Here's a scary joke for you on Halloween

The disgraced director of FEMA under Bush Jr asked why the response to Hurricane Sandy was so quick. 

What?  That's not a joke?  Former horse show judge Michael 'Heck of a job Brownie' Brown really said that?  Holy fuck, how that guy can show his face in public is a mystery to me.

My pick for POTUS

In 2008 I was in the tank 100% for Obama.  A McCain/Palin presidency administration would have been a disaster for us.  Initially I was behind what President Obama was doing, expanding SCHIP, enacting the Lily Ledbetter Act, and other things but as time went on I began to see Obama betraying his progressive principles and steering the USA further to the right.  He accepted Republican talking points that the federal budget is out of control and that Social Security is the cause of it.  He did not follow through on his promises to reform the Patriot Act.  He went after whistleblowers in the government and he cracked down on medical marijuana.  He flatly refused to consider a single payer national health insurance for all option in his health care overhaul.  He unjustly imprisoned Bradley Manning and is denying him his right to a fair and speedy trial.  He's bombing innocent people in Pakistan and he refuses to end the boondoggle in Afghanistan.  So for those reasons I can't support him this time around.

Since I don't support Obama, then I must support Romney, right?  No.  Hell no.  A Mitt Romney presidency would be an unmitigated disaster for us.  He'd tank our economy even further than Bush did and he'd jump in and start a war with Iran the first chance he got, he'd go to war with Iran to prove he's more pro Israel than Obama is.  A Romney administration would be a disaster for senior citizens, working people, women, and everyone but the top one percent of the economic pile.  He'd be a president for the Fortune 500, not for the average working American.  He's shown that he'll say anything and take any position he thinks you want him to have in order to get elected.  He's as phony as the day is long in Alaska in the summer time.

Since I'm not supporting either of the corporate cash polluted two party system candidates, then who am I behind this time around? 

I'm voting for Rocky Anderson of the Justice Party.

Rocky is anti war, pro peace, pro green, pro working people, and pro women.  His positions differ little from Jill Stein of the Green Party, who I also respect and like.  You can read more about Rocky and the Justice Party by clicking here.  I want a sustainable peaceful future for the USA, that's why I support Rocky.

Now some of you will be screaming that by voting for Rocky I'm helping Romney win.  That's bullshit.  If we had direct election of the POTUS then you might have a point, but since we have the electoral college system, my vote doesn't mean anything unless I vote for the person who wins my state, and that person is going to be Romney.  Since Obama won't win TN, I might as well vote for a candidate who's positions I support, and that person is Rocky Anderson. 

If I love din a state that is 'in play,' then I might vote for Obama, but I seriously doubt it.  I'm through voting for someone I don't support out of fear that his or her opponent might win.  I'm voting for people who I want to win, not against someone I want to lose.

Blood and guts movie reviews

Japan's economy tanks, unemployment soars, disaffected kids begin to take out their frustrations on adults, especially teachers in the nation's classrooms.  In response, the government passes a law that says kids in unruly classrooms can be herded off to islands and be made to fight one another to the death until there is one kid left standing.  That's the premise of this action packed violent as hell film starring Japanese gangster film icon Beat Takeshi.  He plays the teacher to a particularly horrid set of teenagers who get shipped off to the Battle Royale island.  The kids are given a backpack with a little food and a weapon, some get knives, others get guns, while others may get a pot lid, a taster, or an axe, and they have three days to fight it out and kill one another until only is left.  The kids are repulsed at first but they eventually get into it.  Some form alliances, some of those alliances end up not working due to mistrust and paranoia, and some try to opt out and of course they end up dead.

It's all very violent and the body count in this film is astronomical, but it's all kind of cartoony and unrealistic.  There is a plethora of overacting, Japanese style, in this film, and there's a slew of super cute teenage girls and boys in it too.  I found it all highly enjoyable and perversely fun.  Accept it for what it is, and don't attach deep meanings to it and you'll find it fun too if you like action films.

House of the Devil is a slow as molasses and ultimately really bad almost unwatchable horror film.  I was pre programmed to love this film, it's got many people who I love in it, Tom Noonan, Mary Waranov, Greta Gerwig, Dee Wallace, and it's a horror movie homage to the 1980's horror films I cut my teeth on.  But I fucking hated it.

Why did I hate it?  Here are some of the many reasons:

• The lead actress was as charismatic and interesting as a fitted sheet.  She was the most bland boring lead in the history of cinema.  She gave made Timothy Dalton's James Bond look like Lawrence Olivier.  Watching paint dry is more exciting and interesting than watching her mope her way through this film.
• The film was s..............l............o...............w.  Excruciatingly slow.  It clocks in at around an hour and a half but it feels like it's about 6 hours long.
• They killed off Greta Gerwig way too early.  Once her character died, it felt like they let the air out of this movie.

I could go on and on but I won't.  If they'd cast the lovely Ms. Gerwig as the lead, maybe this turkey could have flown.  But they didn't and this turkey lands with a thud.  Avoid it like you'd avoid an overly handsy relative at a family reunion.  

Awesome Aussie gal of the week

Georgina Haig.

Close, but not quite there

I'm working on designs for this year's linocut based holiday cards.  I like these skinny trees, but I think I can do better.  I'll keep going until I'm happy. 

This is the best thing I've seen in a long long time

A rebooted classic.

It's time for another episode of Dr. Monkey's Round Table

Before we jump into today's round table questions and answers, let's meet this week's panel.  Please give a big Dr. Monkey's Round Table welcome to:

Hans Sigfried, German poet and horse gelder

 Dr. Wilma Junkass, assistant department head of janitorial studies

 

Beverly Beaver, Avon lady, undercover CIA operative, and professional mime

 Rev. Dale Lauderback, minister of the First Methodist Presbo Baptist Church of Gyno Springs, OR.

 Skeeter Dupree, check out girl at the 7-11 down the street from you

 Mrs. Babs Griftnickel, CEO of Concerned Mothers of Multi National Corporations and amateur dentist

 Julia Hodges, life model, life guard, and life coach

 Hon. Rep. Sandy Sandusky (R) Middlesboro, KY

 Henrietta 'Hank' Kaufman, astrologer, astrophysicist, and astroturf smoker

 Pat Linkedin, professional salesman and small time safe cracker

 Baroness Cutty Sark, European noblewoman, disease carrier, and romance novelist

Hilda Van Tittigen, stand up comedian and baby monitor.

Well, it looks like we're out of time this week.  Tune in next week for another scintillating episode of Dr. Monkey's Round Table.

Je suis un cinéphile

I watched two French films recently.

Everybody is getting sexed up in this hot to trot French family except the youngest son and after he gets caught  beatin' his baguette in biology class, his mom, a super hot blonde hottie, decides to poke her nose into everyone in the family's sex life.  I thought at first this was going to be one of those Euro incest epics where the hot mom introduces everyone to sex but as the film wore on I was proven wrong.  Everyone does have sex a lot in this film, mom and dad, grandpa and his hot hooker, the adopted daughter and her boyfriend, the oldest son and his bisexual lovers, and finally the youngest son with his semi exhibitionist girlfriend.  And really, that's pretty much the plot, everyone has sex with their partners.  It's all very pretty to look at and kind of hot as well, but it's all essentially fluff.  No deep plot points, no messages, just cute French people having loads of sex.  Not that I'm slamming it, I'm not, the thing is the film is like a Hostess fruit pie, it's very tasty and you enjoy it while you're eating it, but it's not that nutritious and you feel kind of guilty for eating all the empty highly processed sugar drenched calories when you're done with it.  If you're into seeing good looking French people getting it on, you'd do better to look up French porn on your computer, at least that way you'd see the 'full Monty.'

The other French film I watched recently also deals with sex, but not in a lighthearted or sexy way.  The Story of Women tells the story of a woman in Nazi occupied France in WW2.  Her husband is injured and in a hospital and she's not sure if he's coming back or not and she's got two small children to care for, so she ends up becoming an abortionist.  She helps women who feel they've got too many kids already, women who've gotten pregnant while their husbands are in POW camps, and women who the Germans knocked up.  While enjoying the monetary success of her 'favors' she meets and befriends a prostitute.  She allows the prostitute to use a room in her house to entertain her clients in exchange for a cut of the money made.  Things go smoothly until her husband shows back up and she discovers she doesn't find him sexually attractive anymore, so he cuckolds him.  Things then go downhill for her from there. 

This film a a very powerful heartbreaking story about what people will do to survive and thrive under harsh conditions.  Isabelle Huppert is magnificent as the anti heroine of this movie, I say 'anti heroine' because it's hard to like her character since she uses and abuses people on her way to making sure she and her kids are taken care of no matter what.  Huppert is beautiful, brittle, and in the depths of self delusion in this film.  She does whatever it takes to be on top, no matter who she hurts or accidentally kills, it's all about her.  Right up until they execute her for crimes against the state, she thinks that she might still be set free because she's a pretty woman with a tiny bit of talent.  Her delusions are heartbreaking, her relationship with her husband is heartbreaking, the toll her favors take on innocents around her is heartbreaking, and how it all affects her kids is heartbreaking. 

But for all the heartbreak and bad behavior, this film is a must see.  It's haunting and incredibly well acted, shot, and directed.  It's a modern masterpiece.

Blockhead

A new linocut with a human body.

Go gentle in to that good night

Our country lost a great man the other day when George McGovern passed on.  If he'd been elected in 1972 and had gotten to work with the Democratic party controlled Congress, I can only imagine how great the USA would be today.  We'll surely miss statesmen and leaders of his caliber and conviction. 

Rest in peace sir and thank you for you many years of service to our country.

Fall colors

Fall is colorful around my town.

Things I've learned along the way

I may have posted some of these things before, but here's some of the major things I've learned in my first 50 years:

• Never be afraid to ask for help.  You can't do everything by yourself, sometimes you need help.  It's not a sign of weakness to ask, it's a sign of stupidity to not seek it when you need it.
• Never do business with anyone who won't look you in the eye, who uses a Jesus fish in their print ads, or who tells you they are a Christian within 30 seconds of meeting them.  All three of those groups of people will fuck you over in a heartbeat.
• The people closest to you are often the most toxic.  And by the 'people closest to you' I mean your family. Sometimes it's best to cut them loose and ignore their bullshit.
• Never get your car worked on at an auto repair shop that has the word 'Budget' in it's name. 
• Never do car or home repairs on the cheap, always pay to get the job done right the first time.
• It's okay to ignore some people when you're out in public.  
• Doing the right thing and doing what your religion asks of you are most often not the same thing.  
• If other people can make you happy, then they can make you unhappy.  Be happy for yourself, not for others.
• Don't go to college or go into a certain field of employment because others want you to, go to college or a particular field of employment because you want to.
• If you're guy who is living on your own, buy the least expensive household items (dishes, silverware, pots and pans) you can get because when you meet a woman and you move in together, she's going to make you get rid of what ever you have.  So there's no need to buy the best if you're just going to get rid of it.
• Don't be a lazy whiny dick, learn how to cook, how to do laundry, how to change a flat tire, how to mow a lawn, how to do minor toilet repairs, and how to install a door knob.
• Never be afraid to tell someone you don't know something, especially if you're doing business with them.  There is no way you can know everything and people will more often than not respect you for you honesty.  And if they claim that you should know everything, then don't do business with idiots like that.

Happy birthday to me!

Sparky is making me a black forest cake to celebrate my 50th.

Those wacky Romney's, they sure can bring the stupid.

• Mitt, do you not realize people will call you on your lies about your days as governor of Massachusetts?  The only binders full of women you ever complied was binders full of female donors.  
• Ann Romney, you're right serving as a missionary is just like serving in the military in a time of war, except that it's not.  Not by a long shot.  People who serve in the military are serving their country, missionaries on a church mission are serving their church.  But you're so fucking brainwashed you wouldn't see the difference would you?  
• Tagg Romney, I don't recall you saying that you wanted to take a swing at any of the white guys in the Republican debates who called your daddy a liar.  Perhaps you only want to hit black people because deep down you still subscribe to your church's doctrine that says blacks are inferior to whites and therefore it's fine to fantasize about slugging them.  Or perhaps you just hate it that your rich white daddy got put in his place by a black man and an overweight woman.  Dude, get used to it, us white people will soon be in the minority. 

The level of rich white entitlement that the Romney family exudes is unbelievable.  They believe actually believe the lies they tell and what the adoring dolts on Fox News say about them. 

A few new works

I'm putting human bodies on my animal head linocuts, I feel like Dr. Moreau.

Film reviews

Intruders is a slick little thriller that folds in on itself.  It's the story of what happens when a little boy and a little girl, years later, dream about the same faceless figure who is out to torment them both.  The film is told in two parallel stories that dovetail together in a surprise ending.  It's very entertaining and I quite liked it, even if they did waste the lovely Dutch treat Carice Van Houten in a small role.  

 Roadkill is a highly entertaining horror thriller that walks a fine line between being just another cheesy Aussie flick about bad shit going down in the outback and being a tight little horror thriller.  Two sexy young 20 something couples are on a camping trip in the outback when they get set upon by a demonic truck, or as they are known in Australia, a road train.  They undergo all sorts of hardships and injuries before they figure out the sinister secret of just what is propelling the truck.  I'd tell you more but if I did I'd give away a lot of the suspense and the fun of the movie.  I recommend this one for all fans of thrillers, the outback, and sexy young people.

Flame & Citron are two Danish freedom fighters who kill Nazis and Danish collaborators in the final months of World War 2.  They shoot and terrorize who they are told to and they do it without complaint, until they figure out they've been double crossed, perhaps even triple crossed.  This film, based in part on actual events, is very good, even if it does drag a bit in the last third.  The performances shine and the body count is astronomical.  It's violent but it's a war movie after all.  It's also surprisingly tender at times.  I highly recommend this subtitled Danish gem.

Action: The October Crisis of 1970 is an excellent documentary about the events that led up to the kidnapping of two upper echelon politicians in Quebec in 1970.  For many years English speaking Canadians ruled over the majority Franco-phone population of Quebec.  This film shows how that institutionalized oppression led to the Quebec separatist movement, an offshoot of which was the FLQ (aka the Quebec Liberation Front), which was responsible for many acts of domestic terrorism which included the kidnappings and the subsequent murder of one of the hostages.  I found this documentary to be terribly interesting and compelling.  It lays out all the facts with out any spin and it doesn't moralize or point fingers, it lets you decide who the villains and who the heroes of this crisis are.  I find Canadian politics and the crises of this era, the 1960's through the mid 1970's, to be very interesting, so I loved the heck out of this film.  I vaguely recalled some of these events when they went down, so it was nice to finally learn what actually happened.  I highly recommend this one.

This is why I should never be allowed out of the house with an ink pen

Click, then click again to get the biggest image possible.

Hurtling towards the half century mark

I turn 50 on Saturday.  Honestly, I never thought I'd make this far in life.  My mom didn't make it past 50 and my dad barely did.  Three of my siblings never got this far and I nearly didn't make it due to at various times, car accidents, an appendix that got infected and nearly ruptured, and a massive heart attack at age 42.  But here I am, still here.  If only I had life goals figured out early like this kid did:

I knew I wasted too much time on that whole 'getting a job and working' thing.  Ah well, perhaps it's not too late for me, after all I do have the first two things on that list.

I promise to be a fair minded ruler of the world if I do make that third goal on the list.  I'll shower you all with kindness while I hole up in my palatial mansion/under ground lair.

Bunny brings the cute

Oh noes!

This girl is holding her breath until Mittens releases a tax plan that isn't all smoke, mirrors, and right wing fantasies.  Poor thing, she'll probably die soon.

Just because I like you...

...here's a picture of Lexi Belle's 'O' face.

You're welcome.

So this is apparently a thing

There are some rightwingers and teabaggers who think Reagan balanced the national budget and eliminated the deficit.  I wonder how people could be so stupid then I remember that most of those people who think that, also think that the earth is a little over 6000 years old and that dinosaurs walked the earth with human beings.

TV reviews

Pramface is a sweetly funny very winning slice of life comedy about a horny teenager who sneaks in to a party, runs in to a beautiful drunk girl who is on her way to a promising college career, has sex with her, and gets her pregnant.  Turns out he's 16 and she's 18, which is a huge difference when you're that age.  The show follows the fallout of their coupling and pregnancy and it's effects on them, their friends, and their families.  It's a very sharp and witty show with great performances all around, especially from Scarlett Alice Johnson as the pregnant young woman and Yasmin Paige as the wanna be girlfriend of the young male lead.  The good news is there is a second series of this show in production now. 

Laid is laugh out loud funny show about a young woman with a peculiar problem.  It's not that she can't get laid, she can and does have a good bit of sex, but it turns out all the men she has had sex with at one time or another have died very prematurely.  They literally are dropping like flies and once she figures out the connection, she goes to all kinds of lengths to try and stop it.  The comedy of awkwardness triumphs in this show and what makes it even better than your usually good Aussie comedy, is that it's female centric.  Yes the female lead, the always luscious Alison Bell, is a hetero female who has sex with men, but the thing is it's about her, it's not really about the guys she's slept with. 

The aforementioned Alison Bell as Roo shines as the lead in this series.  She's beautiful, funny, and her reactions to having to tell her story are priceless.  Celia Pacquola, as her roommate and best friend EJ, is a winner as well.  She jumps in and tries to solve the mystery of her friend's killer vagina while she navigates a tricky relationship with her annoying boyfriend, played to perfection by Toby Truslove. 

If this series had been done by a network in the USA it would have been unwatchable because it would have had none of the nuance or different degrees of humor that this series has.  I can't recommend Pramface and Laid highly enough. 

Both are on Hulu and HuluPLUS.

Setting the record straight

 A local convenience store chain is raising money for St. Jude's Hospital.  For a donation, typically a dollar, you get to put your name or a message on a little card that they then hang up. 

Some idiot bought one and wrote this on it:

 As if to say, "That other person didn't love Jesus enough!," some other idiot bought one and wrote this on it:

 I had had enough.  I bought one and I wrote this on it:

It's true, science did help save that kid.  After all if prayer worked, then they'd have taken that kid to a church or a parsonage.  That shit doesn't work, science and medicine do .

Keeping score

The archdiocese of Atlanta says they can no longer contribute to a breast cancer charity because said charity gives money to Planned Parenthood.  PP, they maintain, is evil because abortion is among it's many services to women.  Never mind that it's a small part and what Planned Parenthood does is provide medical care to low income and working women, never mind that PP provides cancer screenings that save many lives every year, never mind that in some areas, a PP clinic is all some women have access to, they're evil in the eyes of the Roman Catholic church.

Here's what an organization that's really evil does:

• Cover up the world wide rape and abuse of children.
• Look the other way during the holocaust.
• Hinder the march of science and medicine because it conflicts with the stories told by the church.
• Take money from the poor, the destitute, the working poor, and use that money to amass a treasury that's full of art, antiques, gold, silver, and jewels.
• Advocate for the second class status of gays, Jews, and any other group they don't like.
• Keep women oppressed.
• Use the threat of eternal damnation to keep people in line and under their control.

Yes, that Roman Catholic church did and still does all those things.  If you're a member of that religion, then you're not only an idiot who's been fleeced for years, you're an accessory to all their crimes.  Your money, your time, your work for them helps keep this world divided and at war.  Your cash and prayers have helped countless priests get away with rape and abuse.  Your donations and support help deny gay folks equality.  So, congrats on all that you suckers,  and now, congrats on sentencing more women to death and helping to deny them basic medical care.  Well done religious people, well done indeed. 

As usual, and as history has shown us, humans will advance not because of people like the Roman Catholics, we'll advance in spite of them and their backward idiotic religion. 

You need to read this

I hope this helps anyone who can relate to it.

Crock pot apple butter

I made two batches of it.  It's very good.