5000 Posts! Here's your treat...

It's a Salma/Archie sandwich with a Sarah Polley filling. 

Here's to 5000 more posts featuring witty banter, trenchant political commentary, unbridled opinions on virtually everything under the sun, and beautiful women.

Archie!

Grease Monkeys is currently on Hulu, at least in the USA anyway.  And obviously, the best thing about it is the goddess Archie Panjabi.

And don't forget, White Teeth with Archie and a host of others is on Hulu and Netflix.  Catch her while you can.  Me, I can't get enough of her.

It's a double dose of Archie

Hubba hubba!

I always knew she was a winner

Congratulations to my original adopted actor Archie Panjabi!
Archie won an Emmy for her work in the TV show The Good Wife. I don't watch that show but I know Archie's work and I'm sure she deserved that Emmy more than those cows who got nominated alongside her.

Well done Archie. I've always known you were a winner and were head and shoulders above the rest. Could you do me one favor Archie?Please stop telling everyone that that baby is ours. I'm flattered believe me, but seriously, if that baby were mine, he'd have a lot more hair. Kiss kiss!

Here's Archie's acceptance speech in which she forgot to thank me for adopting her. Oh well, I guess she had a lot on her mind right then.

Life in the provinces

Here at Monkey Central, we love the British sitcoms that take place in small country towns. We're huge fans of The Vicar of Dibley and we've seen all the various episodes of it many many times. We also love The Thin Blue Line with Rowan Atkinson, one episode of which my original adopted actor Archie Panjabi guest stars in. Our latest small town Brit-com that we've take a shine to is Clatterford, and yes, I know it goes by a different name in the UK but since I don't live over there I call it by the name they gave it when it hit our shores.

We loved it when they aired the first series on BBC America and we bought the DVD when it came out. The second series never aired on BBC America, so I thought they weren't going to release it over here. But Sparky noticed it was out and she said something about it to me so I was planning on buying it and giving it to her for Christmas. But knowing how much she loves Jennifer Saunders, Dawn French, and the first series of this show, I decided to buy it and give it to her immediately. And after watching the first two episodes tonight, I'm glad I did. It's as sly and funny as the first one was. It's full of inside jokes, funny performances, and best of all, it's chocked full of great British comediennes. In addition to the ones I mentioned earlier, it features some of my favorites, including Sally Phillips, Suzy Aitchison, and Pauline McLynn.

This great comedy is just the type of show that would never ever be put on the air here in the USA because most all of the leads in it are women over the age of forty. Yay BBC! Yay small town Brit-coms!

It's Adopt an Actor Day!

Happy Adopt an Actor day everybody! For those of you who do not know, Adopt an Actor was started by Splotchy on his blog and it soon spread like wildfire to other blogs. It's a way to celebrate the work of some great actors and, in my case, it's another reason to post pictures of pretty women.

I'm going to use today's holiday to adopt another actor. And since I have one each from Britain, Ireland, and Scotland, it's time to jump across the pond and adopt an actor from our neighbor to the north, Canada. I had a tough time deciding between Leslie Nielsen, Molly Parker, and Sarah Polley. But in the end I chose...
actor, writer, and filmmaker Sarah Polley! I chose Ms. Polley because I've been a long time fan of her work. She's been in some of my favorite films, The Adventures of Baron Munchhausen (which I'm due to watch again soon because it's been over a year since I last saw it), Go, eXistenZ, Dawn of the Dead, and The Claim. She was also in the recent HBO mini series about John Adams, the scene where she gets her cancerous breast removed is gut and heart wrenching. She's not only a damn fine actor, she's also a very well regarded screenwriter and recently she's added directorto her long list of show biz accomplishments. And she recently got to meet my blog buddy K-Line.
Please welcome Miss Sarah Polley to my stable of adopted actors and be sure to catch one of her films or TV shows real soon!

Here's one of my adopted actors with a message for every one

I'm sure she'd agree that it would also be a good idea for all people to stop all violence against all other people and animals as well. But as far as I can tell it's always open season on insects.

Faster, higher, stronger

The Beijing Olympiad of 2008 is now open and unlike some of you I'm all in on this baby. I'll cop to being a total "ring head," that's Olympic fan to those of you not in "the know." I don't buy the argument that we should boycott the games because of China's horrible human rights record, after all the USA has a horrible human rights record just ask any innocent person we've detained in Iraq and tossed into a prison and tortured. And as long as they help us occupy Iraq and Afghanistan, Canada and Great Britain share the shame of being in league with a country that tortures and their human rights record suffers like our does. Yes, China does horrible shit to it's citizens, so do we, and western corporations who do big business over there help prop up the human rights abusers more than anyone who watches the Olympics does.

The opening ceremony was quite a spectacle. In fact I'll go so far to say it was an astonishing sight. As I watched it and marveled at the technology and the pageantry of it, one thought came to my mind and it was, "I bet the London 2012 organizers are sitting there watching this and thinking, 'Oh shit, how are we going to top that?'" One word London organizers, "Tardis." Or maybe "Liz Hurley." Oh, oh, even better "Archie Panjabi." Think about it, my adopted actor is British but she's also ethnic Hindi so she'll draw a huge cross section of admirers. She's also a knock out who's got more talent in her little finger than most of us have in our whole bodies. yeah, that's it. Make Archie the new Dr. Who, it's about time the Doctor became a woman, and have her come down in the Tardis and let her lead your opening ceremony in London in 2012.

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I love the parade of nations part of the opening ceremony and this year's parade was something to behold. As usual some of the African countries in native dress and head gear were kind of cool. The worst looking in the parade were the Hungarian women, the pattern on those dresses were a crime against fashion and against my eyesight. The Spanish team looked smashing in their yellow and red outfits and the Italians looked oh so classic in their summery outfits. The women of the Polish team were atunningly hot. I loved the Estonian team's different colored uniforms, they were classically understated. The US team looked, and I'm being generous here, okay. I'm not a huge Jenny Finch fan, she's all teeth and gums to me, nor am I a fan of the pampered NBA players, and that's about all who NBC decided to show us, so I wasn't impressed. I'll also admit to cheering the Canadian team, all my blog buds from Canada have gotten me out of the habit of jeering at our neighbor to the north's team, although their outfits for the opening ceremony looked nothing short of fugly.

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I'll be glued to the games for the next few weeks, well as much as I can be while we look for a new to us house, it turns out we didn't want the house we thought we wanted because it would have required too much money to remodel that basement. Anyway, I'll be watching the games for the next few weeks and of course I'll be writing about them as well, so if you hate the Olympics, check back in a couple of week's when they pass the torch to Vancouver for the 2010 winter games.

Archie's new film

You can see the trailer for the new movie Archie Panjabi is in by clicking here. Or if you think you can handle it, watch this.

Hello?

Hi Archie, yes it's me.

Are you going to tell everyone the news?

Yes Archie.

Okay then.  Go on, tell them while I'm on the line with you.

Hey everybody, Archie has been cast in a new film called Espion.  It's a romantic thriller about spies and stuff.

Good.  Thanks for telling everybody.

Sure thing Archie.  I'm glad to help get the word out.  Now, since I did a favor for you I'd like you to do a favor for me...

What is it?

How about you come to Monkey Central and I do a tasteful photo shoot of you and I interview you for the blog.

Ummm...

Well?

I can't hear you.  Our connection is breaking up....

Archie, come on.  Be a sport.  I'll even make you dinner.

Hello?  Hello?  I can't hear.....(click)

Ok.  I see how it is.  

"Happy?"

Sure Dr. Zaius claims that his happy underpants plan for America is all in good fun and that it's going to be good for us, but is it really???? Let's look at the facts:

Under Zaius's twisted panty plan every man, woman, and child in this country could be stopped by thugs like this and forcibly checked to make sure they were wearing underwear:And if you don't pass Zaius's underpants test then this happens to you:And if you get caught again not wearing the proper Zaius proscribed undies then you are fired from your job and your house is taken away from you and given to underwear barons like this one:

"Grrrr, only terrorists don't wear Dr. Zaius's happy underpants! I'm wearing the sandpaper variety this second. Grrrrr."

Anyone who speaks out against the forced underwearization of America will be brutally repressed. Protests will be met with violent reaction from Zaius's panty boy thugs.

Families will be encouraged to turn one another in for not wearing the proper underwear. Lives will be made miserable all because Zaius wants us to prudishly keep our genitals covered at all times.Can we really trust an ape who wants to make us keep our pee pee's and our hoo hoo's covered up all the time? Zaius's vision for America's future is twisted and wrong. Fortunately, there is a better way!Here at the Monkey/Love 2008 campaign we say wear what you like! Boxers, briefs, thongs, anything! And you can even go commando if you want. That's right, unlike Dr. Zaius, we trust you the American people to do what's best for you. We're not going to create some big bureaucracy whose sole mission is to be in your pants 24/7. Your underwear, or lack thereof, is your business, you're not going to see us sniffing around down there, no sir.
Drew Barrymore says, "Yipee! I love the feel of fresh air on my nether regions as I skate! That scoundrel Zaius would deprive me of my right to flash my goodies while I frolic about. I'm voting Monkey/Love and I'm doing it with no panties on!"Kate Hudson says, "I'm very happy over the news that I can go commando if I want. To celebrate, I'm going to go braless!"Archie Panjabi says, "I'm a British citizen, leave me alone. Seriously, I mean it. I'll take a restraining order out against you if I have to."

There you have it! Two out of every three people want to keep this country free and normal by rejecting Zaius's twisted vision. Vote Monkey/Love in 2008, you have nothing to lose but your undies!

Thanks for nothin' you good for nothin' citizens of Toronto

A few months a go I asked you people to get off your asses and go snap a photo of my adopted actress Archie Panjabi on the set of her new movie. Then today I look on IMDB and I see they are in post production, so that means none of you got off your lazy butts and did me the favor I asked of you.

Thanks.

Thanks for nothing!

Would it have killed one of you to put down your Molson and your Canadian bacon sandwich and walk a few feet to take a freakin' picture? Could you not have turned off the CBC so you could have done me this one favor I asked of you? Were those issues of Macleans just so damn absorbing that you couldn't have helped out a fellow North American?

Citizens of Toronto you are now on my shit list. I hope the Blue Jays suck this year and I hope Les Habs kick your Maple Leaf thong wearing butts all over the ice. Since I hate the NBA with a hate that burns white hot, I hope your Raptors get beat every single time they play. Don't bother apologizing to me you citizens of Toronto, you are all dead to me now.
Don't hate me Archie, I tried to get you and your new film Traitor some more publicity but the selfish people of Toronto refused to help me.

Continuing Education

That cute little smiling imp the the picture above has tagged me with the Curriculum meme that's slowly making it's way around. That chubby cheeked imp who is smiling so big, for those of you who do not know, is Delia Guzman. She is one of my blog buds and the more stuff of hers that I read the more I think she may be the Hispanic side of me I never knew was there. She writes two blogs, like me, she's left leaning, like me, she's funny, well I try anyway, she's into Harry Potter and BBC Britcoms, like me, and we're roughly the same age, we're both 29ish, shut up, we are! In addition to all that she also wrote this bittersweet powerful post and she adopted two of my favorite actors on her blogs, Rachel Weisz and Hugo Weaving. So given all that, how could I refuse her anything?

Here's the rules of the meme which she got via the person who tagged her, FranIam: “You must write about 5 classes you would like to take if you could make up your own curriculum. AND- and this is important, ONE of them must come from your tagger's list.”

So the class I'd take from Delia's curriculum is this one:

1) Blogging: Philosophy and Practice (with Lab)This course would be the highlight of my day, because all my bloggy heroes—D-cap, D-cup, FranSheIs, Jess Wundrun, Matty Boy, Princess Sparkle Pony, Dr Monkey, Splotchy, Whiskey Marie, GetKristiLove, VikkiTikkiTavi, and everyone else whose blogs I love would also be enrolled in the class! The Lab would be wall-to-wall laptops with WiFi of course, and a few TVs on all the classic content-inspiring channels – CNN, Discovery, Animal Planet, Faux “News” Channel, Style Network, E Entertainment, etc. Talking, food, and fellowship required!

Yep. I'd have to agree with her there. I'd love love LOVE to take that class. Oh wait, hang on, I think I may actually teach that class.

Now, here are my additions:

2) Elvis-ology 548-This is an upper level class that is open to anyone. It focuses on the musical career of Elvis Costello. Class attendees will listen to most Elvis Costello recordings over and over. However, his classical music recordings, the Burt Bacharach collaborations, and the CD entitled "North," will not be covered in this class, but feel feel free to listen to them on your own. In addition to listening to the recordings of Mr. Costello, concert attendance will also be required should any of his tours come to your town and you must catch all his appearances on television when possible. Appreciation of the music of his current wife Diana Krall, while not a prerequisite for this class, is highly recommended.

3) Flavor: The Use of Spices and Herbs in Cooking 101-This class will teach you how to use spices and herbs in your cooking to enhance the flavors of all the foods you cook. It will also teach you that the word "spicy" does not mean scalding hot. If you like your food bland and flavorless then do not take this class, instead, please continue to buy and eat the tasteless shit they sell at your local grocery store deli.

4) Walking Tall, Shopping Taller 342- This class will teach you how to have the backbone to speak up and stand up for yourself when you get shit on, ignored, or hassled by a store employee, waiter/waitress, and or a soul crushing multinational corporation. You will learn to differentiate between when a clerk or wait person is having a bad day and when they just want to get rid of you and we'll also cover how to deal with companies who love to screw over their customers, like Charter Cable, Comcast, and every insurance company that you ever tried to file a claim with.

5) They May Talk Funny But Boy Oh Boy Do They Look Great And Man, Are They Wildly Talented or What?! 750-This class will teach you how to appreciate non North American born actresses. You'll learn to appreciate women like Helen Mirren, Penelope Cruz, Carmen Mura, Michelle Laroque, Liz Hurley, Irene Jacob, Sophie Okenedo, Shirley Henderson, Keisha Castle-Hughes. Special emphasis will be placed on appreciating the following actresses:

Indira Varma

Namrata Shirodkar

Archie Panjabi

So there you have it. That's my continuing education class schedule for the rest of my life. I now tag Ed from Enriched Geranium, his lovely wife Suzy, Jess Wundrun, and D Cup. If any of you don't want to do it, that's fine too. And if you do want to do it, then there's no hurry to get it done.

Attention citizens of Toronto, Canada and Morocco

It has come to my attention that my first adopted actor, Ms. Archie Panjabi, will be in your fine countries in September and November.

She's been cast in a new film called Traitor that is going to be shot in Toronto and Morocco.
From what I could tell on IMDB she is the female lead.

So I was wondering if you fine people in Canada and Morocco would do me a solid. Could you please snap a picture of Archie on the set of her new movie for me? And then email me that picture?

Or you could even ask her to be in a photo with you. I may not crop you out of it if you send it to me and you are not hideous looking.Of course I don't expect you to do this sort of thing for free. If you send me a photo of Archie on the set of her new film then I'll send you a quarter, a bright shiny American quarter.

Thanks in advance for takin' care of this for me. I really appreciate it.

New adoptees

Boy things were a bit crazy here at el Casa de Monkey this morning. I had been up all night working with the Adopt An Actor Adoption Agency, also known as AAAAA, and I was finally able to strike a deal with them at about 4:30 this morning. I was happy as heck to get my new adpotees and they in turn were wary of me and my blog. But after a few cocktails at sunrise we worked things out and they came home with me.

Cloris was up as usual, she's an early riser that one! When I told her what was going on she proposed a toast.



One of my new adoptees can't hold her booze and she got a little tipsy and had to go lay down. On the way to her bedroom however she stopped to disrobe in the bathroom, she likes to sleep in the buff. She carelessly left her undergarments laying in the floor which were found later by my original adoptee Archie Panjabi. We all laughed about it over breakfast and we all had a few more cocktails and some wine, except for the sleeping adoptee.

Things calmed down around 10:30 and we all got acquainted with one another and it looks like everyone is hap-hap-happy to be here. So now I'd like to introduce you to my new adoptees Shirley Henderson and Ashley Jensen!
Shirley is a veteran of stage, screen, and television in the UK and abroad. She has been in not only the following movies but many others was well, Marie Antoinette, the Harry Potter films, Bridget Jones, Trainspotting, and Topsy Turvy.

My personal favorite films of Ms. Henderson include Intermission and Once Upon a Time in the Midlands.
Some of Shirley's TV work includes an episode of the new Dr. Who and Shakespeare Retold: The Taming of the Shrew. Give a warm welcome to pint sized Scottish actress Shirley Henderson!


Joining Shirley here at Monkey Muck is her fellow countrywoman Ashley Jensen!

I first became aware of Ms. Jensen through her comedic turn on the funny as hell series Extras. She has great comic timing, a great accent, and is pretty easy on the eyes.
Wow, that's a great pair you got there Ashley.

And so is that!

Ms. Jensen is not just a slice of dreamy Scottish cheesecake, oh no, she's also a darn fine actress who has done many films, some of which include Topsy Turvy and Tristam Shandy (Shirley Henderson was in this one with her!), and has done even more TV work. Ashley can be seen in Ugly Betty, the aforementioned Extras, and many other TV productions in the UK.

Welcome to the family Shirley and Ashley!

(My girlfriend actually suggested I adopt Ashley Jensen. We were watching the first season of Extras again recently and she said how much she liked Ms. Jensen's work in the show. She said to me, "You ought to add her to your list." I said, "What list?" "Your adopt an actor thingy list." I replied, "I might do that. Although I was thinking of adopting Shirley Henderson next." And so being the peacemaker I am, I decided to adopt them both.)