Not so fair or balanced

La Malkin has taken time out of her busy schedule of appearing on O'Reilly and try to start a race war on Americans of Mexican descent to pen this little missive about how bad a little thing fairness really is. It seems that Miss Michelle does not really want the airwaves to be really so fair and balanced after all. She'd rather talk radio remain the domain of her all her Reich wing pals. She'd rather you and I do not see progressive anti corporate voices on TV, she wants only voices and people approved by the multi national corporations that own all of TV, oops PBS and Free Speech TV are still not under Malkin's matsters control.

Oh Michelle, what is it you are so afraid of honey? Does the thought of appearing on a TV show beside someone who actually disagrees with you frighten you so much? Or is it that you fear that your political pals in DC will see their influence wain when people are allowed to watch something that is really is fair and balanced?

No! Just shut your mouth! You stop that this minute! People involved in the nationally televised political discourse are not supposed to be intelligent or fair or balanced! They are just supposed to be photogenic and be paid by corporate America!

Oh crap, sorry folks, it looks like La Malkin has broken into my blog.

I had to! You were about to sway some gullible person into thinking that the bad old days when we had the Fairness Doctrine were actually the good old days. Gosh, back then if you had some person like me on your show you had to have someone from the other side of the debate on there as well and you had to give them equal time. How awful is that? The way we do it at FOX is much better. I get to be on and then they have some one like Dr. Laura or Ann Coulter to balance me with because I am not Reich wing enough for some people.

I see your point and I see you are on the left on my blog as well. How nice for us left wingers, he said sarcastically.

Hey, you stop that this minute. Put me over on the right. Do it. Now.

I'm a Reich winger and I deserve to be in the right.

Screw you. This is my blog and I'll put your crazy Reich wing ass where ever I want. Your corporate bosses don't own my blog so I say nah, nah, nah.

Yet. They don't own it yet. When they finish buying everything in the world your ass will be ours. We will own you and you will by god do what we say and what we want. Ha ha ha, I've already got you off track. See? I distracted you into not telling people that my Reich wing pals screwed this nation over when they repealed the Fairness Doctrine and that we did it so we could control how people thought and voted. Ha ha ha, I win again.

Damn, you almost got me, well played you evil Phillipina. She's right, the corporations did repeal the Fairness Doctrine so they could control the news media. It's part of their take over of our everyday lives. If we take our country back and re introduce the Fairness Doctrine then shrill harpies like her and Coulter will be foreced out of jobs and they will have to go back to what they used to do for a living.

No!!!! I will not become a circus geek again! I will not bite the head off chickens for the amusement of slack jawed yokels any more! I've learned to appreciate the finer things in life. I've moved up the food chain since I've gotten all this TV work, I don't eat live chicken anymore, I eat much better food!!! And you know what? I'm hungry now!

Juan! Enrique! Pablo! Carlos! One of you damn Mexicans better get off your lazy illegal asses and bring me a snack or I will send you back across the Rio Grande so fast it will make your sombrero spin!

Si si, Senorita Malkin. Right away Senorita.

It figures. Here you are demanding that all Americans from other American countries be sent home and yet you employ them as your personal servants. Every damn one of you is a hypocrite.

Shut up you damn monkey! It's capitalism! They are willing to work for next to nothing and that's what I pay them! God damn it, where is my snack? You beaners stop French kissing, oops, I mean Freedom kissing your burros and bring me a snack!

Si si, here eet is Senorita.

Feed me!! Feed me you damn beaners!

Mmmmmmmmmm.

This is too much for me. Get out, all of you. Get off my blog.

(munch, munch) NO! I am taking (munch) over this blog and you can't do (munch) anything about it. (munch, munch)

Oh yeah? Since I don't want to get my hands dirty with you, this looks like a job for Hitler Kitty!

Excuse me? Did you just say what I thought you said? Did you say you were going to let Hitler Kitty loose on me?

Damn straight. Only on you though. The Americans from another American country are safe, he won't attack them.

Holy shit. I better get out of here.

Too late bitch, Herr Kitty is here! And it looks like he's hungry too!

Damn, watch her run. I never knew she could run that fast. Thanks Hitler Kitty.

Meowza.

Oliver Willis and Max Blumenthal are my new heroes

I found Oliver Willis's blog recently and if you're not reading it you're missing out. He's on my blog roll so scroll down and check him out after you've finished here that is.

I found this bit of video goodness over there on his blog. It stars Max Blumenthal from The Nation. It's best seven minutes you've ever spent watching a video on You Tube. Trust me, after all I am a monkey and I'd never lie to you. Never, ever.


Pretty sweet huh. Yeah, no need to thank me. Just send cash instead.

Deep in the bowels of the White House 2

With his poll ratings dropping faster than a "To Catch A Predator" contestant's pants and the dead bodies in Iraq and Afghanistan rising quicker than the average American's credit card debt, the Idiot in Chief has become increasingly snappish and ill tempered. Some say he has a "bunker mentality." Our Monkey Muck microphones caught this conversation in the White House just the other day:

President Bush: I am the president. The president. Do ya'll hear me? I am the president. Now tell me who is here to see me.

Karl Rove: It's your friends from Texas.

Friends from Texas: Howdy Georgie. How they hangin'?

Bush: I am the president. I bet ya'll forgot that. El presidente. The top enchilada. And what I say goes. So nah, nah, nah.

Friends: We know you're the president George. We helped pay to get you here. Now it's our turn to collect, we want that Eye-Racky oil. Whats taking so long?

Bush: President. President. Me, me, me. The. President.

Karl Rove: You guys need to be patient.

Sec. of State Office Douchebag Dude: We're working on it. We got the Iraqis killing themselves as fast as we possibly can. We have to make it look legit.

Friends: Who the hell are you buddy?

Karl Rove: He's the new Secretary of State.

Sec. ODD: That's right I took her job.

Condi Rice: Will someone please look at my circle?

Fox News Guy: It's above your waist dumb ass.

Bush: Yes? Did someone call me?

Fox News Guy: No, I was just talking to her.

Bush: You was scamming fur, being Raymond Burr, talking to my chur.

Karl Rove: Look Steve, you run up stairs and get the chaps on sugar booger, and Daddy will be up in a minute.

Fox News Guy: Ok, but remember tonight's safe word is "pelosi."

Bush: Pelosi? She's here too? I'm the president. Not her. She a slur, a Texas cur, a fuzzy blur.

Karl Rove: No, George, she's not here.

Bush: Yes she is. I feel an evil presence.

Michelle Malkin: That would be me sir.
Bush: What you want baby cakes?

Malkin: I want you to speak out against the Mexicans for booing Miss USA at the pagent. They were despicable.

Bush: I might just do that honey bunny. I got the time after all, I did hire me a war czar, so hell yes, I got lots of time now.

War Czars: Hell yes, speak out. Give 'em hell boss.

Friends: Holy shit, is that a baby pouring beer down a red neck's open pie hole?

Karl Rove: That is our new war czar. Show some respect.

Bush: R E S P E C T, find out what this means to me. Sock it to me.

Friends: Is he all right? He looks all crazy googly eyed and shit and he smells like he's been drinking Aqua Velva.

Bush: Make me smell ya, going to Selma.

Karl Rove: He's the president, of course he's fine. Anything the president does is fine and since it's him doing it, it's automatically legal.

Bush: Auto legal, grab a beagle, chug some Chivas Regal.

Jenna Bush: Somebody mention having a drink? Cos' I could totally use one. Maybe two or fif-fucking-teen!! Partayyyyy!

Karl Rove: Condi, get her out of here.

Condi: Yes Daddy. Come on Jenna, let's go and you can tell me whats new.

Bush: What's new, twats two, kiss a Jew.

Friends: (in a whisper) Man he's gone nuts. Maybe we better go.

Bush: Mash a screw, mah balls are blue, I love the needs of the few. scooby dooby doo.

Karl Rove: Maybe you should leave guys. Seriously, there's nothing wrong with him, he's just hungry.

Bush: (sings) I'm hungry like the wolf! Doo doo doo, hungry hiking neuf. Volleyball spiking poof. My name is Rio and I dance up on some jam.

Friends: Nope. He's not hungry, he's gone nuts.

Bush: (still singing) I've got a lovely bunch of coconuts, see them all standing in some snow.

Karl Rove: If you promise not to tell anyone about this and you go upsatirs right now, I'll let you play grab ass with Jenna and Condi.

Friends: Deal.

Karl Rove: Come on George, it's nap time honey.

Bush: (yawns) Ok Daddy. I wuv you.

Karl Rove: Sleep tight Georgie. You let me and the rest of the grown ups handle everything.

Bush: (big yawn) But I'm still the president, right?

Karl Rove: Sure Georgie, sure you are.

News About FOX "News," or How to be unbalanced, unfair, and unhinged

We noticed as we flipped past FOX "News" the other night that Michelle Malkin, the woman who says it was cool that we locked up all those damn dirty Japanese American citizens during WW2 because one of them was bound to be a spy and it's okay for her to say that because she is of Asian descent herself, has been subbing for O'Rielly, aka Loofah Lad. It struck us that now that she has crossed the line from being an annoying, asinine, and un-American guest on that network to actually hosting a show on it, that the FOX "News" Channel is not anything less than an organ of the right wing nut bags in this country.

La Malkin, seen here getting ready to spit venom at an unsuspecting child, is nothing more than a right wing apologist who would never find a place hosting a show on any respectable news organization.

But since FOX does not care about being objective she has found a place to spew her hate. That's the liberal media for ya.

But why has been Bill-Oh been gone so much recently? Has he found some one who appreciates loofahs as much as he does? Or is he too busy thinking up new derogatory names for his perceived enemies?Bill-Oh, seen here showing the ladies just what they can expect from him, may be back on the air soon.

In other news about FOX "News," the debate between Salt Lake City Mayor Rocky Anderson and Sean Hannity took place last week and it appears, to all sane people and simians anyway, that Rocky kicked Hannity's scrawny white ass. As Burgess Meredith surely must have said in one of those damned Rocky movies, "Way to go Rock!"

However, it was a quiet week for FOX's John Gibson, he spent the past few days begging any woman who would look his way to mate with him so that he could increase the number of white births in this country.

We're not sure how any woman could refuse a slice of that beefcake, hubba hubba.

And finally the four horse persons of the Apocalypse stand ready to do what ever it is they're supposed to do when the poop hits the Christian fan. They're just waiting for the word from on high or the next commercial break.