Not that he'll ever do it...

...but if Obama really wanted to get the country behind him he'd do something drastic to put Americans back to work like starting another New Deal type jobs program. He's far too corporate and timid to do anything so bold but when you stop and think about it, it's just what we need.

Corporations are sitting on a mountain of cash and not hiring because there is no demand for what they are selling. Yet there is a huge demand for for public infrastructure to be rebuilt of fixed. There is a huge need to our country to get off foreign oil and other fossil fuels that are destroying the land and water. So if Obama, independent of Congress, started a jobs program that put people back to work fixing our schools, bridges, national parks, and other public institutions and if he mandated that all federal buildings and all buildings that house government offices and or operations install solar panels that are made in America and otherwise 'greened', then people would have money to spend on things like electric cars, flat screen TV's, houses, clothes, and other things.

Some will scream that what I am proposing is 'socialism' and they're right. I am advocating a blend of socialism that will put Americans to work because it's obvious that the private sector isn't going to do it. And frankly, it's not their mandate to fix and rebuild our public infrastructure, that is the job of the federal government. Now, like back in the 1930's, government has to step in and do what the private sector won't and when it does, the country will be better off in all ways.

Now, how do we pay for such a thing? First, we end the Bush/Obama tax cuts. Second, we cut defense spending, most all foreign aid, farm subsidies, and we use half of the money to hire Americans to fix up and rebuild America. Third, we legalize marijuana, tax it, and use that money in the new New Deal.

It's not like we don't know whether my plan will work or not. It will. And we know that because it has in the past, massive public spending on putting Americans to work on public works brought us out of the Great Depression and it gave us things like dams, schools, bridges, highways, national parks, and more. And the people who worked on those jobs spent that money on things like houses, cars, clothes, their kid's education. They didn't sit on that money like private sector corporations. We know from the past 30 years that trickle down economics doesn't work for most of us, it does however work for those at the top. We know that cutting the taxes of the wealthiest and on the corporations doesn't create any jobs. But we do know that aggressive on federal public works projects puts people to work, benefits all sectors of the economy, and it lifts people out of poverty.

And if people are too busy working and enjoying the fruits of their employment, then they are too busy to riot, I'm just saying.

Common ground

Want to hear something strange?

You sure?

Okay, here goes...I agree with teabaggers and conservatives who say that we must slash government spending. Here's where I'd cut the budget:

• I'd slash defense spending to the bone. We've got enough military hardware, bombs, and bullets to defend ourselves from any attack.
• I'd end farm subsidies. We grow way too much corn and there is no reason in the world why we need to subsidize the sugar industry.
  
• I'd cut all foreign aid to any country that sponsors terrorism and that oppresses it's citizens and others who were born within it's borders.
• I'd declare null and void all contracts with any private corporation that is involved with our occupation of Iraq and Afghanistan. And I'd end that occupation immediately and I'd being home all troops stationed there.

Now, unlike teabaggers and conservatives, I've got ways we can increase revenue, which we can use to to rebuild our national infrastructure and to fund single payer national health insurance for all. Those ways are as follows:

• We end the fiction known as the war on drugs and we legalize marijuana for both recreational and industrial use.
• We end the tax exemption for churches and houses of worship. From now on all religions pay taxes on all property and assets they own.
  
• Everyone from now on pays the same percentage of their income in federal income tax.
  
• Businesses pay one dollar per square foot of property they occupy in taxes and we use those taxes for national health insurance for all.
• We tax ammunition for those second amendment protected guns. We raise the tax on a box of bullets from $50 to $500 per box depending on the size of the bullet.
• All malls, big box retailers, and shopping centers must put up solar panels or plant roof top gardens. And the proceeds of those gardens goes to local food banks.
• We end tax breaks for corporations that outsource jobs out of America.
• We tax the shit out of all fossil fuel based industries until they find ways to stop using fossil fuels and move to a more sustainable energy source.
  

If we adopt these simple common sense measures, wed be back on our feet in no time and our future would be secure. Once again, I've come to the rescue of my country. You're welcome America.

Here I come to save the day

They're at it again. Those wacky Republicans are making noises about privatizing Social Security once again. They want to do this, and gut Medicare as well, in the name of balancing the budget and saving the two most popular government programs that the Democrats ever invented and passed with little to no Republican or conservative help.
Remember when Bush Jr. said he wanted to make privatizing Social Security in order to save it the centerpiece of his second term? If he had gotten away with it the whole system would have been in shambles after the Wall Street meltdown of 2008. Senior citizens wold have been destitute and all the money people have paid in to the system would be in some Wall Street traders bank account today. Thank heavens he was stopped.

You know what though? There is an easy way to fix the current system and it's so simple that when I tell you how it can be done you'll slap your forehead and say, "God damn, is it really that easy?"

The way to fix the system is simple and it can be done in one fell swoop. We simply begin making everyone pay Social Security tax, Medicare tax as well, and while we're at it Medicaid tax too, on 100 percent of their income and not just the first $90,000 or $100, 000 or whatever absurdly low amount it is now. The way the current system works is if you make $15 million or $150,000 or $35,000 you only pay Social security tax on the first $90,000 or $100k that you make and everything after that you don't pay squat on. So millionaires only pay a small percentage of their income in Social security tax compared to someone making under $100K. If we make everyone pay the tax on 100% of their income the system will be flush with cash in perpetuity. Problem solved.

Of course the rich who will be affected by this will hire lobbyists who will give the lawmakers lots of cash to use in their re-elections so our Congress men and women will of course oppose my idea. They'll say, "The rich need that money to start new businesses which will employ people who will pay into the system! If you make them pay their fair share they'll get mad and stop starting new businesses and they'll stop earning money which will bankrupt the system! We've got to cut their taxes, yeah that's it! We've got to make their tax burden lighter so they'll do more for us." And to them I'd say, "You're fucking nuts. I'm still waiting to see the Bush era tax cuts create one single job. I'm waiting to see if those Bush era tax cuts will rebuild our crumbling schools. And while I'm at it, I'm still waiting to get trickled down on from all those tax cuts St. Ronnie foisted on us."

Make everyone pay Social Security tax on 100% of their income and see if that doesn't fix everything. Try it and if it doesn't work I'll blow Rush Limbaugh on Fox News while Ann Coulter hits my nut sack with a riding crop.

Dear President Obama,

It's time you got rid of these two ass rockets:

They are too beholden to big business and they refuse to do the things that need to be done to fix our economy. Moreover sir, they are part of the banking/academic/big business cabal that got us into this mess in the first place.

Fire them immediately and replace them with clear headed people who will have the intestinal fortitude to nationalize AIG, the big banks, and to end the lawless deregulation that got us into the mess we're in now. In fact sir, I'm willing to do my part for my country. Give me a call and I'll step in to either one of those jobs. I promise you sir, I will kick some ass, take names, and I will do what's best for the greatest number of people, and you can bet I'll be public enemy number one on Wall Street and in every corporate boardroom by the time I am done because I am on the side of the working people of this nation and not on the side of the leeches in big business.

I promise you further that I will be fair to all small businesses but big business will get a beat down from me. It has to be done sir and the longer Timmy and Larry are in positions of power and influence the longer it will take for our economy to recover.

Fire the idiots who drove us to this economic cliff and hire me to turn this motherfucker around. You won't be sorry you did it, I promise you that.

Yours,
Dr. Monkey

PS: Give that tall piece of brown sugar you call Mrs. Obama a kiss for me!

This economics stuff ain't so hard

Here's my plan to stimulate the economy, but god knows they won't use it because it's just too common-sensical:

• Keep all the proposed stimulus money out of the hands of banks, financial professionals, and anyone connected with any Wall Street institution. Those bastards put us where we are today so no way in hell should they be allowed to handle one cent of that money.
• Use some of the money to fix every highway and bridge in the country.
• Use some of that money to fix up and update every public school in the country, and that includes all public universities.
• Use part of that money to restore art, music, and gym classes to every K through 12 public school in the country.
• Use part of that money to do energy audits on every federal, state, and local governmental building in the country. And then if changes are needed to make those building energy efficient then use more of the money to makes the changes needed.
• Use part of that money to purchase solar energy systems that will be mounted on every federal, state, and local governmental building in the country.
• Use part of that money to purchase solar energy systems that will be mounted on every retail building, church, and non profit in the country.
• Use part of that money to start industrial hemp farms all across the country. If we grew less corn and more hemp it would benefit our economy and our health because there would be less corn to make High Fructose Corn syrup with.
• Use part of that money to fund local neighborhood farms and farmers markets.
• Use part of the money to re-open factories that were closed when companies moved their manufacturing to China and other places.

Most everything I have listed could be done easily and would benefit the country in the short and the long run. If we used the bulk of the money to fix our crumbling infrastructure and to wean ourselves from using coal and oil then it's a win win for all of us, well except for big oil and big coal but who cares about them anyway, they've been fucking us for years and it's about time we fucked them back.

Everything in the above list can be done with American workers and can't be outsourced. It would put millions of people to work and hundreds of new companies would spring in to business to help accomplish all those things.

If we give stimulus money to Haliburton and Blackwater we are screwed. If we let big business handle things during this tricky time we are screwed. If we let Mitch McConell and Bob Corker get their hands on this money we are screwed. Same goes for Diane Feinstein and any other Republican wanna be.

An open invitation

Hey all you union autoworkers in the Midwest, consider this an open invitation for all of you to move down to TN, KY, AL, and SC if you lose your jobs if the bridge loans fail because of the union busting Republicans in the Senate. Trust me, it will be a win/win for all of us if you do.

You see union folks, cost of living down here is way less than up north and housing is much cheaper. You can buy a mansion for what you're paying for a small house up north. And in today's economy, you will do even better than usual.

Winter down here is pretty much over by the first week or so of March so we got that going for us. And it doesn't start until around Thanksgiving, some years not until Christmas. Imagine that, a short winter and inexpensive housing.

Another thing we got going for us is our douchebag union busting US Senators. The way I figure it you can move to our states and your votes can sway the close races and we can send those asswipes packing. My idiot Senator Corker barely beat that turd in the Democratic party's punch bowl Harold Ford Jr in 2004 so your votes here in TN could easily put him out of a job, after all it's only fair if he causes you to lose your job, he should lose his.

And you could also help us get rid of the Republican majorities we have in our state houses. We could then elect union friendly Democrats and progressives and we could repeal the anti union right to work laws.

Seriously people, what have you got to lose? Did all of you see the great victory the union workers in that factory in Chicago just got? They stuck together and they got a better deal than what they were offered in the first place. Unlike your craven union leaders, the leaders of that union really know how to lead. You guys and gals could come down here and revitalize the once mighty United Mine Workers, the UAW, and union of the snake, which according to Duran Duran has been on the rise for years. Okay, I kid about that last bit, but the rest no shit, you cats could do it, I swear you could.

So leave behind the cold and snowy Midwest, leave behind the memories of the high paying jobs you used to have, and come down here and help us unionize the south and turn out those fat cat Senators who cost you your jobs and your good wages. It'll be the best thing you ever did, I swear. And you know what else? If you move down here and we become friends, we'll have some beers together and I'll cook for you. So get off those doughy Midwestern asses of yours and come on down and let's get the party started.

What this country needs is a good $9.95 men's suit

The selling and buying of cheap suits will save our faltering economy.

And when every guy in America has one we'll all look like extras on Mad Men.