Lingering questions about last week's marriage equality ruling

"Does one of the men getting married have to wear a dress?"

"What if I'm fine with jiggery but not pokery?"

"Where my grandbabies at?"

"Do I have to blow all the guys at the wedding after party?  Or can I just blow the best man and all the groomsmen?"

"How soon can I divorce my uncaring and unfeeling cheating cold fish of a husband and find a nice juicy passionate female to marry?"

"Are you coming on to me?"

Clown time is over

Or, has it just begun?

The brush pile

Could it be bigger or are we needlessly diverting brush from it?

Who's holding our Crunky now?

A two toned west side wanna be is holding our Crunky now. Would it be bad karma to wish for a drive by so we could take our Crunky from her cold dead hand?

The question is...

...why aren't the rest of us thinking of Art Barreca too?

The wood pile...

...is it as big as it was after Obamacare became law of the land?

The pretty cartoon lady has a few questions

In what world did graduating summa cum laude from a Ivy League university mean someone is stupid?


In what world does someone who never got water boarded tell someone who did that what happened to them is not torture?


Why do Republicans want the federal government out of our lives except when it comes to what goes on in the bedroom?


Why is it okay that we let people who believe that Jesus Christ came to America after he got crucified and that there was an advanced civilization here during that time despite there being no archaeological or historical evidence of either thing being true keep non related consenting adults who want to get married from doing so?


Why is the recession over when big corporations make profits again? Shouldn't we say it's over when working people can afford to buy houses, cars, send their kids to college, and take vacations without having to go into debt for the rest of their lives?


Why do we let people who get health insurance from the federal government keep us from having the same thing?


Why do all the internet browsers suck so much?


Why is the beach always so close to the ocean?


Why are they going to 'reboot' the Tomb Raider movie series? Didn't they suck enough the first time?


Does this look infected to you?

Interview with a Pedestrian

My friend XUP (that stands for Ex-Urban Pedestrian) has resurrected the interview meme. Since I am my favorite subject to write and talk about I agreed to let her send me five questions. Here are her questions along with my answers.

1) You've talked a lot about your heart surgery. Are you a different person now than before you had the surgery? (Not just physically, but mentally, spiritually, philosophically?)

Yes. After the heart attack and the surgery I have become more aware about the things I eat and the kind of environments I allow myself to be in.

The biggest physical change has been my heart operates much better now, I have a nifty scar on my chest, and I have a little numbness left in my leg where they opened it up and took an artery, or vein or whatever it is they take, to make the bypasses with. Some days I think the numbness is gone for good but then it comes back a little. But don't get me wrong, it's not painful or anything, it's just annoying.

Mentally I have changed a bit in that I don't suffer fools gladly anymore. And wrapped up in that is I don't allow myself to be put into stressful situations, most of which arise from being around members of my nutty family who live in the south. Most of the family I have who live south of the Mason Dixon line, and a few who live north of it as well, are toxic stressors to me and I avoid them like the plague. I don't need the stress or the hassle of being involved with them and I'm far better off with out them in my life. Another mental change is that sometimes my filter that is supposed to stop me from making bad comments about others sometimes doesn't work too well since the heart attack and in some cases it's a good thing but when I say mean shit to people who don't deserve it I feel like crap.

Spiritually I have not changed at all. I had come to the realization years ago that when humans could not explain the universe around them they needed to invent a god who made every thing and who loved them. The notion that I had to follow a set of rules laid down in the stone age in order to be a good person I found out was just nonsense. There may have been a person named Jesus who was born in the year zero but there's no way he was the son o' god because there is no god. But if you need to believe in that religious stuff then that's okay by me, just don't expect me to believe it and don't try to convert me to whatever religion you believe in.

I remain philosophically bankrupt just like I was before the heart attack.

2) You appear to be a great cook and gourmet. What would you request for your last meal and who would prepare it?

Thanks for the compliment. I don't consider myself a gourmet, just a well meaning gourmand.

My last meal would be cooked by someone other than myself because no matter how good a cook I may be, it's always nice to eat food prepared by someone else. I'd choose as a starter Southwestern Spring rolls from Damon's, that's a chain restaurant in my area. I'd have Pad Prik with pork from the Stir Fry Cafe, another local restaurant. I'd also have Tandoori chicken and aloo sag with na'an bread. For dessert I'd have coconut cream pie, banana pudding, and German chocolate cake. I'd wash it all down with a variety of Canadian beers and some Pinot Noir.

3) What's the most disgusting thing you ever smelled?

Rotten duck eggs. And the reasons why Bush/Cheney said we had to go to war.

4)If you woke up one morning to discover you would be Oprah for 24 hours, what would you do? (suicide doesn't count)

I rather like Oprah, she's very well meaning and I think she's a geniuely nice person so I would probably like being her for 24 hours. Having said that though, if I was her for 24 hours I'd spend the whole day playing with my new lady parts. And I'd do things with Steadman in the boudoir that are outlawed in a few US states and certain maritime provinces of Canada.

5) In keeping with the holiday, what's the best gift you've ever received?

Best Christmas gift I ever got was a book from Sparky. She gave it to me the first year we gave each other gifts. It was a book called The Dissenters. And it was a collection of essays by famous, or infamous, depending on your point of view, Americans who disagreed with the prevailing political paradigm. It showed me that she really 'got me.'

She also gave me the best birthday present ever which was an aquarium, sadly I no longer have it because it sprang a leak but I loved that thing with a passion.

Excellent questions all Ms. XUP! Thanks for asking them!

If you'd like me to ask you five questions then please send me an email to monkeymuckATgmailDOTcom with the phrase 'Interview me' in the subject line.

A very Schwartzian meme

My Jewess princess Katie Schwartz came up with a great idea. She's begun a new meme that asks a bunch of questions of Obama supporters and since I am powerless to refuse her anything when it comes to the internets I now give you my answers to her probing questions:

1) What is your name (nickname, whatever you're comfortable sharing), your age (range), gender, occupation, income bracket (range), how you identify (gay/straight/whatever)? Married/Single/Divorced? Kids (how many)?
Name: blog name-Dr. Monkey, real name-Steve
Age-45 and damn proud to say so considering my health history
Gender-Male
I'm a straight white guy who is a member of PFLAG and I'm in a long term monogamous relationship with a woman who I refer to on this blog as Sparky. We have no children of our own but if you have kids and we like them then we think of them as ours, just don't ask us for money to help raise them.

2) What are the most important issues to you in this presidential election and why?
The two biggest issues for me are ending the immoral war in Iraq and getting universal health care for all Americans. The war is sapping our tax dollars faster than a fat kid goes through sheet cake and it makes no sense to me that we can waste billions of dollars on a war for ExxonMobil and Shell oil but we have no money for health care for all Americans. All I am asking for in the health care area is that we get the same health care that Bush McCain and Dick Cheney have had all their public lives. All I want in the war of terror area is for us to get out of Iraq this second and to let a pan-Arabic force take over in Iraq and Afghanistan.

3) Why do you think voters should vote for Obama/Biden, what differentiates this ticket from McCain/Palin?
I think people should vote for Obama/Biden if they want to get out of the current mess that 30 years of conservative politics has drug us into. What makes them different from Bush McCain/Palin is that they want us out of Iraq, want a more equitable health system for all of us, and they believe in using the power of the federal government to help the poor, the downtrodden, the working class, and the middle class. Obama/Biden are not perfect and they'll still kowtow too much to corporations for my taste and they'll keep throwing money down the rathole known as the Pentagon but they are a far sight better than continuing the failed conservative policies of Bush McCain/Palin.

4) If McCain/Palin wins this election, where do you see our country going in the next four years?
If they win then I see this country not moving forward at all. I see it staying in this same awful place where the rich keep getting more obscenely rich, the wars drag on forever because heaven knows that whatever "gains" we make over there will be "fragile" and we'll have to stay to protect them. I see more deregulation that will cost more lives, line the pockets of the super rich, and further damage our nation and our economy. I see people staying fearful and afraid to speak out because dissent will not be tolerated by a President with a hair trigger temper who has shown he'll say or do anything to stay in power. I see gays, lesbians, women, and minorities losing many gains they have fought for over the past 50 years. I see science and reason mocked and shunted aside in favor of the radical right wing religious agenda. I see freedom of choice being taken away from women and yet more voter caging. I see a version of America that is my worst nightmare.

5) Economically, where do you think this country is today and how do you think Obama/Biden can make a positive impact?
As the latest investment bank failure as shown us, the economy of this country is in the toilet. We've let them deregulate things too far and we're sliding backwards to the era just before the Great Depression. The gap between the haves and the have nots is widening every day and it's going to get worse under Bush McCain/Palin because they want to make more tax cuts to businesses and give their rich friends bigger tax cuts while we work harder and harder for what little we managed to get.

History has shown time and time again that the economy does better under Democrats than it does under Republicans and this is because more people share in the prosperity. Obama/Biden can make a positive impact by taxing the rich more, ending the Bush tax cuts, taxing companies that outsource jobs, and providing tax breaks and incentives to people and companies that provide "green" jobs that will aid us in becoming self sustaining energy wise. And by ending the senseless immoral war we can redirect that money to go to fixing our crumbling infrastructure that Bush McCain/Palin have ignored for years.

6) In the past 8-years, how do you think this country has changed under the Bush regime? Have you been affected by these changes? If so, in what ways?
Too many changes to go into now but I'll highlight the biggest ones:

• loss of civil liberties


• the growth of domestic spying


• yet more insane privatization of essential governmental services

When our own government can call anyone they please an "enemy combatant" and thereby imprison us indefinitely and take away all our constitutional rights then we're all affected by the changes Bush hath wrought.

7) I have read that Palin is considered the new voice of feminism, which is offensive in my opinion. Of equal concern are her views on abortion and the removal of books from libraries. I'd like to know what you think about all of that and how you feel about McCain choosing Palin as a running mate. And what kind of message you think that sends to women?
The message that women should get from the cynical politically calculating choice of Sarah Palin as Bush McCain's Veep is that you are stupid. They obviously think that a woman who is the polar opposite of Hillary Clinton is as qualified as Hillary is and that you ladies should vote for him because his running mate has a vagina.

The message I get from his choice of an inexperienced evangelical female is that the old man will do anything to be elected. He picked her to satisfy the religious right, who he once scorned. As much as they bray and brag about her limited experience she is the least qualified person to be Vice President since Dan Quayle. My worries about the leadership of Bush jr and Bush McCain pale in comparison to the worries I have about an anti choice, anti science, religious nut bag like her.

I tag Little Merry Sunshine, Liberality, Helenwheels, and Diva Jood to do this meme if they so choose because I'd like to see their answers to these great questions from the great Katie Schwartz.

Question of the day

Today's question comes from my good blog friend and Winter Reading Challenge compatriot, the Quaker Vixen of the north, Suzy. Suzy wants to know: Which are smarter, cats or dogs?

On one hand, dogs are pretty damn smart because they can respond to and understand human speech and demands, while we on the other hand can not understand them for the most part. So I'd have to go with dogs. But.....

On the other hand cats may be able to understand us but they have the sense enough not to let us know if they do. By making us bend to their will cats are pretty smart. And they are more independent than dogs.

But on the third hand, yeah I know, "third hand" doesn't exist, well neither does the "third eye" smart ass, both dogs and cats have allowed themselves to be domesticated so both creatures reap the benefits of humans being at the top of the evolutionary ladder.

But, and this is my last "but" I promise, since I'm a dog person, I'd say dogs are smarter.

Thanks for sending in that question Suzy! You rock.

Get out those handkerchiefs kids because tomorrow is the end of "Question a Day." And to those of you who sent in two questions, I appreciate your zeal but in order to be fair to everyone I chose only one of your questions.

Question of the day

Today's question comes to us from the frozen north. MNMom has a health related question: As I age, I seem to be shrinking! I've lost 1/4 inch off my already hobbit-like 5'2" frame. How can this be stopped and how can I blame George W. Bush?Well MNMom, I'm afraid I have bad news. The only way to stop shrinking is to die and we don't want you to go this early in the game.

Don't despair though! There are advantages to being "hobbit like."

1. You get hit last when things fall from above because the falling objects usually hit the taller people.
2. You don't have to play basketball anymore.
3. You have a low center of gravity, which will come in handy if you ever get into a fight or if the earth spins off it's axis.
4. You can earn extra money at War on Christmas time by hiring yourself out as an elf.
5. If needs be, we can stuff you into a duffel bag and smuggle you places.
6. You can start a second career as a jockey.
7. You'll never hit your head on ceiling fans.
8. If there is ever a "tall tax" levied, you'll be exempt.

As for how you can blame Bush Jr. for your shrinkage, he did cut funds for the Department of Health and the NIH. Both of which could have given grant money to a mad scientist who might have worked on way to stimulate growth in women who are aging. So, yeah, it's that prick's fault you are now so tiny that you are often mistaken for a sexy little garden gnome.

Thanks for sending in that great question!

I still need a couple more queries to finsh out the month of questions. Send me your questions via email to monkeymuck(at)gmail(dot)com.

Question a day

Today's question comes to us from my friend Keith P. Keith wants to know: Since I'm an avowed atheist and have hardly set forth in a church, and you attended a conservative college swarming with fundamentalist Christians, I thought you could help me out with this one. What is with the right wing Christian obsession with gay marriage? Good topical question Keith!

In my experience most of the "Christians" who are against equal marriage for all are miserable pinched faced peoplewho have a need to control everyone they see. Oh, they'll claim they are happy and that Jeebus has made their lives complete but you can see that they are miserable so their goal in life is to make every one as unhappy as they are.

Equal marriage does not hurt them, this country, or the planet in any way but because they can't readily control the thinking, the attitudes, and the actions of gay people they demonize them and do their best to make them outcasts. The "Christians" claim that homosexuality is a sin, yet they engage in such sinful behavior as murder, rape, theft, bigotry, usury, and coveting their neighbors big ol' ass.


The Jesus I read about in church and in that little conservative Christian college I went to told us to forgive one another our trespasses and to love one another, not to make one another miserable and to deny equal rights to others. Of course the "Christians" who oppose equal marriage have always used to Bible and the teachings of Jesus to support such things as Nazism, the Jim Crow laws, Apartheid in South Africa, and the rape and murder of our planet.

And it's also important to remember that while some of them claim to hate and oppose equal marriage for gay people, many of those same people are not opposed to hot man on man action.
Thanks for sending in your question Keith.

I'm answering one question a day all month long, so send in your queries soon if you want to be part of the fun. Send your questions to monkeymuck(at)gmail(dot)com.

Question of the day

Today's question is a doozy and it comes to us from Captain Karen, the self described Caunck Hockey Girl and one of my Winter Reading Challenge compatriots. Captain Karen, who's been MIA all week from her blog so cross those fingers she's just taking a breather and not giving it up forever, sent me this query: While on a three hour pleasure cruise aboard your private yacht, a fierce storm comes out of nowhere, destroys the boat and you wash up on the shores of a deserted island. Miraculously, a few other people survived as well. Tell us who they are and why these specific people are there with you:

1. the professor- Would be my friend Joseph F. He's got a doctorate in Political Science, he's smart as a whip, he's progressive, he's funny, and he laughs at my stupid jokes. He was born on Crete so he's used to island life and he just might come in handy for who knows what.

2. the movie star-Would Salma Hayek. She's hot, she's multi lingual, and she can actually act. If we need some entertainment she can whip something up for all of us. 3. the goofy sidekick- Would be my friend Todd. He'd make me laugh and he'd keep me sharp because I'd have to keep up with him and his wisecracks. Although since Todd has a well known antipathy towards things aquatic, I'd have to drug him to get him on board, kind of like they used to do to Mr. T on The A Team.

4. the socialite- I'd choose Jackie Kennedy in her prime. She was beautiful, smart, and apparently good fun to be around. 5. the captain- I'd have to go with Capt. Janeway from that crappy Star Trek show I hardly ever watched. The only reason I'm picking her is to balance out the males and females. She sounds like a Smurf on LSD when she talks but she does look nice in a skin tight uniform. Thanks for sending in that great question Karen!

I'm still taking questions for "Question a Day" so send in your burning questions. I'm answering them in the order in which I receive them so if you sent one in a few days ago, don't worry I'll get to it soon. Send your questions to monkeymuck(at)gmail(dot)com.

Question of the day

Today's question comes to us from a reader named Susie. Susie wants to know: What will we do for fun when gas is too expensive to allow us to go anywhere, food is too expensive to entertain in our homes, and the writer's strike continues into infinity?

Well Susie, there's a ton of stuff you can do for fun that costs little or no money. I suggest you try any of the following things. You could:

1) Take up interpretive dance.

2) Become a rouge currency trader and help bring down the current financial system.

3) Write a blockbuster novel.

4) Make shadow puppets.
5) Stage track and field events in your backyard or in your neighbor's home.

6) Cuddle and reconnect with your family.

7) Write a blog that pisses off unhinged right wing corporate apologists.

8) Perfect cold fusion.

9) Have threesomes with men like this:

10) Have sing alongs with your friends.

Thanks for sending in that question Susie!

Do you have a question you'd like to ask me? Well, this is the perfect time since I'm answering one question every day all this month! Send me your question via email and if I like it, I'll answer it. Send those questions to monkeymuck(at)gmail(dot)com.

Question of the day

The question of the day comes to us from Josh over at Boxer Rebellion. In between teaching, caring for his dog, and cooking up a storm, he managed to find time to shoot this question to me over the series of tubes known as teh interwebs: If the answer to the meaning of life is 42, what is the question?

The question was "What was the best summer ever?" And of course the answer was Summer of '42. It started as a novel and it became a movie starring the lovely Jennifer O'Neil. How could a summer where a young guy gets laid by a hot experienced older gal not be the best summer ever? I'm not sure how your first time went but mine was lousy. I was drunk, the gal I did it with had been dumped by her husband earlier that day, he left her for a man. By the time she decided I was going to do her in order to make herself feel better I was three sheets to the wind. I'm not sure I even put it in the right place but it didn't matter anyway because I lasted about 30 seconds. I felt horrible about it as soon as we, I mean I, finished and I rolled off that gal and I stumbled downstairs and passed out in the living room floor.

I can only imagine how much better it might have been with Jennifer in Summer of '42 style. Jennifer would be patient and understanding and she'd guide me into manhood with grace and some hot monkey lovin.' She and I would have rocked that house on that windswept beach.
Ahhh Jennifer, you made 42 the best number ever. Thanks hon.

Thanks for your question Josh!

I'm taking your questions one at a time one day at a time all January long. Send your question on any topic to monkeymuck(at)gmail(dot)com and I'll answer it in the order it was received.

Question of the day

Today's question of the day comes to us from a willowy flame haired Amazon with jade green eyes, that's right kids, Madam Zelda sent in today's question. She wants to know:

Have you ever thought about all the adjectives that rhyme with "monkey" and wondered if any of them applied to you?

For example, are you:

a bunky monkey? (Since I no longer sleep in bunk beds, no.)

chunky monkey? (Yes. I'm a little over weight.)

clunky monkey? (I'm a tad clumsy if that's what you mean.)

drunky monkey? (Sometimes I am but not as much as I used to be.)

flunky monkey? (Yes, I flunked a few classes in college.)

funky monkey? (I'm as funky as a white monkey in his mid 40's can be.)

gunky monkey? (Not so much. I stay pretty clean these days.)

hunky monkey? (Depends on how bad your eye sight is. It also helps if you have an offbeat idea of what "cute" or "hunky" is.)

junky monkey? (Not as much as I used to be.)

lunky monkey? (I've been called a lunkhead before so I'd have to say yes to this one.)

one-key monkey? (More like a one trick pony monkey.)

punky monkey? (Yes, but old school punk. And I'm also a "New Wave" monkey too.)

spunky monkey? (Define "spunk" first, then I'll answer.


That was fun Madam Z! Thanks for sending in your question.

You too can have your question answered if you send it in to me via email. Send in your query to monkeymuck (at) gmail (dot) com. I'm taking one question a day during January.

Question of the day

Today's question of the day comes to us from Stephanie S. Steph, do you mind if I call you "Steph" Stephanie?, asks: If there was one little known yet important historical event that you could make all Americans aware of, what would it be?


I'd pick the shameful events of Sept. 11, 1973 and it's aftermath.

Nixon and Kissinger gave their tacit approval for the overthrow of the legally elected and popular President of Chile Salvador Allende and on 9-11-1973 the Chilean military under Augusto Pinochet murdered Allende. Pinochet then began a campaign of torture and repression that lasted for years and years. Under Pinochet's regime people who opposed his views were systematically kidnapped, tortured, and murdered.


The question then is why did Pinochet do all this mayhem and murder with the approval and help of the Nixon administration? The answer is that it was done to force a disastrous economic system down the throats of Chileans. This economic system was the brainchild of Milton Friedman and his cronies at the University of Chicago. Chile under Allende was too socialist in their view and there was not enough foreign, i.e. American, corporations doing business in the country, or so Friedman believed. They convinced Pinochet to cut social spending to the bone, to open up all markets to American and European corporations, and to cut price controls on things like food and utilities. They also saw to it that most every business and industry that the Chilean government owned was sold off and privatized.


The people did not want any of this. They wanted Allende and his program of modified socialism. So Pinochet had to use force and torture and intimidation and murder to get the Chicago School plan implemented. Nixon and Kissinger and American corporations like Ford Motor Company and ITT all helped Pinochet rape, murder, torture, and terrorize his people.


The whole sordid story has been laid out in full detail in Naomi Klein's new book The Shock Doctrine. I'm about half way through it and I highly recommend it. I'm not kidding when i say it's probably one of the most important books I have ever read.


Thanks for sending in that question Steph!

I'm answering one question every day in January so send in what ever question you might have. I answer most anything as long as you send it in via email to me at monkeymuckATgmailDOTcom.

Question of the day

Today's question comes from Rev. John Shuck who writes Shuck and Jive, if you have never read John's blog it's a lot of fun, especially the comments he gets from right wing conservative Christians who hate his progressive take on Christianity and all things religious. (I'll admit to goading a few of those close minded folks over there every now and again, so I hope your boss and celestial homeboy Jesus doesn't get too mad at me for doing that John.)

********

Anyhoo, John's question is: What is your favorite Ann Coulter fantasy?

********

Okay, I need to make sure we all are straight on a few things before I can answer this question.

1) I do not in any way find Ann Coulter attractive so I have no sexual fantasies about her. She is too skinny for my tastes and her skin looks papery, like the skin of a vampire. Her figure is too bony and angular for me, I like a gal with curves and meat on her bones, and as the kids today say, with "a little junk in her trunk." Heroin/Holocaust chic just does not get it done for the monkey man. 2) While I disagree with everything she says, I do not hate her nor do I wish that she suffer any injury or a slow painful death. I don't want to shut her up. I've grown fond of the degree of free speech we still have in this country so I'll gladly let her have her say, just so long as I get to do the same. I'm not about shutting anyone up, even Ann, I'm all about getting more voices into the mix.
So, my answer to your question John is, my favorite Ann Coulter fantasy would be that she would wake up today and have a civil tone to her rhetoric. In my fantasy she tones down her outrageous statements that she makes just to get attention and she begins to have more intelligent cogent points to back up her arguments. Then as other pundits notice how much nicer, though not any different politically, she has become, they all start to become nicer too and as a result our national political debate stops being so shrill and divisive and it starts to bring people together.

********

Great question John! Thanks for sending it in.

********

Do you have a question about food? Sports? Politics? Movies? TV? History? Interpretive dance? Pre-Cambrian plant life? Card or board games? Improv Comedy? Anything at all? Well then don't be shy, I'm answering one question a day all January long here on the blog. Send your questions to monkeymuckATgmailDOTcom and I'll answer them in the order I get them. I need many more questions to answer folks, so keep sending them in, even if you have already sent one, send in another. And I'm hoping against hope that my Canadian and British readers will get off their duffs and send in questions.

Question of the day

Today's question is from Samurai Frog. Samurai Frog asks, "What we all want to know:
Betty or Veronica?"
Most excellent question Samurai, excellent indeed. While my love for brunette women is known by regular readers of this blog, all the women I have had long term relationships with have been brunettes and of course I have a thing for Salma Hayek and the gal who played Jane on the BBC show Coupling, I have to pick Betty. Veronica is from a rich snooty family and I always thought she led Archie around by his "nose," if you know what I mean. Ms. Lodge is a shallow, vain, wealth obsessed twat.

But Betty on the other hand exudes that girl next door sexiness. She seems nice and eager to please, willing to go the extra mile to keep her man happy. I grew up reading the Archie line of comics and I was a mere slip of a lad when Sugar, Sugar by the Archie's was a top ten hit and during all that time I carried a torch for Betty.

As for the recent "face lift" all the Archie comics characters got, I, like most people. despise the way the new Betty and Veronica look. In a stupid attempt to make them "hip" and "modern" looking they have eviscerated what made them cute and enjoyable to read. Sometimes change is a bad thing, especially when it comes to redrawing timeless comic book characters.

Thanks for the question Samurai!

Send in your questions all month long to me via email and I'll answer one a day. Email them to monkeymuckATgmailDOTcom. I'll answer questions on most any topic as long as you send them in to me via email.

Question a day

Today's question comes to us from Fran.
What's that? Not Fran Tarkenton you say?

And not Fran Drescher either?

Yikes! That only leaves one Fran left, Fran of FranIam fame. FranSheis's question is: Do you have the answers to all the questions?

Sadly, no. I'm not some sort of guru.
While I do have many areas of expertise some of which include films, TV shows, porn actresses of the 1980's, sports, books, cardiology, board and card games, history, political science, Mesozoic rock formations, cooking, animal husbandry, African rivers and tributaries, the science of sleep, skee ball, Victorian fashions, industrial dyes, button manufacturing, cement mixing, prosthetics (but oddly enough not orthotics), German techno music, and stamp collecting, there are areas of knowledge in which I am deficient. I am not very well versed on "lady problems" that may or may not arise every 28 days or so, most mathematics, single bullet theory, classical music, baking, cellular biology, cellular phones, how to text message, and how to program an iPod. Oh and I have no expertise in the area of why conservatives are called conservative when they want to conserve nothing at all and why people think that Republicans have kept us "safe" for the past few years by starting a war we can not pay for.

Thanks for your question FranYouare!

Send in any question on any topic all month long to monkeymuckATgmailDOTcom and I'll do my best to answer them.