Just so you know

Music I hate includes:

• Doo wop
• Death Metal
• Trash metal
• The 'music' of Rush
• Art rock
• Classic rock
• Opera
• Christian hymns

But most of all I hate barbershop quartets.

I'd rather jam white hot ice picks in my ears than listen to barbershop quartets.

New specs

I know, I'm dead sexy.

Let's end the confusion once and for all

The name is not 'Monker-STEIN' as in beer stein or Einstein.  It's 'Monker-steen.'  Now, please go back about your business.  And don't forget to do your daily devotions to me.

Self portrait with green hair and a monkey

4.5" x 6.5" mixed media collage on cardstock. Minimum donation $20.

Meme-ing of me

I stole this meme from Samurai Frog.

Hi, my name is: Dr. Monkey/Monkey/Dogg/ Prairie Dogg/ PD/Steve
Never in my life have I been: Outside of North America
The one person who can drive me nuts is: driving an SUV, talking on their cell phone while driving, and has a Bush/Cheney bumper sticker on their gas guzzler.
High school: was fun and a great escape from my dreadful cousins and their crazy mother.
When I’m nervous: I repeat things. Repeat things. Repeat things.
The last song I listened to was: something I downloaded from RCRD LBL.
If I were to get married right now my best man/maid of honor: I'm not getting married right now.
My hair is: shortish.
When I was 5: I knew I was funny.
Last Christmas: we got ourselves some British comedies on DVD.
I should be..: a Powerball and or a Mega Millions jackpot winner by now.
When I look down I see: a rug I bought at Big Lots.
The happiest recent event was: the sun coming out and warming things up around here.
If I were a character on ‘Friends’ I’d be: fighting Chandler Bing to the death.
By this time next year: I'd like to have won the Powerball and or Mega Millions jackpot.
My current gripe is: shitty drivers in SUVs who talk on their cell phones and who have Republican stickers on their bumpers.
I have a hard time understanding: most Asian languages.
There’s this girl I know that: likes Pinot Noir.
If I won an award, the first person I would tell would be: whoever was closest to me.
Take my advice: don't ever do business with someone who puts a Jesus fish in their print ad or who feels compelled to tell you they are a Christian within the first three minutes of meeting them for the first time. One should be able to see if a person is a Christian by their actions and not by their loud proclamations.
The thing I want to buy: is a shopping center when I win the Powerball/Mega Millions jackpot. I'll turn it into a center for outsider art.
If you visited the place I was born: You'd see why I don't ever want to live there again.
I plan to visit: France and Italy when I win that jackpot.
If you spent the night at my house: we'd stay up late talking, laughing, and drinking.
I’d stop my wedding if: I was actually getting married.
The world could do without: people who take the metaphor of their religion too literally.
I’d rather lick the belly of a cockroach than: vote Republican.
Most recent thing I’ve bought myself: some pulp paperbacks and a couple of early '60's yearbooks from my college alma mater.
Most recent thing someone else bought me: beer.
My favorite blonde is: me.
My favorite brunette is: Sparky.
My favorite red head is: that chick from Mad Men.
My middle name is: James.
In the morning I: eat oatmeal with banana and brown sugar in it.
The animals I would like to see flying besides birds are: monkeys.
Once, at a bar: I got crazy ass drunk and I got up and danced on the top of a table.
Last night I was: laughing while watching The Mighty Boosh.
There’s this guy I know who: annoys the shit out of me, so I avoid him.
If I was an animal I’d be: A monkey dog hybrid.
A better name for me would be: Tubby.
Tomorrow I am: going to go to our friends Bob and Donna's house for a potluck with some friends. We're taking vegetarian sushi.
Tonight I am: going to relax.
My birthday is: October 20th.

Yo, ladies, do you think I'm the best looking simian in the blogosphere?

Thanks.

I spread sunshine and happiness every where I go

The other day I was in the check out line at Target and a little boy who was about 3 or 4 ran into my leg. He was wearing a tree bark cammo pattern puffy coat. So I said to him, "Oh, I'm sorry little man. I didn't see you standing there, you blended in so well with your cammo coat." His mother smiled and so did he. Then he said, "Ima git you," and he began walking towards me. When he got to me he let out a big roar, raised his arms, and he started scratching my belly. His mother pulled him back to her side and she said, "As you can see he's really shy." I laughed and said, "He reminds me of me when I was his age." Then I added, "And you can see how well I turned out."


Last night I was in a local grocery store and my cashier, a woman in her 60's, said to me as I was digging out cash to pay for my stuff, "I like your hair cut." That kind of surprised me because she rings me up all the time and I haven't had a hair cut in a little over a month and frankly I'm looking a bit shaggy.


I can only chalk these two incidents up to my animal magnetism. Yeah. That's it. My animal magnetism.