Who's holding our Crunky now?

Some douchebag who loves Glenn Beck, Nickleback, and Applebee's is holding our Crunky now. I guess Crunky really is the candy bar for everyone.

Who's holding our Crunky now?

That guy who thinks he the British dude from The Daily Show is holding our Crunky now.

Who's holding our Crunky now?

DJ Poopy Pantz is holding our Crunky now. When she's not laying down fat beats and or turds the size of your forearm, she enjoys the sweet sweet taste of Crunky candy bars.

Who's holding our Crunky now?

Claude Bawls is holding our Crunky now. But he's not going to hold it long because he's got a tiger to go pet. I hope that goes well for him.

Who's holding our Crunky now?

Some hairy doofus hipster who refers to himself as the President of Quebec is holding our Crunky now. I'm not sure which is more revolting, his unwashed hair, his scraggly beard, or his nasal French accent.

Who's holding our Crunky now?

Cookie Monster is holding our Crunky now. He won't eat it because he's so into cookies, so no worries.

Who's holding our Crunky now?

The guy who sat behind you in 3rd grade who always sneezed on you is holding our Crunky now. He's probably infected it with swine flu, the bastard.

Who's holding our Crunky now?

This crazy looking topless Asian chick is not holding our Crunky now. And frankly, I'm kind of glad she's not.

Who's holding our Crunky now?

Some hipster chick is holding our Crunky now. Can't you just feel the irony?

Who's holding our Crunky now?

Not Tanya Espanya, that's for sure. She's not holding it because she's too busy getting smashed, look at that size of that drink would you, it's huge!

Who's holding our Crunky now?

That chick who who stalked you last year is holding our Crunky now. She told me to tell you she said hello and that she still has more than one mole named after you.

Who's holding our Crunky now?

That girl who sat behind you on the bus years ago who was wearing that perfume you liked so much is holding our Crunky now. She became an actress and has hit it big in Albania. She's worshipped as a goddess over there. I knew you should have hit on her when you had the chance. Oh well, your loss is Albania's gain.

This just in...

Despite the news that four men have come forth and said they had some sort of sexual encounter with Larry "REPUBLICAN from Idaho" Craig, the Senator contends that he is still not gay.

However, the same can not be said of his boyfriend Dirty Sanchez.

Despite reports to the contrary, even those on this very blog, Splotchy has been holding our Crunky for three days now.

He may let it loose sometime on Monday. In other Crunky news, photos from this blog are now the 14th image and 15th images when you google "Crunky" on Google Images.

Side bangs are back this winter. Ladies, please get styled accordingly.

Jess Wundrun may have won us the war on Christmas with this post. Thank goodness we let anybody and everybody serve on our side.

And finally, we all get a Christmas miracle early this year because Bossy has found us all a Presidential candidate we can get behind. Bless you baby Jesus for giving us Bossy and her brilliant ideas.

Ru Paul could be his own First Lady! Think of the savings!

Who's holding our Crunky now?

The flag corps from Psycho State would be holding our Crunky now if they weren't holding those kicky flags.

Who's holding our Crunky now?

That bald sweaty guy from Top Chef Miami is holding our Crunky now. I bet you can guess where he's holding it. Here's a hint, it's in his cheeks and I don't mean the ones on his face.

Who's holding our Crunky now?

No one is holding our Crunky now. Look at all those Crunky bars going unheld. Come on you slackers, pick one up and get holding!

Who's holding our Crunky now?

French pastry Sandra Lou is holding our Crunky now. Merci, Ms. Lou, merci.

Who's holding our Crunky now?

Japanese pop duo, Super Happy Twosome of Happiness and Fun, are holding our Crunky now. They claim to be working on a song celebrating Crunky but they're actually jamming to the Motor Primitives too much to get anything new written.

Who's holding our Crunky now?

Click on the pic to get a better view of the toe in question.

Sharon "Queen Camel Toe" Stone is holding our Crunky now. It's in the hand bag that she is not holding in front the most vicious and aggressive camel toe I have ever seen. Look away from it, I dare you. See? You can't, it's mesmerizing. And it may have a life of it's own. Be careful.

*****

Did I forget to warn you this post may not be safe for work or for people under the age of 18? Oops, sorry.

Who's holding our Crunky now?

La La the Wonder Squirrel was holding our Crunky but she ate it. Then she ate your Sinckers bar. I told you that squirrel was a menace but did you listen? Nope. I hope you're happy now.