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A copy of my graphic novel on CD!
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Birds

Birds.
Birds!
BIRDS!

Four quick TV reviews

Louie is the best most original show on TV. Period end of story. If you're not watching it, you should be. If you watched it and didn't like, you're dead to me.


I really like Wilfred but I have problems with Elijah Wood. He's not really that interesting and his character isn't compelling. But I can't get enough of the guy in the dog suit, he makes the show.

They've already run all the first series of Workaholics on Comedy Central which is bad because I really like this show about three underachiever potheads who work for a soul crushing corporation. It works for me on so many levels, the main one being I used to be one of those guys. I like it's sometimes outlandish situations and I really like the three leads and the two female leads, the chunky well meaning co worker of theirs and the bitchy boss character. The good news is they ordered a second season of this show.

And finally we come to the newest series of mysteries on PBS's Masterpiece Mystery, Zen. This show purportedly takes place in Italy, yet almost all the characters have British accents. Now, that wouldn't be bad if the lone person who has an authentic Italian accent play's Zen's (Rufus Sewell) love interest. It's jarring to hear all those British accents and then hear one lone real Italian accent. This series is not gettin' it done for me. I find it unbelievable, and boring. And Mr. Sewell never saw a piece of scenery he didn't want to chew, grind to bits, and then spit back out. I'll be avoiding this one now and forever.

It tea party puzzle time!

Which is the best way to get to 'know' your farm animals?

A?

or B?

Answer: It's up to you and your farm animal to decide which is the best way for you both to get acquainted. And you don't need the government telling you what you can or can't do with your animals so we need to dismantle the Department of Education.


How many horses did Paul Revere use on his famous ride where he warned the British not to fuck with us because we were intending to use our second amendment remedies to fight them?
Answer: We think just one but we can't be sure because no media back then was fair or balanced like FOX is today.


Which of these couples got gay married last weekend in New York?
None of them! All these homosexuals died before they could get legally married! And that's the way God wants it and that guy who murdered all those people in Norway, he's totally not a conservative or a Christian or a conservative Christian or an admirer of the tea party movement in the USA even though he said he was. And he totally didn't have a crush on Pam Geller even though he's probably sitting in some jail cell in Norway spanking his monkey while thinking about her.

Finally, here's your last puzzle question: How many liberal does it take to change a light bulb? The answer is zero. Those smart ass fucking liberals use those compact fluorescent bulbs which means they don't have to change them. But if they did, they'd hire some fucking Frenchman or their gay Muslim cousin to do it and then they'd burn some American flags to stay warm and shit while they plotted the destruction of Israel and the American way of life. Oh wait, no, here's a better punch line: it takes none of them because they're too busy trying to steal my social security checks and my Medicare!

Incongruity

Which of books does not belong on the military biography shelf?

Twisted up in knots

It's always amusing to witness the right wing pundits in the wake of a heinous crime that's been committed by someone who says they are a conservative. And the current kerfuffle after the shooting spree in Norway has put them into an overdrive of denial.

Bill O'Reilly's marching orders were to 'prove' that the shooter wasn't a true Christian. And to prove his point he said that no true Christian would commit a mass murder like that. I guess BillO forgot all about the Spanish who slew all those Inca in Mexico, the white folks in the US cavalry who murdered all those Indians in the 19th century, and about all the Muslims that the Europeans killed during the crusades. Gosh, some of those people were bound to be good Christians. Weren't they Bill?

Pam Geller, high priestess of Muslim hate, says that the Norway shooter was just a madman who acted alone and that she bears no responsibility even though he mentions her in his manifesto. Actually Pammy, you bear a hell of a lot of responsibility in this attack. It's hateful screeds like yours that gave this guy the idea to do what he did. The logical end of your hate filled rants against Muslims is a horrible mass crime like this.

Michael Savage, a man so odious that the British won't let him into their country, says that the Norway shootings are a left wing conspiracy. Savage is so over the top insane that I'm not even going to pick this one apart, except to say that everything from sun spots to a dog shitting on Savage's front lawn is a left wing conspiracy.

Pat Buchanan says that the real threat isn't from home grown right wing terrorists like the Norway shooter. No, the real threat according to Buchanan, is Muslims who refuse to assimilate, which is right wing code for them not becoming Christians. It's not the haters who commit the violent acts, the real threat is from the people who the haters hate.

And finally, no one on FOX Noise will admit the shooter in Norway was a conservative Christian. They hem and haw around that little fact and then in a month of two he'll become a leftist because his parents are left wing.

Once again, they'll have 'proven' the old adage that all political violence is perpetrated by the left. That's right, the people who hate guns and who want to end the wars of terror are once again responsible for all the politically motivated violence everywhere in the world. And FOX and all the right wing pundits they employ once more triumph over sanity and the facts.

Discarded furniture of the week

Sign o' the times

This sign is so many flavors of wrong.

Monkey Movie Reports (double down edition)

Welcome to Dongmakgol is the best Korean movie you never saw. I only saw it because a friend who lives in Korea made me a copy and sent it to me. It's the story of a remote mountain top village in the onset of the Korean war that gets visited by an American pilot, three North Korean soldiers, and two South Korean soldiers. The pilot crash lands there and the other soldiers make their way there after going through some harrowing life changing events. Slowly the villagers, who were unaware that there was a war going on, charm all the soldiers and the pilot into dropping their war like ways and becoming part of the village. Then just as they all were sinking into becoming friends, real life intrudes on their happiness.

This film is brilliantly shot, beautifully acted, and it's an all around winner. If you get the chance, see it. You will not be disappointed.
Jack Rebney was one of the first viral video superstars of You Tube. Before that he was a cult figure among people who swapped video cassettes. You've seen him, he's the guy doing the RV film who cusses up a blue streak. This documentary takes a look at what became of Jack after his now famous tirades while filming that RV movie.

His story is touching, funny, sad, unpredictable, and at times outrageous. What happened to him after he made the RV movie is compelling and worth finding out about. I'll not spoil it for anyone but I will say what happened to him is not at all what you'd expect.

This documentary get high marks from me because it's one of the few docs, outside of Michael Moore's that is, that isn't afraid to be humorous in tone and in subject matter. I loved Jack Rebney when I saw his RV movie out takes, and now after seeing this documentary, I love him even more.

I recommend this documentary highly.

Who would Jesus gun down in cold blood?

Found here.

It's the latest fashion

Or perhaps they spelled 'bipolar' incorrectly.

Kitchen magic

I turned this
and this
into this:
Magic huh.

She's deadly like that

Don't mess with Kirby.

Brother can you spare a dime?

I usually give whatever pocket change to panhandlers if they ask me for some money. I've even been known to get my wallet out and give them a buck or two if they ask for money. I don't care if they use it to buy food, booze, or whatever, if they ask I'll give if I have it to give.

However...

If you're 20 something, tattooed, chatting on a cell phone, and smoking a cigarette and you ask me for some change, forget it. It's not going to happen Mr. Hipster. And don't even think about giving me the stink-eye you douche, if you cut back on the smoking, used less minutes on that cell phone you were talking into when you spotted me, and perhaps cut back on the tats, you'd have some money in your hipster pockets.

Murdoch is scum

Rupert Murdoch, seen here being protected by his third wife Wendy, accepts no responsibility for his lawless company's crimes, which include bribery, wire fraud, invasion of privacy, and probably murder. Since corporations are people, we should be locking News Corp and it's CEO away in prison. I have no faith that our corporation owned judicial system will bring him to justice but history will show him to be a scummy robber baron who was hated by millions, including me.

Fuck you Murdoch. I wish there was a hell and that you'd be sent there and be made to suffer for all eternity. May a pox be delivered on your house and all your businesses.

What is it?

Oh, okay. Thanks.

Fun facts about Tennessee

There are more Civil War reenactors than there are registered nurses in Tennessee.

Many people in Tennessee like to wear festive head coverings known as 'hats.'

Negroes are now allowed to work full time jobs in Tennessee.

People in Tennessee didn't know what to do when it snowed heavily, until a kindly person from New Jersey told them about the miracle known as road salt.

Many children in Tennessee are home-schooled because most all parents in the state are smarter than members of MENSA.

Many famous drag queens are from Tennessee.

Tennessee has produced three US Presidents, one Vice President, and sixteen Popes.

She's a wiener

MNMom, a long time blog bud, won a CD copy of my graphic novel Hip Deep, Mountain High! She was the first to point out that the above illustration is an homage to the first B-52's album cover. MNMom gets the CD courtesy of another long time blog friend, who wishes to remain anonymous, who graciously purchased the CD and then donated it back to me so I could give it away in a contest.

Your CD will be going out in the mail on Wednesday MNMom. Thanks for playing!

And thanks once again to the anonymous blog friend who purchased the CD and then donated it back!

You can get your CD copy of my graphic novel by making a minimum $21 donation to my PayPal account. If you don't use PayPal, you can send me a check or money order.

Garden bounty

From our garden:From left to right: Scallions, zucchini, basil, carrots. And yes, there is such a thing as white carrots.

We've also been enjoying purple potatoes, cherry tomatoes, Yukon Gold's, redskin potatoes, green tomatoes, several varieties of basil, cherry bomb peppers, long green chilies, and yellow squash. And we'll have more of all that still to come, along with several varieties of tomatoes.

Shared sacrifice

Dear President George W. Obama,

I'll agree to shared sacrifice to fix the deficit 'problem' if I get to share in the record profits defense and oil related corporations are making off the wars of terror.

Yours in class struggle,
Dr. Monkey

A Monkey Movie Review

We watched this fascinating documentary last night:
I was just hitting my teenage years when Harry Nilsson was hitting it big as a solo artist and I remember his hits on the radio. It seemed like you could not escape his music. I liked it but it really wasn't my cup of tea. Then a little later as the 1970's wore on and I began to read Rolling Stone and other pop culture magazines of the day I remember reading about what a wild man Nilsson was. He partied hard and his exploits were legendary. Then after 198o he just fell off my radar.

Until now. I had been wanting to see this film and when I saw my local library had it I snapped it up. It's a fascinating documentary about a musician who influenced pop culture more than you ever thought. He started recording in the mid to late '60's and everyone from the Monkees to Three Dog Night had hits with his songs. Then people discovered his distinctive voice and songwriting talent and he became a staple on the radio for a time. His cover of the theme song to Midnight Cowboy catapulted him to fame and his early '70's album Nilsson Schmilsson brought him fame and fortune beyond his wildest dreams. This in depth and touching documentary tells what happened to him during those years and beyond. It's a loving yet warts and all tale the filmmaker tells and it's well worth your time.

I had no idea that his songs and his influence touched so many in the music business. I had no inkling of which now standard songs were his or covered by him. It floored me when I saw that he wrote the songs and the score for the Robert Altman film Popeye, a favorite here at Monkey Central. And I had no idea that Nilsson did what he did in the wake of the murder of his friend John Lennon.

I guarantee you you've heard Nilsson's voice and his songs. And I guarantee you that you'll love this film as much as I did. Well, maybe not as much as I did because you may not have come of age in the '70's like I did.

I highly recommend this film. Highly.

A Monkey book report

Unlike a lot of my countrymen and women, I am curious about Canada, our neighbor to the north, and I want to read and learn more about it. So a few weeks back I picked up this book at a local used book store:
It came out in the late 1980's and it's references to the old USSR made me laugh, as did the passages about the old Brian Mulroney government. Alas, those two things were about all I enjoyed about this book.

The author clearly thinks he's a wit, perhaps on par with his late countryman Oscar Wilde. Sadly however, when it comes to witty writing he's got more in common with Oscar Gamble in the last stages of his major league baseball career. Mr. Brook stakes out his literary ground clearly and early in every chapter that I read and he refuses to budge off that ground. He begins his Canadian journey in Newfoundland, which he finds endearingly odd and he never lets us forget it. Then it's a quick jaunt off to the other maritime provinces, which according to Mr. Brook consist of Nova Scotia and Cape Breton Island. He finds the people and landscape of those two places to be endearingly odd. Next up he saunters off to Quebec where he finds the Francophone population to be, wait for it, wait for it, endearingly odd. But it gets better in Quebec, he finds the people, the cities, and the landscape to also be stiff and boring too! By the time he hit Toronto, which he found just boring, which was almost refreshing for a change, I had had enough.

Having skipped over Prince Edward Island all together and seeing as how the very British Mr. Brook found most everyone in Canada to be endearingly odd or boring, I didn't want to see what he thought of the prairie region, the Rocky Mountain region, the northern territories, or British Columbia. I had a feeling he'd find them odd, boring, and not British.

Avoid this book. It stinks. There are better travel books about Canada out there, I know because I read one of them, Theatre of Fish by John Gimlette, and I'll keep searching them out. Seriously though, avoid this book like the plague.

Three out of three bears agree

Is the right wing outrage machine correct? Should we ignore Michelle Obama's plea to stop feeding kids in the USA the kinds of food that makes them obese?
"Ummmm, yes. You should stop trying to make them lose weight. We like your kids fat and stubby legged. They can't run very fast when we go after them and it's so much fun eating their bloated little bodies. Nom. Nom. Nom. So remember, ignore Michelle Obama and keep feeding those little lard ass kids of yours all that processed food, all that fast food, and keep stuffing them full of cheap meats and cheeses."
"I agree. Keep porking those kids up so I don't have to keep eating fish. You think it's a fucking cakewalk hunting fish in these cold ass streams? It's not. And I hate the taste of fish so if you keep feeding your kids shit, they'll keep getting fat, and we'll keep eating them when they wander off while you're out here in the wild. It's all your fault you know. You kept ignoring all those 'Do Not Feed the Bears' signs and we bears got fat as a result. Hang on...how do I know what those signs said? And how do I know I'm a bear? Have I attained consciousness? Hey, is that a fat little white kid staring at me while he licks an ice cream cone? Damn, that little fucker looks tasty. I'mma eat that motherfucker...see ya'll later."

Art is where you find it

I found this art in my kitchen sink after I dumped out the remains of a jar of years old chili oil.

Smug chef

I've long maintained that Anthony Bourdain is an insufferable ass.

My problems with him are:

• he's a major hypocrite. He's made a big deal about how stupid he thinks vegetarians are and he's mocked them for years. But as soon as he hits India, vegetarians are fine with him. Then, back in the USA, they're the scum of the culinary world. So he's fine with vegetarianism if you're doing it in a country that's not the USA and for religious reasons but if you're in the USA and vegetarian for compassionate or health reasons, then you're a jerk who isn't fit to be around his highness.
• he's one of those idiots who think everything revolves around New York city and what New Yorkers think and like. Yes, I know he travels outside of of NYC to other parts of this country, but more often than not he's doing it to tell us hicks and slack jawed yokels how we're doing it wrong and how much better it's done where he comes from.
• he's a misogynist, big time. He loves to slag chef Alice Waters, one of the leaders of the eat local and organic movement. He went so far as to do a show in her backyard, San Francisco, and say that no one should care if the food they get in restaurants is local or organic. He went on that awful NPR Splendid Table radio show recently and when asked about her he claimed she was out of touch and not worth paying attention to. However, you never ever hear him slam a male celebrity chef like that. Jamie Oliver, he's fine with him. Gordon Ramsay, loves the guy. Emeril? He practically French kissed the greasy little guy when he did his last show New Orleans show. But Alice Waters, well she's a woman and she can't or won't beat him up if he says shit about her so of course he's going to go off on her. I'm surprised he doesn't talk shit about Julia Child, after all she's a woman and she's dead, so nothing to worry about with her.

And yet, I still watch his show. So, really, how pathetic am I?

Wait. Don't answer that.

Great graphic design

These guys know you've been naughty...

...so they're here to spank you. Bend over you.

Cooking with Dr.Monkey

Today's episode: beef brisket crock pot BBQ.

I started off by cutting my pound and a half beef brisket into chunks. Then in my crock pot I put one small thinly sliced white onion, 1 tsp cumin, 1 tsp salt, 1 tblsp cracked black pepper, 2 tsp paprika, 1/2 tsp garlic powder. I then opened a can of this
and I poured it in the crock pot. I added a half can of water as well.
Then I oven roasted a sweet Cubanelle pepper. I took off the charred skin, scraped out the seeds, and then I cut it into small bits and added it to the pot as well. Then I slid my meat into it.

I covered it and let it cook for 6 hours.

When the six hours was up I took the meat out and shredded it. Then I slid the shredded meat back in and let it simmer with the sauce. I served it on buns the first night and the second night I made a kind of shepard's pie with the meat that we had left over.

Brisket is an ideal cut of meat to cook in your crock pot since it takes hours to cook it enough to where it's tender. This recipe needs a bit of work to be honest. I based it on one I had seen in Southern Living, a magazine I usually loathe, but one I read for the recipes. I need to bump the spices way up next time I make this and I need to add some other kinds of peppers. It doesn't need to be hotter, it just needs more spice like cumin and chili powder to make it more flavorful. I put some of my recently pickled peppers and onions on mine and it was fantastic but it still would have benefited from more flavor that comes via spice. And I do mean flavor, not heat, although I like a bit of heat as well.