Monkerstein Supporters Fight Back!

My fellow Americans, as you can see I am trying to relax a bit before we begin a big campaign swing through this great nation of ours. While I may be enjoying the pleasures of Martha's Vineyard you can rest assured I am keeping up with the lies, slander, and general poopiness that my rivals are throwing at me. I am not the only one either many of my supporters also have seen the perfidy of my rivals and they wanted to speak out against them so that I may rest and relax a few more days. So with out further adieu, I bring you some of my loyal supporters who have a few words for my rivals.


"Hi. I'm alternative film darling Lilly Taylor's sister Billy. It pisses me off that Sleestak is attacking Dr. Monkey and saying that he sexually harasses women. That is so untrue. Dr. Monkey's raw animal magnetism and virile odor make it impossible for any woman who is close to him to not want to rip his clothes off and ride him like a three wheeled Mercedes. He's just soooo hot us gals can't help ourselves. Sleestak should shut up and let Dr. Monkey spend a weekend with those Hayley clones of his and then they might get satisfied like some of us have already. In fact, I'm gonna walk like an Egyptian until he does just that."


"Hi. I'm Belle Undsebastian. Did you know that Phydeaux's running mate is a cat? And that Phydeaux is a Communist? And a practitioner of the black art of dentistry? If he gets elected that cat will pee everywhere and Phydeaux will pull all our teeth until we give him all our money. It's sick I tell ya, just sick."


"Hi, Bobby Wells here. I'm head of Kids for Monkerstein. My folks won't let me watch Lost in Space anymore because Dr. Smith is a time travelling sexual predator and he smells funny. Also Dr. Smith wants to give all washed up kid actors tax breaks. Can you imagine what Lisa Welchel, Blair from Facts of Life, would do if she had more money in her pocket? That ho would give it to Jesus or something and I might not get that neat-o interstate off ramp built near my house because of that. How bad would that suck?"

"Hi, we're the Swansons and the Jensens. We're the head couples in the Swingers for Monkerstein Club. Did you all know that if Zaius is elected that he will outlaw swinging, interspecies romance, and bingo on Indian reservations? Hell if we lose bingo here in Oklahoma then no one will ever come visit us and then where will we be? We'll tell ya where, just sitting here not having sex with people we ain't married to while we wait for a twister to rip through and bring us all the sweet release of death that's where! Vote for Dr. Monkey and Laurie David, they'll keep bingo a goin' and the freak flag a flyin'."


This message was brought to you by the Monkerstein/David 2008 Campaign and in no way were any of these people under any sort of mind control by Dr. Monkey when statements were made.