Dire warnings from American conservatives throughout history

"I told you it was a bad idea to declare independence and fight the war with Britain. We only won it because we got lucky. Now, please listen to me when I tell you that adopting this new fangled 'Constitution' is going to bring us nothing but trouble! We need to stick with the Articles of Confederation!"

"It's a bad idea to buy all that land from France! We don't need it. We've got to keep our country small so we can keep government small. And don't get me started on that we need to build a railroad nonsense. The founding fathers did just fine getting around on horses, with buggies, and by being carried by their slaves."

"This country will be ruined if we have to give up slavery. Ruined I tell you! We've got no business telling landowners what they can do. They are the backbone of this country, and besides those Negroes are only three fifths a person so they need to be white people's property. It's in the Bible, go read it."

"We've got to close our borders and keep the Italians, the Germans, the Hungarians, the Poles, and the Chinamen out of our great land. They'll take all our jobs and our women. And we need to crush unions, they are ruining our 19th century businesses! Huzzah!"

"This country will collapse if we give women the right to vote. It's too dangerous! If they get the right to vote then next thing you know all those Negroes will want to vote and if that happens, it's anarchy! And seriously, why haven't we crushed the labor movement yet?"

"We can't go to war with Germany! We must remain neutral. Our great country will go bankrupt financially and morally if we go to war with Germany. Now, if you'll excuse me, it's my turn to baby sit our new born baby..."

"The US of A will implode if we let them darkies have equality! And I should know, I'm the mayor of Sheboygan! If them darkies get equality they'll hook up with the Commies and the fags and all of them will steal our women. Praise Jesus and crush the labor movement!"

"Look, if big government raises taxes on me and Kip here, we won't be able to hire people to look after our yachts and mow the lawn we like to teabag each other on. Also, if we had to pay more in taxes then we'd have less money to spend on lobbyists and union busting goons. And please, don't get me started on how gay marriage and the Mexicans are going to destroy America."

American conservatives, wrong from day one, still wrong today.

Shameless

So the person in charge of vote counting in Waukesha County in Wisconsin 'found' over 7500 uncounted votes for the Republican in the State Supreme Court race.

Okay two things:

1. How incompetent do you have to be to lose over 7500 votes in the first place? Seriously, you knew it was going to be a close election and you lose 7500 votes in the first count? No. I call bullshit on that.
2. 7500? Is she fucking kidding? It might be more believable if she said she found 750 more votes for her candidate but 7500? Holy shit, that's a whopper of a boldfaced lie.

In Washington DC they're shutting down the government because the Republicans aren't going to compromise. They want 60 billion in draconian cuts and they're going to do what ever they can to try to get them. They say we're broke and we have to tighten our belts and buck up and end the crazy runaway spending. Excuse me, didn't they just vote to continue the Bush tax cuts? If we had all that revenue would they still be shutting down the government?

Actually, yes they would because a Republican majority in the House or Senate will do whatever it can to emasculate and humiliate a POTUS from the Democratic party. This shut down isn't coming from concern for the deficit, they only get concerned about the deficit when they don't control the White House, it's about fucking the country up and then blaming it on the black man in the oval office. And the conservatives know they can get away with it because they control the media, they know their pals in corporate America will back them up 1000 percent, and they know Obama and Harry Reid will roll over and accept what ever they ask for.

We're royally screwed America. We need someone like FDR to step up and fight for us. And we need to dump everyone in Congress except for Dennis Kucinich and Bernie Sanders.

I've said it before and I'll say it again

Sen. Hatch of Utah says that anyone who gets any kind of government assistance should be tested for drugs.
I'm all for that idea as long as every person who works for corporations doing business with the government get drug tested as well. And farmers who get federal subsides and all their employees and family members must get tested as well. And if any of them fail the drug test then the business or farm loses all contracts or subsides they are getting.

It's only fair to make all everyone, business and individuals alike, play under the same rules.

Oh yeah, I'm also for making people like Orrin Hatch retire from the Senate. If you're there more than three terms then it ought to be mandatory that you retire.

Presenting The Mighty Crap-ola, conservative magician extraordinaire

Good day everyone! I'm here to explain a conservative magic trick to you.

Watch closely now. Here we go.

I'm going to show you how conservatives in Congress, both Democrat and Republican, busted the federal budget and wasted the surplus Bill Clinton left us.

My wand represents deregulation and this newspaper represents federal oversight under George W. Bush.

We waved our wand of deregulation all over the federal oversight and we said the magic words, "9/11 changed everything. Freedom! America!" And we made federal oversight and cumbersome regulations on big business disappear. The magic words also made taxes lower for the people who could best afford to pay them, the rich and well off.

Then we took what happened on September 11th, 2001 and we said more magic words, "Terrorism, World War 3, Muslims, weapons of mass destruction!," and suddenly we found ourselves in not one

but two, count them, TWO wars!

We combined those open ended wars with the tax cuts for the wealthy, a sluggish economy, and we cut huge holes in the social safety net because we had to give that money to the military industrial prison factory farm complex and there you go.
(Give it up for my lovely assistant Morty Wisenhummer! And he great? We're in love and in a committed relationship but since we're modern conservatives we've got to stop gays like us from ever getting married because we favor government out of our lives except when it pertains to what goes down in our bedrooms.)
Now almost ten years later our great trick has left the country in a shitty state. We're going bankrupt because we've got the Democrats by the balls over raising taxes on the wealthy and the wars of terror will never ever end. We're pretty pleased because we fucked the liberals so hard on all of this. The only problem is we need money to fix it and since we can't ask big business for it, it's got to come out of your end. Hey, quit bitching, if you gave us money to stay in office so we could rape you more we'd take it easy on you.

So our next trick is we're going to take more of your take home pay and give you less government services for it. And we're going to blame the black guy you people elected for every mistake we made and will make in the future.

Abracadabra bitches!

The Two Most Dangerous Men in The USA Today

The failed Navy pilot who cracked under torture wants to deprive brown skinned citizens of their Miranda rights. And his buddy to his right wants to deprive all brown skinned citizens who are Muslim of all their Constitutional rights if he thinks they are terrorists.

I weep for my country because two idiots like these are 'leaders' of it.

For the record, all citizens, both naturalized and those born here, should be given Miranda warnings when arrested for any crime. And our legal system was founded on the idea that it's better for many guilty to go free rather than innocent person be wrongly punished. And finally I think both of these assholes should be held in Gitmo for subverting the principles of our Constitution in the name of fighting the war of terror. They are too stupid to see that they let the terrorists win when we change the laws and principles of our country to accommodate fear.

Keep on the firing line

"Hey Sally, did you hear that Gov. Rick Perry of Texas said that the accident where that oil rig broke and is spilling thousands of gallons of oil into the Gulf of Mexico was an act of God?"

"No he didn't. No one could be that stupid."
"No shit. He really said it. And you know what else? George Will said that wind turbines would kill more birds than the oil spill down there will."

"Boy oh boy, if all that is true then either God hates the Gulf region or conservatives are some fucking stupid shortsighted people who have no idea what the phrase 'act of God' means and who will do anything to keep sustainable energy from ever reaching the market. Hey Betty, does your family still have those 'Drill baby drill' and' McCain/Palin' stickers on the Hummer your dad drives?"

"Fuck off Timmy."

And now here's a word from The Cooch

Hey ya'll. It looks like I pissed a bunch of people off when I went and covered up that boob on that chick who's on our state seal. They're saying I'm a right wing Christian prude, a dude who doesn't understand 'classical' art, and that I'm a clueless guy who got lucky by being on the ballot at the right time.

Now I may be a prude and I may be dumb and I may not know much about art but I know the seal of the commonwealth of Virginia is not classical art. I watch Turner CLASSIC Movies, American Movie CLASSICS, and ESPN CLASSIC all the time and I never seen a boob on any of those channels. I've read a CLASSICS Illustrated comic book or two in my day and I never saw any bare boobs in them. So the idea that boobs are classic art is nonsense.

I'll tell you another thing, looking at bare boobs is a gateway drug. It leads to porn worship, pre marital fornication, homosexuality, and liberalism. So I did my religious duty and I covered up that boob to protect the kids of this commonwealth from those things. And our kids need all the help they can get, especially since I'm trying to make sure that health care reform never happens in Virginia. Them kids need to stay strong and not release any of their precious sex fluids outside of man on woman marriage.

And this is just the beginning. I'm going to force all women to cover up all exposed skin pretty soon. It's not a religious thing either, it's a modesty thing. After all, if that chick on the official seal of our commonwealth is covered up, shouldn't all women have to follow her lead? And after I get all woman covered up, I'm going to make it a crime for them to get pregnant outside of man on woman marriage and I'll also make it a crime for them to work outside the home and to go to public school. Just think of all the money we'll save this state if we don't have to pay for the schooling of girls who have all those mysterious 'lady issues' every 28 days.

I'm doing all this because I love the women of this state and I want to see them protected from boob gazing breastfeeding liberal crazies. And I'm doing it because I think Jesus will be my BFF when he finds out about it.

Thanks for your time and remember this Virginia, if you have a problem with what I'm doing, then tell me about it so I can investigate and dig up some dirt on you before I arrest you and have your whiny ass sent to Gitmo.

Sarah Palin wants her country back

And we all know which country that is. It's the country where:

• all sorts of white folks, whether your skin color is ecru or eggshell and everything in between, can get ahead.
• black folks know their place.
• Latinos work in the fields and not in the front office.
• women are second class citizens.
• homos stay in the closet.
• where the comedy stylings of Rich Little and Dennis Miller reign supreme.
• you keep minorities from voting and then you say, "Hey look, those people never vote anyway, so why should we have laws to protect their right to vote?"
• big corporations get to write the labor laws and unions are outlawed.
• you're free to go to the Christian church of your choice, as long as they don't preach or practice social or economic justice.
• the only food that's good for you is the stuff they douse with pesticides and grow on factory farms.
• any rich white child can grow up to be President if he so chooses.
  

Me, I don't ever want that country back. The country I want is the one envisioned by Thomas Jefferson, Thomas Paine, Teddy Roosevelt, FDR, Martin Luther King Jr, and Dennis Kucinich.

Over and out

So CPAC's anal gathering (pun intended so don't leave me any comments telling me I made a mistake) is over with and all the angry rich conservatives have gone home with their belly's full of meals prepared for them by the undocumented workers they hate and their minds full of red meat tossed to them by the vast array of lily white speakers at the event. And of course, their new de facto leader, Glenn Beck,
left them all with a warm fuzzy feeling inside their cold small hearts.

I didn't watch a second of the smug coverage of the event and I didn't read any of the long fawning articles about it that appeared in the corporate media newspapers but I can pretty much sum up the meeting despite my not knowing much about what actually went on or what was said. Here goes:

• They hailed the coward who flew his planes into the IRS building in Austin as an anti government hero and there's more than likely going to be a move afoot to make his remains a holy conservative relic like the Catholics of old did to their dead martyrs.
• Mann Coulter said something mean about John Edwards. And liberals. Then she smirked and tossed her straw like hair out of her face. When she got done speaking they wheeled her back in to her crypt where she feasted upon blood harvested from young Muslims and Mexicans.
  
• Glenn Beck cried and cried and then he cried some more. Then he gave a rambling talk about how progressives were responsible for World War 2, Communism, germs, and his little dick.
• George Will decried unions, the lack of child labor, and OSHA.
  
• Smug sanctimonious people of all shades of white from ecru to egg shell bemoaned the fact that their country is being taken from them. They bitched about affirmative action, which was made law under a Republican president. They complained about criminals having too many rights. And they whined about the fact that gays, women, blacks, and people who speak Spanish as their first language want equal treatment under the law.
  
• Many 'jokes' were made about teleprompters. And they were made by people using teleprompters.
• The speakers, attendees, and the staff of FOX Noise reporters who were covering the event all mocked the reality of climate change, evolution, and 'fancy book learning' in general.

Notice how two of the right's biggest 'stars,' Sarah Palin and Mike Huckabee, stayed away. Palin kept clear because she knows she be exposed as an intellectually barren harpy if she went and Huckabee stayed away because they went and let teh gay in this year.

Personally, I love it when right wingers congregate and spout off. Gathering like this shows their political philosophy for what it is, a racist longing for the past. And it shows them to be hypocritical blowhards who hate anything that isn't straight, white, and Christian.

The shape of things to come

In the aftermath of the loss of the Senate seat for the Democrats in Massachusetts, this is what is going to happen next (and I encourage you all to bookmark this post so in a few months when the Democrats get their asses handed to them in the mid term elections you can see how correct I am):

The Democrats will move rightward, which will be a huge mistake. They'll listen to the pundits like Bill Kristol, who has been wrong about everything, who will tell anyone who will listen to him that the Democrats need to become more like Republicans to win. All the talking heads at FOX Noise will bray and snort that the Dems need to be more conservative, when in fact they need to do the opposite.

People in this country are crying out for two (or more) distinct political parties that have different positions on the issues and challenges facing our country today. We want actual differences in the Republicans and the Democrats. But what the Democrats give us in times like this is a party that is Republican Lite. They think that they'll garner votes by tilting to the right. But that only accomplishes pissing off the liberal and progressive base who will decide to sit out the election rather than elect someone who is not really a liberal Democrat.

So the national Democratic party will listen to the pundits, move rightward, piss off the liberal base, and then what happens next? The Republicans win a majority in the Congress and they make Obama's life a living hell and probably try to impeach him like they did Clinton.

This kind of thing happened in the aftermath of Reagan's landslide victory in 1984 and again in the mid term elections of 1994. Harry Reid, who is the worst Democratic majority leader in my lifetime, and Nancy Pelosi do not remember the past so they are condemned to repeat it. And honestly, to them, having a majority is not important, what's important to them is getting re-elected so they can stay in their cushy jobs and suckle at the teat of government while helping out their pals in big business. They're just a little less obvious about it than the Republicans are.

Mark my words, if the Democrats don't move LEFT and become more progressive, they're going to lose in 2010 and most likely 2012 as well.

Republicans will eat themselves

The Republican candidate has dropped out of the race in district 23 in New York state and she's endorsed her Democratic party opponent. She did it because the big time Republican money and noise machine has gotten behind her more conservative rival, who incidentally doesn't even live in that district. The conservatives claim she not a real Republican or a real conservative because she supports a woman's right to choose and President Obama's stimulus package. In other words, since she doesn't agree with the conservatives 100% of the time then she's a godless Commie socialist fascist negro loving pig who should not hold office and who had damn well better produce a birth certificate and no that that birth certificate.

I hope the conservative candidate who ran her out of the race wins that seat. And then I hope that his victory emboldens the far right teabagger birther nut bags and they take over the rest of the Republican party. I hope they run as far to the right as they can in 2010 and 2012.

Please, please continue to purge all other Republicans who aren't a little to the right of Atilla the Hun. By all means, keep this up and the Democrats will not only keep their majorities in government, they might actually grow some spine as well.

As long as the needs of the few are met, then the Republicans are happy

"If the Democrats don’t get health care, and the jobless rate is above 10 percent, it could be a big election for Republicans next year,” predicted consultant John Feehery, who was a top aide to then-House Speaker Dennis Hastert, R-Ill."

You read that right, Republicans want people to go without health insurance, to die, and to lose their jobs and stay unemployed just so that they can take back Congress next year.

Mind boggling isn't it?

"That one."

My impressions of last night's debate:

• Bush McCain's outrage over the failure of Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac was funny. He still thinks their failure is what has led to the current economic meltdown. He and his lobbyist advisers don't have a clue, or more likely won't let themselves admit, that all this has been caused by deregulation and lack of vigorous governmental oversight. His running mate is still shrieking in her shrill faux populist accent, "Government, get out of the way!"
• I, like most Americans, cringed when he called Obama, "That one."
• Obama looked cool and calm through out the whole debate. Bush McCain by contrast looked flighty and extremely rude. While Obama gave his answers Bush McCain kept moving around behind him as if to distract viewers and the times when he interrupted Sen. Obama were not only intolerable they showed what an impatient petulant old fart he is.
• I laughed out loud when Bush McCain said he knew how to "fix" Social Security. He said several times that it is going to be easy to "fix" it and that he knew how. The problem is he didn't go into specifics, he just claimed that he knew how to fix it. I'm not sure what he's got in mind but I damn sure know how to fix it and I'll tell you my plan for making it solvent until the end of time: under the current system you only pay SSI tax on the first $96,000 (or something close to that figure anyway) and after that you pay nothing on the rest of your income. I would remove that cap so that all incomes no matter how high they got would all pay the same SSI tax rate. Bingo, problem solved.
• Tom Brokaw hated not being part of the debate more than he was. His little remarks about how little time they had were annoying as hell. If you had so little time Tom, then why did you waste more of it by carping about it?
• They just had to stick a question in there about supporting Israel. Holy shit, is there anyone in this country who doesn't think that we won't attack Iran or someone else if they fuck with Israel? Give it a rest already, it's foregone conclusion. How about next time instead of asking about protecting Israel you ask about protecting us from greedy rapacious corporations who want to devour all the wealth and natural resources they possibly can? How about a question or two about the growing gap between the haves and have nots? How about a question on poverty?

This picture from last night's debate really sums up for me the essence of this race, Obama is the clear strong favorite, the candidate of the future who happened to win today. And Bush McCain is the fuzzy old man who has been left behind, just like his failed discredited conservative policies have been, as the country as moved on into the future.

Is this a good time?

Have you ever noticed how when something bad happens on the national scene the conservatives and the others on the wrong side of every issue, or as you know them, the Republicans and Libertarians always cry, "This is not the time to talk about ____."

If there has been yet another school shooting then they fill in the blank with gun control or stricter gun laws. To them it's never a good time to talk about closing loopholes in our crazy quilt of gun laws or about limiting people access to one of the main causes of death and destruction in this country.

If there has been another national disaster that we've been not ready for because too many resources are tied up in the endless quagmire that is the war of terror on Iraq then they fill in the blank with FEMA mismanagement. After Katrina they screamed, "Now is not the time to play the blame game!" And they said, "How dare you play the blame game!"

Well people in the wake of this latest disaster, the financial crisis, Sec. of the Treasury Paulson said something to the effect of, "Now is not the time to investigate the causes of this mess. Let's just roll up our sleeves and you give me all the money I ask for with no oversight and I may or may not fix this problem that I helped cause." Sorry Hank but that's bullshit. The time for not talking is through. It's time we stopped letting spoiled rich white guys who love to make decisions based on gut feelings decide what we talk about and when. It's time for our 'shoot from the hip' President to wake the fuck up and allow the grown ups who actually know something decide things for a change. I don't trust Chuck Schumer all that much, especially in the light of his decision to support Alberto Gonzalez Jr. as Atty. Gen., but I trust him a whole lot more than I do any Republican who voted time and time again to deregulate the banks and banking industry. Give me Chris Dodd and Joe Biden over Mitch McConnell and Dick Cheney any day of the week. Hell at this point I'd trust the decisions of a bucket of spoiled shell fish more than I would a living breathing member of the Republican party when it comes to this mess.

Personally I think they ought to take whatever billions or gazillions or quintillions they decide to throw at this mess and give that money to the people who's homes are in jeopardy. They ought to buy those mortgages and make gifts of those homes to the hardworking Americans who got suckered into getting shitty mortgages that made those banks millions of dollars in profit. The people on Wall Street and those who made a ton of money lobbying for them ought not to get one red cent. In fact they should be made to give any bonuses they made over the past few years to the government and then the government should take that money and use it to rebuild schools where they should teach kids all about how FDR and the Democrats saved this country after the last time conservatives, Republicans, and Libertarians almost ruined us financially.

I'm against this bailout of Wall Street firms. I'm against the bail out of the US auto industry too. It's time to stop throwing good money at bad greedy stupid people. If the people who ran these investment banks were stupid enough to make millions of dollars in bad loans and if the US auto companies were so stupid and shortsighted that they refused to make hybrid and electric cars in an era when gas and oil is becoming ever more scarce then they all deserve to fail and have their bones picked clean by scavengers, after all they did the same thing to other companies during the 'go go bull market' boom of the 1990's. What was fair for the goose ought now to be fair for the gander. Let the bad businessmen fail and let their companies topple and then maybe when they're standing in an unemployment line and worrying about how they're going to pay for their lights and heat and groceries then maybe they'll learn what the rest of us have either went through or are going through now.