Happy holidays from...

...Sister Mary Bad Ass.

A tale of two Prejeans

For your consideration:

Prejean #1Sister Helen Prejean, noted Christian who lives her faith by serving others and counseling death row inmates.

Prejean #2
Carrie Prejean, noted 'Christian' who is self serving and uses her surgically enhanced body to titillate others.

Sister Helen Prejean was portrayed in a film about her life by Susan Sarandon:
Carrie Prejean usually plays herself and plays with herself in films about her life but now that she's found favor with the Christian right she may want to get surgically enhanced porn actress Jenna Jameson to play her or play with her in a bio pic:
When it comes to choosing which Prejean I'd most like to spend time with, I choose the nun one over the one with the fake tits eight days a week and twice on Sunday.

A true story about telling a made up story

The fabulous D Cup's comments on our humble blog today reminded us of a story we made up one night on the fly as we played cards on Yahoo.

It was well past midnight here at Monkey Muck HQ and we, someday we will tell the story of why we use the royal 'we' most of the time, were playing Spades on Yahoo. The people we were playing against noticed that we were not saying much. They chided us for it and then went on with their banal banter. Things went on like that until one of them said to us that they were going to play slowly on purpose if we did not say something, so we started telling them a story.

Let us preface this story with the statement that our friend Todd loves to quote Nietchze for comic effect anytime he thinks the situation warrants it. And he loved to quote Nietchze on stage during our improv comedy shows.

Ok, on with the story we told the idiots we were playing cards with that night on Yahoo:

"I was having a cocktail late one night in my mansion on Sneetch Island when a blackbird flew in the through the window. It perched on the mantle and stared at me. I was creeped out.

Not too long after that Russell Crowe came in to my home and demanded that I let him use my cell phone. Not wanting any trouble and still creeped out by the bird, I of course quickly agreed to his request.

Just as he was about to dial the phone we heard screams coming from the nunnery down the road from my mansion. Russell and I ran out of the house and towards the nunnery. The bird followed us, eyeing me as it flew.

We ran into the nunnery and we saw the Abbess standing there in the foyer screaming at the top of her lungs. She was white as a sheet and her fists were clenched by her sides as she screamed over and over again.

Suddenly Russell Crowe became angry that all that was going on was us standing there watching the Abbess scream. He drew my cell phone back and he threw it at her with all his might. But before it hit her the blackbird swooped down and grabbed it out of mid-air.

Russell Crowe became disgusted with the whole scene so he stormed out in a huff. The Abbess stopped screaming and she began to stare at me. I was captivated by her gaze and so I started back. We stood there staring at each other, our eyes boring holes into one another.

Then all at once she turned and ran when she saw Russell Crowe come back in the room. I stood there dumbfounded. I looked over at him and I said, 'What just happened here?

He shrugged and said, 'Sometimes when you stare into the Abbess, the Abbess also stares into you.' "

Needless to say they all thought we were an idiot because they did not get the joke. As for us, we still laugh to ourselves when we see a nun, Russell Crowe, and or a blackbird.

Wal Mart hates nuns, Or this week's steel cage death match is the Greedy Bastards v. Girl Power

We found this news nugget via our pals at Raw Story:

Wal-Mart labels Boerne nuns a security threat
Nydia LopezKENS 5 Eyewitness News
It's a David versus Goliath battle heating up in the Hill Country — a group of nuns from Boerne is taking a stand against Wal-Mart.
The corporate giant reportedly labeled the nuns a security threat after they raised questions about Wal-Mart's business practices.
Sister Susan Mika is part of the Benedectine Sisters, which is part of the Interfaith Center on Corporate Responsibility. The center has been questioning Wal-Mart's business practices for years.
"We've been raising questions with them for about 17 years, so it's not like they don't know it," Sister Mika said.
Now, the sisters find themselves on Wal-Mart's security threat list. Sister Mika said the group has been wrongly labeled.
"In no way have we ever been a threat to the company in that sense. We might be a threat in the kind of question that we're asking, but not a security threat," Sister Mika said.
The sisters have raised questions on wages, human rights, health care and the pay disparity between CEOs and workers. They believe that's why Wal-Mart has launched a surveillance operation on the small church group.
"We wanted to find out more about what was actually happening, and did they do any surveillance on us, either personally or as a community, and to let us know what that would be, and to apologize to us," Sister Mika said.
Calls from KENS 5 to a Wal-Mart spokesperson went unreturned.
The nuns say they want an apology and will continue to raise concerns and issues until someone launches an investigation into thousands of allegations against Wal-Mart.

We here at Monkey Muck HQ have been boycotting Wal Mart for years now. How about you join us? Let's not give those evil bastards our hard earned money. They'll only use it to spy on nuns anyway.