Meet the Liberals!

There's a new family in your neighborhood. They're the Liberals.

They don't own their home, they rent it because they pay most of their income in taxes, those stinking do-gooders. They pay more of their income in taxes than Verizon, Exxon-Mobil, and most other Fortune 500 companies. Those Liberals, they think that corporations should be more like them but if the corporations paid more in taxes then profits would be down and shareholders wouldn't make as much profit.
The Liberals like to meet others and to try influence their thinking. They spread that suspicious 'love they neighbor' stuff. And they try to get others to stop making money long enough to do things like keep the community clean and keep the library open. Those Liberals, they're always trying to ram their world view down the throats of others.
The Liberals don't go out often because if they did it would take away time from brainwashing their children. Sometimes the Liberals don't let their children watch TV because they fear it might turn their kids into misanthropic greedy money mongers, which is proof that the Liberals hate our god given free enterprise system.

The Liberals teach their children respect for plants, animals, and the earth in general, which is a waste of time because we all know Jesus and God want us to use up everything before the non Christians can get their filthy Sharia laced hands all over it. Liberals have been known to feed stray animals, homeless people, and gay Muslim Communist terrorists. Imagine that, our food, which is the best in the world because it's been fortified with all those chemicals from Monsanto, Archer Daniels Midlands, and Amway, going to feed stupid animals and brown skinned people who hate Jesus.


Liberals have also been known to show love and be friendly towards gays and Scientologists, which as we all know pisses off Jesus more than anything.

So beware the Liberals and if they try to move into your neighborhood, you should send them packing before they rope you into picking up trash outside your local library or installing a solar panel on Nazi Muslim's safe house. Enlist the aid of your local Baptist minister and pray the Liberals away before your taxes go up.

Mark your calendars

My Thanksgiving special will air on the Spuzz Channel at 10:30 PM on Thanksgiving night. This year's show is going to be the bestest one ever!

My co hostSigourney Weaver and I will sing many duets, engage in cheesy comedic banter, make out a bit, and do Tarot card readings for Phylis Schlafly and Christine O'Donnell.

Then we'll track down the ever elusive Julianne Moore
and shave her muff so that we can weave a shirt out of her pubic hair. And we'll give that pubic hair shirt to Sofia Coppola.
Next I'll welcome on Eva Birthistle
and she and I will grease each other up in a mixture of turkey fat, pumpkin pie filling, and Vitalis and we'll tag team wrestle an international contingent of actresses that include Catherine Deneuve
Diane Kruger and Alex Kingston.

And finally Mena Suvrai will drop in to help us kick off the official war on Christmas.

This year, with the help of the liberal media, the labor unions, George Soros, and Barbra Bush's miscarried fetus in a jar, we're going to kick Jesus's ass in the war on Christmas!So don't forget to mark your calendars for this year's show, it's going to be super monkey-tastic!

Teabagger Jesus got a gun

The people have spoken!

According to the results of my scientific polls on Facebook,

people are split 50/50 on the question of whether or not Jesus would shoot you if you pissed him off enough,
people think Fat Elvis is the most awesome thing ever,
and they think Sarah Polley is the greatest Canadian who ever took a breath.

No need to thank me for my hard work of uncovering what people think about stuff via Facebook polls I came up with. I'm a giver like that.