Why I hate Wal-Mart

Sure I hate Wal-Mart because they are a huge crazy greedy corporation that has put thousands of Mom and Pop businesses out of business. And yes I hate them because they pay their employees who slave away in their stores next to nothing and they do their best to stop those same employees from unionizing. And of course I hate them for advertising that they buy American whenever possible but in reality if they can get the same item made in China for a penny less then they say "Screw America." Yes, I also hate Wal-Mart because Hillary Clinton was on their board of directors for many years.


But my hatred for them runs deeper than those things. In fact I hate Wal-Mart for three very specific reasons. And those reasons are:


1) A few years back my girlfriend had her identity stolen by someone who was able to obtain a number of credit cards in her name, which they promptly ran up huge balances on and never paid off. One of the cards they were able to get was a Wal-Mart Visa/Mastercard that was backed by Chase bank. They were so fucking greedy to get that credit card business they did not bother to check out the bogus address this person used on their fraudulent credit card application. We went through hell getting her credit cleaned up and Wal-Mart never said they were sorry or that they even did anything wrong.


2) I used to have a membership to Sam's Club that was sponsored through a previous employer. I would buy mostly Marlboro Lights by the carton and beer by the twelve pack there, although sometimes I would relent and I'd get a couple palettes of picante sauce, a truck load of Apples Jacks, and if I was feeling good, a solid metric ton of prime rib, geez, no wonder I had a fucking heart attack and quadruple bypass surgery huh? Anyway, one day the gf and I were shopping there and we bought shit load of stuff. I paid and the cashier handed me my receipt.

As we were walking out the employee at the door said, "Can I see your receipt?" I handed it to her and I admit I was tired and cranky when I said, "You can keep it." And we proceeded to walk out.

The employee shouted after me, "Sir! You need your receipt!"

In not too nice a tone I told her to keep it and we proceeded to load up the car with our purchases. I figured that my trip to Sam's was done.

But when we got home the phone was ringing. I answered it and the manager of that Sam's Club was on the line. He wanted to know why I had been so rude and why I did not want my receipt. I told him that I was rude because I had to pay to be a member of his store in the first place and then I paid to buy all that shit and I felt it was pretty shitty of them to station an employee by the door to try to make sure no one stole anything. I went on to say that I did not need the receipt because we had bought only food items and we would not need to return any of them. He got huffy with me after that so I hung up on him.

I put the whole mess behind me and I went on with my life. About a month later I received an envelope from the local Sam's Club. I opened it and inside was a check reimbursing me for my membership and a note saying that I was no longer welcome in their store.


3) One day last December my gf took a day off from work and since we had not been out to lunch together in quite sometime I took us out to a local Thai restaurant. We had a nice meal and then we decided to go browse in the Barnes and Noble that is next door to this Thai restaurant. As we were browsing we heard a huge explosion and then we heard rocks and debris hitting the roof of the store. We looked at one another and then we heard a louder explosion and even more rocks and debris hit the roof and the power went out in the store.

Not being the brightest light on the Christmas tree I ran out of the store to see what was happening. It turned out that they were building a Sam's Club just up the hill from the plaza where the Thai restaurant and the bookstore were located. They were blasting rock out in order to make the future parking lot area level.

The parking lot looked like a scene from Lebanon in the 1980's or what like most of Iraq looks like now. Cars were smashed and debris was everywhere. My gf's Toyota Corolla, which had just been worked on to the tune of over $1000 was hit badly in the blast. The windshield was smashed in, the drivers side door was smashed up and the dashboard was hanging by a thread. Glass was everywhere in the car and it looked like hell.

A few days later they totalled out the car and we began trying to get her money out of the insurance company of the construction company that Sam's Club had hired to do the blasting. Their insurance guy was a total dick so we went through her insurance company and we let them go through the agony of dealing with that dick wad.

Neither Sam's Club nor Wal-Mart apologized for wrecking so many cars and nearly killing us and all those other people.

And that is why I hate Wal-Mart.

More Action Figures for Wal-Mart Shoppers!

Wal-Mart, in case you have not heard, is going to start selling Biblical Action figures soon in stores that have big sales of Bibles. So now your kids can have hours and hours of thrills playing with a graven image of our alleged 'Lord and Savior.' But for those times when plain old Jesus is not enough, there's Deluxe Jesus! Now with two jugs of water waiting to be turned into wine, 30 % more fish, and 15 % more loaves! He's also packing, if you know what we mean, under that robe.

The super prim and highly intellectual Jane Austen action figure had better watch out then! If Jesus gets a hold of her with his divine 'rod' and 'staff' there's no telling what ol' Jane might do!

Also new for the kids is Chuck Norris "barely in the closet" GI Joe. The gun and the knug fu grip mean he's all man but the swingin' medallion means he's all play when it counts!

For the less manly boy in your life there's the new George W. Bush/Trent Lott male cheerleader doll. This doll smashes through sexual stereotypes like a weaponized depleted uranium bomb exploding through an Iraqi home. "Rah, Rah, Rah!"

For the girls there's Skeletor,

and her sister Anorexia Disgustia! Also available is their bff action figure, Sassy Black Friend Man!

But the figures that are expected to take the toy and collecting world by storm is the Dr. Monkey Von Monkerstein trio of terror figures! You can get Communist monkey,

Teddy Kennedy at the beach monkey,

or smooth and silky monkey!
Collect all three or give them to a kid and stand back as that child's face is filled with delight.

Please note that not all figures will be available at all Wal-Mart locations.

Hey Mrs. Doyle

Yes?

Which one of these priests is nuts?

The late great Father "I swear that money was only resting in my bank account" Ted?

Father "We're not meant to take all the Bible stuff so seriously Ted" Dougal?

Father "Feck! Drink! Girls!" Jack?

or

Pope "All other Christian sects are not true Christian Churches!" Benedict

Surely that's a trick question. Why the last one of course. Nutty as fruitcake he is. My stars, why does he want the rest of the world to hate all Roman Catholics? His nuttiness is enough to turn a girl atheist! Or go runnin' inta the arms of Ian Paisley.

Now, who wants tea? You? Ahh go on, have some. Go on, go on, go on, go on. And maybe a sandwich too. But definitely tea, go on have some tea, go on. go on. go on, go on.

(If you haven't picked up Father Ted on DVD yet kids, then go out right this second and buy it or order it online, it's a favorite here at Monkey Muck HQ.)

Sorry guys

Hey you hackers in the Netherlands, your little hack didn't last long you Dutch pricks. It was pretty obvious that you hacked into my PC and so I did something about it. I disconnected my cable modem and went to Office Depot and I got an anti virus/anti spyware/firewall program. Guess what you pricks? The price was $39.99 but when the gal rang it up it rang up at $5.00. I told her the price difference, she checked it out, and she told me that the price she rang it up as was correct. So I got a 40 dollar anti your thieving ass piece of software for 5 bucks and change. After I installed it, it found your hack and booted you. So long you Dutch parasites. Bye bye Euro trash. Go hack your fucking selves and if I catch you with your wooden shoe wearing ass finger in a dyke, then I'm getting the Cap'n and she and I will kick your sorry asses from here to Ghent.

Note to self:

Never ever EVER go to Martin Luther King Jr Harbor Hospital in Los Angeles. They suck ass.

And the ER staff will let your ass die if you are vomiting blood.

Wal Mart hates nuns, Or this week's steel cage death match is the Greedy Bastards v. Girl Power

We found this news nugget via our pals at Raw Story:

Wal-Mart labels Boerne nuns a security threat
Nydia LopezKENS 5 Eyewitness News
It's a David versus Goliath battle heating up in the Hill Country — a group of nuns from Boerne is taking a stand against Wal-Mart.
The corporate giant reportedly labeled the nuns a security threat after they raised questions about Wal-Mart's business practices.
Sister Susan Mika is part of the Benedectine Sisters, which is part of the Interfaith Center on Corporate Responsibility. The center has been questioning Wal-Mart's business practices for years.
"We've been raising questions with them for about 17 years, so it's not like they don't know it," Sister Mika said.
Now, the sisters find themselves on Wal-Mart's security threat list. Sister Mika said the group has been wrongly labeled.
"In no way have we ever been a threat to the company in that sense. We might be a threat in the kind of question that we're asking, but not a security threat," Sister Mika said.
The sisters have raised questions on wages, human rights, health care and the pay disparity between CEOs and workers. They believe that's why Wal-Mart has launched a surveillance operation on the small church group.
"We wanted to find out more about what was actually happening, and did they do any surveillance on us, either personally or as a community, and to let us know what that would be, and to apologize to us," Sister Mika said.
Calls from KENS 5 to a Wal-Mart spokesperson went unreturned.
The nuns say they want an apology and will continue to raise concerns and issues until someone launches an investigation into thousands of allegations against Wal-Mart.

We here at Monkey Muck HQ have been boycotting Wal Mart for years now. How about you join us? Let's not give those evil bastards our hard earned money. They'll only use it to spy on nuns anyway.