What's Jeb going to do now that he's dropped out of the race?

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At home with Bert and Ernie and Cookie Monster

"Hey Bert, I bet you you can't show me anything that will scare the shit out of me."

"Here, does this photo of Phil Spector in prison scare you?"

"The glare off his nasty bald head is blinding me but he's not scary.  What else you got?"

"This photo of a remorseless bloodthirsty war criminal." 

"Disgusting but not scary.  We all know without Cheney behind him, he's an Ivy League wussy."

"Okay then.  Here's the stripper I hired for your birthday party."

"Shit.  Now I'm scared and hysterically blind.  Thanks a lot you bastard."

Get your facts straight

 Before you go around claiming that Obama's appearance on the Jimmy Fallon Show damaged the institution of the presidency, remember some of the things the idiot who preceded him did:

 kept us enslaved to foreign oil based dictatorships,

 mocked native peoples with his 'dancing,'

 took a record surplus and turned it into a record deficit in record time,

and then there was all of that stuff.  

Now, tell me, which president damaged the institution of the presidency, and our country more?

Credit where credit is due #2

Here's a list of things George W. Bush should get credit for:

• Letting the attacks of 9/11 tale place on his watch.
• Turning a record budget surplus into a record deficit.
• Starting two wars.
• Politicizing the science.
• Ruining FEMA.
• Being slow to help New Orleans in the aftermath of Katrina.
• Lowering our national infrastructure standards.
• Not going after corporate and white collar criminals.
• Taking away our civil liberties.
• Putting partisan hacks in charge of cabinet level posts.
• Being one of the most incompetent presidents ever.
• Ruining our economy by cutting taxes in a time of war.
• Doing nothing about unemployment.

He did quite a lot of things he should get more credit for, too bad for him most of the things he did were horrendous for our country.

Credit where credit is due

I'll give Bush credit for killing
Osama bin Laden just as soon as
he and Cheney start
taking the blame for letting the 9/11 attacks happen while they were in charge.

Where's George?

I went to my local corporate bookstore yesterday to look for a few things and I ended up doing a good deed. I helped George W's new book find it's rightful place on the shelves.

It was sitting in the 'New Books' section when I walked in and that didn't seem right so I took it here:But since he's not really a Christian because after all a real Christian wouldn't condone torture, start a war for oil, and be so awful and heartless towards the poor and working people, so I moved the book on to this section...
Alcoholism is a disease after all. And once and alcoholic, always an alcoholic. But I gave him the benefit of the doubt, he may have quit drinking after that last binge in Germany when he gave German Chancellor Angela Merkel that awkward back rub. So I pressed onwards to find George W a new home...
It didn't seem right to leave him in this section because as a nation we're a long way off from recovering from what he did to us. So we pressed onward...

He seemed at home here because of all the lies he told us while in office. Remember the fiction of that big 'Mission Accomplished ' banner? Even he regrets that fiction now. But still it didn't seem quite right to make that section his final home. So we went looking for a more suitable place...
Finally! Jackpot! Bingo! He was right at home in the 'True Crime' section because when all is said and done his crimes were truly many, he dragged us into two wars, he let corporate greed and corruption go unchecked, he let military contractors rape us and Iraq and Afghanistan, and he let the USA suffer it's most horrific terrorist attack while in office.

So rest easy little George W book, you're finally in the area of the bookstore you can truly call home!

Bush family memories

Laura Bush wants to remember her early days in the bosom of the Bush family but she can't due to the fact that she had to stay stinkin' drunk in order to tolerate being the newest member of the Bush family.
Jenna and Tonic remember Granny Bush chasing them around while threatening to put them in a jar with her dead miscarried fetus.

George Bush senior remembers the days when he bombed Iraq and it looked like he was a shoo in to be elected to a second term.

George remembers the day Laura gave birth to Jenna and Tonic and how he had to stop his mother from putting them in a jar for 'safekeeping.'

And the whole gang remembers when they were told by a lawyer that waterboarding, negligent homicide, and letting wolverines loose in day care facilities was legal.

Nothing like a good ol' self serving memoir by the worst president ever to get the old Bush family memories going.

Admission of guilt

Bush the Idiot, seen here enjoying a cool drink after a hard day of sitting on his ass and watching him some Cartoon Network,
finally came out and admitted publicly that he approved waterboarding. And most of us acted like his admission was nothing. No big deal.

Well kids, it was a big deal. In the words of our current Vice President, it's a big fucking deal.

You see, when the Japanese army waterboarded people in World War 2, we said it was inhumane and torture. When Texas sheriff James Parker and three of his deputies did it in the early 1980's they all got fired and were sent to prison for it and guess who prosecuted them for it, St. Reagan's Department of Justice. Military dictatorships in South America did and we loudly and publicly condemned them for doing it, but in private we shoved money and weapons at them because they kept the Commies out of this hemisphere. You see where I'm going with this, bad people used waterboarding. Slimy human right violators used waterboarding and most all of them were imprisoned for doing so. Except for George W. Bush and Dick Cheney.

If it's wrong for the Japanese to do it in World War 2, then it's wrong for us to have done it. If that sheriff in Texas got four years in prison for doing it, then Bush should be tried and convicted for doing it. The fact that a privileged white man ordered people to torture in the name of the USA doesn't make it right. If it's a war crime for Asians to do it, it's a war crime for Americans to do it. And the excuse that 9/11 'changed everything' doesn't hold water. The bombing of the Twin Towers didn't make torture an accepted thing to do. The deaths of over three thousand people didn't make it suddenly right to torture. Wrong is wrong, no matter what.

It's a god damned shame that our establishment President, the man we elected because he told us he was going to change things and bring hope back, won't prosecute Bush for his war crimes. Well, to be honest, I see why Obama won't prosecute Bush. It's because Obama is a war criminal himself. His use of unmanned drones by is a violation of international law because the CIA is in charge of that program. If it was under the aegis of the military than it would be legal under international law, it still wouldn't be morally right, but it would be legal. Can't have one war criminal going after another, it just wouldn't be right. But the irony here is that if Obama ever orders the use of waterboarding, then the Republicans and the pundits in right wing echo chamber aren't going to pat him on the back and thank him for 'keeping America safe,' nope, they're going to scream that the negro socialist tortured people and he should be drawn and quartered for doing so.

So Bush dragged us into the torture gutter, got us mired in two wars we can never ever 'win,' (although I'm not sure just what there is to win in Iraq and Afghanistan), and made the use of torture an acceptable part of intelligence gathering. And he walks away from all of it with a smirk on his face and a spring in his alcoholic step. It's times like these that I wish the Christian fairy tales were true and that there was such a place as hell and that Bush and all the others who were in charge and who ordered the waterboarding torture of others would spend the rest of eternity in a lake of fire getting burned and gang raped by hoary demons and rabid animals.

Wait, no. That punishment is too good for Bush and his crew. Fuck it. History will judge them to be the craven stupid shortsighted bastards they really are and that's punishment enough I guess.

Bush the elder refuses to be seen in public with his dead beat son

No kidding, really, it's true. When Bush the elder found out his son was going to Ted Kennedy's funeral, he decided not to go. My sources tell me, "A spokesman for Bush said Friday that he and his wife, Barbara, decided not to attend Kennedy's funeral after learning their son, former President George W. Bush, would attend."

Pretty fucking harsh huh. Even his father won't be seen in public with him. I can't blame the old guy, I wouldn't want to be seen in public with a lyin' murderin' war criminal either.

The days are just packed! (A very special guest post by former President George W. Bush)

Hey, what's up America? Ya'll caught me havin' a snack! Heh, heh, heh, since I don't have me a chef no more I got to eat when and where I can, so ya'll excuse me while I finish up this here snacky thingy. Mmmmm, nom, nom, nom, this is so good! I wish ya'll could have a bite so ya'll could see how good it is. But ya can't, so there. And now I just ate it all up, so you'd be out of luck if ya'll was here, which you ain't any way, so there you go. Some of ya'll be wonderin' what I been up to since I got let out of office. Well, I ain't got no secrets any more so I'll tell ya exactly what ol' 43 has been up to lately.

I been spending quality time with the twins. Well, to be honest I been spending more time with Jenna rather than her sister. Me and Jenna like the same kinds of drinks and Jenna ain't developed Cyclops eye like her sister Not Jenna done went and did. I still love Not Jenna and all but dang her only having one eye in the middle of her face kind of freaks me out. I'm enjoying my time with ol' Laura now as well. She's a lot more mellow for some reason since I left office, which is cool. I seen my folks a few times since we left DC but it's been kind of weird. Daddy 41 thinks I'm momma and he keeps on hittin' on me. I think he's going senile or something. Speaking of 'or something' I been having bad dreams since I left office. I been dreaming about little brown kids crying and stuff. In my dreams they scream and cry and some of them is all red in the body in addition to bein' all brown skinned. Some of the kids is missin' arms and legs and heads and have holes in them and they chase after me in my dreams. Laura got worried, well when I say 'worried' I mean she got pissed off at me for waking her up at night with my crying from all the bad dreams and all and she got me an appointment to see a head shrinker.His name is Dr. Schadenfreude but I just call him Mike 'cuz I like the name, it's all manly and shit. Anyway, I been talking with Mike about my dreams and he says they is the least of my worries. He says I got illusions of grandeur and that I ain't got a gripe on reality. He's right about that last thing, I got no gripes against reality. I love reality, especially reality TV. Me and Jenna watch all them shows like American Idol, Survivor, America's Next Top Food Chef, I Was A Teenage Breast Feeder, Rural Gang Rape Follies, The Adventures of Kiko the Wonder Pony, and our new favorite

Meet the Bronstiens. Man who knew a show about a couple of dope smokin' Jews was so funny? Not me, that's who knew.

Anyways, since we moved from our place in Crawford, which I got to tell you I was happy as a pig in shit to get away from 'cuz damn,clearing brush gets old after awhile. Same thing with getting my ass bawled out by Cheney and givin' Condi a bikini wax. So what do I do with all that time I got from not clearing brush? Well, ya'll ain't gonna believe it but I done went and learned how to knit and crochet. My specialty is making saucy 1970's style berets for the ladies. I make a bunch of 'em and I been sellin' 'em at the local flea market.As ya'll can see, the chicks dig 'em.

That's all I got time to tell ya'll about now, I got to run. I'm late fer an appointment with Mike. I got to tell him about this dream I had last night where Laura was pulling my teeth out with a pair of rusty pliers while my momma stood beside her and called me a little girl 'cuz I was crying while my teeth was getting pulled. See ya'll later America, 9/11!

Don't let the door hit your lying, theiving, greedy, mudering ass on the way out you scum bag

Idiot W. Bush is no longer the President of this country.
And Darth Cheney is gone from the White House as well.

Hallelujah!

Let the historical judgement of the most hated President and Vice President ever begin.

The first family of delusion

The Bushes are the first family of delusion and here's why:

• Bush the first wants Jeb to be President. Or a US Senator from Florida. Can someone please tell that old obsequious bag of greed that this country is not his to play with? And right after you tell him that, please tell him that after the hit job his other son did on us it'll, hopefully, be a cold day in hell before we let anyone else who sprang from his loins be in charge again. I see why papa Bush wants Jebby in office, he'll be just as good to the robber barons as his other kid was but come the hell on, does the old man not see how much his off spring is hated right now? Blind people can see it from miles away.


• Bush the second, or as I like to call him, Bush the Worst, has decided to punt the whole Middle East situation to Obama. Remember a year ago when the man who only paid attention the Middle East only if it dripped oil on his murderous blood soaked hands said that his lasting legacy would be peace between Israel and her enemies? We all see how well that turned out. For eight years they ignored the festering situation in the West Bank and Gaza. They allowed Israel to ethnically cleanse the Palestinian people and do whatever else they wanted because their version of Christianity means that there is no justice for people who suffer at the hands of their occupiers. So both the Palestinian and the Israeli populations have to suffer because Bush thinks that Jesus will come back and save his ass if Israel starts world war 3 in Gaza. Well you soon to be out of work delusional bastard, I got news for you. If Jesus actually did come back during all this fighting int he Middle East that you let happen, he's not going to pat you on the ass and tell you what a good boy you've been. Nope not at all. Jesus will however go straight to where the suffering is greatest in Gaza and he'll live with and help out the afflicted Palestinians. If you read your bible Georgie, you'd remember that Jesus was against the entrenched religious order of his day, and he'll be against the entrenched political religious order that you have inflicted on us today.


• And finally we come to Laura Bush. Technically she's only a Bush by marriage but she's bought into their delusions as well. Someone please tell her that not only is her husband a failure, he's a an epic failure. He's failure personified. He is, to paraphrase Dorothy Parker, failure with raisins. Laura honey, you're taking stand by your man to new absurd heights. Your husband failed at every policy change he tried to make. The only things he did in his reign of terror was he enriched the already obscenely wealthy corporate robber barons and he plunged us into two, count 'em two, unnecessary wars. Laura sugar, if you don't think your husband has been a failure then per haps you don't know what the word failure means. If that's the case I'd be glad to send you a dictionary so you could look the word up. And Laura, if you did look it up you'd see the face of your chicken hawk husband right next to the word failure in that dictionary.