So long Banquet Hall...

Give it up for our new house band, The Eager Beavers!

Sock monkeys!

Going down right now in Iowa

Newt is wondering where his support and his boner went.


Ron Paul is attending a KKK rally and demanding to know why you're calling him a racist.

I'm on the hustings drumming up support for the Monkey Party.

Michele Bachmann is praying her husband isn't gay.

Herman Cain is delivering 'the pizza.'

Rick Perry has finally learned to lick it before he sticks it.

Mitt is slowly turning into John McCain.

Rick Santorum and Jon Huntsman were spotted making out in a Motel 6 outside of Des Moines.

Household repairs

Fuck toilets.

Two reviews

The words that most describes this graphic novel are 'fragile' and 'delicate.'

It's about two French teenagers who are outsiders in most every way. The girl, Lucille, hates her body and is an anorexic as a result and the boy, Vladimir, holds himself responsible for his father's suicide. They finally meet about halfway through the book and they run off together and form a fragile delicate relationship that suffers a major shock.

This work is well written and well drawn. The illustrations are simple in style but they pack a big punch. Don't be daunted the size of the book if you ever pick one up, most of the pages are dialog free drawings.

I highly recommend this one.

This witty and urbane documentary will leave you with a smile on your face and a hunger for some Chinese food. Or perhaps Japanese food, depending on your preference.

The film tells the story behind fortune cookies in America. And yes, the ubiquitous Chinese fortune cookie that we know today was invented here in America. Unless it was invented in Japan that is. All sides of the story are shown and it's up to you to make up your mind as to which one is true, but really, does it matter?

This fun and winning documentary is highly recommended by this blog. The film is available on Netflix instant and it's also on the Snag Films channel on Roku.

A Monkey Movie Report

Meek's Cutoff is beautifully shot, well acted piece of unrelentingly bleak cinema.

This film tells the story of a group of settlers on the Oregon trail who lost their way and who just about have lost their will to keep going. Wagons break down, water runs short, members of their party start to falter, native Americans dog their wake, and yet they keep going even though some of them want to give up and turn back east.

The performances in this film are all quite good. Michelle Williams as the young wife of one of the leaders of the party is quite effecting. Her quiet resolve and resignation is tempered with a cautious optimism that's borne of necessity rather than belief, things can't get worse so they have to get better and soon is what her character must be thinking. Bruce Greenwood, hiding behind a wild and wooly beard and hairdo, is the vainglorious know it all scout who may be leading the party to their doom, it's his best role in years. Shirley Henderson, my Scottish adopted actor, see the side bar on this blog, is in this film and she's eerily good too. She was also another moody western a few years back if you remember, that film as called The Claim. And finally Rod Rondeaux as the Indian who is literally roped into going with the settlers party is also very good.

I recommend this film but be warned it's bleak and it has one of those endings that may unsettle some.

Here's your Boxing Day present

The most depressing doll ever made.

The 8 oader bill

The rain king's bitter tears now drip on to the 8 oader bill.

It's Chrimma day!

Santa rules.

Season's greetings from Monkey Buddha!

And from me too.

A cinematic appreciation

I first saw this film back when it came out in 1990, back when I was living in Roanoke, VA. I was the only person in the small art house theatre where it played. I remember thinking afterwards how much I loved it and how much I immediately wanted to see it again. Alas, my finances at the time prohibited me from seeing more than one film a week. When I finally got a VCR a few years later I kept looking for this film in every video store I went in. Alas, no luck.

After years of searching for it I decided that the film hadn't been real that it must have been some kind of hallucination that my feverish mind had made up. I chalked it up to those 5 or 6 hits of acid that I did back in the 1980's.

Amazingly enough, the other night Netflix instant streaming threw one of it's crazy lists up on my TV and there in a list if German language films was my beloved The Nasty Girl. I couldn't be 100% sure it was really there because unlike every other film and TV show on Netflix streaming, there was no poster for this film. So I clicked on it. And yes! It was really the film I had seen over 20 years ago. And yes, it was just as good, even better than I remembered.

The film is about a smart young woman from a close knit Catholic family in a small German town who wins an essay contest while in school. When another essay contest comes around she decides to enter it. The theme of this essay is 'My Town during the Third Reich.' As she researches the topic she finds out that the stories she grew up, that many in her town were brave resistance fighters and that the Jews of her town were treated better than elsewhere in Germany under the Nazis, weren't true. When it's obvious she might find out the real truth, the town's people set out to stop her, but in the end, the truth prevails.

This film is wonderful. It's a blend of straight ahead story telling, magical realism, a comedy of manners, a sweet romance between the title character and her husband, and what happens when the truth meets local legend. Lena Stolze is a standout in her role, she's in nearly every scene, and by the end of the film I defy you not to be in love with her. I suspect you'll also see how this film tells uncomfortable universal truths about uncomfortable situations in every town's history.

This film is firmly in my mythical top ten of all time favorites. I highly recommend you see it.

The heretic's dream of flight is on the 8:17 A bill

7.5" x 5.5" mixed media future currency from the past mythological art card. Minimum donation $25.

Happy solstice!

The longest night of the year, for most of us in the USA anyway, is tonight. I'll be using it to wish for a warm winter.

The usual suspects bring 'the stupid'

A person, a friend of a friend, on Facebook wanted to be cool and hip by knocking Christians who demand we all say 'Merry Christmas.' She agreed with our mutual friend that Christians are far too sensitive to people like me who refuse to say it but then went on to say that after all Christmas was only one day while the Jewish holiday this time of year is eight days long and so is Kwanzaa. Then she betrayed her true nature when she went on to claim "I personally think Kwanzaa is b.s..."

So basically she was okay with letting Christians have their holiday which celebrates the virgin birth of the son o' God and with the Jewish holiday which celebrates having a miraculous amount of oil for their lamps, both stories are religious fairy tales, but she's not okay with African Americans celebrating their African heritage. Nice racism you got there girl.

Another friend posted about his son's school, the Gideons had dropped off a bunch of Christian bibles to be given away to the kids. One mother, a non believer was furious that her son had been given one and she registered her dissatisfaction. Then one of his friends pointed out that kids are subjected to atheism every day in science class so what was the problem with them getting to see the other side of the issue.

Yeah, let that last sentence sink in.

As if science is intrinsically atheist because it teaches us things that contradict the Christian book of fairy tales. Teh stupid, it boggles the mind sometimes. I reminded this dunce that science isn't biased, it's impartial and factual. He shot back that evolution was only a theory and if not for the Christian bible we would not know compassion and how did evolution explain compassion anyway, did it evolve in us or something? Since there is no way to explain the facts to stupid people, I blocked him so I would have to see his stupid assertions. I sincerely hope the idiot hasn't reproduced, or if he has, I hope his kids evolve more than he has.

Monkey Movie Report

This film answers the burning question of what happens when your son, who is shaping up to be a major asshole, accidentally dies in an auto erotic asphyxiation accident.

This is a clever finely acted film and most of the credit for making this film work so well is Robin Williams. Wisely, the director reigned him in and didn't let him be the wild 'wacky' improv a minute Robin Williams who I have grown to despise to much lately. He's calm, controlled, and cool in this film and thank gawd for it. It wouldn't have worked otherwise. Daryl Sabara nails his role of the seething disgusting teenage son who snuffs it while dusting his dolphin.

I highly recommend this black comedy.

I ain't never satisfied

Current mythology bores me. It's been dissected, fought over, codified, redacted, and disseminated for centuries. We've got the Greek stories, the Roman, the Christian, the Norse, the Indian, the Native American, etc, etc, etc, ad nauseum. I'm sick of it all so I'm inventing my own.

Our culture at this point in history worships money so the mythology I'm inventing is currency based. My myths are the ones of the peoples who live in the 12 peninsulas. The peoples of the 12 peninsulas put their myths on their money so that every day they are reminded of their creation story, their heroes, their villains, their triumphs, their tragedies, and of what makes them them.

If you're a follower of my art page on Facebook then you'll get to see these mixed media collages as I make them. If you're not a follower of my art page on Facebook then that's your loss. I'm adding bits of the story as I post the collages and once I get them all done, I'm not sure how many there will be in all but do I have a number in mind, I'm going to publish them in an e-book format. In the e-book I'll flesh out some of the myths and characters that make up the peoples of the 12's collective myths. For instance right now all you know about this myth card/unit of currency is that the prayers of the Cranberry Pope for the crimson swimmers are ineffectual.
Later you'll learn why they are ineffectual.

And you'll learn why the release of the new Cluckers Day 8=8 bill is a cause for such joy.

Perhaps I'll also clue you in on what goes down when the Council of Four finishes their judgement of the multi hued astronaut. Or perhaps I'll leave that to your imagination.
Each of the original mixed media art card collages in this series are yours for a donation of $25 each to my PayPal account. I also take checks (US banks only) and money orders. I'm going to offer these through Society 6 as well, once I get signed up on there that is.

Old white guys wearing glasses weigh in on the issues of the day

Ripley Knockaround of Jupiter's Thigh, Iowa says, "I want to use live ammo in the war on Christmas. These Jewish atheist gay Muslims got to realize that we Christians are tired of being oppressed into saying 'Happy holidays' and 'Season's Greetings.' I'm ready for others to die because of my beliefs."

John Ivanisectickwi of Raleigh, North Carolina says, "I have a tiny penis. That's all."

Lurid Panhole of Whigs Bottom, Oregon has this to say, "Kim Jong Il may be dead but the love his people have for him will live on, much like the anthrax I spread in the local deli restrooms and truck stops will live on."

Dothan Larkswinger of Love Canal, NY is excited about Michele Bachmann. "I bet she's great in the sack. And the sack I mean is a burlap sack that's full of rabid badgers and a cinder block that's been tossed in a river."

"While you're reading this bullshit blog post gays are getting married and Mexicans are converting to Mormonism. And no, you can't have my name or city and state of residence."

A very Monkey movie report

This 1967 Japanese gangster film is so over the top that it redefines the words 'over the top.'

The anti hero, Japan's third ranked contract killer, has a fetish for the scent of boiling rice. In fact, it gives him a chubby. Yes, you read that right, the aroma of boiling rice takes our anti hero to the bone zone. But that's not the most over the top thing about him.

What sets our anti hero apart from the rest is his cheeks. He was either going through some serious dental work while filming this picture or he had implants put in there. Or perhaps he's got rice balls stuffed in his mouth and maybe this is where Marlon Brando got the idea to stuff his cheeks for The Godfather. But whatever it is, it's highly distracting.

"Distracting from what?," you might ask. Well as best I can describe it, here's what happens in this film:

• our anti hero decides to help out a former ranked killer who has gotten fired. They are to pick up a guy from point A and deliver him safely to point B. Assured that nothing could go wrong they jump in. Then everything goes wrong and the former killer gets killed, along with a bunch of other guys.
• our anti hero has wildly athletic sex with his comely young wife in their fabulous mid century modern furnished apartment. Then they decide to kill one another and they spend a good bit of the movie either sniffing boiling rice, having sexy sex, or trying to shoot, stab, or burn one another.
• our anti hero meets a mopey gangster gal who hires him to kill a foreigner, who looks Japanese. He fails and she says because he failed she must kill him but she wants to be killed too because she thinks she just a walking corpse. Of course they get naked at times, he sniffs boiling rice, they have sex, and then they try to kill one another.
• Pretty soon the film just devolves into a bunch of scenes where the anti hero with the chipmunk cheeks does crazy shit, cries, has break downs, wants sex, sniffs rice, and does other crazy looking shit.
• Then near the end they try to slap some semblance of a plot on the screen and they have chipmunk cheeks have a showdown with the number one ranked contract killer in Japan. They face off, have a bunch of weird bonding scenes, then they kill one another.

Yeah, it's as fucked up as it sounds but one thing is for sure, it's all visually striking and pretty fucking cool. The fact that it's shot in black and white makes it even better because color would have been distracting, it would have taken away from the essential craziness of the film. The women are super sexy, especially chipmunk cheek's wife, most of the other gangsters aside from chipmunk cheeks are cool as heck, and the interiors are chock full of cool mid century modern stuff.

As crazy over the top and disjointed as this film is, I still highly recommend it. It's a perfect example of Japanese excess storytelling and film making. They took what was thought of as a uniquely American genre and they put their crazy stamp on it. I loved this film.

Goya!

I'd like to build a time machine so I could go back in time to party with the great Spanish artist Francisco Goya.

Cooking with Dr. Monkey

Today's episode: whole poached chicken.

Start by filling a stock pot half way full of water and add a table spoon or so of sea salt, add more if you like it saltier.
Put the water on to boil.
As your water boils, clean out the inside cavity of the chicken. Toss out any livers, necks, or whatever else is in there. Then when your water comes to a boil gently slide your chicken in the water.
Let the chicken boil for 5 to 10 minutes then turn the burner off.
Cover the pot and let the chicken sit in the hot water for about an hour to an hour and a half. If you like, turn the burner back on and bring it to a boil again as you fix whatever else you're going to have with the chicken.

Cooking the chicken in this manner produces a super juicy moist end product. I usually make a soy dipping/drizzling sauce to go over the chicken meat the first night I make this. I put about one third cup of soy, a tablespoon of brown sugar, a spritz of lemon or lime, a chopped green chilli that's been deseeded and ribbed all together in a saute pan and I let it come to a boil and then I let it cool a bit, then I drizzle it over the chicken. I also usually serve mixed steamed vegetables (broccoli/cauliflower/snow peas/what have you) with this dish. And sometimes I make soba noodles with this chicken. It's dead simple to make, juicy, and delicious.

I use the left over chicken to make everything from quesadillas, chicken noodle soup, chicken salad, and chicken paninis.

We're not Jesus people

We're Santa people!

I tried

I watched about two thirds of this film last night. It's a late 1960's satire about American imperialism. What started out funny and trenchant soon morphed into something else. The first 30 minutes are hilarious, the second 30 grow tiresome because they keep beating the joke to death, I skipped the last 30 and watched the third episode of the first BBC Luther series.

No recommendation on this one. Watch it if you like. Meh.

Oops, he did it again

The Spineless Wonder is gonna do it again. He's going to cave to the military/corporate complex that really runs this country. He's not going to veto the awful defense bill that will allow indefinite detention of Americans in the name of the never ending wars of terror.

I voted for a change when I voted for Obama. What I got was more of the same. Fuck it.

I'll probably be in a solitary confinement prison cell next to Bradley Manning once President Traitor signs the bill. Happy fucking Christmas America.

Thanks

Many thanks to those who contributed to my fundraiser. I appreciate each and every one of you. Your generosity has touched me deeply.

And to my cousin who is fighting to get his donation back from me, you're scum. If the cost of the certified letter I sent your conceptual art cards to you is the price I have to pay to keep you out of my life forever then it was a great investment. I realize that you were raised with an incredibly huge sense of entitlement when it comes to me and my family, but seriously asshole, you need to get help so you can figure out why you have this deep sick need to be liked by those you used to bully. Consider yourself lucky you got the art cards I sent you. And you be sure to let the concept I wrote on them sink in that thick drug addled skull of yours, I know all those years of smoking pot have made you stupid, but damn, it's not that hard to figure out. I don't like you, I don't want to be around you, I don't want you to be around me, and none of that will ever change.

Self portrait with green hair and a monkey

4.5" x 6.5" mixed media collage on cardstock. Minimum donation $20.

A double movie report

Thanks to Netflix instant streaming I now get to see a bunch of Hammer horror films I missed out on earlier in life. I watched this one recently:
Once Hammer got the formula for these films down pat, there was no stopping them. The figured out how to make these kinds of film cheaply so they made a quick return on their investment and they churned them out like hotcakes. Which is not to say they were bad, most of them weren't, but just because they weren't bad didn't mean they weren't cheesy. And this one isn't bad but boy is it cheesy.

The film starts out with a scene, Van Helsing killing Count Dracula, that obviously been clipped from a previous film and tacked onto this one. Once they established the fact that ol' Dracula is kaput, they set about trying to bring him back to life in swingin' 1970's London. When the credits finish rolling we're treated to a scene inside a house where a bunch of groovy hip 30 year old teenagers are grooving to a rock band while snooty blue bloods with gray hair look on in horror. They quickly zero in on the main group of kids that the film revolves around, among them a young male character whose last name is Alucard (It's Dracula backwards! Get it?) and Van Helsing's great grand daughter, played by Stephanie Beacham who had some gravity defying breasts back in those days, and who sports the one of the worst hair cuts in the history of British cinema. On the plus side it also features the wildly sexy Caroline Munroe.

Beacham and her pals want nothing more than kicks, booze, dancing, music, and to wear bad clothes while sporting horrendous hairdos and side burns that would make Chester A. Arthur ashamed of himself. They let Alucard talk them into a black mass that will raise Dracula from the dead. The mass works, Munroe gets bitten and dies, and once the cops bring in Beacham's granddad, Van Helsing's grandson, played by a sallow looking Peter Cushing, things really get going.

Of course they get Dracula in the end and Beacham and her fine boobs don't go to the dark side. It's all pretty formulaic but it's fun. I loved the lengths they went to to try and cover Beacham's gawd awful shag haircut. The clothes and cars were a hoot as well. And perhaps the best thing about this film was the opening scene where the oldest teens in the world are grooving to the swinging sounds of the now forgotten rock band Stoneground. If you're looking for an hour and a half of cheesy horror, bad clothes, sexy women, and old dudes fighting it out, then this film is for you. I recommend it but I'm warning you it's cheesy as all get out.

I saw The General back when it first came out on VHS years ago and I recalled really liking it back then in the late '90's. I especially liked Brendan Gleeson's performance. I watched it again the other night and while I still liked it very much, I couldn't but think that deep down, no matter the amount of mythologizing and trying to make Martin Cahill look like a modern day Irish Robin Hood, he was nothing more than a criminal who gamed the system.

Cahill was a well known criminal who was famous for never doing a crime that he hadn't meticulously planned out. As time went on and his legend grew his crimes grew bigger and more audacious. And the response to them by the Irish police, known as the garda, grew more audacious. As happens to most all well known criminals, Cahill took one step too far, he tried to sell stolen paintings to the Ulster Volunteer Force, a Protestant paramilitary group that was at war with the IRA. When the IRA found out that he was selling them the paintings so they could resell them to buy more weapons to use against them, the IRA, as is the common thinking, had Cahill murdered. This film purports to tell Cahill's story from his beginnings as a petty thief up to the day the IRA had him whacked.

I still loved Gleeson's performance as Cahill and I really loved Maria Kennedy Doyle as his wife and Angeline Ball as her sister and Cahill's lover. Both women play tough roles with a great deal of tenderness. The rest of the cast is good as well, although Jon Voight appears to be out of his element. His accent isn't up to par and he looks out of place, although I'm sure director John Boorman cast him in order to secure financing.

As I said, I liked the film upon seeing it this my second time, but I had a few problems with it. The glorifying of the life of a common criminal is one problem and the other is Boorman makes it look like the garda was in collusion with the IRA in Cahill's murder.

All in all though, I recommend this film based purely on the performances of Brendan Gleeson and Maria Kennedy Doyle. They alone make it all worthwhile.