you, you are too kind

I've recently been given a couple of awards by some fellow bloggers and it's high time I quit being a douchebag and acknowledged them.

John abuzz gave me this award. This award is a dedication for those who love blogging and love to encourage friendships through blogging. I've made many friendships through my blog, most of the friends I have made I have not met face to face yet but some I have and I'm very lucky to have all of you as friends. I love to blog because I get to share what's on my mind, make folks laugh, do a bit of teaching, and be an antidote to the corporate media machine. I love it that everyone in the world can read me if they like and there is no one telling me what I have to write or that I shouldn't write or post something. Blogging is citizen based media, not corporate crap that encourages us all to be the same slaves to the companies who want to control our every thought and movement. Thanks much for this award John, and thanks for all the nice things you say about my blog on your blog.

John struck again when he gave me this award that fellow atheist Lemmy Caution had also recently given me:

Here's the skinny on this award:

1.You must brag about the award. Yay! It's the greatest award ever! It's better than puppies and cotton candy and sunshine!

2.You must include the name of the blogger who bestowed the award on you and link back to the blogger. Done it already.

3.You must choose a minimum of seven (7) blogs that you find brilliant in content or design. Or you may improvise by including bloggers who have no idea who you are because you don’t have seven friends. Will do in a moment.

4.Show their names and links and leave a comment informing them that they were prized with Honest Weblog. Or think of it this way--show the seven random victims' names and links and leave a harassing comment informing them that they were prized with Honest Weblog Award. Well, there's no prize, but they can keep the nifty icon. Ummmm, you'll see why I'm not going to do this one in a second.

5.List at least ten (10) honest things about yourself. Then pass it on with the instructions!

1. I will not ever knowingly eat a cooked carrot. Never ever ever.

2. I bitch about the small conservative "Christian" college I went to, but I actually loved all my years there and I would not trade that experience for anything.

3. I forgive but I try to never forget.

4. I loved to play pinball and arcade style video games.

5. In bookstores, when no employees are looking, I will shelve copies of the Bible in the religious fiction section.

6. I knew I was going to be good at improv comedy the first time I ever saw it being done onstage.

7. I think some of the people who have been through the Second City Improv process are some of the most pompous assholes in the world.

8. I was a virgin until my freshman year in college.

9. I turn off televisions in stores like Bed Bath and Beyond and Books a Million.

10. I'd rather get beaten in the kidney's with a sack of oranges than go to Arkansas ever again.

Okay, now I want to pass both awards along to everyone on my blog roll.

Not super, superior

My friend Sparkleneely, the high priestess of retro cool, gave me an award!We became Flickr friends first, then when I found out she wrote a blog I liked her even more. And now to top things off we have completed the trifecta and we're also friends on Facebook. Yay! She seems to like the crap I come up with here and who am I to tell her she's wrong? After all she's a super cool, super cute, super fun chick, so she knows what the heck she's talking about.


The good thing about this award is I get to keep mine and I get to give it away to five people who think deserve it. The following folks are superior in my book:

1) Vikkitikkitavi-I love everyone on my blog roll but none of you can hold a candle to Vikkitikkitavi when it comes to writing, not even me. She's witty, smart, bitter at times, and always the best every time. I am in serious awe of her talent. And if I may be the sexist pig for a moment, she's pretty damn hot too.

2) CDP-How I love CDP and her intelligently witty blog. Sure, she's got three guys in her house who give her lots of inspiration to write but they don't write it for her, she does and I'm ever so glad she does.

3) Kirby-Ahhhh, Kirby. She's funny at times, she's cranky at others. Hmmmm, she reminds me of someone I know and his initials are Dr. Monkey. I love who she packs so much into such short posts. And I am sooooooooo looking forward to reading her take on her son's advancement in to adolescence.

4) Whiskeymarie-One of the first posts I ever read of Whiskey's she was wearing a wet tank top with a illustration of a monkey on it. When I stopped staring at her picture and I read the text that accompanied it, I knew I had found a blog superstar. I've been her fan since the day my friend Sean in New Orleans hipped me to her and if you read her, you'll love her as much as I do.

5) XUP-I wouldn't be me if I did throw some blog love to a babe from north of the border and this time XUP (eX Urban Pedestrian) gets all my blog love. She writes a great blog that's funny, smart, and quite the slice of her life. In fact, blogs like hers are why Al Gore invented this series of tubes we call the internet.

My fez if off to all the superior ladies I listed here.

Thanks again for the award Sparkleneely, I'm glad you're my friend and I salute your great taste in blogs, Flickr, and Facebook friends!

Where are my manners?

Honestly, I'm such a bad blogger because my good friend Liberality, the hottest librarian ever, gave me this award a week ago and I'm just now getting around to thanking her for it. It's always an honor to be given an award and this one is especially nice since it was given to me by such a smart and beautiful woman. I'm proud to be your friend Liberality and thanks for not only being a long time reader of this blog, thanks for all the great blogging you do and all the great library work you do as well. Madam, you rock.Now I get to award this to some folks:

• K-Line from Toronto gets one because she's such a great gal and great commenter on this blog.
• Barb the Bad Tempered Zombie gets one because she's not only into Radiohead and other cool bands, she's into books as well.
• Tanya Espanya gets one because in between sending me postcards, late holiday cards, taking care of Alexander, and not cooking, she reads a book or two.
• Wandering Coyote gets one because she's a very cute voracious reader and a great cook.
• And finally Suzy the Quaker Vixen gets one because she's a cold weather lovin' reading monster.
  

Thanks again Liberality for the award and for all the kind things you say about my blog.

These happy days are yours and mine

The Queen of Halloween costumes who is a smokin' hottie all year 'round, Miss Alex, who writes the blog Fonzie Sox seems to like the stuff I churn out here every day. Miss Thang likes it so much that she gave me this award last week:
I'm always honored to be honored by my fellow bloggers and it's especially nice to be honored by one so smokin' as she is. From the bottom of my heart, thank you Miss Alex.

The deal is I'm supposed to post the rules about this award but I'm not going to. I may be a stickler when it comes to playing games by the rules but blog memes not so much. However I will go ahead and pass this one to five other bloggers. I hereby award this award to:

1. Samurai Frog for his incisive and well reasoned political posts and for his posts of hot starlets.
2. The Washington DC party animal and ape who's blog inspired me to start this blog, Dr. Zaius, gets this award also.
3. Johnny Yen gets this award for having the good sense to have the Evil Dictator as his son and for marrying Kim.
4. Bubs gets one for being hillbilly adrift in a world that he never made.
5. And finally Katie Schwartz gets one because when she's "on," no one makes me laugh harder.

Thanks again Alex for my award!

TCB baby, TCB

First off, I need to thank the smokin' hot Diva Jood and the hotter than a 1000 suns K Line for the lovely awards they bestowed on me.

Aparrently these crazysexycool chicks dig the crap I churn out here day after day. I'm humbled that they not only read me, but also because they take the time to comment and because they saw fit to honor me with these nice awards. Thank you ladies, I mean it.

My second order of business is a pesky meme my little west coast latke, Katie Schwartz, tagged me with the other day. Sorry it took so long to get to Katie, here you go my dear:

1. Clothes: Since I have a bit of a belly...oh ok, shut up laughing, seriously, I'm not fat I just have a big belly damn it, I now have to shop at the Mr. Lard Ass section of the department stores (aka the Big and Tall Men's area). Lately, I've been buying my XXXL polo shirts at the Big and Tall Men's section at JC Penny's.

2. Furniture: I mostly just agree when Sparky asks if I like this or that chair or sofa. Occasionally I'll spot a table or an odd piece in a thrift store and I'll bring it home to refinish it but mostly Sparky chooses our furniture. And that's okay because we have the same taste in retro modern and contemporary stuff.

3. Sweet: Brownies, fruit cobblers, apple crumbles, and low fat ice cream. Alas, no more candy bars and the like for me, they are riddled with too much bad fat.

4. City: Knoxville, Roanoke, Detroit, Johnson City.

5. Drink: Beers-mostly Heineken, Moosehead, Rolling Rock, and some of the new wheat beers. Soda-Blue Sky organic soda (Black Cherry Cherish and White Tea Pomegranate) and Dr. Enuf. Cold water with two wedges of lime, mmmm.

6. Music: Elvis Costello, Nick Lowe, The Pipettes, The Motor Primitives, Lilly Allen, Corner Shop, and many many more.

7. TV Series: Lost, The Daily Show, Life on Mars (American version), Little Britain, Father Ted, Monty Python, Sportscenter, my local on the 8's, Countdown, The Rachel Maddow Show, My Name is Earl, The Office, 70's schlock like Night Gallery.

8. Film: Airplane, Godfather, Godfather 2, Fight Club, Down and Out in Beverly Hills, About a Boy, I Heart Huckabees, Stranger Than Fiction, the Harry Potter movies, the Planet of the Apes movies, Baron Munchhausen, all the Monty Python films, Art School Confidential, shit I could go on but I'll stop now.

9. Workout: Disc golf, walking, yard work, going up and down the stairs in our new house.

10: Pastries: There was a time when if a pastry had creme in it and chocolate on it, it was in my belly. But no more of that. I hardly ever eat pastries anymore since my heart attack. If Sparky bakes something along those lines I'll eat it but that's about it.

11. Coffee: Nope. Never drink it. I never acquired the taste for it. I prefer cold water with lime, or a Blue Sky brand soda (they're made without High Fructose Corn Syrup), or if I want something hot to drink, then tea or hot chocolate.

I'm due to do a meme for the lovely Helenwheels and I'll get to it soon, I promise. But right now, if you'll excuse me, I've got to get the sand out of my ass.

Belated thanks go to...

...the Washington Redskins for beating the hated Dallas Cowboys and for going 3-1 so far this season.


...the Boston Red Sox for making it to the post season yet again! Here's hoping you kick the Angel's asses.

...to the lovely and talented Diva Jood for giving me this award. It's an honor to be honored by my fellow bloggers, especially one so good as she.