Deep in the bowels of the White House 2

With his poll ratings dropping faster than a "To Catch A Predator" contestant's pants and the dead bodies in Iraq and Afghanistan rising quicker than the average American's credit card debt, the Idiot in Chief has become increasingly snappish and ill tempered. Some say he has a "bunker mentality." Our Monkey Muck microphones caught this conversation in the White House just the other day:

President Bush: I am the president. The president. Do ya'll hear me? I am the president. Now tell me who is here to see me.

Karl Rove: It's your friends from Texas.

Friends from Texas: Howdy Georgie. How they hangin'?

Bush: I am the president. I bet ya'll forgot that. El presidente. The top enchilada. And what I say goes. So nah, nah, nah.

Friends: We know you're the president George. We helped pay to get you here. Now it's our turn to collect, we want that Eye-Racky oil. Whats taking so long?

Bush: President. President. Me, me, me. The. President.

Karl Rove: You guys need to be patient.

Sec. of State Office Douchebag Dude: We're working on it. We got the Iraqis killing themselves as fast as we possibly can. We have to make it look legit.

Friends: Who the hell are you buddy?

Karl Rove: He's the new Secretary of State.

Sec. ODD: That's right I took her job.

Condi Rice: Will someone please look at my circle?

Fox News Guy: It's above your waist dumb ass.

Bush: Yes? Did someone call me?

Fox News Guy: No, I was just talking to her.

Bush: You was scamming fur, being Raymond Burr, talking to my chur.

Karl Rove: Look Steve, you run up stairs and get the chaps on sugar booger, and Daddy will be up in a minute.

Fox News Guy: Ok, but remember tonight's safe word is "pelosi."

Bush: Pelosi? She's here too? I'm the president. Not her. She a slur, a Texas cur, a fuzzy blur.

Karl Rove: No, George, she's not here.

Bush: Yes she is. I feel an evil presence.

Michelle Malkin: That would be me sir.
Bush: What you want baby cakes?

Malkin: I want you to speak out against the Mexicans for booing Miss USA at the pagent. They were despicable.

Bush: I might just do that honey bunny. I got the time after all, I did hire me a war czar, so hell yes, I got lots of time now.

War Czars: Hell yes, speak out. Give 'em hell boss.

Friends: Holy shit, is that a baby pouring beer down a red neck's open pie hole?

Karl Rove: That is our new war czar. Show some respect.

Bush: R E S P E C T, find out what this means to me. Sock it to me.

Friends: Is he all right? He looks all crazy googly eyed and shit and he smells like he's been drinking Aqua Velva.

Bush: Make me smell ya, going to Selma.

Karl Rove: He's the president, of course he's fine. Anything the president does is fine and since it's him doing it, it's automatically legal.

Bush: Auto legal, grab a beagle, chug some Chivas Regal.

Jenna Bush: Somebody mention having a drink? Cos' I could totally use one. Maybe two or fif-fucking-teen!! Partayyyyy!

Karl Rove: Condi, get her out of here.

Condi: Yes Daddy. Come on Jenna, let's go and you can tell me whats new.

Bush: What's new, twats two, kiss a Jew.

Friends: (in a whisper) Man he's gone nuts. Maybe we better go.

Bush: Mash a screw, mah balls are blue, I love the needs of the few. scooby dooby doo.

Karl Rove: Maybe you should leave guys. Seriously, there's nothing wrong with him, he's just hungry.

Bush: (sings) I'm hungry like the wolf! Doo doo doo, hungry hiking neuf. Volleyball spiking poof. My name is Rio and I dance up on some jam.

Friends: Nope. He's not hungry, he's gone nuts.

Bush: (still singing) I've got a lovely bunch of coconuts, see them all standing in some snow.

Karl Rove: If you promise not to tell anyone about this and you go upsatirs right now, I'll let you play grab ass with Jenna and Condi.

Friends: Deal.

Karl Rove: Come on George, it's nap time honey.

Bush: (yawns) Ok Daddy. I wuv you.

Karl Rove: Sleep tight Georgie. You let me and the rest of the grown ups handle everything.

Bush: (big yawn) But I'm still the president, right?

Karl Rove: Sure Georgie, sure you are.