Jokes you can tell your kids

Hey, listen up, Can of Iguana Consomme has a joke you can tell your kids, Now show some respect and quiet on down and let it tell you the joke.What do you get if you cross a pub and a steelworks?
An iron bar!

Hey thanks, you've been a great audience. You've been a much nicer audience than I'm entitled to and a nicer audience than a can of soup made from lizards could ever have hoped for. I like you. I really like you. In fact, I want you to eat me. Get me hot and eat me. But don't forget to tip your waitress.