Meme Monday: teabagger hypocrisy edition

A phone conversation

"Free speech is absolute.  We ought to be able to mock Muslims and draw pictures of Mohammed if we want to.  They need to get over it and respect our freedoms."

"Free speech for everybody right?  For Occupy Wall Street people, anti police brutality, pro marriage equality, and anti corporate demonstrators too?"

 "Those people need to get a job and shut up."

"Your hypocrisy made my spleen explode."

What liberal media?

How conservative is my local newspaper?  It's so right wing that on the morning after Obama got re-elected they ran a huge picture of Romney on the front page above the fold with the headline Romney Wins Big in East Tennessee.  Never mind that Romney got his ass kicked in the rest of the country, no, what was important to the knobs at the Johnson City Press was making sure their Republican overlords feelings weren't hurt.  And that's the reason I don't subscribe and rarely read my local right wing 'news' paper, it's too Republican for me.

And the editorial page is always full of letters to the editor from local crackpots.  So I decided to write a satirical letter to them in the style of most of their other letter writers.  I decided to cover a subject near and dear to the whack job's hearts, guns.  Here's the letter I originally sent to them:

It has come to my attention that people are being denied their second amendment rights in the Johnson City Public Library and in all Mountain States Health Alliance facilities. There are signs on the doors of these establishments that say that carrying a handgun inside their premises is prohibited. Now, I'm sure this kind of thing is happily approved by Phil Roe and Nancy Pelosi and the rest of the soft on crime crowd, but to me, it's a life threatening situation.

People must be allowed to defend themselves in the library against those who would try to turn them gay by reading poetry at them or by making them read those 'Twilight' books. And in the hospitals, people must be allowed to stop 'do gooder' hospital staff from forcibly implementing Obamacare.

If people aren't allowed to carry their guns every where they want, then next thing you know they'll be forced to surrender their firearms to Communists, United Nations 'peacekeepers,' and to atheists. Come on Tri Cities, let's do something about this or they'll take away our right to bear arms.

And here's the letter they printed:

Notice the difference?  No?  You'd be forgiven if you did because it's just a minor change.  And that change is they took out the name of my local teabagging Congressman who they adore at the Johnson City Press.  Yeah, they live to protect Rep. Phil Roe (R-Fox News).  

Periodically they'll set up tables at local stores or events and give papers away to entice people to subscribe.  When they ask me if I want a free paper I always decline on the grounds that if I want to read Republican propaganda I'll go to the RNC website. 

Canadian Ted Cruz strikes again

At a rally to take healthcare away from others, Ted Cruz was told by hecklers that he needs to give up his health care if he expects others to do the same.  He told them that part of the first amendment means that you have to respect the speech of others.

And of course he's wrong.  Just because you have the freedom to say something, that doesn't mean I have to listen to it or respect it.  I have zero respect for Ted Cruz and his right wing ilk and I'll continue to mock and or ignore them when the do speak.  Fuck them.

Election wrap up, female edition

It's a good night for women, especially since Romney and the two US Senate candidates who wanted rape victims to be forced to carry their rapists babies lost, and also because super smart and super  hot Elizabeth Warren won her race in MA.  

Scott Brown tired to run as a moderate after voting like a conservative for two years.  Warren whipped his ass.  Her race showed just what a weak candidate they put up against Brown a couple years ago.

In other good news, Tammy Duckworth won her race in Illinois.

 She lost her legs in  George W. Bush's war on Iraq and she still kicked her awful opponent out of his seat in the House.  The guy she beat was a teabagger who cast aspersions on her service, was a deadbeat dad, and was a partisan hack who voted against every good thing that came down the pike. 

 And finally, Linda McMahon lost her US Senate race in CT.

She ran in 201o and got beat.  Evidently she's a slow learner or she thought maybe this time she'd be able to buy the seat she lost.  No such luck.  She got whipped by a guy who got more of the female vote than she did.  Odds are she'll go back into wrestling.  Or perhaps she'll try to buy a small country so she can rule over it.

What are teabaggers cheering for today?

Teabaggers are cheering for:

• psoriasis
• Hodgkins lymphoma
• auto accidents
• rabies
• rickets
• drive by shootings
• rapes of shut ins
• seniors getting poisoned by tainted Meals on Wheels meals
• power outages
• flooding
• cross burnings
• high school drop outs
• anal warts
• dildo explosions
  
• Sam 'n' Ella
• bad puns
• tranny porn
• religious insanity
• corporate shenanigans
  
• corporal punishment
• general disorder
• Captain Crunch
• date rape
• dirty Sanchez
• forced Goatse
• hounding the handicapped to an early grave
• bulldozing the homes of Palestinians
• bologna bashing
• monkey whipping.

Hercules responds to the latest teabagger bus tour

It tea party puzzle time!

Which is the best way to get to 'know' your farm animals?

A?

or B?

Answer: It's up to you and your farm animal to decide which is the best way for you both to get acquainted. And you don't need the government telling you what you can or can't do with your animals so we need to dismantle the Department of Education.


How many horses did Paul Revere use on his famous ride where he warned the British not to fuck with us because we were intending to use our second amendment remedies to fight them?
Answer: We think just one but we can't be sure because no media back then was fair or balanced like FOX is today.


Which of these couples got gay married last weekend in New York?
None of them! All these homosexuals died before they could get legally married! And that's the way God wants it and that guy who murdered all those people in Norway, he's totally not a conservative or a Christian or a conservative Christian or an admirer of the tea party movement in the USA even though he said he was. And he totally didn't have a crush on Pam Geller even though he's probably sitting in some jail cell in Norway spanking his monkey while thinking about her.

Finally, here's your last puzzle question: How many liberal does it take to change a light bulb? The answer is zero. Those smart ass fucking liberals use those compact fluorescent bulbs which means they don't have to change them. But if they did, they'd hire some fucking Frenchman or their gay Muslim cousin to do it and then they'd burn some American flags to stay warm and shit while they plotted the destruction of Israel and the American way of life. Oh wait, no, here's a better punch line: it takes none of them because they're too busy trying to steal my social security checks and my Medicare!

What's pissing off the teabaggers now?

"The NFL lockout is pissing me off. I need football on TV during the cold months to keep me distracted so I don't wander off and get gay married."

"I'd like to burn my house down but the god damned government won't let me. Bastards."

"I'm pissed they don't tax the illegals more. I'm tired of them running around not paying taxes and living the high life while I scrape by on my Social Security, my pension, and my inheritance."

"I'm pissed we don't have Dick Nixon to kick around anymore."

"Stop looking at my camel toe. Oh great, now you're staring harder at it."

Daimon Hellstrom has a word or two for birthers, deathers, cable news show personalities, and political pundits

I'd be inclined to agree with him if I believed in hell.

Shameless

So the person in charge of vote counting in Waukesha County in Wisconsin 'found' over 7500 uncounted votes for the Republican in the State Supreme Court race.

Okay two things:

1. How incompetent do you have to be to lose over 7500 votes in the first place? Seriously, you knew it was going to be a close election and you lose 7500 votes in the first count? No. I call bullshit on that.
2. 7500? Is she fucking kidding? It might be more believable if she said she found 750 more votes for her candidate but 7500? Holy shit, that's a whopper of a boldfaced lie.

In Washington DC they're shutting down the government because the Republicans aren't going to compromise. They want 60 billion in draconian cuts and they're going to do what ever they can to try to get them. They say we're broke and we have to tighten our belts and buck up and end the crazy runaway spending. Excuse me, didn't they just vote to continue the Bush tax cuts? If we had all that revenue would they still be shutting down the government?

Actually, yes they would because a Republican majority in the House or Senate will do whatever it can to emasculate and humiliate a POTUS from the Democratic party. This shut down isn't coming from concern for the deficit, they only get concerned about the deficit when they don't control the White House, it's about fucking the country up and then blaming it on the black man in the oval office. And the conservatives know they can get away with it because they control the media, they know their pals in corporate America will back them up 1000 percent, and they know Obama and Harry Reid will roll over and accept what ever they ask for.

We're royally screwed America. We need someone like FDR to step up and fight for us. And we need to dump everyone in Congress except for Dennis Kucinich and Bernie Sanders.

Broken promises

I wonder how long it will take the teabagger faithful to go ape shit over the broken promises of the Republican majority in the House of Representatives. Somehow, I think they won't say much because we all know the teabaggers are really just extreme right wing Republicans and they'll let their boys get away with murder, just like they did when Bush was president.

Fiscal responsibility my ass.

Bright spots in the 2010 mid term elections

1) The biggest bright spot in the election for me was watching so many conserva-Dems lose. They were Republicans in sheep's clothing and I hope they all stay unemployed for the next 30 years.

2) The three rich bitch candidates lost.

Disgusting hypocrite Meg Whitman got her ass handed to her by my boy Jerry Brown. Well done Jerry. (Think of how much better off America would be today if we had elected Jerry Brown President back in 1992 instead of Bill 'Corporate Sponsor' Clinton.)

Even more disgusting bitch Linda World Wide Wrestling got decimated in CT. Now if only you people in CT can get your heads of your asses when it comes time to dump Traitor Joe Lie-berman, you'll be doing us all a favor.

And finally the most disgusting bitch of all, Carly 'I ran HP into the ground' Fiorina got thumped by my girl Boxer in California.

Have I ever admitted to my crush on Barbara Boxer? No? Okay then.

3) The crazy ass twat team lost.Sharron Angle proved that you can be repellent, mentally unstable, and racist and still get nominated by the Republican party. Then she proved that a woman who is all of those things can't win in the general election.
She's not a witch, she's not you, or me, she's a three time loser who's life, it seems, consists of running for and losing a US Senate seat in one of the smallest states in the union. If she was such a good Christian, why didn't her god let her win?

4) Most of the candidates who the half term governor Quitter Palin endorsed lost.

The liberal media strikes again!

Once again the liberal media in the USA left out the most important parts of the Rich Iott Nazi cosplay story. Yes, the erstwhile GOP candidate Iott liked to dress up as a Nazi and play war games but the reason he did it was he's a big time history buff who wanted to use the Third Reich cosplay to bond with his son. That's Mr. Iott second from right in the above photo.

What the liberal media isn't telling you is that Mr. Iott and his son tried cosplay from several historical eras before they found one they sympathized with.
They tried their hand at re-enacting the race riots in 1967 Detroit but they found that the African Americans they recruited to play with them took their roles a little too seriously.
So then they tried the KKK of the 1920's when the Klan was at it's peak. But they didn't like it because it was a little too left wing for them.

Next they gave the 1070's a shot and they dabbled in Kent State massacre cosplay. They found it too modern for their liking.

So they went back in time and tried old English style bear baiting but the bear won more times than they care to mention.

So given their proclivity for reenacting troubled times in history and given the fact that Mr. Iott is a radical right wing teabagger, it only made sense that he'd choose the Nazis and their fight to bring race/corporate based fascism to the world as the thing to bond with his son over.
It's all perfectly innocent because we all know the teabaggers tell us all the time they're not racist or fascist.

Ironic

The teabaggers who say they want their country back want to return the USA to the 1950's because that's when white people ruled supreme and most all white folks had decent jobs, nice homes, cars, and were sending their kids to college in record numbers.
But what the teabaggers forget is that during the 1950's union membership was at it's peak in our country and that most white folks were able to get out of poverty and obtain those nice houses, new cars, and money for their kids college because they were union members. The radical right teabaggers love to complain about unions but it was unions who helped them get where they are today. And they refuse to make the connection to the fact that since unions have been on the wane, so have their wages and benefits.

It's irony in action.

The next baby based threat to the USA

Greetings my fellow Americans, I'm Cecil Clendennon founder of Christian Teabaggers of the Jesus States of America. And I'm here on this godless liberal blog to warn any God fearing, gun loving, freedom drenched conservatives who may have wandered over here by mistake, especially those who were lured here by false promises of nude photos of Archie Panjabi and Archie and Jughead. I'm here to warn my fellow teabaggin' friends about the newest baby based threat to America.

You've all heard about anchor babies and about terror babies. I bring you now news of a baby threat that is far more insidious than those two baby threats combined. This new baby threat comes from within our borders and it's of course brought to you by liberals. This new baby based threat to our great and Jesus lovin' nation is...ENTITLEMENT BABIES aka 'benefit babies.'

Friends, liberals are having babies for the express purpose of obtaining unconstitutional benefits for them. Once liberal 'families' have their Pelosi mandated quota of abortions, they swear an oath that the rest of the babies they have will grab the government money teat and they will suck at it until they bleed it dry. It starts with the babies getting free food and medical care that's paid for by you and me, then they graduate to using government run programs like the libraries and schools. Then these leeches steal all the unemployment benefits they can grab, college loans and Pell grants and then to top off their life of greed, they latch onto Social Security and Medicare and they ride it as long as they live. Friends, it seems that liberals finally found their reason for having babies, albeit a sick, twisted reason. They don't love these kids they're pushing out, they are only having them so they can abuse government handouts.

I urge you all to report any pregnant liberals to the FBI, the 700 Club, and to John Birch Society. We can't allow these liberal freeloading babies to ruin America for the rest of us. Report and abort all liberals who are having 'benefit babies.' We got to stop them now or else or government won't have enough money to fight the war against Muslims and gays. Do we want our tax dollars, which are too high anyways, to go to some thumb sucking baby so it can have a bottle of milk or do we want our money to go to keeping America safe from limp wristed Muslim hairdressers and Spanish talkin' tango dancin' pinkos from Chile?

We got to stop the liberal breeding menace now! Join me and we'll tea bag them all for Jesus, for our future, and for a Chilean free America!

In Jesus name we pray, amen.

Well done teabaggers

By all means teabaggers, keep doing what you people are doing. Keep moving the Republican party to the right. It worked really great for your party in 1964 with Goldwater, it should work wonders in 2010 with nuts like Angle and that anti masturbation chick from Delaware.

Things not found in the Constitution

Crazy woman Sharron Angle wants to eliminate all funding for public education because it says nothing about funding education in the Constitution. And she also wants to be a US Senator too. I know, it's fucked up.

Here's a list of other things that should be banned or stopped because they're not mentioned in the Constitution:

• Person-hood status for corporations.
• Political action committees.
• Political parties.
• Tax breaks for big companies.
• Tax breaks for small companies.
• Vaccinations.
• The interstate highway system.
• The Federal Aviation Administration.
• The Food and Drug Administration.
• TVA.
• All benefits other than salaries for members of Congress.

I love teabagger candidates, the sounds they make while crying after their loss in the general election is music to my ears. Angle will blame the media, the liberal elites, and the Communist party for her loss in November, she'll toss the blame for her loss everywhere but where it lies, on her and her extreme positions. And it's a shame that she'll lose because I really fucking hate that mealy mouthed Quisling Harry Reid.

Yo, teabaggers, this one is for you:

Found on Samurai Frog's Tumblr.

Favorites

There's a Facebook meme going around that many racists, teabaggers, and conservative Christians are using as their Facebook status, and if you have no idea what a Facebook status is them I suggest you get a life or go ask your kid to show you what Facebook is, and it goes something like this: "Dear God, This past year you took my favorite actress Farrah Fawcett, my favorite actor Patrick Swayze, and my favorite musician Michael Jackson. I just wanted to let you know that my favorite President is President Obama. Amen."

They think it's funny to call for the death of this country's first black President. And they get mad when you call them on it. They don't like their hate speech being pointed out to them. It makes them mad, mad enough to kill probably.

In addition to their racism this current 'joke' shows them to be once again, clueless stupid, ill informed Fox News loving idiots. This is true because if pressed they could not name one film their favorite actress has appeared in.
Other than the masturbation loop of her that plays in their spank banks.

As for their alleged favorite actor,
they only liked him, the males anyway, because he was in all their gay sex fantasies. They wanted Patrick to sweep them up in his strong arms the way he did Baby in Dirty Dancing. They dreamed of getting beaten up and then nursed back to health by his character from Road House. And now they dream of his ghost coming back and getting all jiggy with them like his ghost did in Ghost.

In reality they hated Michael Jackson.
They branded him a freak and a pedophile and they forbade his music from being played in their pick up trucks and trailers after he was found not guilty a few years ago.

Their favorite President was actually George W. Bush because he was just like them, conservative, belligerent, and stupid to the core.

Not that any of them read this blog but if any of them do, then I'd like to remind them, especially the Christians, that lying is a sin. That whole commandment about bearing false witness comes into play here.

Don't get me wrong folks, I'm not telling you to shut up, I'm using my freedom of speech to show how your bullshit is stupid, disingenuous, and against the religion you claim to be an adherent to.