Boo ya! Take that Georgie W! That's how you open a speech with a joke!
I won't keep you long America. I just wanted to have a few words with you and then you can run off to get cool or to do whatever it is you have to do today.
You know Mister and Mrs. John Q. Citizen, it's not all fun and games here at el Casa de Monkey HQ during this current campaign lull. Samurai Frog, my running mate Laurie David, and I are hard at work. It's not all glittering parties, skinny dipping with Lindsay Lohan, vomiting up our last meal with Nichole Ritchie, and giving David Beckham a 'Brazilian' every time he turns around, oh no. We're monitoring our opponents and we're keeping an eye on the idiot who is currently occupying my or Dennis Kucinich's next home.
What? We need to relax and have some fun too! I swear we're just running mates that's all!
I see where the Chickenhawk in Chief came out in support of lowering corporate taxes the other day, he said we need to do it to make American companies more competitive around the world. When I stopped laughing so hard I decided that to show you how different I am from him I offer up a compromise.
Remember the word 'compromise' is not in Bush and his Reich wing buddies vocabularies. To him compromise means that you agree with everything he says and wants and you do it quick. The Reich wingers want us all to fight amongst ourselves like this:
So that they can continue to rape our country and bleed us dry of our paychecks and our pride.
I am not willing to cut any tax on any corporation in America, in fact some of them will pay much higher taxes under my administration, it's time they pulled their weight and shouldered their share of the burden. But I am willing to do something to save all businesses, both large and small, billions of dollars. And that something is I will take the burden of health insurance off them forever. They will no longer have to provide any health insurance to their employees whatsoever because under my administration we will provide universal single payer not for profit health care coverage for every American. Without the burden of having to pay for the inequitable broken health care system that is plaguing us today, the corporations and all businesses will save billions in the long run. They will also save because our new health care system will focus on prevention, therefore more and more people will not be getting sick, and employees will be more productive because they will not have to worry about how to pay for their family's health insurance and they won't have to stress out when a family member gets sick.
The other night I heard on Democracy Now! a part of an interview with a Canadian journalist. He spoke about how the national health plan in Canada amounts to a huge subsidy for all businesses and since they don't have to funnel money into private insurers bank accounts to pay for crappy private health insurance, the businesses and corporations in Canada can remain competitive. Makes sense doesn't it? A country taking care of it's citizens first and because they did so the businesses can stay competitive and keep their economy humming.
How do we pay for this plan you are probably asking. We pay for it by rolling back the Bush tax cuts, by taxing the wealthy even more (it is only fair they pay to help insure the people that made them wealthy and that they exploited in the first place), by raising taxes on the corporations, by ending the prohibition on growing and cultivating hemp, by legalizing marijuana and taxing it like we do alcohol, and by having a national bake/yard/rummage sale. I volunteer to make some brownies and my back issues of Granta will be available for purchase!
Yes, I know, I've done it again. I've solved another huge problem that is facing this country. As always my Nobel Prize acceptance speech is ready to be given as soon as they award me my prize and their check clears my bank.
Now, if you all will excuse me, I'm going to play with my pussy for a while and I hope I don't pull my groin while I do it.
4 comments:
Wow - I'd not thought of the reverse on Bush's desire for corporate tax cuts in relation to universal health care (single payer like Canada). Like the old saying goes, there's more than one way to skin a cat and make American businesses more competitive.
Yes you tell pretty lies, but the people won't be fooled.
It's no accident that Canada and Cannibal both begin with C - first we get Canadian style health care, next we're serving human flesh as an appetizer (at least according to Rush!)
D Cup-If I can think outside the box, why can't the idiots in DC?
Dr Smith-My lies aren't the only thing I have thats pretty.
It's so hot in Washington DC that Bush Jr. decided to invade Antarctica for the ice!
Oh, great, so Guantanamo is going to be full of penguins now.....
But I am willing to do something to save all businesses, both large and small, billions of dollars. And that something is I will take the burden of health insurance off them forever.
I'm constantly surprised that this isn't a bigger issue politically. There's no logical reason why health insurance should be linked to one's job, and there's no other developed country in the world that imposes that burden on its businesses. Whether it was single-payer or a voucher system or whatever, a national health system would eliminate a major drag on American industry.
Cool hat.
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