Danish women ask Sarah Palin some 'gotcha questions'

"What time is it where you are at Miss Sarah Palin?"

"Do you know where Denmark is Sarah Palin?"

"Why do you want me to get on your big ugly bus Sarah Palin? Do you want to perform medical experiments on me?"

"Where does the sun go at night?"

"When are your fifteen minutes of fame going to be up?"

Sarah the menace

It's one thing for people like me to call out Sarah Palin on her over heated violent rhetoric, I'm just a fat dude who writes a blog. And when others like Keith Olbermann call her out on national TV they say he's just a liberal gas bag who is jealous of her and her success. But when the Secret Service says her attacks on President Obama's patriotism was responsible for a spike in death threats against him and his family, well that's another matter entirely.

It's clear she is out to gain attention and to stay in the public eye by saying horrible things about the Obamas and other Democrats, but when you factor in what the Secret Service said about her with her map of Democratic districts with crosshairs on them and her calls for her followers to 'reload' instead of 'retreating,' a big pattern emerges and that pattern is says she's a fucking menace who is going to get more people killed.

If she wasn't the darling of the right wing she wouldn't be allowed to walk the streets after what she's done. She ought to be in a super-max prison somewhere doing hard time for all the violence she's incited.

Bright spots in the 2010 mid term elections

1) The biggest bright spot in the election for me was watching so many conserva-Dems lose. They were Republicans in sheep's clothing and I hope they all stay unemployed for the next 30 years.

2) The three rich bitch candidates lost.

Disgusting hypocrite Meg Whitman got her ass handed to her by my boy Jerry Brown. Well done Jerry. (Think of how much better off America would be today if we had elected Jerry Brown President back in 1992 instead of Bill 'Corporate Sponsor' Clinton.)

Even more disgusting bitch Linda World Wide Wrestling got decimated in CT. Now if only you people in CT can get your heads of your asses when it comes time to dump Traitor Joe Lie-berman, you'll be doing us all a favor.

And finally the most disgusting bitch of all, Carly 'I ran HP into the ground' Fiorina got thumped by my girl Boxer in California.

Have I ever admitted to my crush on Barbara Boxer? No? Okay then.

3) The crazy ass twat team lost.Sharron Angle proved that you can be repellent, mentally unstable, and racist and still get nominated by the Republican party. Then she proved that a woman who is all of those things can't win in the general election.
She's not a witch, she's not you, or me, she's a three time loser who's life, it seems, consists of running for and losing a US Senate seat in one of the smallest states in the union. If she was such a good Christian, why didn't her god let her win?

4) Most of the candidates who the half term governor Quitter Palin endorsed lost.

Other things that Sarah Palin wrote on her hand recently

Say it ain't so Sarah

Sarah's new boobies must have already ruptured and whatever they were filled with has leaked up into her tiny brain because she says we still need to drill baby drill, even with the BP well in the Gulf gushing oil.
And now word has hit that a line in Salt Lake City has ruptured and it's spilled 400 to 500 barrels of oil into a creek. They say it may run into the Great Salt Lake. It's already covered ducks and geese and a few stray Mormons.

Two oil leaks and Palin wants more drilling. In-fucking-credible.

What this shit should be teaching us is that we need to stop drilling and pumping oil out from under the ground and under the sea. We need to learn that we've got to stop raping the planet so a few people can stay wealthy. We can generate electricity and power cars, trucks, and buses with solar power. All the jobs that we'll lose if we stop drilling baby drilling can more than be made up when we employ people to clean up the planet and to make and install solar panels. Any tax revenue we lose from the loss of oil and gas taxes can be made up from the taxation of hemp, which should be made legal this minute, even if it's only the industrial hemp, and through the taxation of all churches.

It's time to stop listening to idiots who keep telling us we have to rape our planet so they can stay rich.

Sarah Palin's motherhood lessons

Here's Sarah Palin's Mother's Day Twitter thingy:
Okay Sarah.

Well played.

I'm not sure who you stole that line from but I know you stole it from somewhere because you've never had an original thought in that head of yours. However, despite that fact, you have taught us all some important lessons about motherhood from your actions the past few years and here's the main ones:

• It's okay to be a quitter.
• It's fine to preach about public service but it's even better to quit public service if you have a big book deal and a 'news' network who is ready to pay you hundreds of thousands of dollars to be an 'analyst.'
• Never accept responsibility for anything, blame the media and non evangelicals for all the problems you caused.
• It's bad when other people's kids have children out of wedlock but it's okay if yours does.
  
• Use your kids for political props but then when other people call you on it it's cool to say they are attacking your kids and evangelical Jesus.
• Being two faced and hypocritical is a virtue.
  
• Being catty is fine as long as you're conservative politically.
• Jesus only loves conservative white politicians and their families.
• Revising historical fact is totally awesome as long as you do it to suit your political agenda.
• One must always blame one's lack of knowledge on someone else, preferably the 'lame stream media.'

You're a real mom all right Ms. Palin. You're so real and dear to certain people in fact, that I'd go so far as to call you a 'mommy dearest.'

She almost got me

The other day Sarah Palin called on her supporters to stop people whose cars have Obama bumper stickers on them. She instructed her supporters to then ask the drivers of said cars how the "hopey changey" thing is working out. But really what she's saying is that her supporters should stop those of us who have Obama bumper stickers on our cars and that they should berate us for daring to elect a president who is a Democrat, who is smart, and above all, who is black. And the odds are that if one of her supporters has the balls to make another driver stop, then her supporter will probably be armed and more than willing to use their weapon on someone who had the gall to elect a non Republican president of the USA.

And that goes double for the area of the USA where I live. Most of the people around here are conservative and they vote Republican. They have a hard time understanding why anyone wold ever vote Democrat, why people are liberals, and why they'd ever vote for a damn dirty black socialist. And they're likely to be armed as well. Which is why what Palin said is so scary. Words matter and to people all hopped up on Rush Limbaugh, Fox News, and anger against the 'other,' then Palin's words are an invitation to not only stop someone and bitch at them for electing someone who isn't white or Republican, it's almost an open invitation to shoot their fellow citizen on sight. And if it did happen, and there has already been a road rage incident over an Obama bumper sticker in Nashville, then Palin would give her little bemused giggle, toss up her hands, and exclaim that she's not responsible because she didn't pull the trigger or wasn't behind the wheel of the car that caused the accident. She'd also say that she was just using her freedom of speech and that anyone who did violence based on what she said was probably a gosh danged liberal out to discredit hard working real Americans like her.

So given all that I'm nervous because we have an Obama bumper sticker on our car and we live in northeast Tennessee, an area where Democrats are looked at as Communists and less than human. An area where Republicans like their meth fresh and their politics a shade more conservative than Atilla the Hun's.

And yesterday while out in traffic while running errands I thought that the Sarah Palin shit storm was about to be unleashed on me. Here's what happened, I was driving along minding my own business and I pulled up in the left lane to a red light. On my left was a turn lane and in it was some sort Subaru truck like vehicle with a bumper sticker on the back window that read 'SOCIALISM ISN'T COOL' and underneath that it read, 'Americans for Prosperity.' As I waited for the light to change the woman behind the wheel of the Subaru turned to look over at me and she began motioning to me. I assumed she had taken issue with my bumper sticker since the corporate media insists on calling Obama a socialist (when in fact he's actually to the right of Bill Clinton, the last Democrat to be our Commander in Chief). She started talking to me but the window on the passenger side of her car was rolled up, as was my window. She looked like she was getting agitated and she began pointing at our car and then back at herself.

I just knew she wanted to heed the command of her idol Palin and I assumed she was not only crazy enough to say something to me about my sticker, I also assumed she was armed and ready to put a bullet in my ass and where ever else she could shoot me. Then light turned green and I sped off. I left crazy Subaru woman in the dust as soon as the light turned but I kept half an eye to see if she was nuts enough to try to follow me home. And if she had I was ready to call the police on her as soon as I got inside our house.

Then it hit me. She wasn't trying to get my attention so she could bitch about my bumper sticker, she was trying to get my attention to see if I would let her in front of me when the light turned green. She had gotten in the wrong lane and she wanted me to let her over. However, I'm not sorry I didn't let her over because I honestly thought she was out to do me harm. It's sad that Palin's over heated political rhetoric is causing misunderstandings like this and that I fear what some of my less mentally stable neighbors might do based on the ravings of a former beauty queen and failed half term Governor of Alaska. You see folks, it's not a very big step for a self aggrandizing person who believes Jesus chose her to be Governor of Alaska and who wanted her to be Vice President to go from calling for her followers to stop people with Obama bumper stickers to asking them to beat up or kill Obama voters because they cut a deal with the Devil to keep her and her party out of power. She's already said that people who disagreed with her politics weren't real Americans, so it's not far fetched that she'll say next that it's the will of her god that we Obama voters be wiped out.

I wish this post was an April Fool's joke or that I didn't feel the way I do, but it's not and I do look at my neighbors with a suspicious eye now that Palin has called for her followers to stop my car in traffic to demand that I be held accountable for everything that Obama has done. Seriously, I wish it were a joke or a prank, but it's not.

Sarah Palin will not stop until she gets someone killed

The crazy bitch is telling her crazy followers to stop cars with Obama bumper stickers on them. It's intimidation pure and simple.

If you try and stop my car, I'm calling the police on you and I'm having you arrested for assault. Try me. See if I don't.

Sarah Palin wants her country back

And we all know which country that is. It's the country where:

• all sorts of white folks, whether your skin color is ecru or eggshell and everything in between, can get ahead.
• black folks know their place.
• Latinos work in the fields and not in the front office.
• women are second class citizens.
• homos stay in the closet.
• where the comedy stylings of Rich Little and Dennis Miller reign supreme.
• you keep minorities from voting and then you say, "Hey look, those people never vote anyway, so why should we have laws to protect their right to vote?"
• big corporations get to write the labor laws and unions are outlawed.
• you're free to go to the Christian church of your choice, as long as they don't preach or practice social or economic justice.
• the only food that's good for you is the stuff they douse with pesticides and grow on factory farms.
• any rich white child can grow up to be President if he so chooses.
  

Me, I don't ever want that country back. The country I want is the one envisioned by Thomas Jefferson, Thomas Paine, Teddy Roosevelt, FDR, Martin Luther King Jr, and Dennis Kucinich.

Election '09-Special election in NY round up

Hahahahahahahahahahahahaha, let me catch my breath, I'm laughing too hard, hahahahahahahahahahahahahaha. Way to go Sarah! With your help the Republicans kissed good bye to a safe seat they had held for years in upstate New York!
Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha. You cost your party a seat due to self aggrandizement and your lust for selling your soon to be panned book. You fancied yourself a king maker and instead of victory, you got the shitty end of the stick. Hahahahahahahaha. Way to go. All those real Americans in upstate NY voted for the Democrat you tried to defeat. Nice going. It's another loss to hang on your charm bracelet.

Yo Sarah, add this to your list of non accomplishments when and if you make a run for President some day. And oh, how I hope you make a run some day. Because if and when you do, then most of this country will see you for the charlatan you are. I can't wait to see how you try to pass the blame for this loss in upstate NY on someone else. And I can't wait for your book to tank as you flail about in interviews on your book tour.

Maybe you might have a chance at higher office or becoming a decent person if you emulate the Democrat you worked so hard to defeat in upstate NY. He's the epitome of what public service is all about. He served in the Air Force and retired from it, he didn't quit like you did when you were governor. Then after years of serving his country he decided to serve it some more in the Congress, while you choose to whore yourself out in order to sell a book you didn't even write.

Douchebag round-up

Here's two reasons why Anthony "Greasy Tony" Bourdain is a douchebag:

1. He's always slagging vegetarians for being vegetarians but when he went to India and had to eat in a vegetarian restaurant he was all for it on religious grounds. So according to this douchebag it's okay to be vegetarian if some crazy made up fairy tale says you have to be one but it's not okay to be vegetarian if you are one because of compassion issues. Gee, makes sense...NOT. I have far more respect for people who choose not to eat meat because they don't want animals to suffer than ones who blindly follow some nutty made up religious bullshit.
   
2. He loves to rail against the local and organic food movements. He made slur after slur against organic food and Alice Waters, the chef who pioneered of the use of local foods in her restaurant, in the San Francisco episode of his show the other night. He mocked people who actually want to eat food that's free of pesticides, insecticides, and herbicides and he hates locally grown food. Hmmmm, why does that not surprise me coming from a self absorbed douchebag who lives in the most self absorbed city in the world, New York city. Excuse me Tony, but just because you live in the most unsustainable city on the planet and you have to have corporate food trucked in by the container load that doesn't give you a reason to slag local and organic food. Maybe if years of smoking hadn't killed your taste buds you'd be able to taste the difference in corporate farmed food and locally grown organic food.
   

Pity poor Ben Stein, he's become, according to him, a victim of the liberal media. He says he got canned from the New York Times for criticizing President Obama in his New York Times column. The NYT says is canned him for conflict of interest after it came out that he's shilling for a rip off credit report company. Hmmmm, why is he working for the NYT in the first place? He's a staunch member of the tribe of conservative douchebags who believe that the NYT is the flagship of all the liberal media in the USA, why then was he taking their money? Could it be he's a hypocrite? And a liar to boot? Yep, I'd say he's lying again. Just like he did in his movie he made about intelligent design. He's not only a liar, he's a liar who will sell his soul and his services out to the highest bidder, after all he saw that liberals and progressives would never make him a dime so he made his movie that touts intelligent design over evolution so he would always find a home with the rabid religious nutbags on the right. I'd expect nothing less from someone who worked for Dick Nixon, the only President of the United States who ever resigned because he broke the law. Stay classy and enjoy your time on FOX Noise channel douchebag Ben!

Death squads and tribunals? Really? Using your poor little down's syndrome baby as a prop again? Really? Holy shit, someone tell me again why we listen to anything that escapes the mouth of this moron. She needs to stick to giving hand jobs to her husband so he'll stay away from the local glory hole.

Exit the quitter

Raise your hand if you're a quitter who cynically used your family as props every chance you got during your self aborted political career.
Raise your hand if you were the most unqualified Vice President nominee in history and one who made Dan Quayle look like a mental giant in comparison to you.Raise your hand if you are intellectually incurious and if you couldn't give a shit about the issues as long as you look pretty and can rouse the rabble.
Now Miss Quitter, put your hand down and slink off to the FOX Noise channel where you'll fit right in with Mann Coulter, Mike Malkin, and Gomer Huckabee.

It's time to check in with the cleaning lady

Hey cleaning lady, you look down in the dumps. What's up? You didn't go and huff some ammonia mixed with bleach again did you?
No. I told you already I only did that those tens of times because I was drunk. No, see, I'm down in the dumps over all the nonsense the conservatives are pulling.

Oh yeah, like what?

Like this Sarah Palin shit. She ups and quits in the middle of her first term and then she says she's not a quitter and that she's actually a fighter and all the Republicans and their toads on FOX Noise fall all over themselves making excuses for her. If I upped and quit my job I'd lose my house and my car. No one lauds me for going to work every day and cleaning up after people. Oh crap, excuse me. I need to clean that off the window before it dries.


What was it?

Well Gov. Mark Sanford (R-SC) was just here and he got excited telling me all about his affair with his Argentine soul mate. He got so excited that he squirted some spuzz on the window.

Ewwwww.

Aaaaah, I've seen worse.

Really?

Sure. I had to clean up after Sen. Ensign (R-Nev.) and since I know some young kids read this blog, let's just say that after him and that married woman he was banging got done with their business there was lots of skidmarks on the walls and floors and and broken vials that needed cleaning up.

Broken vials? You know what was in them? Were they doing drugs?

They didn't contain drugs, they were filled with the tears of small children who were frightened by clowns. Ensign uses them as a personal lubricant. Hey, can you move for a minute? I need to scrub up the place where John McCain's adult diaper exploded.

What else is eating at you cleaning lady?

Get this, the conservatives who are getting the best health care our government has to offer want to make sure that people like me don't get it. If it's good enough for them, how come I can't have it? They say it's too expensive but hell, we've found enough money to pay for two wars. Why can't we find enough money to insure all Americans? Instead of calling it 'single payer health care for all' let's call it 'fighting the war on terror' and then they'll bend over backwards to pay for it.


You seem pretty smart cleaning lady. Why don't you run for office some day?

Because I've got too much self respect and I can't talk out of both sides of my mouth while screwing the public over at the same time. You know what I'd like to do though? I'd like to ram this vaccuum hose nozzle up all the butts of all the conservative politicians and vaccuum the hypocrisy right out of them.
Oh cleaning lady, you know they don't make a vaccuum big enough to hold all that.

Yeah, I know, it's just a dream I have. It's kind of like my other dream...

Which is?

That one day I'll be able to huff ammonia and bleach without blacking out.

On this July 4th holiday, never forget those who served their country

And never forget those who cut and ran when the going got tough:Sarah Palin, quitter.

What's worse...

...a mother who doesn't have the kid who committed statutory rape on her young daughter prosecuted,

or a guy who made a joke about her daughter who got knocked up when she had unprotected sex before she was of legal age to do so?


Spare all of us your phony outage Ms. Palin. You should be outraged at Levi for raping the daughter you paraded around for your political benefit. It's Letterman's job to make fun of you and it was your job to make sure your own daughter didn't get knocked up before she got married. You struck out, Dave knocked a home run.

Here's Sarah Palin and that Todd guy she married with a list of things you can and can't joke about

"Howdy! I just wanna thank my lord Jesus for making that terrorist lover Dr. Monkey give us some space on his godless blog so we can tell you folks out there what you can and can't make jokes about. Isn't that right Todd?"

"Yes dear."

"Now some of you people think we are humorless Christian prigs but nothing could be further from the truth! We love a good laugh. Don't we Todd?"

"Yes dear."

"So, according to us and our lord who hates gays, hippies, left handed people, feminists, men who bake, and anyone who isn't white or who doesn't love Jesus, it's okay to make jokes about the following things:

• That boy Levi who got me, oops, I mean my daughter Bristol pregnant.
• Terrorists, unless they are the terrorists we like. And we like the terrorists who kill non-Christians, abortionists, socialists, Communists, anti capitalists, and who like snow machines.
• How gays and black people are going to hell.
• Democrats.
• What a sexual pervert David Letterman is.
  
• How Democrats and big government supporters are going to hell.
• Levi the big doody head.
  
• The Devil.
• Levi's strong sinewy muscle bound body that glistens in the night as he holds you in his young musky scented arms as he thrusts his young manhood inside you repeatedly while he hoarsely whispers, 'You're my favorite MILF' over and over again until he explodes like an atom bomb inside the womb that you thought wasn't fertile anymore.
• Wimpy husbands.
• Mexicans.
• Witches.
• Roman Catholics, because they aren't Christians anyways.

So right there, that's plenty of stuff you all can make your little jokes about. Isn't that right Todd?"

"Yes dear."

"You can't make jokes about:

• Jesus.
• our family.
• snow machines.
• people who love Jesus, our family, and snow machines.
• vibrating objects.
• my wardrobe.
• whoever Jesus chooses to be the Republican Presidential nominee.
• Phyllis Schlafly.
• Baptists.
• evangelicals.
• people who shoot wolves from helicopters.
  
• people who speak in tongues.
• Did I say Jesus already?
• Just in case he's listening or if he reads this blog, Jesus.

So, that stuff is off limits, okay then? Jesus will smite you if you make any jokes about any of that stuff, yeah, you betcha. Isn't that right Todd?"

"Yes dear."

"Is that all you can say Todd?"

"No dear."

"Prove it. What else can you say Todd?"

"Fine. You asked for it. Every day I pray that death takes me so I won't have to listen to your grating voice anymore. I wish I hadn't let my penis talk me into marrying your crazy ass. I wish..."

"Okee, dokee, then. That's enough out of you Todd. I see I'm going to have to put your testicles back in the jar when we get home. That's all from us for now, don't forget to remember that big government is bad! And Jesus hates socialism! Yeah, you betcha!"

This just in...

...Sarah Palin claims there was an unprecedented level of media involvement in the media's reporting on last year's election. And she charges that media involvement with the media continues to this day. Please stay tuned to this blog for any and all further developments in this story.