Showing posts with label the literary life. Show all posts
Showing posts with label the literary life. Show all posts

Wednesday, June 15, 2011

What I've been reading lately

I just finished this:
Yes, it's slightly different than the film adaption, but taken on their own terms, both are very good. I suppose if I had read the book first I might have been outraged over the few changes they made in adapting this book in to the film they came up with but honestly, I can't get worked up about it. The book tells the story of Will and Marcus slightly differently than the film does but at the heart of it all it's still a story of a womanizing bachelor who is forced into befriending a teenage boy who is a social misfit. I recommend both the film and the novel.

I had the worst science teachers in high school and the dullest ones ever in college. They took what has become an endlessly fascinating area of knowledge and turned it into something to hate and despise. None of them had an ounce of joy or humor in their teaching styles. So it's no wonder I felt, until recently, that I hated science. However thanks to the National Geographic channel, the Science Channel, the International History channel, and PBS, I now love science. I have come to hate my old teachers even more because I've found out how interesting all the areas of science are thanks to those channels and thanks to this highly readable and engrossing book by Bill Bryson. Thanks to Mr. Bryson's engaging and witty style I have finally come to understand things about the universe, physics, astrophysics, geology that I had thought I would never grasp. Much of what Bryson covers in this outstanding book was covered in classes I had in the past, the biggest difference here is Bryson makes it all interesting and not drudgery. If oyu want to understand the big ideas in science and want to learn about our fascinating planet, galaxy, and universe, then you must read this book. The blurb on the cover is correct, this book is destined to be a classic in science writing.


I picked this massive book, it's almost 700 pages long, up at my local library and I nearly finished half of it before I grew tired of it. Most of what I read was interesting and some of it was gripping. But ultimately I grew tired of Mr. Jensen's prose, it's full of foreshadowing and for some reason he feels compelled to use everyone's full names most every time he mentions a character. I may go back and finish this novel about the lives of the inhabitants of the seafaring village of Marstel, Denmark one of these days, but with so many other books to read out there, I probably won't. However, that doesn't mean you shouldn't give it a whirl if you're interested. It really is a massive book that tells a sweeping tale, well, many sweeping tales.

Wednesday, September 1, 2010

Page one of my upcoming graphic novel 'Hip Deep, Mountain High'

Click on the page to enlarge it then click again.

I'll be working more and more on my graphic novel as summer dies out and we dive into fall and winter. But don't worry my bloggy friends, I won't ever desert you. There will always be something new here every day, there just may not be as much of it as there used to be. And honestly, even though this graphic novel project is one of the hardest things I have ever attempted creatively speaking, it's also one of the most fun. I'm having a great time taking the photos, editing them, doing the layouts, and writing the dialogue and story. The whole process really really rocks.

And while I'm gushing about this thing I've been doing, let me gush about all the people who are donating their time to be in it. It's amazing to me how all the people I've cast have come together and have done such great work so far. Everybody have been great sports about doing what I've asked of them and making time to be in my project. I owe them all big time for all they've done.

Wednesday, July 29, 2009

Cover of George W. Bush's newest biography released:

In an odd coincidence Dick Cheney was also going to use that title for his autobiography.

Tuesday, July 21, 2009

Book Deals in the News

Bigots, homophobes, and fans of idiocy rejoiced this week when news that former Miss California Carrie Prejean, seen here relaxing at home, got a book deal. It is not known if one can color all the pages in her new book or not, but what is known is that she requests that you stay inside the lines when coloring and that you do not use pink when you color the pictures of men.

In a related development the same publisher that is putting out Ms. Prejean's book has also signed these two cans of Spotted Dick to a book deal. A company insider said, "Hell, we figured if Miss Opposite Marriage could write a fucking book then a couple of cans of Spotted Dick would be able to as well. They're working on a gay mystery tentatively titled, 'The Case of the Disappearing Weenie.' We're expecting it to be huge darling, pun intended."

And finally, former President, serial liar, and greedy blood soaked murderer George W. Bush is having a rough time working on a tome about his disastrous Presidency. He's not having trouble putting words to paper, he's having trouble keeping his head out of his wife's ass.
No word yet on if Laura's ass is experiencing any complications from having her hubby's tiny pin head shoved up it.

Wednesday, January 28, 2009

I'm just wild about Harry

I just finished the last book in the Harry Potter series and instead of doing a review of it, I'm going to share my thoughts on the whole series because I just know you all are dying to hear them, so here we go:

  • I adore JK Rowling. I think she's the best. She was a penniless single mom when she began the series and now she's a wealthy woman with a legion of fans. I'm not happy she and her publisher sued that dude who wrote that reference book about her series, but there you go, it just shows you she's not perfect.
  • I don't think Ms. Rowling is a great writer but I do think she is a great story teller. And honestly, I'd rather read great story rather than a great writer. Great writers are read by pasty faced literary geeks who live to nit pick great story tellers.
  • I started reading the Harry Potter series right before the first movie came out. I bought the first book in a trade paperback edition. I got the second and third ones from the library. The fourth one I bought new and the fifth and sixth ones I bought used. I traded all three back to my local used book store for other books. The seventh one was loaned to me by my young friend and some time disc golf companion, Quinn.
  • I read the first few books out of sequence. I read the first one, then the third, then the second one. After that I read the rest of them in order. My favorite one is the fourth one Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire.
  • I'm not one of those adults who dressed up like one of the characters and went to the book store parties but if I had a kid who was into doing that then I'd have been all over it.
  • One of the reasons why I love the Harry Potter books so much is because I relate to Harry so much. I know what it's like to have my parents die and be sent to a house where I was a second and sometimes third class citizen. I know what it's like to have had my possessions, my opinions, my feelings be discounted by an authority figure. I know how good it felt to go to school where I was away from my crazy aunt, her husband, and their savage children. I know how elated I was when I went to college knowing that I was away from those people and how I did most anything I could to keep from going back "home" on holidays. And like Harry I blossomed while away at school because I could finally be closer to who I really was. I did not have to hide who I was any more out of fear of being beaten up, ostracized, or embarrassed by my cousins and their mother. Another reason why I like the Harry Potter books is because they tell a rollicking good story.
  • I think that it's great that so many kids got turned on to reading because of the Harry Potter books. Any adult who bitches about the story, the characters, or JK Rowling's writing is an idiot because these books got so many kids hooked on the printed word. So what if all they read is fantasy right now? They'll branch out later and read other books and that's what's important.
  • I laugh like crazy when I hear other writers bitch about the Harry Potter series. To me it's just professional jealousy. I've heard Harold Bloom, he's a snobby academic, and Nick Hornby bitch about adults reading the Harry Potter books, but if they sold a tenth of her books then they'd be happy as pigs in shit. Every kid or adult reading a Harry Potter book is one who is not reading some dry dusty fussy book about Shakespeare that was written by Bloom or a book about what a beautiful game soccer is by Hornby. Get your noses out of the air gentlemen and if you two are lucky then some of those kids who love reading might read one of your books one day.
  • I love the Harry Potter movies as well. I get a little choked up watching the first one when Hagrid comes to get Harry to take him to Hogwarts for the first time.
  • One of these days I'll get all of the Harry Potter movies on DVD.

Wednesday, September 10, 2008

A very special guest post

I've turned this post over to the mothers of the most well known "Beat Generation" writers and this is what they've come up with:

On the Couch
a poem by Jack Kerouac's mother
--------
All day
all day long.
He sits.
Then sometimes he farts.
Long
loud
windy
nasal fouling
farts.
Egg farts,
beer farts,
roast beef farts.
Sitting on my couch.
The one
his father worked
so hard...
so very hard...
to buy us with
filthy lucre obtained from
a
real job.
My genius son Jack
sits
on
our
couch
and
farts
in
our subterranean
apartment.
He's adamnlazygoodfornothing dharma bum.
********
Yowl
a poem by Allen Ginsburg's mother
--------
I saw the best hair of my generation
ruined by
hairdressers named
Fanny and
Mabel and
Opal.
I saw on the avenue
some things.
Things that would make a sailor blush.
I kid you not.
And where was my boy while I was seeing such things?
My son who should be in medical school I tell you,
or
at the very least in Rabbinical school,
where
was he?
Oy, don't ask.
Such heartbreak you'd bring up by asking.
You wouldn't want to do that to
a loving mother would you?
My son, my once full of promise.
Now he's naked and doing g-d knows what
with goys and negro hipsters.
Allen,
bubbie,
where did your father and I go wrong?

Sunday, April 6, 2008

Friday, March 14, 2008

You're stuck with me for the foreseeable future

I'm back from my heart cath follow up/regular cardiologist appointment and it looks like I'm gonna be around a bit longer. Dr. Hoadley told me everything looked good and that my heart is actually a bit stronger than it was when he first met me, of course when he first met me I was having a massive heart attack, the arteries around my heart were nearly all shut down, and my heart was grossly enlarged due to the blood not getting out properly. My ejection fraction, that's the rate blood leaves my heart, is lower than it was due to one of the bypasses not being open as much as it first was, but over all the other three bypasses look good and everything else is hunky dory.

Here are some snippets of my conversation with my cardiologist:
Dr. H: Do you remember what I told you before the heart cath?
Me: Yeah, you told me there was a chance I could have a stroke, or a heart attack, or die if you did the heart cath.
Dr. H: That's right, I...
Me: Dude, you need to work on your bedside manner.

A little later on in the visit he asked me:
Dr. H: What do you do to keep busy?
Me: I write. I...
Dr. H: Oh yeah, what do you write?
Me: I write a blog.
Dr. H: A political blog?
Me: Politics, pop culture, stupid jokes, I write about it all. I also play golf a couple days a week weather permitting.
Dr. H: That's good. So, who's going to win the election?
Me: You really want me to go there?

After I told him why I was backing Obama he said:
Dr. H: Well if Hillary gets elected she'll do some things to our medical system that people won't like but by the time they find out they don't like them it will be too late.
Me: Something's gotta be done, the system can't go on the way it is now with the insurance companies and big pharma running things.
Dr. H: You're right. I'm resigned to some form of socialized medicine...
Me: Let's stop using words that scare people. Let's stop calling it 'socialized medicine.' Let's call it instead 'Medicare for everybody.'
Dr. H: You know, that sounds pretty reasonable.
Me: Duh.

After my appointment Sparky and I went to lunch at The Sunspot, for those who aren't going to click on the link it's casual semi vegetarian restaurant near the University of Tennessee campus. Our food was good but there sure was a hell of a lot of it. I think they feel like they need to ramp up your portion size if you're not ordering something with meat in it.

After lunch we went to one of my favorite places in Knoxville, the Disc Exchange. After much perusing of the new and used CDs I narrowed my choices to a Holly Cole CD and a Gaelic Storm CD or a used copy of the double CD Bob Dylan Live at Budokan.In the end my memories of rocking out to the first Dylan album I ever bought won out and I purchased the Dylan CDs. Listening to my new purchase on the way home I remembered how much I loved it back when I first bought it at age 16. I had forgotten how bluesy some of the versions of the songs were and how reggae influenced others were. Despite Sparky begging me not to, I sang along with Bob on the way home.

Being the bibliophiles we are we visited a new to us used bookstore before we left town. It's called Book Eddy. Let me tell you people, I could easily spend a few weeks in there going over every inch of shelf space they have. The store is well laid out and it's full of every kind of book imaginable, they have everything from rare and antique books to pulp paperbacks to fiction to books from around the world to non fiction books of all stripes and subjects, plus they sell cheesy albums too. I spent entirely too much time just looking at a few shelves of the children's picture books. I'm definitely going back there after I get done with my next cardiology appointment.

That's how I spent my day today, tomorrow we'll be getting out of the house early since NASCAR has invaded our area, the Jack Daniels Screw Yer Sister 500 is going on in Bristol this weekend. We're going to head over to North Carolina and check out the little mountain towns of Marshall and Weaverville. If they are not happening enough burgs for us then we'll skate on in to Asheville and check out some of our usual haunts.

Have a good weekend my peeps and all you kids stay safe for the monkeyman. I'll see ya later.

Monday, March 10, 2008

And now a post in which I shamelessly promote my mad literary skillzzz

In late 2003 I decided to see if I could write a novel so I sat down at my computer and I wrote a really shitty experimental novel that I managed to get an agent in California to read. It was pretty bad and she declined to represent me, and rightfully so based on that effort. What I learned from all that was that if I wanted to I could sit down and write a novel.

So after I got rejected by the agent and I read my novel again I decided that it was pure shit but that I was not going to give up. Then in early 2004 I sat down and I wrote the kind of novel I most like to read, a gritty crime novel with lots of twists and turns. A few months later I finished the first draft.


The fates smiled upon me this time because after I finished it I met a guy who was auditioning for the improv comedy group I used to be in in Knoxville. He was, fortuitously enough, starting a small independent publishing company and he was actively seeking manuscripts. I gave him mine and he read it and he decided he wanted to publish it. So a few months later we got rolling and my novel was released to the masses:

We sold about a 125 copies and I was in a few locally owned independent bookstores here in the south. I was also on amazon.com for a time and all the copies they bought sold out. Then as I was in the process of trying to get my book more out there in the stores and on the web I had my heart attack and everything got put on the shelf for months.

A month or so after my subsequent bypass I fulfilled my promise to a local bookstore owner and I did a signing at his store. However it really could not be considered a signing because I signed no books due to no one buying any. It was quite the humbling experience to have been ignored by hundreds of people as I sat at a table with my unsold books.

Fast forward to a few months ago. When I got this blog up and running and I had some regular readers I decided to send out some of the copies of my book at no charge to some of my blog friends, don't feel like you were slighted if you did not get one, I only had about 5 to give away. I kept one copy to scan in some day and to sell on the blog and that some day has finally arrived. The publisher of my novel has since stopped publishing fiction and he refused to answer my many emails to him. I finally got him to admit to me that he gave up publishing fiction in favor of publishing industrial stuff for various companies. So I don't feel a bit bad about cutting him out of this deal here on my blog, I own the copyright after all, I did write the novel and it's up to me now to sell it on the web.

So to make a long story longer, you can soon buy my novel. I'm going to warn anyone who might be interested in buying it that it is a crime novel and there are evil people in my book who do bad stuff to others. If you are easily offended then I encourage you not to buy my book. However if you want a fast paced funny yet gritty crime novel that has gotten good reviews and positive feedback then by all means snap this bitch up.

Here's how you can buy my book:
  1. Send me an email with the words "I want Trouble" in the subject line to monkeymuckATgmailDOTcom
  2. I will then go to Pay Pal and request $11 from you. You will get an email from Pay Pal requesting you put the money in my account.
  3. After you put the money in my Pay Pal account I will send you my novel via email. Well actually, via many emails. Approximately 10 or 11 emails because the size of the PDF file by itself is too big to send without zipping it and breaking it up into chunks of about 30 pages each.

It's just that simple. If you like you can pay more for my novel but I want a minimum of $11 for it. The cover price was $14, so you're getting a bargain and you're not paying any sales tax. If any of my readers outside of the USA want to buy it and you have any trouble with Pay Pal, let me know and we'll work something out.

I'm about half way done scanning in 30 page chunks of it now so it'll be ready to go by oh say 5PM eastern daylight time. So if you want to get a copy go ahead and send me that email and I'll get the ball rolling as soon as I get done scanning.

Friday, February 15, 2008

Reading is fundamental

I decided that since Karen and Wandering Coyote don't want to do it, I'll host the the Spring Reading Challenge blog. I can't promise it will be half as good as the one they put together but it will be a place for book lovers to review and post about the books they're reading in the spring. Click here to see the blog and if you want to join then shoot me an email with Spring Reading Challenge in the subject line to monkeymuck AT gmail DOT com and I'll open the blog up so you can post beginning March 1st.


Join up today! Book lovers of the world unite!

Wednesday, February 13, 2008

Go, read, we need the traffic

My review of Graham Greene's novel Doctor Fischer of Geneva (or) The Bomb Party is up over at the Winter Reading Challenge blog. Click here to go there.

Friday, January 25, 2008

Life in America

I just finished uploading scans of pictures from this book onto Flickr.
It was published in 1951. I'm sure you can imagine that any book about the south that has blacks picking cotton on the cover is going to be a bit racist and over simplistic. Well Sport, you'd be right. 1951 was a time of wild optimism about the everything in this country and at that time we had no idea what price we'd have to pay for industrialisation and all that wide eyed consumption. This book was part of the propaganda effort to make everyone comfortable with non stop mindless consumerism, pillaging of the earth, and the socio political and economic status quo.

I only scanned the pictures so you'll have to believe me when I tell you that you are missing nothing by not reading the text. This was a kid's book, for older kids like say around grade 3, 4, 5. I could tell as I read it that the author had probably never set foot anywhere south of the Mason Dixon line and he simply relied on encyclopedias, chamber of commerce brochures, and third or fourth hand stories from people who visited the south once, if at all. Banta did his best to make the south of the 1950's not so backward sounding. He'd toss in a fact about and a photo about farming or life in a small town and then as if to say not "It's not like that everywhere down there," he adds a photo and a blurb about all the factories in the 1950's south.
Of course there was not a word about segregation in that book, nor the Jim Crow laws, or anything bad about the south at all. There were plenty of photos that reinforced stereotypes though. Ones like this one of the jolly happy docile working black folks having a good time with their overseer farmer bosses.
And of course there was the obligatory shot of the barefoot kids in the one room schoolhouse.

And folks picking cotton.
And one of us mountain folk at a "sing."
Another highlight of this old book are the picture maps of all the southern states. As you can see they show just what was made in each state and where. I love, as my friend Snad pointed out the first time I used this picture, how they use a hillbilly to represent our end of the state, just a hillbilly and that's it. Of course during that time there was a shit load of tobacco and corn being grown here, as well as tomatoes, and also during that time there were book manufacturers, paper manufacturers, and a nascent chemical company that would one day become a giant in it's field was just getting started.Despite the condescending and somewhat racist tone of the book, I really dig the old photos.
Wherever possible I kept the captions on the pictures, they're like a glimpse into the mind of the author. Incidentally, I bought this book at a local used book store for fifty cents. It had come from the library of a local church. As soon as I saw that it had come from a church library I flipped to the back to see how many people had checked it out and I saw that no one had ever checked it out because the little due date slip in the back had never been stamped. So either the folks who went to that church didn't care much about what went on outside the state much or they didn't need a book like this to remind them of what they already knew. See all the pictures by clicking here.

Monday, October 22, 2007

"That's not funny, that's sick"

I finally finished scanning in some articles, comic book parodies, and comic pieces in comic form from my collection of old National Lampoons and I've begun a photo set of them on Flickr. A word of warning if you go, since all the pieces are satire and parody they are not "politically correct" and a good deal of them are not safe for work. Since the scans are big files I can only put up a few at a time but in this batch I put up this great piece by Tony Hendra, Irish Sex Tales, a Bewitched parody, and a comic book style piece on the Go Go's (that was for you Dr. Zaius, I know how much you love the Go Go's).


As I was going through the collection of old National Lampoons I could see how fast the magazine declined after they left the then would be Republican party court jester PJ O'Rourke write for and edit the magazine. When he took it over it became more racist, misogynist, homophobic, and just plain bad. It was so sad seeing how much it had declined under him after the magazine had featured such great humorists as Michael O'Donahue, Ellis Weiner, Tony Hendra, Doug Kenney, Chris Miller, and so many more. When they went to a bi monthly format in '86 the quality went way down hill so much so that I finally stopped reading it. It's a shame that today the National Lampoon name is slapped on shitty straight to DVD movies that feature people like Paris Hilton and other Z list celebs.


Oh well, at least some of the golden age stuff will be on Flickr forever. I'll post more of the scans I did at the first of the month when I get a new ration of Flickr storage space.

Friday, October 19, 2007

Is she great or what?

Sparky picked this up for me at the used book sale on campus today. You can expect to see parts of it soon on Monkey-Scan or even on posts on here. I love, love, love, kitschy stuff like this. Yay kitsch! Yay used book sales on campus! Yay Sparky!

Monday, October 8, 2007

Funny Books

I was born into a house of readers. There was always books, magazines, and comics around when I was a kid. My mother made sure we all learned to read as early as possible so we would escape into books and leave her alone for a while, having five kids one right after the other will do that to a woman I guess. One of the ways she made sure we all could read was to make us read aloud to one another. I remember being made to read aloud from one of my little story books while my older siblings squirmed around waiting for me to get done.

One of the first things I remember reading avidly, besides the comic strips and the sports section of the Detroit Free Press, was comic books. They were always around and I loved them from the first minute I laid eyes on them. They were really cool and best of all they were in color. My brother Charlie bought most of them in those early years, he had a paper route and he blew most all his earnings on books, comics, and monster magazines. My taste in books did not line up with his, he dug mostly sci fi books but I liked sports stuff at that age, but when it came to comic books we were all on the same page.

We dug the Fantastic Four, Thor, Spiderman, Sgt. Fury, which would later become Nick Fury Agent of S.H.I.E.L.D.. We loved the Marvel heroes because they seemed more like us in that they were flawed people, which I've heard Stan Lee say was exactly what they were trying to do. Superman and Batman seemed too perfect, too invincible, too heroic, there was no darkness there, at least in the mid 60's to the mid 70's there wasn't. Superman always beat whoever he fought and he was so damn clean cut while doing it. Yuck. I always thought, and still do in fact that Superman is a fascist dick. For more examples of Superman's dickishness and other unintentionally funny comic covers and panels click here.

After our Mom died and we went to live with our crazy rageaholic control freak aunt and her offspring we practically doubled our comic collection overnight. One of my cousins was a comic book reader too so we pooled all our comics in a big box and we'd all root through that box when we wanted to find something to read. I know, I know, if we had taken care of those comics then they'd be worth a small fortune today, well we didn't so there.

It was during this time, the early 70's when my favorite comic of all time came out. It was called Kamandi and it was drawn and written by comic veteran, nay, comic demi god Jack Kirby.


I loved this comic because it was set in a Planet of the Apes like world, the hero was blond like me, it was action packed, and because I could imagine myself doing all that fighting and heroic stuff. I lived for the day each month when this comic hit the stands. I'd have scour the racks with a quarter in my sweaty little hand waiting and dreaming of what was going to happen next in Kamamdi's world. Looking back on the comic now I see why I really liked it, it was because it was a fish out of water in a hostile environment story with a hero who was anti authoritarian and rebellious. I devoured Kamandi until the dark day Jack Kirby left the book, when he stopped writing and drawing it, I stopped reading it.

Then in the mid 70's found Deathlok. He was half computer, half human and all pissed off all the time. I loved this one. This dude took no crap, kicked ass, and just wanted to mess up the people who made him the killing machine he turned out to be.

I kind of stopped reading comics when I hit high school and found out I could make the pretty girls hang out with me if I made them laugh. I also found out I liked to smoke pot and drink beer and cheap wine. I didn't make time for comics when there was a joint to be smoked or a stray bottle of Boone's Farm to be had. I still read novels, Rolling Stone, High Times, and National Lampoon but not many comics.


I read a few in college but after I left school I really got back into them. I started collecting them hot and heavy in part so I would not have to deal with my shyness around women, it was easier to read a comic than to make conversation and try to make time with a woman. During this time, the mid 80's, I was into American Flagg, X-Men and it's spin offs, Thor but only when they were following Norse mythology kind of closely, Wonder Woman but only when George Perez was drawing her, and a bunch more.

I quit collecting cold turkey in the late 80's because I decided that I had to be a part of the real world instead of sitting stoned in my bedroom reading comics and because I left my aunt's house and moved to Roanoke, VA. When I got my own apartment I had no money for comics and money got tighter when my deadbeat room mate John C. flaked out on me and moved out. I eventually sold my comics to help pay the rent but I did save some of my Thor's and a few American Flaggs, unfortunately they all got water damaged in an aquarium accident and I had to toss them. About the only time I read comics now is when I check a graphic novel out of the library but I think it's really cool that more and more folks read them and that women are not only reading them they are also writing and illustrating them.

I learned a lot from reading comics and I used to hate it when a "grown up" would see me reading one and they'd say, "Oh so you like funny books huh?" I wanted to shout at them, "Have you ever read a comic book? Not all of them are mindless crap like Archie and Jughead and talking animals like Scooby Doo!" It was from comics that I learned about issues like hand gun violence, drug addiction, racial intolerance, cloning, rape, child abuse, and different mythologies (It's not like I didn't already know something about all those things but I paid more attention when the information was in comic book form.).

I loved reading comics but some of the movies they've made from them you couldn't pay me to see, for instance Daredevil, or The Punisher or The Hulk, despite the fact Jennifer Connelly is in it. I've got mixed emotions about the up coming Watchmen adaption and I'm praying they don't dumb it down for the masses. And I fervently hope they don't make a movie out of Kamandi, because knowing Hollywood they'd hire someone like David Hyde Pierce to play the lead role. If they did something stupid like that, then I'd might have to get a blow torch, a pair of pliers, and some pipe hittin' brothers and get all medieval on their asses.