And the editorial page is always full of letters to the editor from local crackpots. So I decided to write a satirical letter to them in the style of most of their other letter writers. I decided to cover a subject near and dear to the whack job's hearts, guns. Here's the letter I originally sent to them:
It has come to my attention that people are being denied their second amendment rights in the Johnson City Public Library and in all Mountain States Health Alliance facilities. There are signs on the doors of these establishments that say that carrying a handgun inside their premises is prohibited. Now, I'm sure this kind of thing is happily approved by Phil Roe and Nancy Pelosi and the rest of the soft on crime crowd, but to me, it's a life threatening situation.
People must be allowed to defend themselves in the library against those who would try to turn them gay by reading poetry at them or by making them read those 'Twilight' books. And in the hospitals, people must be allowed to stop 'do gooder' hospital staff from forcibly implementing Obamacare.
If people aren't allowed to carry their guns every where they want, then next thing you know they'll be forced to surrender their firearms to Communists, United Nations 'peacekeepers,' and to atheists. Come on Tri Cities, let's do something about this or they'll take away our right to bear arms.
And here's the letter they printed:
Notice the difference? No? You'd be forgiven if you did because it's just a minor change. And that change is they took out the name of my local teabagging Congressman who they adore at the Johnson City Press. Yeah, they live to protect Rep. Phil Roe (R-Fox News).
Periodically they'll set up tables at local stores or events and give papers away to entice people to subscribe. When they ask me if I want a free paper I always decline on the grounds that if I want to read Republican propaganda I'll go to the RNC website.
1 comment:
Love you, man.
My uncle used to write letters to the editors at least weekly, but he used other peoples' names (he usually got their permission; some were made up). They supported some measure or another in the city he lived in. My brother and I would try to find Uncle Frank's letter by scanning the letters to the editor every day. He could usually fool us with the first paragraph, but by the second we could tell which was his. The editors at The Courier Post, however, never figured it out.
Kudos, Dr. Monkey. You're the best.
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