It's 'very special' guest post time!

Hello everyone, I'm Dr. H. F. Verwoerd, late Prime Minister if South Africa (1958 through 1966) and I'm here with a very special guest post that's called:
Seeing as how I was Prime Minister of South Africa during some of the darkest and most culturally stagnant years of minority white rule, I feel I'm uniquely qualified to speak to teens today about sex, dating, politics, and sports. So let's get this informational post Apartheid party started bitches!

Kids, it's important that you learn to be tolerant of others. That doesn't mean you have to ape other people and their cultural ways, their sexuality, and their mannerisms. What it does mean is that you need to realize that not everyone in the world is like you and that you should stop judging people who are very different from you. For instance when I was alive I enjoyed procreating with my wife while she remained able to have babies that would one day grow up to enforce an outmoded and racist political system that said that black people were less than human and that whites were God's favorite, but now that I'm dead I can do what the fuck I like, and Daddy likes him some silver fox man on man sexy time action. Hubba hubba!That's me with my new boyfriend. He loves to tell the joke that he's not gay but his boyfriend is! Hahahaha. That joke would have fallen flat in Johannesburg in the late '50's but now it kills! Doesn't it guys?
Holy shit, this a tough crowd. Hey, is this mic on? Are you an audience or a two dimensional photo of some cock blocking Boers or what? You cats are harshing my mellow. Hey am I right or what kids?

Speaking of politics, I see where America just elected a kaffir to be their President. Oh well, that's cool I guess. After all if I can gain a whole new appreciation for another old white dude's "Horn of Africa" then the Americans can have a black President. I'm cool with it I really am. But my buddy Eugene Von Racebaiter isn't. Oh well, he's dead anyway so who gives a shit what he thinks? I know that your Mr. Obama isn't going to be perfect and that there's no way he'll be able to deliver on all his campaign promises but hey, if he delivers on a third of them then you Americans should be happy. You see boys and girls, the thing about Obama is that his philosophy of governing is completely the opposite of the slime bucket you've had for the past 8 years. Obama will have a respect for your Constitution and for the separation of powers, which is something that the man he is replacing never had.

Ok, since I now swing from both sides of the wicket, that's a Cricket term for a thing that is analogous to your 'home plate' in baseball, I want to give you a few dating tips. Guys, chicks dig it when you listen to them, so learn to ask them questions and pay attention when they answer them. Also, and this tip is for the older teens, chicks dig foreplay. And Lionel Ritchie.

You gals need to know that the guys dig groping you and groping you some more. They like kissing you as well but they really like touching you.

And there is one thing that all teens everywhere can agree on and that's that this picture is the photographic equivalent of a cold shower. Zing!

Well, that's all I've got time for now. My boyfriend and I are off to haunt Michelle Bachman's Congressional office! Take care kids and be careful and if you can't be careful, then name those kids Nelson Mandela and Beyonce!

Bye now.

Choice

When this woman's teenage child decides to keep her unplanned pregnancy it's hailed as a "brave choice."

But when women who look like thishave unplanned pregnancies they are called scum who just want to have babies so they can stay in this country.

I might be wrong but I thought the whole deal with the Bush McCain sex ed thing was to stop kids from having sex. Maybe Bristol Palin did follow their rules and one day she was sitting around nude with her legs open and her baby daddy walked by, saw her, and he flung the contents of his emergency semen vial at her virginal vagina. Yeah, that would explain everything. That's what happened.

I just hope Bristol doesn't hate America so much that she and her new baby want to leave it like her mother does. I hope that Bristol and her baby don't join the Alaska secessionist movement and the NRA like her mother did, because if she did then she'd be a gun nut who puts her own narrow selfish interests over those of this country.

This whole Palin pick just keeps getting better and better. Anyone want to give me odds how long she's going to last as Bush McCain's veep?

Monkey see movie, Monkey review movie

We saw this last night:

It's a boy meets girl for sex, girl gets pregnant, girls decides to have baby adopted after brief visit to abortion clinic, girl goes through wacky interpersonal adventures on the way to giving birth to baby that she will give away movie.  And despite the sniping of some people in some quarters, it's a fine film that was made from a fine, definitely Oscar worthy, script.  

Some people have problem with the slang and or the tone of the dialogue, but in my opinion those people are jealous asses.  The backlash against the script was probably started by frustrated screenwriters who spend their days penning endless sequel after sequel for some shitty Nic Cage movie like Con Air or Ghost Rider.

The fact is boys and girls, Juno is a perfect little movie.  It's well written, well acted, well directed, well edited, and well, I loved it.  I'm not sure if all kids today talk like that but you know what?  It's just a movie and it's not earth shatteringly important if Diablo Cody got it 100% right when she wrote it.  

This movie would not have been half as good if it did not have Ellen Page in it.  She is the heart and soul of the film and rightly so since she plays the title character.  She had just the right amount of spunkiness, grit, humor, and sweetness to pull it off.  While at times she looked a little older than her supposed 16 years, she was mostly dead on in her portrayal.  

As usual Michael Cera was damn fine in his role.  This kid's acting prowess has amazed me ever since I saw him in Arrested Development.  He gives a clinic in film and TV acting with his every role.  To be a great film and TV actor one has to under play ones roles and Cera does it every time and that's why he's so believable in every thing you see him in.

Allison Janney and J.K. Simmons shine as Juno's dad and step mom.  Janney nails her step mom with a frosty heart of gold character just right.

Jennifer Garner and Jason Bateman as the adoptive parents shine bright as well.  You start out not liking her that much while really liking him, but then as the film goes on it slowly twists and you come to like her very much while not liking her husband much at all.

I think the reason why this film has connected with so many people is because it's really about how it's okay to do the right thing.  Juno may have made a youthful mistake by having unprotected sex, but she did the right thing by giving her baby up to a woman who was so very ready to be a mom but couldn't have one of her own.  Juno's parents did the right thing by supporting her in her decision and taking up for her when they had to.  Juno's boyfriend did the right thing by showing her he still loved her and making sure she knew it.  And the adoptive husband did the right thing as well, but I'm not going to tell you what he does because I don't want to spoil it for those who have yet to see it.  All these characters show that while it's not always easy, in the long run it is always best to do the right thing.

I highly recommend this movie.