"They done tol' me that I'd have to get all gay married if that amendment don't git passed. See, y'all, I'm 93. If I had to turn gay and get gay married at my age I'm not sure I could take it. I'd have to start going to the gym, wearing women's clothes, having sex in rest area and truck stop bathrooms. And what if it turned out I like dick and gettin' done in mah butt? I'd have to kick mah self for not turning gay sooner. So that's why I want to make sure that anti gay marriage amendment passes. Oh yeah, another reason is,
I'm a Christian asshole.
A total asshole who wants every body to live according to mah holy book of fairy tales. So there. And one more thing, Jews ain't going to heaven. Neither is blacks. Heaven is only for white folks. That's why it's called heaven. Oooh, look, my dick done twitched when I mentioned white people heaven!"
