Babies, they're everywhere and you see them all the time. They're in strollers, cribs, cars and trucks, and inside women's bellies.
Just what are they up to?
Turns out they're up to plenty, the little bastards.
They have managed to insinuate themselves in all corners of the globe and into every ethnic group. As you can see from the state of the art illustration from the 1970's babies have been spotted in hardworking yet humble white families and they've turned up in the families of soon to be undocumented American workers as well.
And yes, even families in the tropics and southeast Asia have been known to sport the occasional baby. However it's been proven in study after study that Latvia, Estonia, and Patagonia must import babies due to strict religious and culinary customs.
Babies in the womb of women in most western countries delight in forcing their host mothers into mocking their husbands. The woman in the illustration below is reminding her husband that she'll never ever fit into that tiny night gown again. She didn't want to do it, but the baby inside her made her do it. Some babies also force their host mothers to watch bad television, learn medieval Italian, and to listen to Aldo Nova.
When given half a chance babies will suck the life out of their parents. They begin with the mother.
They wait until their teenage years to work on their fathers. They have also been known to try to wheedle things like gas money, food, and shiny trinkets out of other family members.
Here's two little known baby facts:
Babies born north of the Arctic circle come into the world covered in a downy hairy pelt that is almost as hairy as Robin Williams back.
Babies who were conceived on a beach grow up to be gritty adults.
In conclusion, it looks like babies are here to stay and they won't be happy until we all attend to their every need. The dirty bastards.
Greetings my fellow Americans, I'm Cecil Clendennon founder of Christian Teabaggers of the Jesus States of America. And I'm here on this godless liberal blog to warn any God fearing, gun loving, freedom drenched conservatives who may have wandered over here by mistake, especially those who were lured here by false promises of nude photos of Archie Panjabi and Archie and Jughead. I'm here to warn my fellow teabaggin' friends about the newest baby based threat to America.
Evan the wonder baby looks up at his great Grandfather in the twilight of Father's Day.
Just what are they up to? 
And yes, even families in the tropics and southeast Asia have been known to sport the occasional baby. However it's been proven in study after study that Latvia, Estonia, and Patagonia must import babies due to strict religious and culinary customs.
When given half a chance babies will suck the life out of their parents. They begin with the mother.
They wait until their teenage years to work on their fathers. They have also been known to try to wheedle things like gas money, food, and shiny trinkets out of other family members. 
Babies born north of the Arctic circle come into the world covered in a downy hairy pelt that is almost as hairy as Robin Williams back. 
Babies who were conceived on a beach grow up to be gritty adults.
Sparky's niece in Texas finally had this little guy on Independence day. He's a monster, isn't he? And he's a handsome little devil too. Welcome to the family baby Evan!
"Hurry, someone change my diaper! I need some lebensraum down there!"
