Selective outrage

How many of you are as angry about the terrorist attack on the NAACP as you are about the one in Paris?

And if you're super angry about the terrorist attack in Paris, how much of that anger is over the fact that you're really angry over the notion white people shouldn't be punished for saying what they want whenever they want?

Take your hypocrisy and go elsewhere.

It's time to check in with some of the folks who are perpetually outraged

"Damn you boy, I sense you're not outraged enough over this Ray Rice thing.  I demand that you call for his lifetime ban from ever working anywhere again and that you call for him to be horsewhipped every time he shows his face in public for the rest of his life!"

 "Come bird friend, let me feed you more so that you can go shit upon all those illegal Mexicans who are streaming in to the USA to steal those fruit picking jobs from good God fearing Americans."

"Stop whining and go get your mother's urine sample you welfare brat.  I don't care if you people are the least likely to be able to afford drugs or not, I just want to make you squirm before you get your pittance."

 "Let's go beat the shit out of the people who don't want to let us parade around with our guns.  We got to do it now before they wise up and buy guns to protect themselves from us."

"You better not become dependent on my generosity you old piece of shit.  Had you taken better care of your resources when you were younger you wouldn't be in this position today grandpa."

Humanity is doomed

Today's reasons why humanity is doomed:

• conservative blogs are claiming the murder of our ambassador to Libya was due in part to the Obama administration's refusal to let Marines who guard our embassies around the world use live ammunition.
• elected officials in Kansas say they may remove Obama from their state's ballot because they aren't satisfied that he was born in the USA.
• Michele Bachmann, Tony Perkins, Pat Robertson, Dick Cheney, and Donald Rumsfeld still walk the earth.

The song remains the same

The testimony of the right wing Norwegian nut job who murdered 77 innocent people last year sounds remarkably like the kind of stuff you hear right wingers espouse on Fox News and on right wing/religious talk radio and TV every day.  They all spout the same xenophobic nonsense that Muslims are taking over, that tolerance is bad, that we've got to purge the evil foreigners out of our country.  That kind of talk fired up Brietbart Brevik and it fires up Pam Geller, the fat drug addict, and the crying Mormon.  It makes the flaccid cocks of Bryan Fischer, Pat Robertson, and the hate mongers at the American Family Association all twitchy.

What Brevik did was the end result of the constant bombardment of that kind of talk. Small minds soak up lots of hate and then blame every one else for their problems.  Can't get a job?  Those Muslims took it from you.  Can't get a girlfriend?  The gays are to blame.  Don't hear your language being spoken all the time?  The god damn Turks or Mexicans or whoever is to blame.

And when you've got the leaders of the right wing political parties like David Cameron of the Tories and France's Sarkozy chirping about how multiculturalism has failed, well then, that just affirms what the fellow travelers on the internet say and what the haters on the TV and radio say.  It all becomes a self fulfilling prophecy.  They scream that one day a race or religious war is going to break out unless something is done about the damn dirty foreigners with their backwards religion and then when one of their listeners, like Brietbart Brevik, goes out and tries to start a war, they act all shocked but they cluck their tongues and blame his victims because if they'd hadn't been running around being non-white and shit, then none of this would ever have happened.

Multiculturalism didn't fail.  Assimilation didn't fail.  What failed is patience and empathy.  We all live in a results now world where it's all about instant gratification.  If we don't see results immediately, then we get impatient and want to abandon whatever we were doing.  Our political leaders no longer look to the future or govern with the welfare of future generations in mind, they want instant fixes to long term problems that have arisen as a result of their insistence on focusing on the short term and doing what is popular and not what is right.  And they're driven to always seek the short term easy fix by impatient xenophobic right wing radio and religious 'leaders.'  They are living proof of the old saying that garbage in brings garbage out.

And now, here's a very special guest post by a disciple of Dr. Keith Ablow

Hello interwebs world, I'm Veranda Shellac and I've been seeing Dr. Keith Ablow on a professional basis for years now. He's like my life coach, so I know him pretty darn well. Liberals, gays, and other smarty pants persons are going after the good doctor for comments he made about that he/she daughter of Sonny Bono. Dr. K, as I call him, said parents shouldn't let their kids watch that he/she on Dancing with The Degenerates on ABC. The thing is interwebs people, Dr. K is correct. And you know what, here's some other things that Dr. K says parents shouldn't let their children do:

• Mate with one another, unless you live in eastern Kentucky or most of West Virginia.
• Get chainsaw enemas.
• Play with fire.
• Attend college level classes on evolutionary theory.
• Question anyone who is older than them.
• Challenge authority.
• Shave their privates.
  
• Wax nostalgic or their shaved privates.
• Write snarky blog posts about what Dr. Keith Ablow thinks.
  
• Compare Dr. Ablow's looks to those of Lex Luthor or that hunky Mr. Clean.
  
• Use any web browser other than Firefox 2.0.
• Indulge in satisfying the cat with a dart when the poor thing is in heat and needing 'it' bad.
• Drinking shoe polish.
• Poking Negroes or Tex-Mexicans with sharp sticks.
• Offer spoiled shellfish for sale.

See internet people? All the stuff on his list is common sense stuff. Stuff any parent knows not to let their kids do anyway. So calm the heck down and watch Dancing with The Soon to Be Has Beens on ABC, just turn the channel when Miss/Mr. Bono comes on and then your kids won't know anything about sex changes, plastic penises, lesbian love making, or fat people. And just to be on the safe side, I'd ask that you turn the channel when that Nancy Grace woman comes on the TV screen, because if your kids see her then they'll think that any old self aggrandizing self important bitch without a shred of decency or morals can be on TV. Honestly, who does that Nancy Grace woman think she is anyway? Dick Cheney?

Three out of three bears agree

Is the right wing outrage machine correct? Should we ignore Michelle Obama's plea to stop feeding kids in the USA the kinds of food that makes them obese?
"Ummmm, yes. You should stop trying to make them lose weight. We like your kids fat and stubby legged. They can't run very fast when we go after them and it's so much fun eating their bloated little bodies. Nom. Nom. Nom. So remember, ignore Michelle Obama and keep feeding those little lard ass kids of yours all that processed food, all that fast food, and keep stuffing them full of cheap meats and cheeses."
"I agree. Keep porking those kids up so I don't have to keep eating fish. You think it's a fucking cakewalk hunting fish in these cold ass streams? It's not. And I hate the taste of fish so if you keep feeding your kids shit, they'll keep getting fat, and we'll keep eating them when they wander off while you're out here in the wild. It's all your fault you know. You kept ignoring all those 'Do Not Feed the Bears' signs and we bears got fat as a result. Hang on...how do I know what those signs said? And how do I know I'm a bear? Have I attained consciousness? Hey, is that a fat little white kid staring at me while he licks an ice cream cone? Damn, that little fucker looks tasty. I'mma eat that motherfucker...see ya'll later."

Tell you what America,

I'll start caring about the Casey Anthony case when you start caring about all the kids we're killing in Afghanistan,
making homeless and parent-less in Iraq,
allowing Israel to kill in the Gaza Strip,
and letting our 'allies' in Africa use as soldiers to prop up their corrupt regimes.
Yes, the suspicious death of a little white girl is sad. But what's even sadder is all the kids we condemn to death to support our addiction to cheap oil and consuming everything we can.

Three dicks and a dolt

• Congrats Andy Bitemart, you got one. You can hang Weiner's penis on your belt of liberal scalps. And then you can pet it, stroke it, and fondle it to your hearts content.
  
• Well done Weiner. You gave that idiot Bitemart some journalistic cred. The same rules that apply to hypocritical Republicans also apply to you. Get caught and you pay the price. What you did before you got married is none of my business, but what you did after you got hitched while in office, well that's just fucking dumb and you deserve any repercussions that happen. Fucking idiot.
• John Edwards, you're an even bigger idiot than Weiner. You think you're too smart or too good to go to jail for breaking the law. You're not. You may actually beat the rap on this indictment but you'll always be guilty in the court of public opinion. You're finished. Toast. No one gives a shit what you say or do anymore. You make me ashamed that I supported you. And you defame your dead wife with every breath you take you piece of shit. I'd like to meet you face to face someday so I could bitch slap you, you disgusting piece of shit. Oh, and the whore you had a kid with, she's a disgusting piece of shit too. You deserve each other.
  
• Quitter Palin refuses to admit she flubbed her history. You know what? I don't expect her to know history, after all she kept changing colleges and then she had all those kids to raise while she prayed for Jesus to come back so he could smite the gays. So, heck fire, she just didn't have time to learn that Paul Revere wasn't warning the British or ringing bells. But what I do expect from her, although why I expect it is beyond me since she's proven that she won't ever ever EVER do the right thing, is to admit she got her history wrong and to move on. In her world asking her the time of day is a 'gotcha' question and to admit you got a fact wrong is a sign of weakness that willfully ignorant people can't allow. If she did allow herself that she got something wrong then her followers would tear her apart. She'd no longer be the alpha bitch and she and her coterie of crazy coots can't have that.
  

Pssst, wanna see a union thug?

He's in a union and he loves it. He says his union is good because it helps him and others like him. And yet, he doesn't want teachers to be able to be in unions. He hates their union, he says it makes them greedy violent parasites on the body politic.

So remember everyone, unions are good for rich white men like Bill O and the fat drug addict Rush Limbaugh but they're bad for teachers. Hey Bill, hypocrite much?

Quick question

Christians, homophobes, right wingers, and conservative political pundits are outraged over Obama's refusal to further defend DOMA (Defense of Marriage Act). They shout that he's the president and that he has to enforce all the laws, not just the ones he agrees with. My question is this, why didn't they say the same thing when Bush refused to enforce clean air laws?
Where was the outrage when Bush refused to enforce the provisions of the endangered species act?

Where was the outrage then?

If Boner is correct...

...and we really are, as a country, broke, then I suggest we get the hell out of Iraq, Afghanistan, Germany, Korea, Bahrain, Israel, and all those other countries. We don't need to be spending money we don't have protecting people that don't need or want us there in the first place. Oh, and we also should totally raise taxes on people making over $250,000 a year and big business. I'm fairly certain most big oil and coal companies don't pay any taxes at all so we should totally tax them.

Broken promises

I wonder how long it will take the teabagger faithful to go ape shit over the broken promises of the Republican majority in the House of Representatives. Somehow, I think they won't say much because we all know the teabaggers are really just extreme right wing Republicans and they'll let their boys get away with murder, just like they did when Bush was president.

Fiscal responsibility my ass.

Ginny Thomas wants the following apologies

1) She wants the Move On supporter who got her head stomped to apologize for not letting her attackers stomp her more.
2) She wants President Obama to apologize to her for not having the right kind of proof that he was born in the USA.
3) She wants an apology from the makers of Monistat 7.
4) She wants an apology from the Birmingham 6.
5) She wants the Dave Clark 5 to apologize.
6) She wants the four horsemen of the apocalypse to apologize in advance.
7) She's waiting on the Kingston Trio to apologize.


8) She'd like the makers of Two for the Seesaw to apologize.
9) And she wants to hear an "I'm terribly sorry," from the makers of One Good Cop.

She'll get those apologies or they'll be hell to pay. Mark my words.

Project much Mike?

Fat religious radical Republican Mike Huckabee is outraged that someone would use religion to politically attack someone else.
He wrote this on his PAC blog:

"The only thing worse than a person attempting to show-off and parade his faith for the purpose of getting a vote is a person who would falsely and viciously attack his political opponent's faith and lie about it. The latest ad by Jack Conway will be studied by future political scientists as the most egregious example of slash and burn sleaze politics..."

I left him a comment to the effect that if anyone knew about people parading their faith to get votes, it would be him because after all he built his political career on it. Somehow I doubt he and his handlers will ever let my comment will ever see the light of day on his PAC blog.

What the fat douchebag actually meant to say was, that he's shocked the a Democrat had the gall to attack a Republican over his lack of religion. But considering that Huckabee never takes responsibility and always blames others for his actions, wants to deny those with pre existing conditions (including kids with cancer) health insurance, and thinks that Jesus condones the death penalty because he didn't climb down off the cross, this latest incident should surprise no one. Huckabee is one of those first class douchebags who gives Christianity an even worse image than it's already got.

They'll be howling over this new 'insult'

President Obama said this in an interview with Brian Williams of NBC News:
"The president acknowledged the ralliers' concerns about the economy and terrorism and observed, "Given the fact that, you know, in none of these situations are you gonna fix things overnight, it's not surprising that somebody like a Mr. Beck is able to stir up a certain portion of the country."

The right wing fucktards will be howling mad he called them 'a certain portion of the country.' Mark my words.

Don't fence me in, because Fox News can't see me if you do

So Quitter Palin made her hubby Todd put up a fence to keep Joe McGinniss's prying eyes away from the nubile bodies of her children. How very "protective" of her.
The endeavor gave Todd something to do besides guarding the baby making holes of his screechy wife. And it kept him off his snowmobile, which the grass of Alaska is thankful for.

But honestly Quitter, this isn't about some well known author of true crime books peeping on you and Bristol, and Trig, and Skate, and Pony Boy, and Jimmy Sue, and Digger, and the rest of your clan. No one but you gives a shit about your kids, and by the way you chase the almighty dollar, I'm not sure you really give a shit about them either.

Everybody knows this is about you doing what you do best, playing the martyr. You did it so well during your abortion of a campaign with Old Man McCain, I mean how dare the press ask you what newspapers you read? We all knew you only read the ones that do stories about you, and only flattering ones at that. Your martyrdom grew after you saw that you couldn't cash in on your sudden fame if you stayed in office so you did what people like you do do best in the face of adversity, you quit your job and blamed the media and mean ol' liberals for making you do it. Hell girl, you learned the lesson that you've got to exploit the conservative dullards while the iron is hot.

What's going on in your neighborhood isn't about some old guy stalking and peeping on your kids, heck McCain did that enough to last them a life time. What it's all about Ms. Quitter, is the fact that you're afraid that you'll be exposed for the dolt you are. You spout aphorisms that you heard someone else say that got a huge response by the intellectual midgets you claim to represent. The fact that you speak in code and think it's the height of intelligence, is an insult to anyone with a gram of intelligence. You live in fear that your minions will turn on you and that the media you so love to despise but which you secretly love will actually stop treating you with kid gloves.

McGinniss's book will be what your 'news' network isn't, fair and balanced. It'll be full of those things you hate so much, facts. It will contain interviews with people who have known and worked with you. It will contain stories and anecdotes that can be double and triple checked.

Remember Quitter, you're a celeb now. You're fair game for whoever wants to write a book about you and your life. This is still, after all, a feee country where writers can still pick and choose who to write books about. You wrote a book about your life, so why shouldn't other people? It's un-American to deny someone the chance to pursue their work. You're all about being American aren't you Quitter? Or have you quit on that too?

Little known provisions in the new health care reform law

Contrary to the rhetoric of conservative pundits, the IRS will not be enforcing the provision that says everyone must have some form of health insurance. These two lovable screw ups from Belle Plains, Oregon will be enforcing that provision:Hilarity is sure to ensue.

Starting next Thursday all people will be required to ask all questions of their health care providers in the medium of modern dance.

Dr. Hans Dickenschwimmer will be conducting free hernia screenings in the back of his sweet ass Chevy van which will be parked out on Route 9 near the dumpster fires.

The dolls of undocumented immigrants will be given priority over white Christian children when it comes to getting vaccines.

Former Canadian Prime Minister Joe Clark and his wife are now US citizens and they'll be moving in with you sometime next month.

Cute monkeys will get 40% off their vet visits, however this discount doesn't apply to helper or howler monkeys.

Dental visits are covered only if you are willing to play "Guess that smell!" with your dentist.

Those people who are not comfortable with any or all of these provisions are encouraged to take their complaint(s) to their local death panel where they will be dealt with in a suitable manner.

Forgive me my lack of outrage

I'm sorry but you'll have to forgive me my lack of outrage over that idiot Congressman from South Carolina. He represents the best the Republicans can muster on the health care debate. He takes money from health care lobbyists and he doesn't want any Democratic party president, especially a black one, to have a legislative victory as big as this one might be so he's resorted to screaming and being rude.

You know what? We've seen nothing but this kind of thing from the right wingers, and from some on the left, I'm looking at you Rick Boucher and Heath Schuler, many times before in this debate. So really, Wilson was just saying what all the other people who want to deny our fellow citizens basic health insurance were thinking. He's a pompous ass, who gets his facts wrong and who wants nothing more than to retain the status quo so he can rake in campaign dollars from big pharma and big health insurance companies.

So meh, I'll refrain from getting outraged over that boorish corporate tool's disrespect for the presidency and I'll save my outrage for what he and his party did to these Wilsons:

Outing a covert CIA agent to cover your party's ass during the prosecution of a unpopular and ultimately illegal and useless war is much more outrageous than trying to shout down the President during a speech to a joint session of Congress. But hey, stay classy Rep. Wilson, you're the best your party has to offer in the health care debate.

What's worse...

...a mother who doesn't have the kid who committed statutory rape on her young daughter prosecuted,

or a guy who made a joke about her daughter who got knocked up when she had unprotected sex before she was of legal age to do so?


Spare all of us your phony outage Ms. Palin. You should be outraged at Levi for raping the daughter you paraded around for your political benefit. It's Letterman's job to make fun of you and it was your job to make sure your own daughter didn't get knocked up before she got married. You struck out, Dave knocked a home run.

Here's Sarah Palin and that Todd guy she married with a list of things you can and can't joke about

"Howdy! I just wanna thank my lord Jesus for making that terrorist lover Dr. Monkey give us some space on his godless blog so we can tell you folks out there what you can and can't make jokes about. Isn't that right Todd?"

"Yes dear."

"Now some of you people think we are humorless Christian prigs but nothing could be further from the truth! We love a good laugh. Don't we Todd?"

"Yes dear."

"So, according to us and our lord who hates gays, hippies, left handed people, feminists, men who bake, and anyone who isn't white or who doesn't love Jesus, it's okay to make jokes about the following things:

• That boy Levi who got me, oops, I mean my daughter Bristol pregnant.
• Terrorists, unless they are the terrorists we like. And we like the terrorists who kill non-Christians, abortionists, socialists, Communists, anti capitalists, and who like snow machines.
• How gays and black people are going to hell.
• Democrats.
• What a sexual pervert David Letterman is.
  
• How Democrats and big government supporters are going to hell.
• Levi the big doody head.
  
• The Devil.
• Levi's strong sinewy muscle bound body that glistens in the night as he holds you in his young musky scented arms as he thrusts his young manhood inside you repeatedly while he hoarsely whispers, 'You're my favorite MILF' over and over again until he explodes like an atom bomb inside the womb that you thought wasn't fertile anymore.
• Wimpy husbands.
• Mexicans.
• Witches.
• Roman Catholics, because they aren't Christians anyways.

So right there, that's plenty of stuff you all can make your little jokes about. Isn't that right Todd?"

"Yes dear."

"You can't make jokes about:

• Jesus.
• our family.
• snow machines.
• people who love Jesus, our family, and snow machines.
• vibrating objects.
• my wardrobe.
• whoever Jesus chooses to be the Republican Presidential nominee.
• Phyllis Schlafly.
• Baptists.
• evangelicals.
• people who shoot wolves from helicopters.
  
• people who speak in tongues.
• Did I say Jesus already?
• Just in case he's listening or if he reads this blog, Jesus.

So, that stuff is off limits, okay then? Jesus will smite you if you make any jokes about any of that stuff, yeah, you betcha. Isn't that right Todd?"

"Yes dear."

"Is that all you can say Todd?"

"No dear."

"Prove it. What else can you say Todd?"

"Fine. You asked for it. Every day I pray that death takes me so I won't have to listen to your grating voice anymore. I wish I hadn't let my penis talk me into marrying your crazy ass. I wish..."

"Okee, dokee, then. That's enough out of you Todd. I see I'm going to have to put your testicles back in the jar when we get home. That's all from us for now, don't forget to remember that big government is bad! And Jesus hates socialism! Yeah, you betcha!"