If Boner is correct...

...and we really are, as a country, broke, then I suggest we get the hell out of Iraq, Afghanistan, Germany, Korea, Bahrain, Israel, and all those other countries. We don't need to be spending money we don't have protecting people that don't need or want us there in the first place. Oh, and we also should totally raise taxes on people making over $250,000 a year and big business. I'm fairly certain most big oil and coal companies don't pay any taxes at all so we should totally tax them.

There are a bunch of Democrats who feel the same way

I'm looking at you big oil whore Mary Landrieu.

More apologies

Hello America Joe Barton here and guess what? I'm sorry. That's what.

I'm sorry that we've got an uppity nigra President who insists on butting his big nose in where it don't belong. I'm sorry we got a political system where someone like him, and by that I mean an uppity nigra, could get elected.

I'm also sorry that nigras, women, and other people who don't have souls are allowed to vote. As you all know from your proper reading of the Bible, only white men who own land have souls and only they should be allowed to vote.

I'm sorry that freedom of speech is curtailed, whoa look at me using a big fancy word like 'curtailed', for those who wish to say they'd like to see our current President strung up for being such a damn dirty socialist and who most likely is using his down time in office to impregnate white women.

I'm sorry that we allow our government to make any laws that get in the way of business. Jesus wants us to take care of business by not getting in the way of business. We ought to be making laws that help business.

I'm sorry we got a government at all. It don't do nothin' but get in the way of people's right to do business. Look at them godless African nations like Somalia, they ain't got no government and it's a paradise over there. It's a place where you can make what you like out of yourself and your business. Most of the world's pirates come from Somalia, and that's pretty cool because we all know that pirates is fun and deep down good guys. I learned that from all them Disney pirate movies.

I'm sure I'm sorry for more stuff but I ain't got time to spill out any more apologies because I've been invited by the CEO of BP to go to supper. We're having money stuffed crabs but we'll be skipping desert because we don't like humble pie.

Cagey voters

The corporate media pundits told us that this was the year that incumbents were going down like a meth crazed evangelical minister at a gloryhole. Turns out they were wrong again. All incumbents who faced a primary challenge won, except for one, and he lost because he was a flat out idiot.

Voters in California nominated Carly Fiorina, seen here auditioning for a role in the female version of Bent,
to run against Barbra Boxer in the US Senate race. If Carly wins in November it would serve the voters of California right if she did to their state what she did to the last company she was in charge of. (She ran Hewlett Packard into the ground and it's stock dropped like a rock while she mismanaged it.

Also in California Meg Ebay won the Republican gubernatorial nomination. Of course she voted for herself, and this was the first ever ballot she ever cast. Previously, she maintained that only 'the little people' bothered to vote. If she doesn't squander the rest of her fortune in the upcoming election maybe she can use what's left to help balance her state's budget, you know like Arnold Schwarzenegger's doing.

And finally Blanche Lincoln, the US Senator from Wal-Mart/Tyson Foods, held off a stiff challenge in her primary in Arkansas. Rural voters preferred her rival so somehow she managed to get a bunch of polling places in the rural counties, which is pretty much the entire state of Arkansas, shut down. And being the gracious winner that she is, she immediately criticized the labor unions and outside interest groups that back her opponent. She did so while taking a bath in cash she got from oil companies, Wal-Mart, and other corporations. Blanche believes in taking cash only from corporations because it's easier for her to do their bidding. If she took money from labor unions, then she might have to actually do something for the working people of Arkansas and the USA.

Oh yeah Blanche, those working folks of Arkansas have a message for you, they want to show you how you are still number one in their hearts:
I share that sentiment too.