Lingering questions about last week's marriage equality ruling

"Does one of the men getting married have to wear a dress?"

"What if I'm fine with jiggery but not pokery?"

"Where my grandbabies at?"

"Do I have to blow all the guys at the wedding after party?  Or can I just blow the best man and all the groomsmen?"

"How soon can I divorce my uncaring and unfeeling cheating cold fish of a husband and find a nice juicy passionate female to marry?"

"Are you coming on to me?"

What is life like in Ireland after the vote for marriage equality?

"It's pure drudgery.  I still have to work, still have to get hammered every night to forget my troubles and loneliness, and everything is still in black and white."

"We're water skiing on dry land, that should give you some clue."

"Not many people outside Ireland know this but on the day we legalized same sex marriage we also passed a law that says we have to poop in tandem while wearing some sort of butt covering.  It's hellish."

"It's feckin' brilliant.  I'm going to get married five times today and get three abortions!"

"I got gay married and left the priesthood.  Life has never been better!"

"Can we vote to unify our country and get the land the British stole from us back now that we've helped mollify the gays?"

"If the gays can get married, I can spray my seed where ever I want."

Marriage equality aftermath in North Carolina

Hello, I'm Basil Boddy, concerned citizen and dog owner.  I'm here to tell you all about how gay marriage has affected people here in the tar heel state.

The day gay marriage became legal here Presbyterian minister Levon Graham married a cabbage and then he ate it.  He's now in prison for killing and eating his spouse. 

Women are 33 percent more sassier than they were before the gay could get married.  They know they don't have to be nice to men now that they can get married to their girlfriends.  And it's now a hate crime to remind them that they can only have babies with men.

Children are performing marriage ceremonies for their dolls.  And they're refusing to be spanked.  

We've had an influx of people wearing puffy vests and hairy boots who drive Land Rovers and want to eat in fine dining restaurants in to our state.  

Cats and other animals are now demanding that they be given nicer places to take a dump and to fornicate with each other.  

Straight couples are refusing to get married now because marriage is too gay for them.  They're choosing to live in sin and in places like South Carolina.

Asian prostitutes are more uppity and I hear they're charging top dollar for anal sex. 

 So, as you can see it's been fucking great!  Why did we ever wait so long to do all this stuff?  North Carolina has never been this much fun!  

The Southern Baptist Guide to Eradicating Workplace Gayness

If you suspect a co-worker of being gay you must first pray for him or her and if that doesn't work, you haven't prayed hard enough, so pray some more.  If it doesn't work after a week of praying, then you must check his or her mouth for Satan.  Take their face in your hand and probe inside their mouth for evidence of the Dark One's presence. They will scream, squirm, and claim your're assaulting them, but tell them in a loud voice so they and everyone else can hear, "I am doing this because I love you and I want you to come to Jesus Christ."  You can do anything you like as long as you say you're doing it out of love and concern for their mortal soul.

If you see Lucifer in their mouth, then clamp yours down on theirs and suck him out of that oral cavity.  Use your tongue to root the devil out of that gay mouth.  Do it.  They will thank you later.

If your previously gay co-worker faints after you sucked The Blighted One, aka the gayness, out of them, then you must administer first aid.  It's your Christian duty.  First drag them off to a secluded area where no unbelievers, females, underage tots, atheists, Communists, or Methodists can see what you're about to do.

You must strip off their shirt and begin massaging them, use scented oils if you have to, God loves it when we anoint people with oil.

After the massage, give them a tattoo in the shape of your hands which will be a forever reminder of the love you showed for them when you eradicated the gay from them.

Once you finished the tattoo, drive to their home and if they have any children spank the gay out of them.  Don't let anyone stop you.  Remember, Jesus doesn't recognize gay marriage so if they have a gay partner who they are warping children with, you must eradicate the gay from them after you have spanked the gay from all children in the house.  

If your co-worker lapses back into the gay lifestyle after you've helped them, then the only loving thing you can do for them is to burn their house down.  

Try to make sure no one is in it when you set it ablaze for Jesus.  

And remember, do all this in the name of Jesus because we've prayed about it, and we're pretty sure Jesus is okay with it.  And he's also okay with you fucking your hot secretary or a cheerleader from time to time, hell, you're only human after all.

Amen!

Freedom of speech and it's consquences

Mormon author Orson Scott Card, a science fiction writer, has railed for years against gays and marriage equality.  He wants anti sodomy laws brought back and he wants them vigorously enforced because, well, gay sex is just super icky and under no circumstances should those icky gays have anything close to the same rights he enjoys.  And to top all of this off, he's on the board of the National Organization for Marriage, aka NOM, a virulently anti gay and anti marriage equality organization. 

And all that is perfectly acceptable for him to say, after all it's his freedom of speech and he can use it the way he likes.  I don't like what he's got to say, but he can say it if he wants.

Conversely, people who support marriage equality and equality in general for gay folks, can call him an asshole homophobe who is living in a twisted hate filled world.  They can also proclaim loudly that they won't buy his books or see any films that get made based on his books because he's such hate filled bigot.  That's their right to say that, they are using their freedom of speech, just like Card is doing when he says those awful hateful things about gay people.

Well, now, Card is begging people to show him and his outdated view a little tolerance and he's begging people not to boycott the big budget film adaption of his novel Ender's Game.  He wants those he's demonized and agitated against for years to put aside their hatred of his rhetoric and his repugnant Mormon based world view and go see the film based on his book.  No, really, he does. He's pleading for tolerance of his intolerance.

And to Mr. Card I say, fuck you.  I will never ever support your work in any way you disgusting bigot.  You and your church have said black and native American peoples were second class citizens for many years and you still believe the same thing about gay folks.  The hatred for them is evident in every vitriolic comment you make.  Fuck you sir, fuck you with a chainsaw.  You will not make one penny off me.  I will never buy one of your books, nor will I ever see a film based on them.  I will not even check one of your books out of the library.  And I will tell anyone who will listen that you are a homophobic misanthropic piece of Mormon shit.  I will not tolerate your intolerance.  I will use my freedom of speech to denounce you whenever I get the chance.  You only care about tolerance when it affects your bank account and when intolerance is aimed at you for a change.  Marriage equality won't affect your marriage in any way at all.  Affording the same rights to gay people that you enjoy won't cause the world to end or turn you into a gay man.  The only reason I can see why you're so anti gay is deep inside that feverish mind of yours, you're secretly afraid that you might be gay yourself and that terrifies you.

Seriously, get the fuck over your hateful self.

Transsexuals speak out on the Supreme Court same sex marriage decisions

"I refuse to marry a woman after I finish my sex change."

 "Dude, I just farted."

"It's comforting to know that I hate Scalia as much as he hates gay and transgendered people."

 "I don't care who marries who as long as I get to jump out of the cake at a bachelor party."

"Sorry, I can't hear you over the sound of all those evangelical Christian men getting boners from looking at me."

This is what marriage equality looks like

I love it that Washington state and Maryland now give all their citizens the right to get married.  And I love it that these two guys took advantage of that right today and got their marriage license in Washington state.

 See how normal they look?  They look like a couple of good ol' boys who enjoy drinking PBR, going deer hunting, and watching NASCAR on Sunday.  They don't look like men who want to dress up as women, they don't look like greased up hypersexual zero body fat sex monsters who sport perpetual hardons.  They're just a couple of guys who love each other and want to get married.  Their marriage isn't going to cause straight people's marriages to break up.  Their marriage isn't going to stop straight people from having babies.  It's not going to lead children to become homosexual.  It's not going to cause anyone to lose faith in whatever god they choose to worship.  What it's going to do is to give them some of the rights and privileges that non homosexuals have had for centuries.  It's going to give them protection when one dies before the other one does.  It's going to give them peace of mind and for the first time in their lives, equality with the straight majority.

And that's what this boils down to, equality.  Preventing gay men and women from marrying their partners is denying them the equal protection under the law.  It's a violation of the 14th amendment to the Constitution which says we all have equal protection under the law.  And using your religion to be an asshole and deny gays the right to do what you're able to do is wrong and it makes you look like a selfish small minded prick.  So if you're one of those people who believe that gays should be prevented from enjoying the same marriage rights under the law that you have because your religion says being gay is a sin and wrong, then fuck you.  Get off your high horse and have some empathy for others.

Congratulations Washington state and Maryland, you're showing the rest of us the way.

Hey dumb ass

Eating chicken sandwiches to spite the gay folks you hate so much won't make you a good Christian.  That kind of shit won't make Jesus love you more.  If your hateful old ass would have bought a dozen of those sandwiches that you then gave to poor and homeless people, then Jesus might hate you a little less.

And no, for those of you who are easily conned, McDonald's, Burger King, nor Wendy's 'stands with Chick Fil-A.'  Those photos you see on the internet of signs that say they do, those were photoshopped you morons.

One final thing, you can use your freedom of speech to say anything you like.  The fact that you said doesn't mean I have to hear, or if I do hear it, tolerate it.  People who are opposing marriage equality are on the wrong side of history, just like those who used the Christian bible to prop up slavery, prevent women from being equal, and supporting segregation were.  No conservative, either a political or a religious one, ever supported granting equal rights to a minority group, this time is no different.  And just like all the other times, the conservatives will be defeated.

Billy Graham explains why he's supporting the hateful anti marriage equality amendment in NC

"They done tol' me that I'd have to get all gay married if that amendment don't git passed.  See, y'all, I'm 93.  If I had to turn gay and get gay married at my age I'm not sure I could take it.  I'd have to start going to the gym, wearing women's clothes, having sex in rest area and truck stop bathrooms.  And what if it turned out I like dick and gettin' done in mah butt?  I'd have to kick mah self for not turning gay sooner.  So that's why I want to make sure that anti gay marriage amendment passes.  Oh yeah, another reason is, I'm a Christian asshole.  A total asshole who wants every body to live according to mah holy book of fairy tales.  So there.  And one more thing, Jews ain't going to heaven.  Neither is blacks.  Heaven is only for white folks.  That's why it's called heaven.  Oooh, look, my dick done twitched when I mentioned white people heaven!"

He loves it when a plan comes together

Hello America, Rick Santorum here. As many of you know I hate marriage equality and I said just the other day that I'd die on the hill of this battle. That's right I'd rather die than see homosexuals get married to one another. However, I don't mind if they marry people of the opposite sex, I'm cool with that. After all, Marcus Bachmann did it and look at his marriage.

Hahahahaha, but seriously folks, I really, really, REALLY hate gay marriage. And I especially hate the ones they performed already. They need to be broken up and I've come up with a plan to do just that. In fact, my plan will end all gay marriages in the USA.

My plan is simple, it's ingenious, and it's fool proof. My plan is this: we send in secretly not gay men to have sex with one of married gays in a married gay couple. This will piss off the other partner and they'll dump and divorce the cheating gay. I believe in my plan and my hatred of gay marriage is such that I am willing to go in and have gay sex with as many gay marrieds as it takes to break up the gay marriages that swept this nation. I know that I can't be having all the sex that breaks up these marriages, so I have enlisted some of my friends, Ted Haggard, Larry Craig, Sen. Lindsay Graham, Donald Rumsfeld, and that black minister in Atlanta who digs the younger dudes, and we're all going to go about breaking up gay marriages all across the states where it's permitted. It's going to be dangerous, hot, and sweaty work so we've all been working out and taking Viagra by the fistful. We're serious about this and with the help of Jesus Christ, we'll whip these gays and we'll nip this gay marriage thing in the bud.

And don't worry, when the lesbians see what kind of cock we're slinging, then they'll all convert and become the man loving sex machines God intended them to be, because you know just as well as I do that those women are only having sex with women because they haven't ridden the right cock yet.

So that's my plan and I'm stickin' to it. Now, where are my chaps? I need to show off my dimpled ass so I can begin the seduction of the married gays!

Well done Empire state!

Marriage equality moves forward, despite the Christians and the haters.