Jokes you can tell your kids

Give it up for Package of Baked Chunk. It has a joke you can tell your kids.What do you get if you cross a chemical and a bicycle?
Bike carbonate of soda!

Hahahaha, I am so funny. Why are you not laughing more out loudly? Bah, go away then. You have been an awful audience. Don't bother to tip your waitress, she hates you anyway.

Jokes you can tell your kids

Hey, listen up, Can of Iguana Consomme has a joke you can tell your kids, Now show some respect and quiet on down and let it tell you the joke.What do you get if you cross a pub and a steelworks?
An iron bar!

Hey thanks, you've been a great audience. You've been a much nicer audience than I'm entitled to and a nicer audience than a can of soup made from lizards could ever have hoped for. I like you. I really like you. In fact, I want you to eat me. Get me hot and eat me. But don't forget to tip your waitress.

Jokes you can tell your kids

Wow, everybody, the No Smoking Ashtray would like to tell you a joke that you can tell your kids. Be nice and listen up now.What do you call a Roman emperor with flu?
Julius Sneezer!

Thanks everyone. I know, I know, I'm sending out mixed messages by being in existence, but what can I do about it? I'm only a fucking ashtray after all. Now bugger off and don't forget to tip your waitress. And don't even think of smoking here.

Jokes you can tell your kids

Give it up for Barrels of Monkeys, they've got a joke you can tell your kids.What happened when the ghosts went on strike?
A skeleton staff took over.

Thanks, seriously, thanks very much. We classic and timeless toys appreciate all the love you people have to give. And you know what? We're here all week. And, say it with us now, DON"T FORGET TO TIP YOUR WAITRESS!

Jokes you can tell your kids

Hey ya'll, Box Of Powdered Sugar has a joke you can tell your kids.

Knock Knock

Who's there?

Okra

Okra who?

Okra Winfrey!

Thanks, I'm here all week or until I get sprinkled over a tart or something. Stay cool and don't forget to tip your waitress.

Jokes you can tell your kids

Let's hear it for our friend Todd Covert. He's a got a joke you can tell your kids.


One night a little boy was being bad at the dinner table by not praying to Jesus for thanks and then not even eating his peas, so his parents went on a wild multi-state killing and robbery spree. NOW EAT YOUR FUCKING PEAS!!!!!!

Thanks. I'm here all week or until I get the sweet sweet release of death. And you know what? Not all jokes you can tell your kids are funny, some illustrate important life lessons. Don't forget to tip your waitress.

Jokes you can tell your kids

Hey everybody, Frida Kahlo has a joke you can tell your kids. Please give her a hand!What is green and pecks on trees?
Woody Wood Pickle!

Thanks amigos, I'm here for all eternity and my back finally quit hurting. Don't forget to tip your waitress and be sure to see that movie Selma Hayek made about my life. Hubba, hubba, she's hot.

Jokes you can tell your kids

Put those hands together for Unibrow Grocery Store Guy, he's a got a joke you can tell your kids.

Knock, knock.

Who's there!

Monkey!

Monkey who?

Monkey won't fit that's why I knocked!

Thanks everyone, I'm here all week.

Ladies, don't forget to check out my 'tenderloin,' heh heh heh. Don't forget to tip your waitress.

Jokes you can tell your kids

Hey everyone, let's hear it for our friend Brad's dog. It has a joke you can tell your kids.

What do you call a man who swings through the jungle backwards?

Nazrat!

Thanks everyone, I'm here all week or until they let me out to pee, which I hope is pretty soon since I am about to bust, I'm not kidding. I need to freakin' pee. Don't forget to tip your waitress. Damn, I wish Brad would let me out so I could pee. I'll get you one of these days Brad, just you wait. Arf!

Jokes you can tell your kids

Put your hands together for Evil Spock. He's a got a joke you can tell your kids.

If you put 30 female Apes and 30 male Apes in a bedroom, what do you have?

A very large bedroom.

Thanks everyone, I'm here all week or until I take over the world and make you all my slaves. Don't forget to tip your waitress. I'm not kidding around, do not forget to tip her, she's working hard for you so show the young lady some monetary love. Evil Spock out!

Jokes you can tell your kids

Give it up for hot 1960's Pulp Novel Cover, it's got two jokes you can tell your kids.

If you cross a telephone and a lobster what will you get? Snappy talk.

If you cross a telephone and a pair of scissors, what do you get? Snippy answers.

Thanks, I'm here all week or until I get thrown away. Don't forget to tip your waitress and remember, reading is fundamental.

Jokes you can tell your kids

Let's hear it for Abandoned Trailer! It's got a joke you can tell your kids.What do you get if you cross a donkey and Christmas?
Muletide greetings !

Thanks everyone, that one goes out to the folks behind the Creationist Museum. Why? Because they gave so many of us a laugh, we decided to give them one. Thanks, I'm here for eternity or until all my components break down and I decompose back into the earth. Don't forget to tip your waitress!

Jokes you can tell your kids

Let's hear it for Bottle of Leninade, it's got a joke you can tell your kids.

Where do Martians drink beer ?

At a mars bar !

Thank you comrades. I'm here all week unless I get sent to Siberia.

Don't forget to tip your waitress and long live the glorious revolution!

Jokes you can tell your kids

Give a super duper welcome to our fellow simian blogger and photoshopper extraordinaire Dr. Zaius, he's got a joke you can tell your kids.

How do you stop an Ape from charging?

Take away its credit cards!

Thanks everyone you're too kind. I'm here all week. Don't forget to tip your waitress and don't be a pestilence.

Jokes you can tell your kids

Let hear it for Drunk Gal, she's got a joke you can tell your kids.

Knock, Knock.

Who's there?

Jackson.

Jackson who?

Jackson the phone and he wants to talk to you.

Thanks everybody, I'm here all week, or until I get picked up. Don't forget to tit your waitress. Oopsie, did I just say 'tit'? Sheeeesh, I must be drunk.

Jokes you can tell your kids

Give it up for Fast Food Sign, it's got a joke you can tell your kids.




Did you hear about the man who wouldn't wash until he became a millionaire?



He's now filthy rich.





Thanks. Seriously, thanks. I'll be here all week, or until they tear me down to build yet another damn Starbucks or an evil Wal-Mart.



Don't forget to tip your waitress.

Jokes you can tell your kids

Give a huge hand to the lovely Marjane Satrapi, she's got a joke you can tell your kids.







What is green and sings in the garden?
Elvis Parsley!



Thanks everyone, I'm here all week. Don't forget to buy my great graphic novels Persepolis and Persepolis 2, and don't forget to tip
your waitress.

Jokes you can tell your kids

Give a big hand to Little Blonde Boy, he's got a joke you can tell your kids.Which is the scariest fairy-tale?
Ghouldilocks and the Three Brrrrs!

Thanks everyone, I'm here all week.
Don't forget to tip your waitress.
And Daddy does not drink a lot because I cry too much, he drinks alot because his life is devoid of joy and he hates his job.
So there, nah nah nah.

Jokes you can tell your kids

Hey everybody, give a big hand to Big Ol' Tower, it's got a joke you can tell your kids.What do you get if you cross an elephant and a bottle of whisky?
Something that is trunk and disorderly!
Thanks, I'm here pretty much forever, or until I get knocked down.
Don't forget to tip your waitress.

Proof Positive...

...that our feature Jokes you can tell your kids works.

Before hearing our corny joke:

After hearing our corny joke:

We'll get that Nobel Prize acceptance speech ready now.