Mark your calendars

My Thanksgiving special will air on the Spuzz Channel at 10:30 PM on Thanksgiving night. This year's show is going to be the bestest one ever!

My co hostSigourney Weaver and I will sing many duets, engage in cheesy comedic banter, make out a bit, and do Tarot card readings for Phylis Schlafly and Christine O'Donnell.

Then we'll track down the ever elusive Julianne Moore
and shave her muff so that we can weave a shirt out of her pubic hair. And we'll give that pubic hair shirt to Sofia Coppola.
Next I'll welcome on Eva Birthistle
and she and I will grease each other up in a mixture of turkey fat, pumpkin pie filling, and Vitalis and we'll tag team wrestle an international contingent of actresses that include Catherine Deneuve
Diane Kruger and Alex Kingston.

And finally Mena Suvrai will drop in to help us kick off the official war on Christmas.

This year, with the help of the liberal media, the labor unions, George Soros, and Barbra Bush's miscarried fetus in a jar, we're going to kick Jesus's ass in the war on Christmas!So don't forget to mark your calendars for this year's show, it's going to be super monkey-tastic!

Sigourney sings! Sam Neil wigs out!

Somebody said, "Hey I've got a couple of million dollars to piss away, want to go to eastern Europe and shoot a shitty horror movie?"

Somebody else said, "Can we base it on Snow White and cast Sigourney Weaver and Sam Neil?"

Somebody then said, "Hells yeah man. But we've got to find the least charismatic actress to play the heroine we can find and then we've got to get none other than Canadian acting giant Gil Bellows to star along side her as her hero. And, we've got to make sure that Bellows has all the smouldering sex appeal of a bucket of rotten shellfish that's been out in the sun too long."

Somebody else said, "Ohh, you're on a roll dude. Let's make everyone wear ridiculous hats and costumes and wigs. We gotta have bad wigs too."

Somebody then said, "Done. And we'll tell Sigourney she can chew all the scenery she likes in our soon to be masterpiece. Ooooo, this just hit me, we can have her 'sing' some nonsensical medieval sounding shit in a couple of scenes in the film."

Somebody else said, "Can she sing?"

Somebody said, "Who gives a shit? We'll let her lip sync. It worked for Natalie Wood in West Side Story didn't it?"

Somebody else said, "Man, this is going to be the best movie ever. A horror Snow White and we'll even toss in a dwarf character in a homage to the Disney cartoon."

Somebody said, "We're gonna win Oscars for this one man. I can just feel it."
And so they shot the film, edited it, and released it. And lo, it did stink. Avoid it at all costs. Don't even watch it if it's free on one of your On Demand digital cable channels. It's an hour and a half you'll never get back and it'll make you want to punch Sam Neil and Gil Bellows next time you see them.