Hello everyone, I'm Dr. H. F. Verwoerd, late Prime Minister if South Africa (1958 through 1966) and I'm here with a very special guest post that's called:
Seeing as how I was Prime Minister of South Africa during some of the darkest and most culturally stagnant years of minority white rule, I feel I'm uniquely qualified to speak to teens today about sex, dating, politics, and sports. So let's get this informational post Apartheid party started bitches!
Kids, it's important that you learn to be tolerant of others. That doesn't mean you have to ape other people and their cultural ways, their sexuality, and their mannerisms. What it does mean is that you need to realize that not everyone in the world is like you and that you should stop judging people who are very different from you. For instance when I was alive I enjoyed procreating with my wife while she remained able to have babies that would one day grow up to enforce an outmoded and racist political system that said that black people were less than human and that whites were God's favorite, but now that I'm dead I can do what the fuck I like, and Daddy likes him some silver fox man on man sexy time action. Hubba hubba!
That's me with my new boyfriend. He loves to tell the joke that he's not gay but his boyfriend is! Hahahaha. That joke would have fallen flat in Johannesburg in the late '50's but now it kills! Doesn't it guys? 
Holy shit, this a tough crowd. Hey, is this mic on? Are you an audience or a two dimensional photo of some cock blocking Boers or what? You cats are harshing my mellow. Hey am I right or what kids?
Speaking of politics, I see where America just elected a kaffir to be their President. Oh well, that's cool I guess. After all if I can gain a whole new appreciation for another old white dude's "Horn of Africa" then the Americans can have a black President. I'm cool with it I really am. But my buddy Eugene Von Racebaiter isn't.
Oh well, he's dead anyway so who gives a shit what he thinks? I know that your Mr. Obama isn't going to be perfect and that there's no way he'll be able to deliver on all his campaign promises but hey, if he delivers on a third of them then you Americans should be happy. You see boys and girls, the thing about Obama is that his philosophy of governing is completely the opposite of the slime bucket you've had for the past 8 years. Obama will have a respect for your Constitution and for the separation of powers, which is something that the man he is replacing never had.Ok, since I now swing from both sides of the wicket, that's a Cricket term for a thing that is analogous to your 'home plate' in baseball, I want to give you a few dating tips. Guys, chicks dig it when you listen to them, so learn to ask them questions and pay attention when they answer them. Also, and this tip is for the older teens, chicks dig foreplay. And Lionel Ritchie.
You gals need to know that the guys dig groping you and groping you some more. They like kissing you as well but they really like touching you.
And there is one thing that all teens everywhere can agree on and that's that this picture
is the photographic equivalent of a cold shower. Zing! Well, that's all I've got time for now. My boyfriend and I are off to haunt Michelle Bachman's Congressional office! Take care kids and be careful and if you can't be careful, then name those kids Nelson Mandela and Beyonce!
Bye now.
"Al Kaline here. If you're going to "hit it off" with the girls then you've got to be well dressed, courteous, and always remember that 'No' means no. And between you and me, you did the right thing by not giving Patek any money. He's a mean drunk who pisses any damn where he pleases when he's plastered."
