A Fox News viewer, the early years

Family bonding

They loved watching Fox News, it reinforced all their prejudices and fears.

And now a message from the President of the United States of America

My fellow Americans I come before you tonight with some very troubling news. It seems that traitors and Nancy boys have infiltrated our military. Before this got too out of hand, I instructed this nation's new War Czars to come up with a plan to combat this insidious plot both here and abroad.

They done that job real quick and they got back to me with the following recommendations:

First thing we will do is to bring them dissident troops home and then when they get back here, we ship them back to Eye-rack. They'll be so disorientated they won't have time to be all hatin' on my war and stuff.

B, we will get all our Middle East intelligence from the Israelis now. They are, after all America,

God's chosen people and that means they can't tell us a lie or get anything wrong.

With that base covered, our three thing will be we will send in more troops to secure Baghdad. They will be led by a team of stone cold killin' machines. But you might remember them from their big hit back in the 1990's Mmm Bop. That's right America, I'm sending in the Hanson brothers to lead the next surge.

Finally, America we will be using methods of spying on traitors here in America that were pioneered by the Department of Homeland Security of Alabama.

Anyone who buys the ingredients to make hummus,

or who buys couscous,

or who buys too much lamb will be placed on a watchlist and monitored.




I know that there are groups of people out there who will not mind these drastic measures and who support anything I do, and to those groups, I say "Thanks."

And the fifthly thing we will be doing is to crank up our super patriot breeding program. The first pair of patriots have been chosen and they will commence to breedin' soon.
All children born to the couple in our super patriot breeding program will be sent to Eye-rack to kill evildoers.

That is all I have to say right now America, except that I am hungry and would like some pork rinds and maybe a Pabst Blue Ribbon. Good night and happy Memorial Day.

News About FOX "News," or How to be unbalanced, unfair, and unhinged

We noticed as we flipped past FOX "News" the other night that Michelle Malkin, the woman who says it was cool that we locked up all those damn dirty Japanese American citizens during WW2 because one of them was bound to be a spy and it's okay for her to say that because she is of Asian descent herself, has been subbing for O'Rielly, aka Loofah Lad. It struck us that now that she has crossed the line from being an annoying, asinine, and un-American guest on that network to actually hosting a show on it, that the FOX "News" Channel is not anything less than an organ of the right wing nut bags in this country.

La Malkin, seen here getting ready to spit venom at an unsuspecting child, is nothing more than a right wing apologist who would never find a place hosting a show on any respectable news organization.

But since FOX does not care about being objective she has found a place to spew her hate. That's the liberal media for ya.

But why has been Bill-Oh been gone so much recently? Has he found some one who appreciates loofahs as much as he does? Or is he too busy thinking up new derogatory names for his perceived enemies?Bill-Oh, seen here showing the ladies just what they can expect from him, may be back on the air soon.

In other news about FOX "News," the debate between Salt Lake City Mayor Rocky Anderson and Sean Hannity took place last week and it appears, to all sane people and simians anyway, that Rocky kicked Hannity's scrawny white ass. As Burgess Meredith surely must have said in one of those damned Rocky movies, "Way to go Rock!"

However, it was a quiet week for FOX's John Gibson, he spent the past few days begging any woman who would look his way to mate with him so that he could increase the number of white births in this country.

We're not sure how any woman could refuse a slice of that beefcake, hubba hubba.

And finally the four horse persons of the Apocalypse stand ready to do what ever it is they're supposed to do when the poop hits the Christian fan. They're just waiting for the word from on high or the next commercial break.