We gots us a Czar to oversee the warrin' and stuff

Just when you think it can't get much worse in Washington DC, it does. Our Idiot in Chief went and found himself a "War Czar."

No not that Czar. That would be just stupid. Oh wait, we forgot who we're dealing with here. Seriously though, after months of searching for someone to lead our armed forces in the wars of terror on Afghanistan and Iraq, King George finally found someone dumb enough to take the job. Word out of the White House is that now that they have a Czar. all the blame for the past four years of fucking up the war will be laid at his feet, along with all future blame for fucking things up worse than before.

Call us stupid, call us naive, or just call us flat out flabbergasted that the Pinhead in Chief would have so publicly searched for someone to do the job that the fucking COMMANDER IN CHIEF is supposed to be doing. Maybe this is all part of his master plan to privatize the federal government more and more.

Anyone remember back in 1999 when he said use his MBA skills on the country if elected? Remember that? Well boys and girls, this was the man who was president of the team that traded Sammy Sosa away to the Cubs. If you will remember that at times like this then maybe some of his antics will make more sense. Holy shit, how long can this nation stand being led by a venal, unfeeling, uncaring, amoral, responsibility shirker?

Sweet Jeebus, a fucking war Czar, unfucking believable.

But what really pisses us off over this is that President Pinhead did not ask us to take the job.

We'd be willing to bet the war would have been over long ago if we'd been in charge and then this kind of photo-op shit might have actually meant something.

Ladies, don't fixate on my bulge. It'll only drive you mad with desire for some monkey lovin.'

(We fling our thanks to Dr. Zaius for this and all photoshopped photos of yours truly.)

Paul's peter 3

The White House keeps doing what it does best, keeping it's unqualified, amoral, unfeeling, and unabashedly idiotic appointees in office. Despite all calls for his removal the White House keeps insisting that Paul "I Didn't Do Nothin' Wrong and If You Say I Did, Then You Are a Terrorist" Wolfowitz will hang on to his job as head of the World Bank.

From the AP:
"We've made clear that we support Paul Wolfowitz," White House spokesman Tony Snow told reporters. "Furthermore, he has said -- and we agree -- that certainly a lot of mistakes were made in the personnel process. But it's not a firing offense," he added.

Thus spake Tony.



Then Condi chimed in from Moscow, where she had been sent to convince the Russians that the "missile defense" system we want to shove into Europe is not meant to threaten them at all, no sir, and how dare you insinuate such a thing, in fact you must be a terrorist for even thinking such a thing:



U.S. Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice echoed the White House's comments, which came a day after a World Bank committee said he had violated ethics rules in the promotion and pay rise for his companion Shaha Riza, a Middle East expert.
"It seems to me that what happened there, as he said, he made some mistakes but it doesn't seem to be the kind of thing that you would want to see the dismissal of a World Bank president over," Rice told reporters in Moscow.



It's obvious to us that La Condi, seen here being the filling in a reverse Oreo, is even more out of

touch than we previously thought. Condi hon, if you don't want to see a World Bank President dismissed over causing a paralyzing controversy that is causing the world community to lose what little faith they had in the rule breakin', conflict of interest havin', warmongerin' Wolfie in the first place, then what do you want to see him dismissed over? Murder? (Well, he is killing time there after all.) Rape? (Well, he is giving us all a good fucking over yet again.) Or would it take him actually doing some good for the poor and disadvantaged people of the world to get you pissed off enough to call for his firing?

Condi, Tony, and Georgie, listen up. Wolfie has got to go. So does Gonzo. And Dickie. And while you're at it, the American people expect your resignations as well.

Letters to White Castle or How do you spell-i-fy futility?

Recently we here at Monkey Muck HQ signed an online petition to get King Georgie who lives in the White Castle to do something to help the people of Darfur. We knew it was a waste of time since he ignores what the people (and us monkeys) want, but we did it anyway just so the idiot would know where we stood.

Well tonight we got another email from the group trying to help the people of Darfur asking us to sign another petition and this one would go straight to the White Castle. We had our doubts. But lo and behold after we clicked the sign button, we got a little email missive from the address whitehouse.gov and here is what they said in their email: On behalf of President Bush, thank you for your correspondence.

We appreciate hearing your views and welcome your suggestions. Due to the large volume of e-mail received, the White House cannot respond to every message. Thank you again for taking the time to write.

We were shocked I tell ya, shocked that we actually got an email from the White Castle. Seizing our chance we fired off this reply: Respond to this message then, get this country the hell out of Iraq. And then you Mr. Bush need to resign.

We know, we know, if we were not on a watch list before, we sure as hell are now. We just hope that we can get bananas in Gitmo.

The truth will set you free or How to Screw up Two Countries at Once

A tip of our fez to Blue Gal who sent us the instructions on how to put You Tube clips on the ol' blog.

And a tip of our fez to the brilliantly brave and insanely great Ava Lowery at peacetakescourage.com

Why do we love thee Think Progress?

Because of things like this:

http://thinkprogress.org/2007/05/01/bush-timetable-2/

You make us monkeys almost glad to be so closely related to you.

Thanks

Well, well, does it surprise anyone that most of the aid offered by other countries in the aftermath of Hurricane Katrina was spurned by our Idiot in Chief and his cronies? Instead of doing what normal people or organizations would have done, which is take the money with many words of thanks, they turned it down.

From the Washington Post:
As the winds and water of Hurricane Katrina were receding, presidential confidante Karen Hughes sent a cable from her State Department office to U.S. ambassadors worldwide.
Titled "Echo-Chamber Message" -- a public relations term for talking points designed to be repeated again and again -- the Sept. 7, 2005, directive was unmistakable: Assure the scores of countries that had pledged or donated aid at the height of the disaster that their largess had provided Americans "practical help and moral support" and "highlight the concrete benefits hurricane victims are receiving."

Okay, we'll buy that (wink wink) Karen Hughes says America is grateful for the aid. But wait hang on, if she said that then what is the truth?

They knew the U.S. government was turning down many allies' offers of manpower, supplies and expertise worth untold millions of dollars. Eventually the United States also would fail to collect most of the unprecedented outpouring of international cash assistance for Katrina's victims.

So as usual, the truth is the exact opposite of what the bush jr cabal says it is. Okay. We get it. So what happened to all that money?

Allies offered $854 million in cash and in oil that was to be sold for cash. But only $40 million has been used so far for disaster victims or reconstruction, according to U.S. officials and contractors. Most of the aid went uncollected, including $400 million worth of oil. Some offers were withdrawn or redirected to private groups such as the Red Cross. The rest has been delayed by red tape and bureaucratic limits on how it can be spent.

Here's an idea, let's cut the red tape. free up that cash and let's get neighborhoods rebuilt. Lets get the rightful citizens of New Orleans, and you know who I mean, the African-American ones, the poor ones, the ones who made that city what it was, back and rebuild their homes and lives. Let's use that money to rebuild neighborhood businesses or to build some where none were before, screw letting Wal Mart in there to build more store or Starbucks or Target. Let's use that money to rebuild schools, roads, and the fucking levees in New Orleans.

Damn you bush, damn you Karen Hughes, damn you Chertof, damn you all for bungling rebuilding New Orleans. You had the money, you had the support of the American people, you had the support of the world community, and you blew it.

Just like you blew it after 9/11.

Just like you are blowing the war on Iraq.

Thanks, thanks a whole fucking lot. You're all "doing a heck of a job!"

Things you can do every damn day to piss off King George

Being impeachment Saturday and all we here at Monkey Muck HQ got to thinking about how cool would it be to do something everyday to piss off the jackals in power. We put our thinking caps on our little simian heads and we came up with the following list.

1. Buy gas only at Citgo. The crude oil they make the gas from at your local Citgo station comes from Venezuela. And you know who is President of Venezuela. Plus, if you buy gas at Citgo, then the profits on that gas do not go to bush jr and his oily oil buddies.
2. Eat organic or at the very least eat food grown without any pesticides, unnatural fertilizers, or chemicals. Monsanto, a horrid company that backs the Republican party, makes it's living by making horrible chemicals that are put on or in your food. If you eat organic then you are not helping Monsanto ruin our planet or make money.
3. Recycle
4. Do your part to help stem the tide of climate change. Use fluorescent light bulbs instead of incandescent, drive less, have your car or truck tuned up so as to maximize your usage of fuel.
5. Get out and connect with one another and network for change.
6. Write your congress people and tell them how you want them to vote, they work for you after all, not that other way around.
7. Get off your dead asses and go vote when it's election time and encourage others to do the same.
8. Stop shopping at big corporate stores like Wal Mart and Target. They all contribute to Republicans and big corporate assholes like Wal Mart and Target do not have your or your communities best interests at heart, they want only one thing, your money.
9. Shop at locally owned businesses.
10. Boycott businesses that advertise on FOX Comedy Channel.
11. Write blogs and or support blogs and websites that oppose the greedy war mongering asses in DC.
12. Volunteer in your community.
13. Protest when and where you are able.
14. Be truly patriotic and oppose any attempts to curtail our civil liberties.