And now here's a sock monkey with a joke

 How many people did Dick Cheney have to torture before one agreed to change his light bulb?

The answer is: none.  Dick Cheney didn't torture anyone, he's too much of a pussy to do it himself, so he got some asshole from the CIA to do it for him.

 Careful now, Cheney might shoot you in the face.

 My stars!  A talking monkey and an insubordinate woman.  I shall see to it that both are thrashed within an inch of their worthless lives!

Yes sir, I'll have the fellow who made the previous comment shot for being too lenient.  And I'll put the monkey and the insubordinate woman to death as well.  You're so right sir, the lower forms of life must not be allowed to mock the white males in power.  

You never can find a decent death panel when you need one

Dick Cheney is getting yet another expensive heart surgery done on our dime, he's got the good kind of socialized government health insurance, and he's sixty freakin' nine. At what point do we finally cut our losses on him and deny him coverage?

Wait, I know. Never, because he's rich, white, and in charge.

Those babies with AIDS and ghetto kids who require fancy drugs and operations not approved or covered by Medicaid can suck it, Uncle Dick's gotta get his black heart fixed.

The easy joke here would have been to say, "Dick Cheney has a heart? Go figure." But as regular readers know, I'm not easy. Stop laughing. I'm not.

Admission of guilt

Bush the Idiot, seen here enjoying a cool drink after a hard day of sitting on his ass and watching him some Cartoon Network,
finally came out and admitted publicly that he approved waterboarding. And most of us acted like his admission was nothing. No big deal.

Well kids, it was a big deal. In the words of our current Vice President, it's a big fucking deal.

You see, when the Japanese army waterboarded people in World War 2, we said it was inhumane and torture. When Texas sheriff James Parker and three of his deputies did it in the early 1980's they all got fired and were sent to prison for it and guess who prosecuted them for it, St. Reagan's Department of Justice. Military dictatorships in South America did and we loudly and publicly condemned them for doing it, but in private we shoved money and weapons at them because they kept the Commies out of this hemisphere. You see where I'm going with this, bad people used waterboarding. Slimy human right violators used waterboarding and most all of them were imprisoned for doing so. Except for George W. Bush and Dick Cheney.

If it's wrong for the Japanese to do it in World War 2, then it's wrong for us to have done it. If that sheriff in Texas got four years in prison for doing it, then Bush should be tried and convicted for doing it. The fact that a privileged white man ordered people to torture in the name of the USA doesn't make it right. If it's a war crime for Asians to do it, it's a war crime for Americans to do it. And the excuse that 9/11 'changed everything' doesn't hold water. The bombing of the Twin Towers didn't make torture an accepted thing to do. The deaths of over three thousand people didn't make it suddenly right to torture. Wrong is wrong, no matter what.

It's a god damned shame that our establishment President, the man we elected because he told us he was going to change things and bring hope back, won't prosecute Bush for his war crimes. Well, to be honest, I see why Obama won't prosecute Bush. It's because Obama is a war criminal himself. His use of unmanned drones by is a violation of international law because the CIA is in charge of that program. If it was under the aegis of the military than it would be legal under international law, it still wouldn't be morally right, but it would be legal. Can't have one war criminal going after another, it just wouldn't be right. But the irony here is that if Obama ever orders the use of waterboarding, then the Republicans and the pundits in right wing echo chamber aren't going to pat him on the back and thank him for 'keeping America safe,' nope, they're going to scream that the negro socialist tortured people and he should be drawn and quartered for doing so.

So Bush dragged us into the torture gutter, got us mired in two wars we can never ever 'win,' (although I'm not sure just what there is to win in Iraq and Afghanistan), and made the use of torture an acceptable part of intelligence gathering. And he walks away from all of it with a smirk on his face and a spring in his alcoholic step. It's times like these that I wish the Christian fairy tales were true and that there was such a place as hell and that Bush and all the others who were in charge and who ordered the waterboarding torture of others would spend the rest of eternity in a lake of fire getting burned and gang raped by hoary demons and rabid animals.

Wait, no. That punishment is too good for Bush and his crew. Fuck it. History will judge them to be the craven stupid shortsighted bastards they really are and that's punishment enough I guess.

Cheney had to torture

Dick Cheney had to order the torture of others in his war of terror. People like him always torture. And by 'people like him,' I mean small ruthless people who put the needs of the few before the needs of the many time after time. I mean people who sat out going to war when he was young but had no compunction about sending other people's kids, mostly poor and black and Hispanic people's, off to a far off land to die for their country in a useless unwinnable war. I mean people who have enriched themselves at the government teat while denying others, mostly poor people, basic human services from the same government that he got rich off of. I mean people who willingly demonize and scapegoat gays for the political benefit while sheltering his own gay daughter, her partner, and their child from the same ridicule they've subjected others to. I mean people who tell others to go fuck themselves on the floor of the US Senate while they stand helplessly and laugh nervously when others tell them to do the same thing while they engage in political grandstanding in the rubble of the aftermath of hurricane Katrina.


Dick Cheney ordered torture knowing his hands would remain clean. His kind of folk always jump at the chance to show once again how above us little people they are. They take some perverse pleasure in flouting the rule of law and rubbing our noses in it.


He had to order torture to make himself look big and unafraid after 9/11 happened on his watch and because he did order torture he'll go down in history as a world leader who was no better than other tin pot dictators who used torture and mayhem to cling to power. He'll share a seat at the torture table with people like Pol Pot, Saddam Hussein, Augusto Pinochet, Alfredo Stroessner, and Robert Mugabe.


And because he willingly, almost gleefully, ordered the torture of others, he should be held accountable for his crimes against humanity. That, my friends, would be a fitting Memorial Day tribute to the hundreds of thousands of people who have lost their lives in the fiasco we call the war of terror on Iraq.

Go Jesse go

Jesse Ventura tears that conservative shrew Elizabeth Hasslebeck a new one:

I love how she tries to equate Nancy Pelosi's faulty memory with the fact that her beloved her ex Vice President ordered torture. Ventura is right, the whole thing could have been avoided if we had just followed the rule of law and not tortured in the first place. I'm betting Ms. Shrew will be going on FOX Noise and claiming that Ventura was rude and oh so mean to her.

Yes, please

Hey Republicants, please keep listening to this angry little man: Please keep him out in front of your party and please let him keep telling us that he thinks we ought to keep torturing like they did during the Bush/Cheney administration. Please. Pretty please. Don't move forward at all you Republicants. Please cling to the glory days of the Bush/Cheney years when everything went sour for your party.

Please keep listening and bowing down to Rush Limbaugh. He's just what your party needs. He's a grossly overweight drug addict who has no conception of what working people in this country have to face so he's the perfect angry white over taxed white man to lead your party.

Please tie yourselves to the tea baggers too. A small angry minority listening to a smaller angrier minority is also just the thing your party needs. You rich white folks and your house negro Michael Steele make a good match for treasonous sedition minded angry white men.

Don't ignore your evangelical base either or James Dobson and Pat Robertson might get their money lovin' gay hatin' Jesus to smite you.

And finally, by all means refer to the Democratic party as the Democrat Socialist Party of America. That name shows us all how ignorant and out of touch you and your party have become.

Please please, keep doing all those things. I'm begging you.